By my count, the Bears have started 19 different quarterbacks and made 51 total changes in the starting lineup at quarterback during my lifetime. I'm going to go ahead and then claim myself an expert on quarterback controversies and expect you to follow my words in this article as though I am the burning bush and these are the very words of God. Or something.
Anyways, so far this week the Panthers, Bills, Raiders, Titans, and Jaguars have already benched their starting quarterbacks (as well as the Eagles benching Vick, but I'm not sure if benching your back up in favor of the original startings QB who was out due to injury counts). For most of these teams, this isn't going to make one damn bit of difference. The hardest thing for most NFL fans to swallow is that the guy starting is usually the best option on the roster, and no one is coming to the rescue. It's also hard to accept that the offensive line, running game, wideouts, etc. may also suck, and that salvation is more than one player away. Anywho, I'll go ahead and breakdown all the controversies:
Carolina Panthers: Jimmy Clausen and Matt Moore
Some people thought Carolina was a darkhorse this year (okay, it was just Peter King and he sucks at everything), but I've maintained throughout that they blow. The complete disintegration of their offense behind Matt Moore has only confirmed my suspicions. This is the only one of the quarterback changes that I think may yield positive results. I'm not a huge fan of Jimmy Clausen, but he's a much more talented quarterback than Matt Moore. His arm strength is NFL caliber, with enough zip to make the short-to-intermediate throws that were Jake Delhomme's forte in his not so awful years. His deep ball tails a bit, but he can get it down there on occasion. Carolina's offensive line isn't that awful, and they have a solid running game and Steve Smith. Clausen may be enough to get them to 5 or 6 wins. I'm betting he'll be very inconsistent, however.
Buffalo Bills: Trent Edwards and Ryan Fitzpatrick
Oh man. This team is so awful. Why they haven't even attempted to address their God awful offensive line is beyond me. Instead they're just content to have three good runningbacks that they can't open holes for. I used to think Trent Edwards reputation for checking down too often was unfair, as he never has time to look downfield, but by this point he suffers from David Carr Syndrome and is merely a shell who can't even contemplate throwing deep. Fitzpatrick's ability to hang around in the NFL and get a starting opportunity for three straight years absolutely baffles me. He has a weak arm (9.7 career yards per completion, 5.6 YPA), isn't accurate (just 57.8% completions) and he's turnover prone (27 INTS, 21 TDs). Other than that, he's awesome. I don't see why they won't just start Brian Brohm. He'd still suck, but he'd at least placate the fans since they'd at least be trying something new. Damn, Bills fans are screwed.
Oakland Raiders: Jason Campbell and Bruce Gradkowski
Blue collar hero Bruce Gradkowski surprisingly replaced the offseason savior of the Oakland Raiders after just six quarters. This one is probably the most shocking change that's occurred. Even for the Raiders benching the guy that Al Davis compared to Jim Plunkett and gave a contract extension to is baffling, especially considering the fact that Gradkowski was less than impressive as well (11/22, 167 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT, 70.6 rating vs. Campbell's 30/52, 267, 1 TD, 2 INT, 61.9 rating). It's uncertain right now whether or not Gradkowski will keep the job, but it's humorous nonetheless that the Raiders return to respectability has been derailed once more. Again, nothing will change, no matter which one is taking the snaps.
Tennessee Titans: Vince Young and Kerry Collins
I'm not a fan of Vince Young. I've finally granted him begrudging respect as a game manager, but I've mostly been unimpressed with him since he entered the league. Apparently I'm a much bigger fan of him than Jeff Fisher. Ignore the fact that Kerry Collins got the Titans back into the game. This was an awful decision. Truly awful. Since his return to the lineup last year, Young is 9-3 and has completed 60.1% of his passes for 2,099 yds (7.4 YPA) 12 TDs, 9 INTs, and an 83.7 rating. Now, none of those numbers are all that impressive, but all of them are better than Kerry Collins career averages. Collins blows and he's old. Young is mediocre, young, and seems to fit the offense better. He's not the first, the best, or the worst quarterback that the Steelers defense has made a bitch out of. Fisher has declared that Young will start next week, but the pathetically short leash is just ridiculous, especially when the backup offers absolutely no upside.
Jaguars: David Garrard and...well, no one.
This would be a controversy if Luke McCown hadn't torn his ACL. Since his stellar 2007 campaign which was a golden example of game-managing at it's finest, Garrard has been, well, about as mediocre as Vince Young (62% completions, 6.9 YPA, 34 TDs, 26 INTs, 82.7 rating), but he's also been hurt by playing behind a pretty bad offensive line and not having any receiving threats outside of Mike Sims-Walker and Maurice Jones-Drew. Still, it's convenient for Jack Del Rio to scapegoat Garrard for his failures as a coach, so Garrard is under fire. Why Del Rio criticized Garrard so heavily only to not bring in any competition I don't know, but the simple fact is that Garrard and Del Rio don't trust each other and both will be somewhere else next year.
Philadelphia Eagles: Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick
To be fair to Andy Reid, I totally understand his logic in starting Kevin Kolb next week. Kolb is younger and is potentially the ideal quarterback for his West Coast offense, and they traded McNabb in order to keep Kolb from leaving. However, I find it absolutely hilarious that this situation has occurred. Here's what I hope happens: Kolb starts, sucks, and loses the game against McNabb's Redskins in Philadelphia. The fans eventually get their wish and Michael Vick returns, only to turn back into the Michael Vick that can barely complete half of his passes. The Eagles miss the playoffs, Reid is run out of town on a very large, reinforced rail, and McNabb finally has his vindication. F%&k the Eagles.
That's it for the QB controversies that have developed, but I'm also looking forward to:
Minnesota Vikings: Brett Favre vs. Tarvaris Jackson (oh yes, it'll happen)
Arizona Cardinals: Derek Anderson vs. Anybody that's not Derek Anderson
Cleveland Browns: Seneca Wallace vs. Jake Delhomme (maybe this is already happening?)
Kansas City Chiefs: Matt Cassel vs. Brodie Croyle
My point is that there are a lot of really bad quarterbacks and bad teams in this league. And their back ups are worse. I'm sure plenty of teams are already watching highlight films of Ryan Mallett's armcock.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Around the NCAA
My reactions to this week's college games:
Nevada 52, California 31
California's been in a decline ever since Aaron Rodgers left, so it's not like these are the powerful Bears of the early Tedford years, but this was still a surprisingly awful beatdown. Kudos to Colin Kaepernick and the rest of the cogs in Chris Ault's pistol offense for giving the WAC a big win over the Pac 10.
Michigan 42, Massachusetts 37
Holy shit, Michigan. I don't remember the last time a college team was so utterly dependent on their quarterback playing ludicrously well in order to be even remotely competitive. That Michigan defense is really going to have trouble during Big Ten season. They'll probably cost Robinson a Heisman even if he keeps at his ungodly pace.
Arkansas 31, Georgia 24
Arkansas isn't as bad off as Michigan, but this game was further proof that they go as far as Ryan Mallett will take them Georgia hasn't fielded a competent offense since Matt Stafford left and yet they very nearly upset an Arkansas team that looked unstoppable in the first half. Mallett and his armcock saved the day, however. We'll see if he can finally punch a hole in the Alabama defense.
Oklahoma 27, Air Force 24
The Big 12 South, folks. They don't need no stinkin' defense.
Wisconsin 20, Arizona State 19
This was a fun game to watch. That's really all I have to add.
USC 32, Minnesota 21
USC is not good, people. Minnesota may actually have had a shot at the upset if Tim Brewster had attempted the forward pass on anything other than 3rd downs. Keep it up, Brew. You're the only thing keeping the "arguably" in front of Ron Zook's title of The Worst Coach in the Big Ten.
Nebraska 56, Washington 21
Holy hell, Jake Locker. 4-20 passing. That'll hurt the old draft stock a bit. Hopefully he recovers in time to be the sacrificial lamb that keeps Ryan Mallett from having to play in Buffalo. Oh, and Nebraska is good. I love seeing them run the option again. F*%k you, Bill Callahan.
Florida 31, Tennessee 17
Those were the ugliest 31 points Florida has ever put up. It's really going to take a small miracle to keep them from being destroyed by Alabama if their offensive malaise continues. The South Carolina game is also looking rather dangerous as well.
TCU 45, Baylor 10
Posted merely for the stupidity of my prediction that Baylor would give them a scare.
Oregon 69, Portland State 0
I know they haven't played anybody, but Oregon is averaging over a point per minute. Good lord.
Auburn 17, Clemson 14
Pick against Clemson=Profit.
Texas 24, Texas Tech 14
F*&k you, Texas Tech.
UCLA 31, Houston 13
It saddens me that college football has now lost Case Keenum. He ran the run'n'shoot better than anyone since Houston's glory days with Ware and Klingler. Tough break, kid.
Michigan State 34, Notre Dame 31
All I saw of this game was the Fake FG TD. Apparently that gave Mark Dantonio a heart attack. That sums it up nicely, actually.
Arizona 34, Iowa 26
This was truly surprising. Perhaps it shouldn't have been. I'm still trying to get over the unthinkable sight of a Kirk Ferentz-built offensive line getting absolutely shit upon by a bloodthirsty defense. I have no doubt that Iowa will recover from this and compete for the Big Ten title, but damn, that was a bloodbath for Ricky Stanzi.
MY COLLEGE RANKINGS:
1. Alabama
2. Ohio State?
3-25: Flotsam.
Tune in Wednesday for the NCAA edition of this week's Prognostication Bukakke.
Nevada 52, California 31
California's been in a decline ever since Aaron Rodgers left, so it's not like these are the powerful Bears of the early Tedford years, but this was still a surprisingly awful beatdown. Kudos to Colin Kaepernick and the rest of the cogs in Chris Ault's pistol offense for giving the WAC a big win over the Pac 10.
Michigan 42, Massachusetts 37
Holy shit, Michigan. I don't remember the last time a college team was so utterly dependent on their quarterback playing ludicrously well in order to be even remotely competitive. That Michigan defense is really going to have trouble during Big Ten season. They'll probably cost Robinson a Heisman even if he keeps at his ungodly pace.
Arkansas 31, Georgia 24
Arkansas isn't as bad off as Michigan, but this game was further proof that they go as far as Ryan Mallett will take them Georgia hasn't fielded a competent offense since Matt Stafford left and yet they very nearly upset an Arkansas team that looked unstoppable in the first half. Mallett and his armcock saved the day, however. We'll see if he can finally punch a hole in the Alabama defense.
Oklahoma 27, Air Force 24
The Big 12 South, folks. They don't need no stinkin' defense.
Wisconsin 20, Arizona State 19
This was a fun game to watch. That's really all I have to add.
USC 32, Minnesota 21
USC is not good, people. Minnesota may actually have had a shot at the upset if Tim Brewster had attempted the forward pass on anything other than 3rd downs. Keep it up, Brew. You're the only thing keeping the "arguably" in front of Ron Zook's title of The Worst Coach in the Big Ten.
Nebraska 56, Washington 21
Holy hell, Jake Locker. 4-20 passing. That'll hurt the old draft stock a bit. Hopefully he recovers in time to be the sacrificial lamb that keeps Ryan Mallett from having to play in Buffalo. Oh, and Nebraska is good. I love seeing them run the option again. F*%k you, Bill Callahan.
Florida 31, Tennessee 17
Those were the ugliest 31 points Florida has ever put up. It's really going to take a small miracle to keep them from being destroyed by Alabama if their offensive malaise continues. The South Carolina game is also looking rather dangerous as well.
TCU 45, Baylor 10
Posted merely for the stupidity of my prediction that Baylor would give them a scare.
Oregon 69, Portland State 0
I know they haven't played anybody, but Oregon is averaging over a point per minute. Good lord.
Auburn 17, Clemson 14
Pick against Clemson=Profit.
Texas 24, Texas Tech 14
F*&k you, Texas Tech.
UCLA 31, Houston 13
It saddens me that college football has now lost Case Keenum. He ran the run'n'shoot better than anyone since Houston's glory days with Ware and Klingler. Tough break, kid.
Michigan State 34, Notre Dame 31
All I saw of this game was the Fake FG TD. Apparently that gave Mark Dantonio a heart attack. That sums it up nicely, actually.
Arizona 34, Iowa 26
This was truly surprising. Perhaps it shouldn't have been. I'm still trying to get over the unthinkable sight of a Kirk Ferentz-built offensive line getting absolutely shit upon by a bloodthirsty defense. I have no doubt that Iowa will recover from this and compete for the Big Ten title, but damn, that was a bloodbath for Ricky Stanzi.
MY COLLEGE RANKINGS:
1. Alabama
2. Ohio State?
3-25: Flotsam.
Tune in Wednesday for the NCAA edition of this week's Prognostication Bukakke.
HATE WEEK BEGINS NOW
It's Packer week, assholes. After last year's unfortunate sweep by Green Bay, the Bears now stand at just 7-5 against the Packers in the Lovie Era, with Monday night's game being perhaps the most important matchup the two teams have had in this decade. What's that call for? Blind, unadulterated, unmitigated hatred, of course.
I like your style, George.
The Packers are everyone's preseason favorite to win the Superbowl, and, unlike the offseason darling that the Bears demolished yesterday, they're actually living up to the hype so far. They're struggling in the run game without Ryan Grant, but Aaron Rodgers is more than capable of compensating.
This game is going to be decided by whichever defense hits the opposing quarterback more. It's that simple. Green Bay's offensive line is looking as iffy as ever, and we've seen live just how shaky Chicago's can be. Will it be Clay Matthews or Julius Peppers running off the field in triumph? I don't know.
All I know is that the Bears, so far, have done all the things I thought they'd need to do to win games this year. I have faith that Mike Martz can find the holes in Green Bay's defense. I can only hope that the Bears front seven will continue to annihilate the run and pressure Rodgers into getting rid of the ball before he can find Jennings or Driver deep in what's still a pretty sketchy secondary.
I honestly can't even venture a guess as to what's going to happen on Monday. But I have legitimate hope that the Bears can win this game. I'll take that for now. ON WITH THE HATRED!
I like your style, George.
The Packers are everyone's preseason favorite to win the Superbowl, and, unlike the offseason darling that the Bears demolished yesterday, they're actually living up to the hype so far. They're struggling in the run game without Ryan Grant, but Aaron Rodgers is more than capable of compensating.
This game is going to be decided by whichever defense hits the opposing quarterback more. It's that simple. Green Bay's offensive line is looking as iffy as ever, and we've seen live just how shaky Chicago's can be. Will it be Clay Matthews or Julius Peppers running off the field in triumph? I don't know.
All I know is that the Bears, so far, have done all the things I thought they'd need to do to win games this year. I have faith that Mike Martz can find the holes in Green Bay's defense. I can only hope that the Bears front seven will continue to annihilate the run and pressure Rodgers into getting rid of the ball before he can find Jennings or Driver deep in what's still a pretty sketchy secondary.
I honestly can't even venture a guess as to what's going to happen on Monday. But I have legitimate hope that the Bears can win this game. I'll take that for now. ON WITH THE HATRED!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Bears 27, Cowboys 20- A Win Even Morrissey Can Feel Good About. Maybe.
Will all of you masochists try and enjoy this one? This was fantastic. Next Monday is going to be huge. I cannot wait. Cutler and Rodgers play Who's is Bigger at Soldier Field. Football, motherfuckers.
On to the Good/Bad:
THE GOOD:
Mike Martz: (does best Jon Gruden voice) THIS GUY! I CALL HIM THE SCHEME-RAPER. BECAUSE HE RAPES DEFENSIVE SCHEMES. In all honesty I can't ever remember the Bears having an offensive coordinator who can totally change his protections and his plan of attack after losing the left tackle on the first series. I know Cutler took way too many hits and had to run for his life, but Martz deserves credit for throwing enough protection around to get Cutler enough time to throw deep and turn the whole game around. The 59 yard pass to Knox may have changed the entire Bear organization. It was the first time in my life that they've had the QB, the Coach, and the WR necessary to say "Fuck it, if they're going to blitz we're just going to throw deep and hit them before they hit us." It was glorious. The run game is still backed up, but Martz's brilliance in the passing game is a thing to behold. He knows how to use screens effectively. He doesn't surrender any hope of going deep because the offensive line is struggling. He knows all you have to do is break one or two of those big throws to get that defense to back off, and that's exactly what the Cowboys did in response. Shirtless hugs for you, Mike. I'm sorry that this asshole said all those mean things about you, but damn am I glad that I also know this guy.
Jay Cutler: I'm just going to let his numbers this season speak for themselves right now: 44/64 (68.8%), 649 yds, 5 TDS, 1 INT, 10.1 YPA, 324.5 YPG, 121.2 Rating.
Devin Hester: I hope David Haugh is happy now, because Cutler and Hester went ahead and chemistry'd their way to 4 catches, 77 yards, and a TD that was pure awesome on both ends. Say what you will about Hester's sometimes sketchy route-running, the kid has great hands.
Johnny Knox: Aromoshadu drew everybody's attention this week and Knox and Hester responded well. Knox had 4 receptions for 86 yards, the big one being the 59 yard dagger that turned the game around.
Greg Olsen: Fine. I don't hate you this week.
Matt Forte: Well, he can catch.
The Urlacher-Briggs-Tinoisamoa Trio of Death:
They've now allowed 56 yards rushing this year. From sideline to sideline, no runningback is safe.
DJ Moore: Holy shit, the Bears have a nickelback? 2 picks, 1 forced fumble, and one sweaty man hug for DJ.
The Bad:
The offensive line: The Cowboys really do have a great front seven. Therefore I don't really blame the line, and they responded well after losing Chris Williams, but they're still average at best. Martz is doing a great job of covering for them, but they could make it alot easier by opening some god damn holes in the run game.
Any defensive back not named DJ Moore: Miles Austin had 142 yards. Jason Witten had 51. Roy Williams somehow remembered he was a wide receiver and had 53 yards. Now, alot of those yards came after the Bears had gone up by 10 and went to straight Cover 2, but it'd be nice to see them not allow another game like Austin had to anyone else.
Troy Aikman: Holy shit, man. You make my ears bleed. I'm never listening to another game against the Cowboys with Aikman on the call. I'd rather mute the thing and listen to Jeff Joniak inexplicably keep his job as a radio broadcaster despite refusing to mention things like down, distance, score, or time.
Well, that's it for this week. This is looking like a pretty good football team. Minnesota's on the decline, but Green Bay is who we thought they were, I'm afraid. The Bears are just going to have to make a statement next week.
On to the Good/Bad:
THE GOOD:
Mike Martz: (does best Jon Gruden voice) THIS GUY! I CALL HIM THE SCHEME-RAPER. BECAUSE HE RAPES DEFENSIVE SCHEMES. In all honesty I can't ever remember the Bears having an offensive coordinator who can totally change his protections and his plan of attack after losing the left tackle on the first series. I know Cutler took way too many hits and had to run for his life, but Martz deserves credit for throwing enough protection around to get Cutler enough time to throw deep and turn the whole game around. The 59 yard pass to Knox may have changed the entire Bear organization. It was the first time in my life that they've had the QB, the Coach, and the WR necessary to say "Fuck it, if they're going to blitz we're just going to throw deep and hit them before they hit us." It was glorious. The run game is still backed up, but Martz's brilliance in the passing game is a thing to behold. He knows how to use screens effectively. He doesn't surrender any hope of going deep because the offensive line is struggling. He knows all you have to do is break one or two of those big throws to get that defense to back off, and that's exactly what the Cowboys did in response. Shirtless hugs for you, Mike. I'm sorry that this asshole said all those mean things about you, but damn am I glad that I also know this guy.
Jay Cutler: I'm just going to let his numbers this season speak for themselves right now: 44/64 (68.8%), 649 yds, 5 TDS, 1 INT, 10.1 YPA, 324.5 YPG, 121.2 Rating.
Devin Hester: I hope David Haugh is happy now, because Cutler and Hester went ahead and chemistry'd their way to 4 catches, 77 yards, and a TD that was pure awesome on both ends. Say what you will about Hester's sometimes sketchy route-running, the kid has great hands.
Johnny Knox: Aromoshadu drew everybody's attention this week and Knox and Hester responded well. Knox had 4 receptions for 86 yards, the big one being the 59 yard dagger that turned the game around.
Greg Olsen: Fine. I don't hate you this week.
Matt Forte: Well, he can catch.
The Urlacher-Briggs-Tinoisamoa Trio of Death:
They've now allowed 56 yards rushing this year. From sideline to sideline, no runningback is safe.
DJ Moore: Holy shit, the Bears have a nickelback? 2 picks, 1 forced fumble, and one sweaty man hug for DJ.
The Bad:
The offensive line: The Cowboys really do have a great front seven. Therefore I don't really blame the line, and they responded well after losing Chris Williams, but they're still average at best. Martz is doing a great job of covering for them, but they could make it alot easier by opening some god damn holes in the run game.
Any defensive back not named DJ Moore: Miles Austin had 142 yards. Jason Witten had 51. Roy Williams somehow remembered he was a wide receiver and had 53 yards. Now, alot of those yards came after the Bears had gone up by 10 and went to straight Cover 2, but it'd be nice to see them not allow another game like Austin had to anyone else.
Troy Aikman: Holy shit, man. You make my ears bleed. I'm never listening to another game against the Cowboys with Aikman on the call. I'd rather mute the thing and listen to Jeff Joniak inexplicably keep his job as a radio broadcaster despite refusing to mention things like down, distance, score, or time.
Well, that's it for this week. This is looking like a pretty good football team. Minnesota's on the decline, but Green Bay is who we thought they were, I'm afraid. The Bears are just going to have to make a statement next week.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Prognostication Bukakke: Week 2 NFL Picks
Steelers @ Titans
Code Red: Dennis Dixon played pretty well against the Falcons, but the Titans have a much more complete team. Titans win.
Iggins!: This game would turn out the same whether Roethlisberger was there or not. Titans win.
Bucs @ Panthers
Iggins!: Irrelevant games are fun to pick. Panthers win?
Code Red: I think both these teams suck. But I think Josh Freeman will suck less than Matt Moore. Bucs win.
Chiefs @ Browns
Code Red: As I've said, the Chiefs are certainly improved, but Matt Cassel and that offensive line will keep them from playoff contention. They're more than good enough to beat Jake Delhomme, though. Holy shit, he's so awful. I mean he's worse than a young Jake Plummer at this point. I half expect him to just drop his pants and shit on the ball.
Chiefs win.
Iggins!: Cassel truly is terrible. It’s amazing how being totally inept at just one position can screw a whole team. That being said, the Browns should be euthanized. Chiefs win.
Cardinals @ Falcons
Iggins!: The Cardinals struggled to beat the Rams, and Derek Anderson is their QB. That’s got 4-12 written all over it. Falcons win.
Code Red: I’m still concerned about Matt Ryan’s struggles, but yeah. It’s going to be a long season in Arizona. Sorry, TEC. Falcons win.
Dolphins @ Vikings
Code Red: I think the Vikings are going to collapse this year. I just don't see that at collapse involving a loss at home to the Dolphins. (Prove me wrong, Miami. Prove me wrong)
Vikings win.
Iggins!: Favre is a corpse, and not one of those fast ones, I’m talking Dawn of the Dead here. The Fins didn’t look great week 1 but they’ll improve as the season progresses. I don’t think the Vikings can win this one. Dolphins win.
Code Red: If you’re right, I’ll gladly take the hit in the standings.
Eagles @ Lions
Iggins!: Julius Peppers hit Stafford so hard it knocked any chance the Lions had at a good season right out of them. Eagles win.
Code Red: Agreed. Although I wish Stafford a speedy recovery. I like the kid. Eagles win.
Bears @ Cowboys
Code Red: The Cowboys offensive line looked awful against the Redskins, and I think the Bears have a much better front seven than Washington. If Cutler and the offense hang onto the ball I think the Bears will win this one. Also, I don't pick against the Bears until they've driven me into my late-season rageahol binge, so Bears win.
Iggins!: Honestly I don’t think this will be close. The Bears played way better than the score showed last week. Bears win.
Ravens @ Bengals
Iggins!: The difference here will be defense. I have a suspicion that the Patriots defense isn’t that great, which means the Bengals are in trouble. Ravens win.
Code Red: The reason you have that suspicion is because the Bengals actually racked up some impressive numbers offensively. They had an awful, awful start but they’re better than that. Just not good enough to beat the Ravens. Ravens win.
Bills @ Packers
Code Red: Yeaaaah, that ain't happening no matter how many pins I poke in the Aaron Rodgers voodoo doll. Packers win.
Iggins!: Not even close. Packers win.
Rams @ Raiders
Iggins!: The Raiders are better. Which is like saying dog piss smells better than cat piss; It’s true, but why the hell do you care? Raiders win.
Code Red: I’ll just be contrarian and go with the Rams. And Sam Bradford looked not awful for a rookie, so there’s that.
Seahawks @ Broncos
Code Red: I'm not sure what to think of what Seattle did to the 49ers last week. I'm going to gamble that they're pseudo-mediocre-esque and that they can do God's will and send Josh McDaniels to an 0-2 start. Seahawks win.
Iggins!: Very very little has been said about the massacre that Seattle perpetrated unto the 49ers last week. Hasselbeck looked young, Mike Williams (the original, not the Buc or the Steeler) reappeared out of the crack smoke, and the defense shut the Niners down hard. So for at least this week I will believe that the Seahawks are back. Seahawks win.
Code Red: It could be that very little has been said because no one cares about Seattle.
Texans @ Redskins
Iggins!: The Texans could be the best team in the NFL. Texans win.
Code Red: Really? The Best team? Not exactly, but good enough to beat the Redskins. Texans win.
Patriots @ Jets
Code Red: Oooh. INTERESTING. On one hand we have “Perennial Division Champ That Seems to Have Overcome Premature Predictions of Their Demise” vs. “Team That Hasn't Won Shit but Really Likes to Act Like They Have.” Who ya got? I'll take Brady's Patriots, sadly, and drink up the tears of Jets fans. I bear no ill will towards the Jets outside of those who have hyped Rico Mirerez, but I'm well aware that Jets fans are also Mets and Yankees fans and therefore I can delight in their pain. Pats win, but fuck them anyway.
Iggins!: I went, in one week, from loving the Jets to hating them more than the Pats. Their offensive strategy was the most counter-intuitive bullshit I’ve ever seen an NFL team pull. The thing they do best is pound the ball, so they pull Shonn Greene after 5 carries and let Sanchez (editors note: MIREREZ), the worst player on their team, throw 2 yard passes the whole game (or they hand it off to the corpse of LT a few times) WAY TO GIVE UP ON A GUY BECAUSE HE FUMBLED REX. How many times did Forte fumble? How many yards did he end the game with? You don’t abandon a starter because he fumbles! You don’t pass when that is by far the worst part of your team! Jesus. Pats win.
Code Red: The malice this man shows when people bench his fantasy players is truly admirable, folks.
Jaguars @ Chargers
Iggins!: No torrential downpour? Chargers win.
Code Red: San Diego’s at home, too. I don’t see them falling to 0-2. Chargers win.
Giants @ Colts
Code Red: Hmm. Manning brother leading team that wasn't good last year but may be kinda good this year vs. Manning brother leading team that was good last year but may be kinda not so good this year. I'll look for the Colts to rebound and win this one while I get my Michael Irvin on and stab anyone who says “ManningBowl” in the neck with a pair of scissors. Colts win.
Iggins!: Why are people so damn down on the Colts? They lost to a really great team. They’re still way better than the Giants. Colts win.
Code Red: Because we’re all revolutionaries at heart and we want to see the downfall of royalty.
Saints @ 49ers
Iggins!: After the ass kicking the Niners got handed last week I would have to accept a frontal lobotomy if I didn’t say Saints win.
Code Red: I hate that we have to agree so much this week. Saints win.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
The Return of Prognostication Bukakke! NCAA Week 3 Picks
You know how it goes, folks. I manage to drag back Iggins!, the reclusive co-founder of this blog, in order to insult his manhood and try to outprognosticate him. Last year I took the title, going 143-70 (85-43 NFL, 58-27 NCAA) to Iggins!' 134-79 (85-43 NFL, 49-36 NCAA). This year he's out for revenge, and it starts with today's college picks (NFL picks'll be up tomorrow):
Arkansas @ Georgia
Code Red: The throbbing armcock of Ryan Mallett is more than adequate for beating the rather punchless looking Dawgs. Armcockansas wins.
Iggins!: The SEC is a pile of suck after Alabama. It’s so bad that the number 2 and 3 teams are Arkansas and South Carolina. Jesus it’s Stephen Garcia! Anyway, Arkansas wins.
Code Red: College football in general is looking like a pile of suck after Alabama, Ohio State, Iowa, and…..Or..eg..on?
AZ State @ Wisconsin
Code Red: I'm sorry. You people probably expect more out of us when we choose the top ten college games of the week, but damn is this cupboard bare. I wish I'd been less lazy and started this last week, because that was a good slate of games. Not like this one. Since I've explained why this game is even on here, I'll now say that Wisconsin will win.
Iggins!: Wisconsin has not looked great, but AZ State isn’t much of a step up from San Jose State. Wisconsin wins.
Nebraska @ Washington
Iggins!: Washington is nice and overrated because they have an NFL prospect who has never done anything at the college level. They gonna get they ass kicked. Nebraska wins.
Code Red: This is true. I like Jake Locker (not as much as Mallet’s Armcock), but Washington has still won just 5 games in two years. Nebraska wins.
Florida @ Tennessee
Code Red: I've already gone over how backed up Florida is on offense and why it's mostly Steve Addazio's fault, but despite their shortcomings on that side of the ball their world-class defense should be enough to clamp down Matt Simms and the Vols. Florida will win, but it may not be pretty. They're going to be in some serious trouble soon.
Iggins!: Don’t fool yourself into thinking I forgot Florida when I mentioned how shitty the SEC is behind Bama. Florida is in trouble. Fortunately for them, Tennessee sucks, but this game is going to be really close. The good times are over FLA. Florida wins.
Notre Dame @ Michigan State
Iggins!: So Notre Dame doesn’t want to join the Big Ten because they’d lose rivalries… but they play 3 Big Ten teams in a row? Oh right, they need to play Navy. God I hate ND. Michigan State wins.
Code Red: Is it an even numbered year? I’ll take ND.
Texas @ Texas Tech
Code Red: Texas Tech has looked good so far in the post-Leach era, but they deserve nothing but pure boiling bile and hatred for the fact that it's even a “post-Leach” era at all. And Fuck Craig James while I'm at it too. Texas will mete out my vengeance this week. Longhorns win.
Iggins!: Yeah, now that Tuberville is coaching everyone will remember that Lubbock is a shithole and nobody wants to go there, not to mention they don’t have the talent even presently to compete without the Air Raid. Texas wins.
Code Red: We’re still in mourning, as you can tell. Mike Leach, you’ll always have a place in our hearts, you batshit sonofabitch.
Iowa @ Arizona
Iggins!: There have been under 5 teams who have looked dominant so far; Bama, OSU, Oregon, and Iowa are the four I would count as having been truly impressive and dominant. This isn’t the finicky Iowa team you’re used to, you know, the one with Drew Tate? These guys are disturbingly efficient and strangely talented. If I’ve said it once I’ll say it again, the Pac 10 is an awful conference and up against a good defense they will look like garbage. Iowa wins.
Code Red: I hate the few years that Iggins!’ homerism actually coincides with a legitimately good Iowa team. Sigh. Iowa wins.
Houston @ UCLA
Code Red: I thought UCLA would be better than the performance they turned in against Stanford last week, but they looked absolutely clueless on offense. They certainly won't put it together in time to keep up with Case Keenum and the explosive Cougar offense. Houston wins.
Iggins!: Last week Harbaugh and Luck had a strategy in place in which they would quickly snap the ball when UCLA did a mass substitution. It pissed off Neuheisel so bad I think he killed an assistant. If the guy can’t counter something simple like that without blowing up, I don’t think he has the brain cells to stop Houston. Houston wins.
Code Red: That was a dick move. And it was awesome.
Auburn @ Clemson
Iggins!: Wow. Really? I don’t even know. I know almost nothing about these two teams. But I DO know I hate Gene Chizik. Clemson wins????
Code Red: Well, that settles it for me. Auburn wins.
Baylor @ TCU
Code Red: I realize Baylor is a perennial punching bag, but they're a dangerous team with a healthy Robert Griffin at QB. TCU will win this game, but don't be surprised if the Bears give them a scare.
Iggins!: I hope Baylor wins and stops this BS talk about BYU deserving a shot at the title before it really starts. They barely beat Oregon State. Pac 10 team. But I also lost my NCAA picks by 9 games last year so I’m picking the safe bet, TCU wins.
Code Red: I think you mean Boise State, not BYU, but whatever, you’re on a roll.
There you have it, folks. It begins.
Arkansas @ Georgia
Code Red: The throbbing armcock of Ryan Mallett is more than adequate for beating the rather punchless looking Dawgs. Armcockansas wins.
Iggins!: The SEC is a pile of suck after Alabama. It’s so bad that the number 2 and 3 teams are Arkansas and South Carolina. Jesus it’s Stephen Garcia! Anyway, Arkansas wins.
Code Red: College football in general is looking like a pile of suck after Alabama, Ohio State, Iowa, and…..Or..eg..on?
AZ State @ Wisconsin
Code Red: I'm sorry. You people probably expect more out of us when we choose the top ten college games of the week, but damn is this cupboard bare. I wish I'd been less lazy and started this last week, because that was a good slate of games. Not like this one. Since I've explained why this game is even on here, I'll now say that Wisconsin will win.
Iggins!: Wisconsin has not looked great, but AZ State isn’t much of a step up from San Jose State. Wisconsin wins.
Nebraska @ Washington
Iggins!: Washington is nice and overrated because they have an NFL prospect who has never done anything at the college level. They gonna get they ass kicked. Nebraska wins.
Code Red: This is true. I like Jake Locker (not as much as Mallet’s Armcock), but Washington has still won just 5 games in two years. Nebraska wins.
Florida @ Tennessee
Code Red: I've already gone over how backed up Florida is on offense and why it's mostly Steve Addazio's fault, but despite their shortcomings on that side of the ball their world-class defense should be enough to clamp down Matt Simms and the Vols. Florida will win, but it may not be pretty. They're going to be in some serious trouble soon.
Iggins!: Don’t fool yourself into thinking I forgot Florida when I mentioned how shitty the SEC is behind Bama. Florida is in trouble. Fortunately for them, Tennessee sucks, but this game is going to be really close. The good times are over FLA. Florida wins.
Notre Dame @ Michigan State
Iggins!: So Notre Dame doesn’t want to join the Big Ten because they’d lose rivalries… but they play 3 Big Ten teams in a row? Oh right, they need to play Navy. God I hate ND. Michigan State wins.
Code Red: Is it an even numbered year? I’ll take ND.
Texas @ Texas Tech
Code Red: Texas Tech has looked good so far in the post-Leach era, but they deserve nothing but pure boiling bile and hatred for the fact that it's even a “post-Leach” era at all. And Fuck Craig James while I'm at it too. Texas will mete out my vengeance this week. Longhorns win.
Iggins!: Yeah, now that Tuberville is coaching everyone will remember that Lubbock is a shithole and nobody wants to go there, not to mention they don’t have the talent even presently to compete without the Air Raid. Texas wins.
Code Red: We’re still in mourning, as you can tell. Mike Leach, you’ll always have a place in our hearts, you batshit sonofabitch.
Iowa @ Arizona
Iggins!: There have been under 5 teams who have looked dominant so far; Bama, OSU, Oregon, and Iowa are the four I would count as having been truly impressive and dominant. This isn’t the finicky Iowa team you’re used to, you know, the one with Drew Tate? These guys are disturbingly efficient and strangely talented. If I’ve said it once I’ll say it again, the Pac 10 is an awful conference and up against a good defense they will look like garbage. Iowa wins.
Code Red: I hate the few years that Iggins!’ homerism actually coincides with a legitimately good Iowa team. Sigh. Iowa wins.
Houston @ UCLA
Code Red: I thought UCLA would be better than the performance they turned in against Stanford last week, but they looked absolutely clueless on offense. They certainly won't put it together in time to keep up with Case Keenum and the explosive Cougar offense. Houston wins.
Iggins!: Last week Harbaugh and Luck had a strategy in place in which they would quickly snap the ball when UCLA did a mass substitution. It pissed off Neuheisel so bad I think he killed an assistant. If the guy can’t counter something simple like that without blowing up, I don’t think he has the brain cells to stop Houston. Houston wins.
Code Red: That was a dick move. And it was awesome.
Auburn @ Clemson
Iggins!: Wow. Really? I don’t even know. I know almost nothing about these two teams. But I DO know I hate Gene Chizik. Clemson wins????
Code Red: Well, that settles it for me. Auburn wins.
Baylor @ TCU
Code Red: I realize Baylor is a perennial punching bag, but they're a dangerous team with a healthy Robert Griffin at QB. TCU will win this game, but don't be surprised if the Bears give them a scare.
Iggins!: I hope Baylor wins and stops this BS talk about BYU deserving a shot at the title before it really starts. They barely beat Oregon State. Pac 10 team. But I also lost my NCAA picks by 9 games last year so I’m picking the safe bet, TCU wins.
Code Red: I think you mean Boise State, not BYU, but whatever, you’re on a roll.
There you have it, folks. It begins.
Well, This Wasn't Predictable at ALL..
Jay Cutler only found Devin Hester once on Sunday for 17 yards. But he spread the ball around and racked up 372 yards passing, tied for 4th most in team history, so surely no one would argue that he needs to work on his communication with Hester if the pass offense is somehow going to work, right?
Wrong. Sigh. God dammit, David Haugh. You're lucky I spent so much time on Morrissey last night, or else you'd get the full hack job. Let's just look at some of the garbage in Haugh's piece:
Wrong. Sigh. God dammit, David Haugh. You're lucky I spent so much time on Morrissey last night, or else you'd get the full hack job. Let's just look at some of the garbage in Haugh's piece:
"Thankfully, nobody wasted any of Jay Cutler's weekly allotment of podium time Wednesday at Halas Hall asking him about his new favorite target.
And they said Cutler would ignore the tight end in Mike Martz's offense.
Seriously, if Cutler chose to jet to New York City to spend his off day with "The Hills'' starlet Kristin Cavallari, question his fondness for reality-TV more than his time management. He's a young, single millionaire coming off a terrific game so this was a rendezvous relevant to TMZ more than the NFL.
Now, if you want to worry about how Cutler's relationship with wide receiver Devin Hester may affect the Bears, that's harder to dismiss. Especially after Cutler's brutally honest assessment of why Hester had only one of 35 pass attempts directed his way against the Lions."
I'll just say here that I hate Jay Cutler for dating a starlet (does she really even qualify for that title?) and making it possible for Haugh to write this crap. That said, Jesus, this is a really, really lame open to an article that doesn't make any sense.
"If Devin would have gotten open I would have thrown him the ball,'' Cutler said without hesitation. Not exactly, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder.'' Unintended or not, the words came across more as a challenge than an explanation.That asshole. How dare he call out Hester like that? Jeez, Jay, did anyone see you walking away after you threw him under that bus?
"We talked about this before the first game (and) it's going to be game by game who gets the ball,'' Cutler said. "Depending on what coverage … we're going to go with the matchups. They were doing some stuff to Devin, putting some guys over top of him. Devin is going to have his games. I'm not worried about that. He played really well.''
Oh wait. He actually had more than ONE LINE IN THE GOD DAMN QUOTE. Why, that sounds perfectly reasonable. If your number one receiver consistently draws double teams and leaves the others open enough to enable you to throw for 372 YARDS, well, that's pretty solid. Of course, this leaves little drama to this story, so how did Haugh explain it?
"Perhaps realizing how harsh that message may sound to Hester, one of the most sensitive players in the locker room, Cutler quickly conjured up a much less damning explanation. Though saying Hester was a punt returner masquerading as an NFL wide receiver would have been a less damning explanation."
Okay. I've listened to the tape of Cutler's quote. There was absolutely no kind of hesitation or any other indication that Cutler had to backtrack and say this to explain his first line. He didn't even pause after his first line. Haugh added that in. Even Mike & Mike in the Morning said the same thing, and at least 1 1/2 of the people in that duo are braindead. This is just the kind of shit that Jay Cutler is going to have to deal with, and it's sad.
I really can't even attempt to fisk all of the rest of this article. It's a steaming pile of contrived bullshit that Morrissey would be happy to keep on the wall of his fort at the next No Jays Club meeting.
"The Lions defense devoted extra attention to Hester for a reason: They rightfully respected his ability to break a game open more than any other receiver on the roster. As the Bears should."
Exactly. Cutler should try to force him the ball even if other guys are open, because Devin is the guy. That can't end badly at all.
"Hester then mentioned something about helping with big blocks. I don't recall incentives in Hester's contract for the number of downfield blocks thrown."
So Devin should act like a petulant dipshit and not block because that's somehow not what he's paid to do? Good for Devin for taking pride in his blocks and being incredibly diplomatic about this while this dipshit kept trying to prod him into a T.O. like outburst.
Here's a good one:
"Martz found Hester's claims of negligence more amusing than alarming."
Apparently Hester saying: "That's the way it goes — one week one or two balls, next week 15 or 20,'' Hester said. "That's what I'm hoping this week, to get my hands on the ball a little more.'' is accusing Martz of negligence. My God, what a hack.
"Cutler has his favorites and Devin Aromashodu — targeted 10 times Sunday — and Greg Olsen top that list. Why Hester never really has is a question only Cutler can answer, but as easy as the Bears quarterback made it look Sunday, it only will get easier if he develops better chemistry with Hester. Or any at all."
Oh really? Cutler has never really had a relationship with Hester? Is that why he, oh I don't know...LED THE TEAM IN RECEIVING YARDS last year and was second in catches and targets?
Alright, I'm done. Welcome to the list, David Haugh.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Once More Unto the Breach: Me and Rick Morrissey
Y'all know the score: Morrissey's a dumbass and I'm not going to take it. He's in italics.
Don't let a stupid NFL rule cloud your judgment about how the Bears played Sunday.
Exactly. The Bears dominated the Lions by 300 yards and were it not for 3 fumbles, which is a flukey total by any measure, this game wouldn't have been close. The defense played exteremely well. It was a fine, fine performance outside of the turnovers. Good observation, Rick.
Don't let the controversy over the way the game ended take away from the fact that they were scary bad for long stretches at Soldier Field.
Oh. Never mind. What were those long stretches, by the way? The 6 total seconds it took to fumble three times? It certainly wasn't the 35 minutes that they controlled the clock, or the time they spent racking up a 21-13 edge in first downs while racking up 463 yards of offense for the first time in 13 years.
Before you get mired in the legalese surrounding Calvin Johnson's touchdown-that-wasn't, remember whom the Bears were playing. The lowly Lions.
This is a fair criticism, I'd think. And it is worth cautioning people against overreacting, but even in last year's sweep of the Lions the Bears allowed Detroit to rack up over 300+ yards and 24 points, and the Bears offense had just 276 yards in the first game against the Lions last year. So it was still a much improved performance from last year and Morrissey is still an awful human being. It's science.
And remember who was playing quarterback for Detroit at the end of the game. Shaun Hill, not Matthew Stafford.
Exactly. The Lions would have torched the Bears in the second half if Stafford had played, since he racked up a whopping 83 yards passing in the first half to Hill's meager 89 yards passing in the second half.
''An ugly win,'' Bears defensive tackle Tommie Harris called his team's 19-14 victory. He'll probably get spanked for his honesty when he reports back to the gulag in Lake Forest, but he was right.
Did he just compare playing for Lovie Smith, the coach criticized more times than I count for being weak and a terrible disciplinarian, to being held in a Soviet gulag?
Don't let a stupid NFL rule cloud your judgment about how the Bears played Sunday.
Exactly. The Bears dominated the Lions by 300 yards and were it not for 3 fumbles, which is a flukey total by any measure, this game wouldn't have been close. The defense played exteremely well. It was a fine, fine performance outside of the turnovers. Good observation, Rick.
Don't let the controversy over the way the game ended take away from the fact that they were scary bad for long stretches at Soldier Field.
Oh. Never mind. What were those long stretches, by the way? The 6 total seconds it took to fumble three times? It certainly wasn't the 35 minutes that they controlled the clock, or the time they spent racking up a 21-13 edge in first downs while racking up 463 yards of offense for the first time in 13 years.
Before you get mired in the legalese surrounding Calvin Johnson's touchdown-that-wasn't, remember whom the Bears were playing. The lowly Lions.
This is a fair criticism, I'd think. And it is worth cautioning people against overreacting, but even in last year's sweep of the Lions the Bears allowed Detroit to rack up over 300+ yards and 24 points, and the Bears offense had just 276 yards in the first game against the Lions last year. So it was still a much improved performance from last year and Morrissey is still an awful human being. It's science.
And remember who was playing quarterback for Detroit at the end of the game. Shaun Hill, not Matthew Stafford.
Exactly. The Lions would have torched the Bears in the second half if Stafford had played, since he racked up a whopping 83 yards passing in the first half to Hill's meager 89 yards passing in the second half.
''An ugly win,'' Bears defensive tackle Tommie Harris called his team's 19-14 victory. He'll probably get spanked for his honesty when he reports back to the gulag in Lake Forest, but he was right.
Did he just compare playing for Lovie Smith, the coach criticized more times than I count for being weak and a terrible disciplinarian, to being held in a Soviet gulag?
You want ugly?
The Bears couldn't score in a four-down series from inside Detroit's 1-yard line.
True. That sucked and it featured some very poor calls, including a decision not to sneak. But did you miss the part where the defense forced a punt and the team scored the game winning TD on the very next drive?
They lost three fumbles.
Which is almost double the per game average they've had over the last six years. But that's totally not a fluke at all. We can clearly expect that kind of performance every week resulting in 48 fumbles, which would be only 8 away from an NFL record. Clearly that is what is going to happen and this outweighs the Bears' statistical dominance in every other category.
Devin Aromashodu dropped a wide-open touchdown pass on the Bears' first series.
Certainly a dropped pass on the first offensive series of the year is a harbinger of doom.
There were dumb penalties and dumb coaching decisions.
I'm going to quote the always awesome Pat Kirwan of NFL.com regarding the Bears awful penalties:
"I always look at Week 1 penalties for an indication of what the officials are looking to call differently from last year. They like to call it "a point of emphasis," which means they will call those particular infractions more this year.
In Week 1, their point of emphasis was on holding penalties. Officials called 37 of them, compared to the Week 1 average of 20.6 from 2007-'09 (see chart)."
Oh, so maybe it was just week one. In fact, the two penalties that really cost the Bears, holding and roughing the passer, were both called more frequently this week than they were called on average last year, because both were points of emphasis all offseason long. Tough break, Rick. As for the dumb coaching decisions? Well, yeah. But Rick's argument is that they can't beat the Cowboys if they play like they did against the Lions, and I just don't see how, if dumb coaching decisions is the decider, Lovie's gaffe on 4th down somehow tops Wade Phillips decision to go for it with the 3 seconds left in the first half.
A question for Bears coach Lovie Smith: Now that the glorified practices are over, when do the real games start?
You're a member of the media, with access to an NFL head coach I would kill for, and you want to ask him for a copy of the schedule? I found one here, Rick.
It was Smith who referred to the final preseason game as a ''glorified practice,'' but on Sunday, the Bears looked like a team of strangers meeting for the first time.
Strangers who got together and racked up the most yards on offense of any team in the league, while giving up the second fewest.
That the Lions were even in a position to score in the final 87 seconds tells you all you need to know about this game. Poetic justice called for Hill's pass into the right corner of the end zone to result in a touchdown.
That's not even remotely true. That doesn't say "the Bears absolutely dominated the Lions in every category but failed to capitalize because of a bunch of stupid turnovers, and thus the Lions had a chance because that's how upsets happen, even though this one didn't." And poetic justice would actually call for the team that actually picked up more than 1 first down in the first 28 minutes of the second half to win the game.
But rule book justice, misguided as it is, yanked a victory away from the Lions and handed it to the Bears.
On a play that will be replayed hundreds of times this week, the Lions were at the Bears' 25-yard-line with 31 seconds left in the game. Hill dropped back and lofted a jump-ball pass. Johnson leaped over Bears cornerback Zack Bowman, made the catch, took two steps, fell and then lost control of the ball. Touchdown, right? Two feet down in the end zone, correct?
No. The rule states that a receiver has to maintain possession of the ball all the way to the ground. Even though Johnson landed on his butt while holding the ball, he lost the ball afterward. Incomplete pass.
Insanity.
Insanity! This madness has never happened before! Except when the cruel hand of poetic legal officiating justice or cruel Lady Fortune called back a game winning touchdown for the Bears against the Lions on the exact same call six years ago.
The problem isn't with the interpretation of the rule. The problem is with the rule itself, an officious, nit-picky decree that wiped out an amazingly athletic play. The letter of the law gets an ''F.''
He is Rick Morrissey. And he is the Law.
Everybody knows it, even Bears players.
They know it because it happened to them, too. I somehow doubt a smug Detroit sportswriter wrote about the injustice of the Bears losing that game in 2004, though.
''That's a crazy rule,'' safety Danieal Manning said.
An athlete understands what a great play is, and Bowman knew he had been beaten by an exceptional effort. But he wasn't complaining about the rule afterward.
''I thought it was a touchdown,'' he said. ''Then the one ref was like, 'Nah, it's not a touchdown. He dropped it.' And I was like, 'Sweet!' ''
And Rick was like, "Word, brah."
By the time Smith met with the media after the game, he was a law-and-order guy from way back. A rule's a rule, he said. And after that, he said what he always says: A victory is a victory.
Of all of Lovie's retarded Lovie-isms, that one's the one that's actually true.
''I think we won the game,'' said quarterback Jay Cutler, tiring of questions about the team's lackluster start.
No, he was probably just tired of taking questions from the guy who spent all of the 2009 offseason calling him an overrated crybaby and a disgrace after the Green Bay game before he shredded any semblance of journalistic integrity by calling Cutler "the next Tom Brady" after three good games. Wait, wasn't that you?
There might not be style points in the NFL, but there is carryover. If the Bears think they can play this way in Dallas next Sunday and against Green Bay in Week 3 and win, somebody needs to confiscate the team bong.
Jesus Christ. There's so much wrong with this it hurts. Rick acts like none of the Bears have said that they need to improve over their performance this week, and yet all of them have. Thanks for the f*%king revelation, Rick. And no, there is no carryover in the NFL. That's why teams sometimes lose the week after winning. That's why some teams can score 45 points one week and 13 the next. That's why it's the god damn NFL. There's nothing even resembling carryover, other than "hey, teams that are good will tend to be good from game to game, because they're good, while teams that are bad will be bad."
This article is somehow still going on, so I'm just going to skip to the end, but just know you're missing Rick saying that there "was some good stuff" like Cutler and the offense performing really well and the defense performing well except for when they were performing really badly, or something, and that none of it counts because they were like playing the Lions and stuff. Onto:
The final indictment of the Bears came in the last 87 seconds, when they allowed the Lions to march downfield, setting up Johnson's fateful play in the end zone.
Except it wasn't fateful at all, because they didn't score.
Stare at the rule book all you want, but it doesn't tell the story of the Bears' performance.
What about the stat book? What about the standings? Which book should I read, Rick? Anything but the ones that contradict your hare-brained narrative of an awful, awful Bears team?
It's been too long, Rick. You're just too much fun.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Around The NFL
Week One Observations!
New Orleans 14, Minnesota 9
This was a great opener. The Saints moved the ball a lot better than their 14 points would indicate, but outside of the second quarter they did a very solid job of using short passes to control the clock and keep the Vikings offense on the bench. When the Vikings Were on offense it was rather hilarious listening to Collinsworth and Michaels say things about the "rusty offense" of the Vikings without coming and saying "maybe they'd look more crisp if their QB hadn't spent the summer on that f*%king tractor." Good to see the Great Viking Collapse of 2010 has started. GEAUX SAINTS!
Tennessee 38, Oakland 13
I'm really not surprised that Raiders fans thought they'd be a playoff team this year. Much like Bears fans they've been so preoccupied with the belief that quarterback was the only glaring hole on a team that had so many of them. Once they got Jason Campbell (known in some circles as the Black Kyle Orton) to "manage" the games that JaMarcus used to blow with regularity they (and sadly many legitimate media members) believed they'd be back to respectability. Well, ha. Tennessee certainly picked up where they left off, and Vince Young has finally found his niche as a game manager himself, with the Titans keeping his throws limited and manageable and Chris Johnson ripping up the world to keep the chains moving.
NY Giants 31, Carolina 18
Carolina has an inexperienced quarterback (backed up by a rookie), no proven wideouts behind Steve Smith, a weak defensive line, and a porous secondary. Naturally Peter King chose them as his darkhorse team in the NFC. They have all the makings of a team that will finally get John Fox fired. The Giants defense certainly looked better than they did during their late season collapse last year, but it remains to be seen whether they had more to do with Matt Moore not being all that good or them forcing him into not looking all that good.
Houston 34, Indy 24
I'd like to act like the only bastard that predicted this one, but many others did as well. And they put it in print. But that doesn't matter, so I'm the only one who called this. Bow to my genius. This will finally be the year that franchise breaks through. I don't think this is the start of an inevitable Colts decline into oblivion, but they're certainly not going to be the automatic 12+ win team of old.
Jacksonville 24, Denver 17
Giggity. Oh how I enjoy your failures, Josh McDaniels. Also, this year the inevitable Kyle Orton-Jay Cutler Record Comparison has been delayed for at least a week, which is nice. Jacksonville's probably still not good enough to head back to the playoffs and save Del Rio's job.
Pittsburgh 15, Atlanta 9
Pittsburgh's defense is undeniably good, but I'm still a bit concerned with the disappearance of the Falcons offense. Matt Ryan's inconsistent performance since week five of last season is a bit puzzling. It's hard to say he's going through some kind of Mirer (or should I say Sanchez) like straight-regression, but he's certainly appeared to hit a wall in his development. He's gone from "The Next Tom Brady" to a Neil O'Donell-esque mediocrity over his last 10-11 games. Dennis Dixon looked not-awful, so perhaps the curse that my colleague Iggins! placed on him when he was single-handedly destroying Heisman campaigns with his endorsement in 2007 has finally been lifted.*
Miami 15, Buffalo 10
Buffalo really, really blows. But I don't get why some people are so high on Miami. I can't really believe anyone's that impressed with Chad Henne. Also, Trent Edwards: 34 attempts, 139 yards. My God, that man makes Shane Matthews look like Daryle Lamonica.
New England 38, Cincinnati 24
This was one of the more misleading games of the weekend. Cincy actually had the edge in total yards, time of possession, and first downs, but committed a few costly turnovers and allowed return TDs on an interception and a kick off. I know we all hoped for the demise of the Patriots, but you knew it wasn't going to be that easy. They aren't as good as they once were, but the Bengals aren't as bad as this score would indicate. They'll still be tough.
Tampa bay 17, Cleveland 14
I can't even pity Cleveland anymore. When you sign Jake Delhomme after he was statistically the second-worst QB in the league after JaMarcus Russell last year, well, you deserve nothing but scorn and contempt. I'm beginning to form two Major League type scenarios in the NFL. The Bills are starting Trent Edwards and hiring Chan Gailey in order to make their fans hate them enough that they won't protest when they move to Toronto permanently, while Holmgren wants to crash the Browns even further so he can fire Mangini and completely rebuild the team. Take it with the grain of salt that is facing the Browns defense, but Josh Freeman looks like he may end up being the best of the Stafford-Sanchez-Freeman trio, considering Stafford's inability to stay on the field and Sanchez's suckitude.
Seattle 31, San Francisco 6
My god. That was brutal. I didn't think the 49ers had the offense to threaten a deep playoff run, but I too was one of the ones who thought they'd slide into Cardinals vacated throne of One-Eyed Team in the Division of the Blind. Apparently not. At least this should shut up the Bears fans who keep thinking that Mike Singletary's FIAR AND PASHUN would fix all that ails the Bears.
Green Bay 27, Philadelphia 20
I'm a pretty noted critic of Michael Vick's shortcomings as a quarterback and human being, but I will admit that as a back-up quarterback his entry into a game against an unprepared defense is a coordinator's nightmare. If he were to take over the starting job I think he'd regress back to his old ways (which he showcased a few times Sunday even in a pretty good overall performance, notably when he attempted to throw to a double-covered DeSean Jackson in the end zone despite having both two open receivers and room to run for the TD), but he's certainly interesting off the bench. Hopefully Kolb and Vick serve Philly fans a big pile of fail for their ignorant desire to be rid of Donovan McNabb. Since they failed to do the one thing that would have placated me this year (beating the Packers), I will continue to give them a hearty fuck you. On the Green Bay side, Aaron Rodgers looked less murder-ific than he did in his terrifying preseason and they just lost Ryan Grant for the season, so maybe I can hold on to hope.
Arizona 17, St. Louis 13
I did not watch this game. I can only assume I should be grateful for that fact. Derek Anderson's 53% completions against the Rams defense comforts me, since it's nice in this chaotic world to have occasional reminders that some things never change, like Derek Anderson being about as accurate as my preseason predictions.
Washington 13, Dallas 7
I don't think either of these teams are that good. I'm also hoping Marc Colombo is still far, far too injured to prevent a Julius Peppers-Alex Barron match up on Sunday.
Baltimore 10, New York Jets 9
I'm going to come out right here and say that I've hated Mark Sanchez since before the draft last year. His arm is average at best, his accuracy less so, and he's nothing more than another overrated robot from the USC QB factory. I was all set this year to write a nice statistic comparison between him and Rick Mirer (both started hot their rookie years, both regressed from the second defenses adjusted to them) when NFL.com somehow beat me to it. However, they can't beat me to the nickname of Rico Mirerez, which shall now replace all mentions of Mark Sanchez on this website (except for that explanatory mention of Rico Mirerez). So yeah, I feel pretty confident that Mirerez will keep the Jets from coming close to matching their bold preseason predictions.
Oh, and the Ravens are pretty good.
Kansas City 21, San Diego 14
The Chiefs defense is much improved. This is true. They also have some nice playmakers in Jamaal Charles and Dexter McCluster. However, they aren't that good. Matt Cassel is still a very mediocre QB and the offensive line still isn't that good. 8 wins would be a remarkable accomplishment. As for the Chargers? Well, they certainly missed Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeill, but that doesn't explain the multiple incidences of f*&ktardery that led to some pretty hilarious Philip Rivers meltdowns. Also, as you'd know if you were following the SKO twitter, I wondered last night what the media reaction would be if Cutler threw a hissyfit and kicked the ball twice like Rivers did while red-assing his own teammates. I'm betting the Sun Times would feature the headline TEAM CANCER while Rick Morrissey pinned the article on the wall above his bed in order to read it while making love to his wife. Florio would end up with blisters from furiously typing seven or eight hundred diatribes against him, considering that asswipe posted this right before Cutler served him a fresh plate of crow with his 372 yard, 108 rating performance. Anyway, my point is that Philip Rivers is a dickhead and I laugh that he lost. Damn, the NFC and AFC West are two very, very bad divisions.
*- Seriously, he was like a soul reaper in 2007. He endorsed Matt Ryan for Heisman the week that Florida State ended their undefeated season, he touted Dennis Dixon mere Days before he shredded his knee, his preseason Brian Brohm prediction has never recovered....truly his tainted soul brings nothing but doom.
New Orleans 14, Minnesota 9
This was a great opener. The Saints moved the ball a lot better than their 14 points would indicate, but outside of the second quarter they did a very solid job of using short passes to control the clock and keep the Vikings offense on the bench. When the Vikings Were on offense it was rather hilarious listening to Collinsworth and Michaels say things about the "rusty offense" of the Vikings without coming and saying "maybe they'd look more crisp if their QB hadn't spent the summer on that f*%king tractor." Good to see the Great Viking Collapse of 2010 has started. GEAUX SAINTS!
Tennessee 38, Oakland 13
I'm really not surprised that Raiders fans thought they'd be a playoff team this year. Much like Bears fans they've been so preoccupied with the belief that quarterback was the only glaring hole on a team that had so many of them. Once they got Jason Campbell (known in some circles as the Black Kyle Orton) to "manage" the games that JaMarcus used to blow with regularity they (and sadly many legitimate media members) believed they'd be back to respectability. Well, ha. Tennessee certainly picked up where they left off, and Vince Young has finally found his niche as a game manager himself, with the Titans keeping his throws limited and manageable and Chris Johnson ripping up the world to keep the chains moving.
NY Giants 31, Carolina 18
Carolina has an inexperienced quarterback (backed up by a rookie), no proven wideouts behind Steve Smith, a weak defensive line, and a porous secondary. Naturally Peter King chose them as his darkhorse team in the NFC. They have all the makings of a team that will finally get John Fox fired. The Giants defense certainly looked better than they did during their late season collapse last year, but it remains to be seen whether they had more to do with Matt Moore not being all that good or them forcing him into not looking all that good.
Houston 34, Indy 24
I'd like to act like the only bastard that predicted this one, but many others did as well. And they put it in print. But that doesn't matter, so I'm the only one who called this. Bow to my genius. This will finally be the year that franchise breaks through. I don't think this is the start of an inevitable Colts decline into oblivion, but they're certainly not going to be the automatic 12+ win team of old.
Jacksonville 24, Denver 17
Giggity. Oh how I enjoy your failures, Josh McDaniels. Also, this year the inevitable Kyle Orton-Jay Cutler Record Comparison has been delayed for at least a week, which is nice. Jacksonville's probably still not good enough to head back to the playoffs and save Del Rio's job.
Pittsburgh 15, Atlanta 9
Pittsburgh's defense is undeniably good, but I'm still a bit concerned with the disappearance of the Falcons offense. Matt Ryan's inconsistent performance since week five of last season is a bit puzzling. It's hard to say he's going through some kind of Mirer (or should I say Sanchez) like straight-regression, but he's certainly appeared to hit a wall in his development. He's gone from "The Next Tom Brady" to a Neil O'Donell-esque mediocrity over his last 10-11 games. Dennis Dixon looked not-awful, so perhaps the curse that my colleague Iggins! placed on him when he was single-handedly destroying Heisman campaigns with his endorsement in 2007 has finally been lifted.*
Miami 15, Buffalo 10
Buffalo really, really blows. But I don't get why some people are so high on Miami. I can't really believe anyone's that impressed with Chad Henne. Also, Trent Edwards: 34 attempts, 139 yards. My God, that man makes Shane Matthews look like Daryle Lamonica.
New England 38, Cincinnati 24
This was one of the more misleading games of the weekend. Cincy actually had the edge in total yards, time of possession, and first downs, but committed a few costly turnovers and allowed return TDs on an interception and a kick off. I know we all hoped for the demise of the Patriots, but you knew it wasn't going to be that easy. They aren't as good as they once were, but the Bengals aren't as bad as this score would indicate. They'll still be tough.
Tampa bay 17, Cleveland 14
I can't even pity Cleveland anymore. When you sign Jake Delhomme after he was statistically the second-worst QB in the league after JaMarcus Russell last year, well, you deserve nothing but scorn and contempt. I'm beginning to form two Major League type scenarios in the NFL. The Bills are starting Trent Edwards and hiring Chan Gailey in order to make their fans hate them enough that they won't protest when they move to Toronto permanently, while Holmgren wants to crash the Browns even further so he can fire Mangini and completely rebuild the team. Take it with the grain of salt that is facing the Browns defense, but Josh Freeman looks like he may end up being the best of the Stafford-Sanchez-Freeman trio, considering Stafford's inability to stay on the field and Sanchez's suckitude.
Seattle 31, San Francisco 6
My god. That was brutal. I didn't think the 49ers had the offense to threaten a deep playoff run, but I too was one of the ones who thought they'd slide into Cardinals vacated throne of One-Eyed Team in the Division of the Blind. Apparently not. At least this should shut up the Bears fans who keep thinking that Mike Singletary's FIAR AND PASHUN would fix all that ails the Bears.
Green Bay 27, Philadelphia 20
I'm a pretty noted critic of Michael Vick's shortcomings as a quarterback and human being, but I will admit that as a back-up quarterback his entry into a game against an unprepared defense is a coordinator's nightmare. If he were to take over the starting job I think he'd regress back to his old ways (which he showcased a few times Sunday even in a pretty good overall performance, notably when he attempted to throw to a double-covered DeSean Jackson in the end zone despite having both two open receivers and room to run for the TD), but he's certainly interesting off the bench. Hopefully Kolb and Vick serve Philly fans a big pile of fail for their ignorant desire to be rid of Donovan McNabb. Since they failed to do the one thing that would have placated me this year (beating the Packers), I will continue to give them a hearty fuck you. On the Green Bay side, Aaron Rodgers looked less murder-ific than he did in his terrifying preseason and they just lost Ryan Grant for the season, so maybe I can hold on to hope.
Arizona 17, St. Louis 13
I did not watch this game. I can only assume I should be grateful for that fact. Derek Anderson's 53% completions against the Rams defense comforts me, since it's nice in this chaotic world to have occasional reminders that some things never change, like Derek Anderson being about as accurate as my preseason predictions.
Washington 13, Dallas 7
I don't think either of these teams are that good. I'm also hoping Marc Colombo is still far, far too injured to prevent a Julius Peppers-Alex Barron match up on Sunday.
Baltimore 10, New York Jets 9
I'm going to come out right here and say that I've hated Mark Sanchez since before the draft last year. His arm is average at best, his accuracy less so, and he's nothing more than another overrated robot from the USC QB factory. I was all set this year to write a nice statistic comparison between him and Rick Mirer (both started hot their rookie years, both regressed from the second defenses adjusted to them) when NFL.com somehow beat me to it. However, they can't beat me to the nickname of Rico Mirerez, which shall now replace all mentions of Mark Sanchez on this website (except for that explanatory mention of Rico Mirerez). So yeah, I feel pretty confident that Mirerez will keep the Jets from coming close to matching their bold preseason predictions.
Oh, and the Ravens are pretty good.
Kansas City 21, San Diego 14
The Chiefs defense is much improved. This is true. They also have some nice playmakers in Jamaal Charles and Dexter McCluster. However, they aren't that good. Matt Cassel is still a very mediocre QB and the offensive line still isn't that good. 8 wins would be a remarkable accomplishment. As for the Chargers? Well, they certainly missed Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeill, but that doesn't explain the multiple incidences of f*&ktardery that led to some pretty hilarious Philip Rivers meltdowns. Also, as you'd know if you were following the SKO twitter, I wondered last night what the media reaction would be if Cutler threw a hissyfit and kicked the ball twice like Rivers did while red-assing his own teammates. I'm betting the Sun Times would feature the headline TEAM CANCER while Rick Morrissey pinned the article on the wall above his bed in order to read it while making love to his wife. Florio would end up with blisters from furiously typing seven or eight hundred diatribes against him, considering that asswipe posted this right before Cutler served him a fresh plate of crow with his 372 yard, 108 rating performance. Anyway, my point is that Philip Rivers is a dickhead and I laugh that he lost. Damn, the NFC and AFC West are two very, very bad divisions.
*- Seriously, he was like a soul reaper in 2007. He endorsed Matt Ryan for Heisman the week that Florida State ended their undefeated season, he touted Dennis Dixon mere Days before he shredded his knee, his preseason Brian Brohm prediction has never recovered....truly his tainted soul brings nothing but doom.
Monday, September 13, 2010
College Football Observations
The last three years I've regularly (or semi-regularly, or maybe sometimes) posted my own college football rankings. I'm not going to do that this year. Compiling a list of 25 teams every week blows, and there are a million other more authorative sources to go look at, most of whom I just copy and then rearrange slightly. So instead I'm just going to lob a few of my stellar witticisms at a couple games and teams I found interesting. So for this week:
Georgia Tech 25, Kansas 28-
God dammit, GT. Kansas? Really? Despite the awesomeness of the triple option, Georgia Tech's defense is still atrocious. Kansas scored 3 points the week before against South Dakota State. Good lord. It's also disappointing that Josh Nesbitt can't throw the ball to save his life. 3rd and longs are absolute cancer to this team. Until they fix that they'll have a hard time getting back to where they were the last two years.
South Carolina 17, Georgia 6
Spurrier may actually have a good team this year. Steven Garcia has done a really good job so far of not looking like Steven Garcia.
Florida 38, South Florida 14
This game was a lot closer until a barrage of interceptions by BJ Daniels allowed Florida to get rolling in the second half. Florida's offense is still backed up big time. I don't think this has anything to do with talent, as they're still as deep as any team in the country. I think it's got a lot to do with Steve Addazio. Last year he sucked plenty, but Florida managed to use the mobility of Tebow to still maintain an effective offense, although one much, much worse than the offense Florida had managed the two years before under Dan Mullen. Now, without Tebow or Addazio's favorite target, tight end Aaron Hernandez, the entire Florida offense has sputtered because of a complete lack of innovation. Bummer.
James Madison 21, Virginia Tech 16.
There are no words. Except tough shit, Boise.
Oklahoma 47, Florida State 17
This is what happens when you hire guys named Jimbo (will use that line 45+ times this year).
Ohio State 36, Miami 24
Terrelle Pryor still can't pass. But Jacory Harris is apparently even worse.
Arkansas 31, Louisiana Monroe 7
ARMCOCK.
USC 17, Virginia 14
USC is not good, people.
Alabama 24, Penn State 3
This actually didn't surprise me at all.
Iowa 35, Iowa State 7
Yeah, Iowa keeps murdering people and I'm not happy about it.
Stanford 35, UCLA 0
Harbaugh will win the Pac 10. Write. It. Down.
James Madison 21, Virginia Tech 16.
There are no words. Except tough shit, Boise.
Oklahoma 47, Florida State 17
This is what happens when you hire guys named Jimbo (will use that line 45+ times this year).
Ohio State 36, Miami 24
Terrelle Pryor still can't pass. But Jacory Harris is apparently even worse.
Arkansas 31, Louisiana Monroe 7
ARMCOCK.
USC 17, Virginia 14
USC is not good, people.
Alabama 24, Penn State 3
This actually didn't surprise me at all.
Iowa 35, Iowa State 7
Yeah, Iowa keeps murdering people and I'm not happy about it.
Stanford 35, UCLA 0
Harbaugh will win the Pac 10. Write. It. Down.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Bears-Lions, Who Should Have Won? Who Cares, because I Know Who Did.
There's a lot of fuss right now that the Lions "should have won the game." I love this in football. I really do. Take the last play, or the biggest play, and assume that it was the only play that could have made a difference in the game. How about if the Lions want to win a game they can try picking up a first down more than once in the first 28 minutes of the second half?
The simple fact is that this game should not have even been close. Take away the three fumbles and the Bears probably come close to scoring 40 points in that game, so for every jackass that's saying that "should have been a touchdown", well, so should the four possession the Bears fucked away in the Lions redzone.
Anywho, let's break things down methodically.
The Good:
Jay Cutler: I'm putting the big guy up front this week. 372 yards, 2 touchdowns, and 108 rating. Those are outstanding numbers. The interception was a bad decision, but it was the only one he made all game. He threw deep, intermediate, and short passes well, and while Forte and the line should be given all the credit in the world for that outstanding 89 yard touchdown catch, Cutler placed that ball perfectly and gave him the room to run. He should have had a third TD pass on the first drive of the game, but DA dropped it. Good on you, Jay. Keep it up.
Matt Forte: Add today to the Raiders pre-season game as evidence that the kid has his speed back. The run game wasn't so hot, but he's still the first Bears RB with 200+ yards from scrimmage since Neal Anderson. He and Taylor both are extremely capable receivers. And his game winning touchdown catch was a thing of beauty as well.
The Linebackers: Please baby Jesus let these three stay healthy this year. Detroit gained 20 yards rushing. 20. I don't care if they're the Detroit Lions, that's an impressive showing by the run game. Urlacher showed some great range and speed from sideline to sideline, Briggs made a number of key plays including a textbook strip-sack, and Tinoisamoa made his presence known as well. Shirtless hugs to these three.
Julius Peppers: He had two sacks, in my opinion, one waved off due to a ridiculous roughing call on which I'm forced to agree with Tom Thayer (a rarity), who called it "an embarrassment to the game of football", and one that knocked Matthew Stafford out of the game and forced a fumble. He was also disruptive on several other plays. Way to earn that paycheck, big fella.
Mike Martz: I am pissed he didn't even try a sneak on that goal line possession. Outside of that, however, the man called a perfect game. It was almost surreal to see a Bears team effectively run a screen play. Keep proving me wrong, Mike.
The Bad:
The offensive line, sorta: These guys did a lot better than I expected. They also did some really great things. Cutler had way more time to throw than he usually did last year, and the blocking on the Forte swing pass was brilliant. 2 of the sacks that the Lions had were coverage sacks, and Cutler needs to learn to throw the ball away. They weren't so great at opening holes in the run game, however, and a couple of the sacks were really terrible break downs. Overall I'd give them a C.
Lovie Smith: Mother of God, Lovie. I hate you so much. Why go for it on fourth down and pass up the easy points? At that point the defense hadn't so much as allowed Detroit a first down in the entire second half. You should have taken the 16-14 lead and assumed they'd stop the Lions and get you the ball back. You know, cuz they did. It was also nice to see the return of the Lovie Smith Puckered Asshole Prevent Defense That Stops Absolutely Nothing. As though the Panthers, Buccaneers, and Falcons games of 2008 and the Packers game last year wasn't enough evidence that this is an awful strategy, Lovie (or his partner in crime Marinelli) insisted on switching from the incredibly effective defense they'd played all game to sitting back and allowing Shaun Hill (!) to carve them up without much resistance. Even worse, he then inexplicably switched from zone to man in the red zone and left Bowman without safety help on the the Touchdown That Wasn't. Guh.
Greg Olsen: What purpose do you serve, good sir? You can't block. You drop easy passes. And you fumble after the slightest contact. I've seen enough of this. I'm wondering why I spent all season acting like Mike Martz being willing to use the tight end was a good thing.
Well, that's it for now, folks. Calm down, enjoy the win, and realize that the 463-168 edge in yardage and the 21-13 edge in first downs was far more indicative of the talent levels of those two teams than the close score. The fumbles were flukes that will go away, but the ease with which the offense and defense imposed their will on the Lions in the yardage category may be just the beginning. Obviously those numbers will change against better teams, but even last year the Bears struggled to contain the offenses of terrible teams like the Lions and Seahawks. These are good signs, people.
The simple fact is that this game should not have even been close. Take away the three fumbles and the Bears probably come close to scoring 40 points in that game, so for every jackass that's saying that "should have been a touchdown", well, so should the four possession the Bears fucked away in the Lions redzone.
Anywho, let's break things down methodically.
The Good:
Jay Cutler: I'm putting the big guy up front this week. 372 yards, 2 touchdowns, and 108 rating. Those are outstanding numbers. The interception was a bad decision, but it was the only one he made all game. He threw deep, intermediate, and short passes well, and while Forte and the line should be given all the credit in the world for that outstanding 89 yard touchdown catch, Cutler placed that ball perfectly and gave him the room to run. He should have had a third TD pass on the first drive of the game, but DA dropped it. Good on you, Jay. Keep it up.
Matt Forte: Add today to the Raiders pre-season game as evidence that the kid has his speed back. The run game wasn't so hot, but he's still the first Bears RB with 200+ yards from scrimmage since Neal Anderson. He and Taylor both are extremely capable receivers. And his game winning touchdown catch was a thing of beauty as well.
The Linebackers: Please baby Jesus let these three stay healthy this year. Detroit gained 20 yards rushing. 20. I don't care if they're the Detroit Lions, that's an impressive showing by the run game. Urlacher showed some great range and speed from sideline to sideline, Briggs made a number of key plays including a textbook strip-sack, and Tinoisamoa made his presence known as well. Shirtless hugs to these three.
Julius Peppers: He had two sacks, in my opinion, one waved off due to a ridiculous roughing call on which I'm forced to agree with Tom Thayer (a rarity), who called it "an embarrassment to the game of football", and one that knocked Matthew Stafford out of the game and forced a fumble. He was also disruptive on several other plays. Way to earn that paycheck, big fella.
Mike Martz: I am pissed he didn't even try a sneak on that goal line possession. Outside of that, however, the man called a perfect game. It was almost surreal to see a Bears team effectively run a screen play. Keep proving me wrong, Mike.
The Bad:
The offensive line, sorta: These guys did a lot better than I expected. They also did some really great things. Cutler had way more time to throw than he usually did last year, and the blocking on the Forte swing pass was brilliant. 2 of the sacks that the Lions had were coverage sacks, and Cutler needs to learn to throw the ball away. They weren't so great at opening holes in the run game, however, and a couple of the sacks were really terrible break downs. Overall I'd give them a C.
Lovie Smith: Mother of God, Lovie. I hate you so much. Why go for it on fourth down and pass up the easy points? At that point the defense hadn't so much as allowed Detroit a first down in the entire second half. You should have taken the 16-14 lead and assumed they'd stop the Lions and get you the ball back. You know, cuz they did. It was also nice to see the return of the Lovie Smith Puckered Asshole Prevent Defense That Stops Absolutely Nothing. As though the Panthers, Buccaneers, and Falcons games of 2008 and the Packers game last year wasn't enough evidence that this is an awful strategy, Lovie (or his partner in crime Marinelli) insisted on switching from the incredibly effective defense they'd played all game to sitting back and allowing Shaun Hill (!) to carve them up without much resistance. Even worse, he then inexplicably switched from zone to man in the red zone and left Bowman without safety help on the the Touchdown That Wasn't. Guh.
Greg Olsen: What purpose do you serve, good sir? You can't block. You drop easy passes. And you fumble after the slightest contact. I've seen enough of this. I'm wondering why I spent all season acting like Mike Martz being willing to use the tight end was a good thing.
Well, that's it for now, folks. Calm down, enjoy the win, and realize that the 463-168 edge in yardage and the 21-13 edge in first downs was far more indicative of the talent levels of those two teams than the close score. The fumbles were flukes that will go away, but the ease with which the offense and defense imposed their will on the Lions in the yardage category may be just the beginning. Obviously those numbers will change against better teams, but even last year the Bears struggled to contain the offenses of terrible teams like the Lions and Seahawks. These are good signs, people.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
2010 Chicago Bears Preview...Sorta.
I'm not sure why blogs that spend the entire year discussing certain teams often feel the need to summarize everything that occurred that offseason with a season preview. I mean, what exactly am I supposed to write that I haven't said a million times already? It's going to end up as a list looking something like-
1. JAY CUTLER- CAN HE STOP THROWING INTERCEPTIONS?
2. CAN THE OFFENSIVE LINE BLOCK FOR JAY CUTLER?
3. CAN MATT FORTE GAIN, LIKE, YARDS AND STUFF?
4. CAN THE DEFENSE PREVENT OPPOSING TEAMS FROM, LIKE SCORING ALOT?
IF THE ANSWER TO ALL FOUR IS YES, THEN 11-5.
So I'm going to try to avoid that. I think Jay Cutler will be fine. I really do. If Jon Kitna can have a career year and throw for 4,000+ yards under Martz despite taking 61 sacks, I think Jay can do some really impressive things in this offense. The only question is the turnovers, which will only be avoided if the offensive line does a better job of protecting him than they did last year.
The preseason seemed to indicate that they won't, but, once again, that doesn't mean shit. Chris Williams is a better player than he was against Kamerion Wimbley. Williams' play at left tackle last year wasn't a fluke. He'll be okay. I'm also sure that Garza will be passable, and I'm actually pretty impressed with Lance Louis. I don't buy that Kreutz swam in the fountain of youth just because he had some bone spurs removed, and while I think Frank Omiyale will be better at tackle than he was at guard, better than "really fucking awful" may just be "sorta fucking awful." So I'm going to say I'm still pessimistic about the possibility of Jay taking fewer than 40 sacks in this offense.
I do think the zone blocking scheme will better suit the personnel the Bears have this year. The run-game will therefore be better than last year's non-existent one. The offense will score more points than last year. I guarantee it. More than enough to be a playoff contender.
On defense, Tommie Harris is healthy. Julius Peppers is Julius Peppers. I don't see how the pass rush can't be better, but I'm also not willing to believe that they'll be so murder-ificly awesome that the questions in the secondary won't matter.
Charles Tillman knows how to play cornerback, but he's never had top flight speed. He'll match up better going against most team's #2 guy this year. Zack Bowman should be better, but he's still going to struggle to slow down Calvin Johnson and Greg Jennings four times a year. That side will be the one that opponents will try to exploit, and I'm hoping the return of Chris Harris will be enough to help Bowman out. Major Wright should finally be the replacement for Mike Brown, meaning a guy capable of roaming the deep middle third of the field without too much help. If he keeps Danieal Manning at nickel all year long the Bears are significantly stronger at both positions.
Brian Urlacher isn't "finished." He's also not going to magically return to pre-2008 Urlacher, either. The improved defensive line should free him to make more plays, however, and he'll be a considerably upgrade over what they had last year. The big dope doesn't help himself out much by talking like the hare-brained idiot he is all the time, but his critics largely ignore the fact that 85% of an in-his-prime Urlacher is still a pretty damned good linebacker. Lance Briggs Is still in His prime, so he's good to go on the weakside. Tinoisamoa did a great job defending the pass in St. Louis. Last year he looked good on the strongside if you didn't blink. Nick Roach is capable of playing that position pretty well, although you may have missed it while he was overshadowed by the sheer suck of Hunter Hillenmeyer and the sheer stupidity of Jamar Williams most of last year.
I know an 0-4 preseason has sunk fan morale pretty low, especially considering that it's been low since last October outside of one very brief resurgence at the beginning of free agency. Oh well. It's really hard to argue this isn't an improved team. (How improved is the question, would be my next statement in CLICHE SEASON PREVIEWspeak) I'm going to go ahead and put them at 11-5 for a couple of reasons:
1. I think the Vikings will suck. Part of that's tainted by malice, I know, but it's mostly because that team is injury riddled and old and was nowhere near as good towards the end of last year as their hot start against shitty opponents made them appear.
2. Their schedule isn't as brutal as it appears. They get to start at home for the first time since 2004. The Lions will be better, but I still the Bears have a considerable edge in talent, particularly on the defensive side of the ball. The second game In Dallas will be tough, but they draw the Packers at home first. I'm not convinced the Giants, Panthers, Seahawks, or Redskins are good at all. I know the Bills will suck. The Eagles will not be as strong behind Kevin Kolb, and they get the declining Patriots and overrated Jets at home. (Yes, the Jets are overrated. Well. Mark Sanchez is. He fucking sucks. Get over it).
Now, I didn't "handicap" the schedule to get to 11 wins. I suck at that. As do most people. Teams vary way too much from year to year to really figure out who the easy and hard opponents really are, so I pulled the 11 out of my ass because it seems doable. Hell, last year the Bears were supposed to have the "easiest" schedule in the NFL and their opponents had almost a .500 winning % (if you take out the Lions and the Rams, their other opponents had a combined winning % of .563) and they faced 6 playoff teams and played just 4 teams that had losing records, so that tells you how useful that stat is going into a season.
Will those 11 win the division? Probably not, because Aaron Rodgers terrifies me beyond all human reason. But it should be more than enough for a wildcard. Anything less and I'll call up Fro Dog for some good old pitchfork and torch mob action.
1. JAY CUTLER- CAN HE STOP THROWING INTERCEPTIONS?
2. CAN THE OFFENSIVE LINE BLOCK FOR JAY CUTLER?
3. CAN MATT FORTE GAIN, LIKE, YARDS AND STUFF?
4. CAN THE DEFENSE PREVENT OPPOSING TEAMS FROM, LIKE SCORING ALOT?
IF THE ANSWER TO ALL FOUR IS YES, THEN 11-5.
So I'm going to try to avoid that. I think Jay Cutler will be fine. I really do. If Jon Kitna can have a career year and throw for 4,000+ yards under Martz despite taking 61 sacks, I think Jay can do some really impressive things in this offense. The only question is the turnovers, which will only be avoided if the offensive line does a better job of protecting him than they did last year.
The preseason seemed to indicate that they won't, but, once again, that doesn't mean shit. Chris Williams is a better player than he was against Kamerion Wimbley. Williams' play at left tackle last year wasn't a fluke. He'll be okay. I'm also sure that Garza will be passable, and I'm actually pretty impressed with Lance Louis. I don't buy that Kreutz swam in the fountain of youth just because he had some bone spurs removed, and while I think Frank Omiyale will be better at tackle than he was at guard, better than "really fucking awful" may just be "sorta fucking awful." So I'm going to say I'm still pessimistic about the possibility of Jay taking fewer than 40 sacks in this offense.
I do think the zone blocking scheme will better suit the personnel the Bears have this year. The run-game will therefore be better than last year's non-existent one. The offense will score more points than last year. I guarantee it. More than enough to be a playoff contender.
On defense, Tommie Harris is healthy. Julius Peppers is Julius Peppers. I don't see how the pass rush can't be better, but I'm also not willing to believe that they'll be so murder-ificly awesome that the questions in the secondary won't matter.
Charles Tillman knows how to play cornerback, but he's never had top flight speed. He'll match up better going against most team's #2 guy this year. Zack Bowman should be better, but he's still going to struggle to slow down Calvin Johnson and Greg Jennings four times a year. That side will be the one that opponents will try to exploit, and I'm hoping the return of Chris Harris will be enough to help Bowman out. Major Wright should finally be the replacement for Mike Brown, meaning a guy capable of roaming the deep middle third of the field without too much help. If he keeps Danieal Manning at nickel all year long the Bears are significantly stronger at both positions.
Brian Urlacher isn't "finished." He's also not going to magically return to pre-2008 Urlacher, either. The improved defensive line should free him to make more plays, however, and he'll be a considerably upgrade over what they had last year. The big dope doesn't help himself out much by talking like the hare-brained idiot he is all the time, but his critics largely ignore the fact that 85% of an in-his-prime Urlacher is still a pretty damned good linebacker. Lance Briggs Is still in His prime, so he's good to go on the weakside. Tinoisamoa did a great job defending the pass in St. Louis. Last year he looked good on the strongside if you didn't blink. Nick Roach is capable of playing that position pretty well, although you may have missed it while he was overshadowed by the sheer suck of Hunter Hillenmeyer and the sheer stupidity of Jamar Williams most of last year.
I know an 0-4 preseason has sunk fan morale pretty low, especially considering that it's been low since last October outside of one very brief resurgence at the beginning of free agency. Oh well. It's really hard to argue this isn't an improved team. (How improved is the question, would be my next statement in CLICHE SEASON PREVIEWspeak) I'm going to go ahead and put them at 11-5 for a couple of reasons:
1. I think the Vikings will suck. Part of that's tainted by malice, I know, but it's mostly because that team is injury riddled and old and was nowhere near as good towards the end of last year as their hot start against shitty opponents made them appear.
2. Their schedule isn't as brutal as it appears. They get to start at home for the first time since 2004. The Lions will be better, but I still the Bears have a considerable edge in talent, particularly on the defensive side of the ball. The second game In Dallas will be tough, but they draw the Packers at home first. I'm not convinced the Giants, Panthers, Seahawks, or Redskins are good at all. I know the Bills will suck. The Eagles will not be as strong behind Kevin Kolb, and they get the declining Patriots and overrated Jets at home. (Yes, the Jets are overrated. Well. Mark Sanchez is. He fucking sucks. Get over it).
Now, I didn't "handicap" the schedule to get to 11 wins. I suck at that. As do most people. Teams vary way too much from year to year to really figure out who the easy and hard opponents really are, so I pulled the 11 out of my ass because it seems doable. Hell, last year the Bears were supposed to have the "easiest" schedule in the NFL and their opponents had almost a .500 winning % (if you take out the Lions and the Rams, their other opponents had a combined winning % of .563) and they faced 6 playoff teams and played just 4 teams that had losing records, so that tells you how useful that stat is going into a season.
Will those 11 win the division? Probably not, because Aaron Rodgers terrifies me beyond all human reason. But it should be more than enough for a wildcard. Anything less and I'll call up Fro Dog for some good old pitchfork and torch mob action.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Pick Someone on the Other Team and Play Defense- Everything I Know about Football is Wrong
It's been a while since I've given someone a good, hard fisking, as Rick Morrissey seems to have eased up on the Bears and his replacement of DOOM, Rick Telander, seems more clueless than smug like Rick #1, so I've found him too boring for my wrath. Last week, however, someone dropped me a gold mine from a fellow blog, one known for it's frequent moaning and groaning over everything from Cristobal Huet to (hehe) "professional" wrestling. This piece, entitled "Why the Bears will Suck This Year", simply calls out to me, so without further ado, the man known only as FroDog shall be in italics:
I have seen all I need of the Chicago Bears this season.
Well that's nice. So I can assume you won't be doing this the rest of the fall?
I know it’s only the preseason but judging from last year’s preseason, the average fan indeed can tell how their team will do just by watching the third game of the preseason.
Dennis Green approves this sentence.
Now before I get to anything else, I want to point something out before fuck tards like Irish Yeti come here (The worse site on the internet) to point out certain stats.
Always professional to call out individual readers. Fuck you, Mike D. Also, fuck those guys and their stats. Damn stats. THE AVERAGE FAN KNOWS WHAT HE SEES WITHOUT YOUR NUMBERS, EGGHEAD.
One stat that I think he will point is the 1985 Bears team that was winless in their preseason yet went to win the Super Bowl that year.
That's true. It's also true that in the Bears last 10 playoff seasons, they've had winning records in the preseason only 4 times. While I've mentioned before that correlation =/= causation, that should at least be evidence enough that the preseason does not matter one god damn bit. Also, the 2008 0-16 Lions? 4-0 in the preseason.
The response I have to say to that is those two teams are totally different.
Seriously. Would you believe there's not a single member of the 1985 Bears on the 2010 roster?
This 2010 team could be the worse we have seen since the 2002 team that went 4-12 in my opinion.
It could also be much better. Because, you know, they haven't played a game yet.
Yes. Brian Urlacher was a factor in that shitty defense. But even with him, they probably win one or two more games which puts them at the bubble of the playoffs.
So they didn't look like a contender before the season with Brian Urlacher presumably healthy, but if Brian Urlacher had been healthy they'd have been a contender? Mind. Blown.
Just like last year, the same questions are there for this 2010 Chicago Bears team:
This is just a really, really bad sentence.
1. If Jerry Angelo and Lovie Smith knew the offensive line sucked the last couple years, why haven’t they tried to make it better?
Okay, pay attention to this sentence. Which I have bolded for emphasis.
Yes. They draft Chris Williams though they knew he had back problems. That was a bust. They signed Frank Omiyale and that hasn’t done much. So I can’t say they aren’t trying
Holy shit. YOU JUST ASKED WHY THEY HAVEN'T TRIED? It took the kid two lines to contradict himself.
but unfortunately, they haven’t signed the right players. Due to the lack of a decent offensive line, we will not know how well Jay Cutler can be on this team.
How well Cutler can be? Are you worried about his health? I mean we're all concerned about the injury risk, but I think he's okay. Is it the diabetes? Are you Wilford Brimley?
God knows I've been angrier than most at Jerry Angelo's failure to address the offensive line over the last decade. The problem isn't his refusal to sign free agents to address the problem. Hell, most of them have worked out for at least a few seasons (John Tait, Fred Miller, Roberto Garza, etc.). The problem is his failure to DRAFT good offensive linemen. Apparently Fro just thinks there's a heaping pile of pro-bowl linemen out there that Angelo passed on in favor of Frank Omiyale.
2. Will Charles Tillman ever learn how to actually play cornerback?
Say what?
This guy has won some games for the Bears. No doubt about it. He can cause fumbles and get the occasional interception.
Oh, so he forces turnovers and helps win games. What position was he playing when he did all this, since he can't play cornerback?
However as I stated in the past, if you ask him to actually cover a receiver, you are basically fucked as a team.
THE AVERAGE FAN CAN SEE THIS! Never mind the fact that opposing QB's quarterback ratings were over 30 points lower when throwing to Tillman's side of the field. FRO SAW HIM GET BEAT THAT ONE TIME. IN THE THIRD PRESEASON GAME. Case. Closed.
Football is a simple game to figure out. It’s 11 on 11. A player should be able to pick someone on the other team and play defense.
Oh. My. God. This is diamond-encrusted gold. Remember where you are at this exact moment, because you will never see football the same way again. This is absolute brilliance. But what if the safety decides to cover the left guard? What if the entire team decides to cover the X receiver? Is the defense supposed to yell out who they have before each snap? I think the offense might figure that one out. Thank God we have Fro and his AVERAGE FAN OBSERVATIONS to completely refute the concept of a zone defense.
3. The defense as a whole. .
Glad you're specific.
Is Brian Urlacher finished? It sure looks like it.
He sat out of two meaningless games, and therefore will never play again.
Even before his injury last year, he looked slow on reading the offense.
How the hell could you tell that? Do you have any idea what schemes Urlacher was calling out to his guys? Now, in 2008 Urlacher had more trouble than usual shedding blockers and making plays from sideline to sideline, as he has slowed down. But he was still a sure tackler, and the one thing that was EXTREMELY noticeable last year, particularly during the Falcons game when the entire defense was out of place multiple times after Matt Ryan went to the hurry up, was that Urlacher's ability to get guys in the right place was sorely, sorely missed.
How about the rest of the linebackers? Lance Briggs always seems to bring it but will guys like Hillenmeyer and Tinoisomoa help out?
These aren't reasons why the Bears will suck this year. These are questions that, if answered negatively by their performance on the field during the REGULAR SEASON, will result in a poor showing by the 2010 Bears ball club. It's almost as though you do Not know all you need to know from 3 preseason games.
Julius Peppers gets signed to big money does that mean he will do well when no one else on the defensive line is great?
Name one other person on Carolina's defensive line last year. Exactly. He seemed to do okay then.
4. Special teams. Let me continue to beat the dead horse on this issue. Devin Hester will be good being a third wide receiver. Forget him winning two or three games alone taking back kicks and punts. Lovie Smith and Jerry Angelo think he’s the next Jerry Rice. This is for a lack of a better term, pathetic. The ineptitude and lack of football knowledge by Jerry Angelo and Lovie Smith will prove to be costly once again this season.
Jesus H. Christ. For the last fucking time, it does not hurt Devin Hester as a returner to have the opportunity to make plays on offense. He is the most dangerous person on this team when the ball is in his hands. It is a good idea to try to get that ball to him more often. Do you really think that Devin Hester can't return kicks as well anymore because he's sitting there thinking "okay, on Z right Deep Post I need to go 15 yards...OH SHIT THERE'S A PUNT COMING AT ME?" No. The reason Devin Hester has fallen off as a receiver the last few years is because the Bears no longer have the best special teams blocking unit in football. Guys like Brendan Ayanbedejo and Dante Wesley are gone. That happens when you have a salary cap. You can't afford to pay guys starter money just to be special teams blockers. Good lord.
Also, Devin Hester demanded a big money contract with most of that money tied to incentives that he receives for playing receiver. He WANTS to play receiver. It would be absolutely dishonest for the Bears Not to play him.
So buckle up Bears fans. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. I would love to be totally wrong on all of this but I don’t see it.
I don't think you see a lot of things.
I want the Bears to win and win a lot. I just don’t see it with this team. Too many questions and no answers to go with any of them.
No answers because they haven't played meaningful games yet. Because you can't learn all you need to learn from watching the preseason.
I would like 11 or 12 wins but I think at best, 8-8 sounds just about right.
So you think they're going to be 8-8, despite declaring that they are even worse than the 4-12 2002 club? That makes sense. I think you're probably an idiot. I could be wrong, but I just don't see it with this post.
I have seen all I need of the Chicago Bears this season.
Well that's nice. So I can assume you won't be doing this the rest of the fall?
I know it’s only the preseason but judging from last year’s preseason, the average fan indeed can tell how their team will do just by watching the third game of the preseason.
Dennis Green approves this sentence.
Now before I get to anything else, I want to point something out before fuck tards like Irish Yeti come here (The worse site on the internet) to point out certain stats.
Always professional to call out individual readers. Fuck you, Mike D. Also, fuck those guys and their stats. Damn stats. THE AVERAGE FAN KNOWS WHAT HE SEES WITHOUT YOUR NUMBERS, EGGHEAD.
One stat that I think he will point is the 1985 Bears team that was winless in their preseason yet went to win the Super Bowl that year.
That's true. It's also true that in the Bears last 10 playoff seasons, they've had winning records in the preseason only 4 times. While I've mentioned before that correlation =/= causation, that should at least be evidence enough that the preseason does not matter one god damn bit. Also, the 2008 0-16 Lions? 4-0 in the preseason.
The response I have to say to that is those two teams are totally different.
Seriously. Would you believe there's not a single member of the 1985 Bears on the 2010 roster?
The 1985 team had a better team.
Careful on that limb, son.This 2010 team could be the worse we have seen since the 2002 team that went 4-12 in my opinion.
It could also be much better. Because, you know, they haven't played a game yet.
Even last year, myself along with the guys over at Fire Ron Turner (Now Fire Mike Martz) were saying that this team just doesn’t look like a contender even with Jay Cutler at quarterback.
Congratulations. Really. Go celebrate with Morrissey.
We were worried about the offensive line which turned out to be shitty. We worried about the secondary. That turned out to be a disaster. And we worried about the defense as a whole which once again turned into a shit fest.
So you worry about everything? And you lucked out in a bad year? That's the great thing about saying every part of a team will suck. You're always going to be right about something.Yes. Brian Urlacher was a factor in that shitty defense. But even with him, they probably win one or two more games which puts them at the bubble of the playoffs.
So they didn't look like a contender before the season with Brian Urlacher presumably healthy, but if Brian Urlacher had been healthy they'd have been a contender? Mind. Blown.
Just like last year, the same questions are there for this 2010 Chicago Bears team:
This is just a really, really bad sentence.
1. If Jerry Angelo and Lovie Smith knew the offensive line sucked the last couple years, why haven’t they tried to make it better?
Okay, pay attention to this sentence. Which I have bolded for emphasis.
Yes. They draft Chris Williams though they knew he had back problems. That was a bust. They signed Frank Omiyale and that hasn’t done much. So I can’t say they aren’t trying
Holy shit. YOU JUST ASKED WHY THEY HAVEN'T TRIED? It took the kid two lines to contradict himself.
but unfortunately, they haven’t signed the right players. Due to the lack of a decent offensive line, we will not know how well Jay Cutler can be on this team.
How well Cutler can be? Are you worried about his health? I mean we're all concerned about the injury risk, but I think he's okay. Is it the diabetes? Are you Wilford Brimley?
God knows I've been angrier than most at Jerry Angelo's failure to address the offensive line over the last decade. The problem isn't his refusal to sign free agents to address the problem. Hell, most of them have worked out for at least a few seasons (John Tait, Fred Miller, Roberto Garza, etc.). The problem is his failure to DRAFT good offensive linemen. Apparently Fro just thinks there's a heaping pile of pro-bowl linemen out there that Angelo passed on in favor of Frank Omiyale.
2. Will Charles Tillman ever learn how to actually play cornerback?
Say what?
This guy has won some games for the Bears. No doubt about it. He can cause fumbles and get the occasional interception.
Oh, so he forces turnovers and helps win games. What position was he playing when he did all this, since he can't play cornerback?
However as I stated in the past, if you ask him to actually cover a receiver, you are basically fucked as a team.
THE AVERAGE FAN CAN SEE THIS! Never mind the fact that opposing QB's quarterback ratings were over 30 points lower when throwing to Tillman's side of the field. FRO SAW HIM GET BEAT THAT ONE TIME. IN THE THIRD PRESEASON GAME. Case. Closed.
Football is a simple game to figure out. It’s 11 on 11. A player should be able to pick someone on the other team and play defense.
Oh. My. God. This is diamond-encrusted gold. Remember where you are at this exact moment, because you will never see football the same way again. This is absolute brilliance. But what if the safety decides to cover the left guard? What if the entire team decides to cover the X receiver? Is the defense supposed to yell out who they have before each snap? I think the offense might figure that one out. Thank God we have Fro and his AVERAGE FAN OBSERVATIONS to completely refute the concept of a zone defense.
3. The defense as a whole. .
Glad you're specific.
Is Brian Urlacher finished? It sure looks like it.
He sat out of two meaningless games, and therefore will never play again.
Even before his injury last year, he looked slow on reading the offense.
How the hell could you tell that? Do you have any idea what schemes Urlacher was calling out to his guys? Now, in 2008 Urlacher had more trouble than usual shedding blockers and making plays from sideline to sideline, as he has slowed down. But he was still a sure tackler, and the one thing that was EXTREMELY noticeable last year, particularly during the Falcons game when the entire defense was out of place multiple times after Matt Ryan went to the hurry up, was that Urlacher's ability to get guys in the right place was sorely, sorely missed.
How about the rest of the linebackers? Lance Briggs always seems to bring it but will guys like Hillenmeyer and Tinoisomoa help out?
These aren't reasons why the Bears will suck this year. These are questions that, if answered negatively by their performance on the field during the REGULAR SEASON, will result in a poor showing by the 2010 Bears ball club. It's almost as though you do Not know all you need to know from 3 preseason games.
Julius Peppers gets signed to big money does that mean he will do well when no one else on the defensive line is great?
Name one other person on Carolina's defensive line last year. Exactly. He seemed to do okay then.
4. Special teams. Let me continue to beat the dead horse on this issue. Devin Hester will be good being a third wide receiver. Forget him winning two or three games alone taking back kicks and punts. Lovie Smith and Jerry Angelo think he’s the next Jerry Rice. This is for a lack of a better term, pathetic. The ineptitude and lack of football knowledge by Jerry Angelo and Lovie Smith will prove to be costly once again this season.
Jesus H. Christ. For the last fucking time, it does not hurt Devin Hester as a returner to have the opportunity to make plays on offense. He is the most dangerous person on this team when the ball is in his hands. It is a good idea to try to get that ball to him more often. Do you really think that Devin Hester can't return kicks as well anymore because he's sitting there thinking "okay, on Z right Deep Post I need to go 15 yards...OH SHIT THERE'S A PUNT COMING AT ME?" No. The reason Devin Hester has fallen off as a receiver the last few years is because the Bears no longer have the best special teams blocking unit in football. Guys like Brendan Ayanbedejo and Dante Wesley are gone. That happens when you have a salary cap. You can't afford to pay guys starter money just to be special teams blockers. Good lord.
Also, Devin Hester demanded a big money contract with most of that money tied to incentives that he receives for playing receiver. He WANTS to play receiver. It would be absolutely dishonest for the Bears Not to play him.
So buckle up Bears fans. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. I would love to be totally wrong on all of this but I don’t see it.
I don't think you see a lot of things.
I want the Bears to win and win a lot. I just don’t see it with this team. Too many questions and no answers to go with any of them.
No answers because they haven't played meaningful games yet. Because you can't learn all you need to learn from watching the preseason.
I would like 11 or 12 wins but I think at best, 8-8 sounds just about right.
So you think they're going to be 8-8, despite declaring that they are even worse than the 4-12 2002 club? That makes sense. I think you're probably an idiot. I could be wrong, but I just don't see it with this post.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Roster Cutdowns and Week One College Football Observations
The Bears made some interesting cuts recently. Juaquin Iglesias, Jarron Gilbert, Dan LeFevour, Al Afalava, and Josh Beekman all got the axe with the final cutdown. Iglesias and Gilbert were only surprising in that Angelo had the guts to part ways with a couple relatively high and recent failed picks of his (Iglesias has come back to the practice squad, so nothing lost there). Why he can't seem to do the same and simply bench Danieal Manning is another question. The writing was on the wall for LeFevour well before final cuts, so I'm not surprised to see him go at all. I'm also not shocked that the Bengals claimed him quickly on waivers. The kid has talent. If the Bengals are willing to spend the roster spot and the time necessary to make him into an NFL quarterback, they're probably getting a good deal.
Beekman and Afalava truly shocked me, however. I never swallowed the Afalava kool-aid before the start of last season, but it's very shocking to see him go from week one starter to the unemployment line in the course of one season. I at least felt he was better than Josh Bullocks or Craig F%*king Steltz.Considering the injury issues of Manning, Wright, and Chris Harris, I'd have thought it wise to keep Al. Beekman performed adequately as a guard the last two years and seemed to be a natural fit at center when Kreutz is finally done. Hopefully this means that Kreutz has looked healthy enough this offseason to remain an effective starter all year long. It bugs me, however, that this team still lacks a succession plan.
ON TO THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL!
-Illinois is doomed. DOOMED I SAY. God I hate my obligatory rooting interest. Curse my place of birth. I wish I'd been born on vacation.
- Ole Miss-Jacksonville State was hilarious and awesome in a thousand different ways. Tough break, Coach Giggity.
- Lost in the hubbub over North Carolina's valiant comeback effort against North Carolina was the fact that they may not have been down 30-10 in the first place if John Shoop could have been moved to attempt downfield passing BEFORE falling behind by 20 points. Glad to see somethings never change in this crazy world, John.
-I realize UConn isn't a powerhouse, but if Denard Robinson has truly learned how to operate Rich Rodriguez's system with Pat White-ian efficiency, then the Big Ten had best be prepared for some terrifying spread-option chaos.
-Arkansas, SKO's 2010 Mancrush Based Entirely On My Vaguely Homo-Erotic Admiration for Said Team's Quarterback and His Throbbing Armcock, looked pretty damn good in their first cupcake game of the year, with the dreamy Ryan Mallett posting a 225.77 passer rating and 3 TDs in their blowout of Tennessee Tech. Armcock.
- Shame on you if you didn't watch TCU-Oregon State. Here's to a Horned Frog-Boise State national title showdown and BCS anarchy once more.
-Currently watching Boise-VT, and Boise's defensive line looks like it could devour worlds with Cthulhu-esque flair.
That is all for now, minions. I shall post my updated College Football Rankings tomorrow. Football is back. Let us weep the tears of salvation and acknowledge once more the presence of the all-powerful God of Fall.
Beekman and Afalava truly shocked me, however. I never swallowed the Afalava kool-aid before the start of last season, but it's very shocking to see him go from week one starter to the unemployment line in the course of one season. I at least felt he was better than Josh Bullocks or Craig F%*king Steltz.Considering the injury issues of Manning, Wright, and Chris Harris, I'd have thought it wise to keep Al. Beekman performed adequately as a guard the last two years and seemed to be a natural fit at center when Kreutz is finally done. Hopefully this means that Kreutz has looked healthy enough this offseason to remain an effective starter all year long. It bugs me, however, that this team still lacks a succession plan.
ON TO THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL!
-Illinois is doomed. DOOMED I SAY. God I hate my obligatory rooting interest. Curse my place of birth. I wish I'd been born on vacation.
- Ole Miss-Jacksonville State was hilarious and awesome in a thousand different ways. Tough break, Coach Giggity.
- Lost in the hubbub over North Carolina's valiant comeback effort against North Carolina was the fact that they may not have been down 30-10 in the first place if John Shoop could have been moved to attempt downfield passing BEFORE falling behind by 20 points. Glad to see somethings never change in this crazy world, John.
-I realize UConn isn't a powerhouse, but if Denard Robinson has truly learned how to operate Rich Rodriguez's system with Pat White-ian efficiency, then the Big Ten had best be prepared for some terrifying spread-option chaos.
-Arkansas, SKO's 2010 Mancrush Based Entirely On My Vaguely Homo-Erotic Admiration for Said Team's Quarterback and His Throbbing Armcock, looked pretty damn good in their first cupcake game of the year, with the dreamy Ryan Mallett posting a 225.77 passer rating and 3 TDs in their blowout of Tennessee Tech. Armcock.
- Shame on you if you didn't watch TCU-Oregon State. Here's to a Horned Frog-Boise State national title showdown and BCS anarchy once more.
-Currently watching Boise-VT, and Boise's defensive line looks like it could devour worlds with Cthulhu-esque flair.
That is all for now, minions. I shall post my updated College Football Rankings tomorrow. Football is back. Let us weep the tears of salvation and acknowledge once more the presence of the all-powerful God of Fall.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
College Football is Back! and Time to Twat!
Well, just like bottled water, cell phones, Facebook, and codpieces, Twitter has now become yet another thing that I've gone from despising to utilizing regularly. So go now to the new Start Kyle Orton twitter! I'll try to update it semi-regularly, so most likely not often.
Also, REGULAR SEASON FOOTBALL HAS ARRIVED. Sure, I'm simply given the choice right now between watching Ohio State curb stomp Marshall or watching South Carolina be South Carolina, but those games count, senor. GLORIOUS IS THIS DAY!
Also, REGULAR SEASON FOOTBALL HAS ARRIVED. Sure, I'm simply given the choice right now between watching Ohio State curb stomp Marshall or watching South Carolina be South Carolina, but those games count, senor. GLORIOUS IS THIS DAY!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Oh Good God.
All of you, especially Rick Telander (what is it with Ricks?), need to shut the hell up about the preseason. Perhaps last season's 3-1 record preceding a 7-9 shitfest wasn't enough of an indicator to you that the preseason just doesn't matter? What about when they went 1-3 in 2006? Or 0-4 in 1985? No, I'm not saying that their shitty performance this preseason is indicative of future success. That's also retarded. Correlation =/= causation. Howevah, it's time to take a deep breath and wait until they drop a game that matters to the Detroit Lions in week one before popping in some Fiona Apple and sinking into a bathtub full of your own blood. Good lord.
The offensive line looked less than stellar and their performance in both pass and run blocking wasn't inspiring. Jay Cutler just made two bad throws. He also made some good ones. His completion % has been pretty low, but Martz has really only had him attempt long passes, because why wouldn't you just go for broke when you're trying shit out?
The linemen also haven't even attempted any kind of double teams or slide protections or anything of that nature, as they've simply been trying "power" football, something they probably won't utilize as much during the regular season with their zone schemes.
All of the injuries to the linebacking corps are minor and the Briggs-Urlacher-Tinoisamoa triumvirate is supposed to start week one. Major Wright should also be back, which will move Manning to nickel and strengthen the pass defense as a whole.
The defensive line has gotten some consistent pressure, even if the sack totals haven't started climbing. I'm confident that they will, even if it's the only prediction I feel bold enough to make about this team.
I don't know what to make of the 2010 Bears. I really don't. I've seen just as many reasons for optimism as I have for doom and gloom. Johnny Knox is going to break ankles and destroy worlds. The problem is that these games aren't going to give you any indication either.
The offensive line looked less than stellar and their performance in both pass and run blocking wasn't inspiring. Jay Cutler just made two bad throws. He also made some good ones. His completion % has been pretty low, but Martz has really only had him attempt long passes, because why wouldn't you just go for broke when you're trying shit out?
The linemen also haven't even attempted any kind of double teams or slide protections or anything of that nature, as they've simply been trying "power" football, something they probably won't utilize as much during the regular season with their zone schemes.
All of the injuries to the linebacking corps are minor and the Briggs-Urlacher-Tinoisamoa triumvirate is supposed to start week one. Major Wright should also be back, which will move Manning to nickel and strengthen the pass defense as a whole.
The defensive line has gotten some consistent pressure, even if the sack totals haven't started climbing. I'm confident that they will, even if it's the only prediction I feel bold enough to make about this team.
I don't know what to make of the 2010 Bears. I really don't. I've seen just as many reasons for optimism as I have for doom and gloom. Johnny Knox is going to break ankles and destroy worlds. The problem is that these games aren't going to give you any indication either.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Nobody Takes the 3rd Preseason Game Like It's Bullshit. Bullshit!
Yes, I'm sure every other blog in America is using that line for this upcoming preseason game, but my team is the one that both inspired the line and is playing a rematch with the team whose former coach uttered those famous words, so I can use it.
Anyway, we all know that people say the third preseason game is the only one that "matters,"but that's bullshit because none of them matter (sorry, Denny). However, this is the first game that they've practiced for like a regular season game and the starters should play into the third quarter. THINGS TO LOOK FOR:
-If you haven't already guessed that "Can the offensive line keep Cutler alive?" is going to be my first bullet, you should probably stop breathing and spare the rest of the human race your continued existence. I'd like to see less than 4 sacks total in this game (I have very, very low standards at this point.)
-Can Greg Olsen not piss me off for one game? C'mon, Greg. Don't drop any easy passes. Spring a block. Perhaps even outmuscle a cornerback. Any one of those and I'll stop sticking pins in my #82 voodoo doll for a week.
-Will Danieal Manning do anything to keep himself from losing the safety job? The most encouraging news I've heard all week is that, barring disaster, Wright will take over at safety and Manning will move to nickel once Wright is healthy. This is good because Wright has looked great and Manning has always performed best at the nickel.
-Can the defensive line get even more pressure against a couple of immobilie quarterbacks? Neither Matt Leinart or Derek Anderson (who's getting the start Saturday night because Ken Whisenhunt would like to see some long incompletions rather than short ones) has the mobility of Jason Campbell, who barely escaped and extended a few drives last week. If the d-line keeps up the same amount of pressure they should get a few sacks of these guys, which would be encouraging to see.
That's really all I'm looking for in this game, although I'd love to see the team humiliate Matt Leinart, because f*&k that guy, that's why.
Anyway, we all know that people say the third preseason game is the only one that "matters,"but that's bullshit because none of them matter (sorry, Denny). However, this is the first game that they've practiced for like a regular season game and the starters should play into the third quarter. THINGS TO LOOK FOR:
-If you haven't already guessed that "Can the offensive line keep Cutler alive?" is going to be my first bullet, you should probably stop breathing and spare the rest of the human race your continued existence. I'd like to see less than 4 sacks total in this game (I have very, very low standards at this point.)
-Can Greg Olsen not piss me off for one game? C'mon, Greg. Don't drop any easy passes. Spring a block. Perhaps even outmuscle a cornerback. Any one of those and I'll stop sticking pins in my #82 voodoo doll for a week.
-Will Danieal Manning do anything to keep himself from losing the safety job? The most encouraging news I've heard all week is that, barring disaster, Wright will take over at safety and Manning will move to nickel once Wright is healthy. This is good because Wright has looked great and Manning has always performed best at the nickel.
-Can the defensive line get even more pressure against a couple of immobilie quarterbacks? Neither Matt Leinart or Derek Anderson (who's getting the start Saturday night because Ken Whisenhunt would like to see some long incompletions rather than short ones) has the mobility of Jason Campbell, who barely escaped and extended a few drives last week. If the d-line keeps up the same amount of pressure they should get a few sacks of these guys, which would be encouraging to see.
That's really all I'm looking for in this game, although I'd love to see the team humiliate Matt Leinart, because f*&k that guy, that's why.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Todd Collins? Why? Damon Huard Wasn't Available?
The Bears signed former Redskin/Chief/Bills clipboard holder Todd Collins today. The 38 year old Collins went to Michigan, so I hate him, and is now the insurance policy in case Hanie can't return before the season starts and Matt Gutierrez is somehow more awful than Todd Collins and Dan LeFevour. LeFevour, who I had high hopes for, is currently staring at a line of 5/20 (25%), 60 yd, 0 TD, 1 INT, 18.8 rating, and would seem an unlikely candidate of doing anything other than a Henry Burris impersonation if forced into a regular season game, so I suppose someone had to be signed off the street.
But why Todd Collins? I know he's been in the system before but outside of one three game stretch in Washington back in 2007 (and you might remember who he padded his stats against that year), he's been a bland, boring, worthless back up quarterback. After 1997 (his only year as a full-time starter when he was the first schmuck to fail miserably in a Bills uniform while trying to replace Jim Kelly), he threw exactly 27 passes over the next decade. He blows.
My point, however, is not that there are better candidates out there for serving as a back up that knows the Martz offense. No, my point is, as I pointed out with the story about Tom Moore and Jim Sorgi last week, if Cutler goes down this team is royally boned anyway, so the Bears should sign up someone interesting who will make the season worth watching, rather than some boring joe like Todd Collins. Some candidates:
JaMarcus Russell- He can throw the football 80 yards and see if Devin Hester or Johnny Knox can run under it, and he help Chris Williams on the line on running plays.
Jeff George- Why not? They did it once before, and Jeff is Still lobbying for someone to sign him. He's also such a notorious asshole that Rick Morrissey would finally think Jay Cutler was a good teammate by comparison, and he made this sweet workout video:
Jeff George, the Kenny Powers of the NFL.
Tim Couch- because the man's taken HGH just to get back in the game and he deserves a shot for that kind of commitment. Also because it WASN'T HIS FAULT.
Tommy Maddox- Hear me out on this one. First we have to send Tommy Maddox to the upstart UFL so that he can win the UFL championship. Their season ends in November, so the Bears could sign Tommy in time to give him another chance at being a one shot wonder making a comeback in the NFL after a stint with a shitty alternative pro football league.
Jamie Foxx- If he's good enough for the Miami Sharks, he's good enough for me.
Joey Harrington- He's unemployed and I need yet another excuse to sing "Piano Man" without seeming gay.
Brian Griese- Nah, I'm just fucking with you. Todd Collins is a better quarterback than Brian Griese could have been even if he was actually Bob Griese's son and not the child of the Faulknerian idiot manchild who mowed their grass and whom Bob's lonely wife cottoned to.
Matt Grothe- You may not know who Matt Grothe is. That's fine. You just need to know that "G to the R O T H E is a Beast From Da Big East"
So there you have it, just a few suggestions that will keep the Bears hilariously relevant, if not competitive, if Cutler should go down. Because Todd Collins will do neither.
But why Todd Collins? I know he's been in the system before but outside of one three game stretch in Washington back in 2007 (and you might remember who he padded his stats against that year), he's been a bland, boring, worthless back up quarterback. After 1997 (his only year as a full-time starter when he was the first schmuck to fail miserably in a Bills uniform while trying to replace Jim Kelly), he threw exactly 27 passes over the next decade. He blows.
My point, however, is not that there are better candidates out there for serving as a back up that knows the Martz offense. No, my point is, as I pointed out with the story about Tom Moore and Jim Sorgi last week, if Cutler goes down this team is royally boned anyway, so the Bears should sign up someone interesting who will make the season worth watching, rather than some boring joe like Todd Collins. Some candidates:
JaMarcus Russell- He can throw the football 80 yards and see if Devin Hester or Johnny Knox can run under it, and he help Chris Williams on the line on running plays.
Jeff George- Why not? They did it once before, and Jeff is Still lobbying for someone to sign him. He's also such a notorious asshole that Rick Morrissey would finally think Jay Cutler was a good teammate by comparison, and he made this sweet workout video:
Jeff George, the Kenny Powers of the NFL.
Tim Couch- because the man's taken HGH just to get back in the game and he deserves a shot for that kind of commitment. Also because it WASN'T HIS FAULT.
Tommy Maddox- Hear me out on this one. First we have to send Tommy Maddox to the upstart UFL so that he can win the UFL championship. Their season ends in November, so the Bears could sign Tommy in time to give him another chance at being a one shot wonder making a comeback in the NFL after a stint with a shitty alternative pro football league.
Jamie Foxx- If he's good enough for the Miami Sharks, he's good enough for me.
Joey Harrington- He's unemployed and I need yet another excuse to sing "Piano Man" without seeming gay.
Brian Griese- Nah, I'm just fucking with you. Todd Collins is a better quarterback than Brian Griese could have been even if he was actually Bob Griese's son and not the child of the Faulknerian idiot manchild who mowed their grass and whom Bob's lonely wife cottoned to.
Matt Grothe- You may not know who Matt Grothe is. That's fine. You just need to know that "G to the R O T H E is a Beast From Da Big East"
So there you have it, just a few suggestions that will keep the Bears hilariously relevant, if not competitive, if Cutler should go down. Because Todd Collins will do neither.
The Parking Lot Attendant at Halas Hall Just Ran Around Chris Williams and Sacked Jay Cutler
Well, there's plenty that you can take away from the first half that the starters played on Saturday night (all of it hasty, reactionary, and based on a ludicrously small sample size as all good opinions are), starting with:
-HOLY SHIT CHRIS WILLIAMS IS AWFUL AND JAY CUTLER WILL GET KILLEDZ, OMGZ!
Yeaaah. All the excuses in the world (and I've got some stashed somewhere...did I mention they're trying like, a new zone blocking scheme?) can't hide the fact that Kamerion Wimbley absolutely wrecked Chris Williams' shit. Wimbley went under, around, and straight by Williams while making Cutler's life a living hell. That just can't happen. I'm really shocked at this, as at no point even in his relatively weak showing at right tackle last year, and especially not in his stellar end of season run at left tackle, did Chris ever look this overmatched. I can only hope the SOB was out drinking whiskey out of the navel of a co-ed on Friday night and just had a Rex Grossman on New Year's Eve style nonchalance toward a meaningless exhibition game in August. Otherwise, yikes.
-Urlacher suffered an injury that could simply have been a cramp and probably would have kept playing had said injury occured during the regular season, but hey, that's no reason not to overreact and describe him as fragile and unable to finish a game, right Rick Telander?
- All of those bullshit puff pieces about Matt Forte looking like a new man may not have been bullshit puff pieces.
The 89 yard run was a thing of beauty that combined a perfect play call with perfect blocking and Forte absolutely burned the defense with his speed. However, Forte averaged 5 yards per carry on his other 4 rushes as well and several times used a quick burst to get out of the backfield and turn what would have been a loss last year into a pretty good gain. He's ready to go, and here's hoping he can stay healthy and keep Chester Taylor as a third down specialist.
-Johnny Knox is still really freaking good.
That's really all there is to it.
-Martz knows how to use Devin Hester
Hester had a nice 29 yard reception (although he dropped another ball that hit him in the hands) and had two solid runs on end-arounds. Martz seems to have a much better grasp on when to run those things than Ron Turner did.
-Jay Cutler will be really good if he can stay alive
Jay is clearly pretty comfortable in this offense. He moved the ball well despite being brutalized. Although he was only 7/15 (46.7%), Hester and Olsen dropped easy passes that would have put him at 9/15 (60%). As it was, he finished with a 90.7 rating and his touchdown toss to Knox (after extending the play) was a thing of beauty. He also had a nice 11 yard scramble.
-The defensive line looked good
Yes, the Raiders have a notoriously horse shit offensive line. However, after that first drive Campbell was harassed mercilessly like he should be behind that line and was just 5/15 with an interception and a sack/fumble after starting 5/5. Less mobile quarterbacks would probably have been sacked...well, about as often as Cutler was.
-Greg Olsen will still cause my blood to boil with regularity.
Did you enjoy the juxtaposition of Greg Olsen failing to plow through a smaller defender for a first down followed shortly thereafter by a Raiders drive being extended when tight end Zack Miller (listed as the exact same size (6'5'', 255) as Greg) plowed through a bunch of smaller defenders? Yeah, me neither. Olsen also ended a drive by dropping a pass that hit him right in the middle of his hands, because G-Reg don't like 'em easy, baby. He's soft and I hate him. I'll also bitch incessantly if Martz doesn't throw to him, because I like Having and Eating when it comes to my cake.
-I'm not going to lie, I was drunk the entire second half.
And Dan LeFevour looked like total garbage.
-HOLY SHIT CHRIS WILLIAMS IS AWFUL AND JAY CUTLER WILL GET KILLEDZ, OMGZ!
Yeaaah. All the excuses in the world (and I've got some stashed somewhere...did I mention they're trying like, a new zone blocking scheme?) can't hide the fact that Kamerion Wimbley absolutely wrecked Chris Williams' shit. Wimbley went under, around, and straight by Williams while making Cutler's life a living hell. That just can't happen. I'm really shocked at this, as at no point even in his relatively weak showing at right tackle last year, and especially not in his stellar end of season run at left tackle, did Chris ever look this overmatched. I can only hope the SOB was out drinking whiskey out of the navel of a co-ed on Friday night and just had a Rex Grossman on New Year's Eve style nonchalance toward a meaningless exhibition game in August. Otherwise, yikes.
-Urlacher suffered an injury that could simply have been a cramp and probably would have kept playing had said injury occured during the regular season, but hey, that's no reason not to overreact and describe him as fragile and unable to finish a game, right Rick Telander?
- All of those bullshit puff pieces about Matt Forte looking like a new man may not have been bullshit puff pieces.
The 89 yard run was a thing of beauty that combined a perfect play call with perfect blocking and Forte absolutely burned the defense with his speed. However, Forte averaged 5 yards per carry on his other 4 rushes as well and several times used a quick burst to get out of the backfield and turn what would have been a loss last year into a pretty good gain. He's ready to go, and here's hoping he can stay healthy and keep Chester Taylor as a third down specialist.
-Johnny Knox is still really freaking good.
That's really all there is to it.
-Martz knows how to use Devin Hester
Hester had a nice 29 yard reception (although he dropped another ball that hit him in the hands) and had two solid runs on end-arounds. Martz seems to have a much better grasp on when to run those things than Ron Turner did.
-Jay Cutler will be really good if he can stay alive
Jay is clearly pretty comfortable in this offense. He moved the ball well despite being brutalized. Although he was only 7/15 (46.7%), Hester and Olsen dropped easy passes that would have put him at 9/15 (60%). As it was, he finished with a 90.7 rating and his touchdown toss to Knox (after extending the play) was a thing of beauty. He also had a nice 11 yard scramble.
-The defensive line looked good
Yes, the Raiders have a notoriously horse shit offensive line. However, after that first drive Campbell was harassed mercilessly like he should be behind that line and was just 5/15 with an interception and a sack/fumble after starting 5/5. Less mobile quarterbacks would probably have been sacked...well, about as often as Cutler was.
-Greg Olsen will still cause my blood to boil with regularity.
Did you enjoy the juxtaposition of Greg Olsen failing to plow through a smaller defender for a first down followed shortly thereafter by a Raiders drive being extended when tight end Zack Miller (listed as the exact same size (6'5'', 255) as Greg) plowed through a bunch of smaller defenders? Yeah, me neither. Olsen also ended a drive by dropping a pass that hit him right in the middle of his hands, because G-Reg don't like 'em easy, baby. He's soft and I hate him. I'll also bitch incessantly if Martz doesn't throw to him, because I like Having and Eating when it comes to my cake.
-I'm not going to lie, I was drunk the entire second half.
And Dan LeFevour looked like total garbage.
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