Saturday, November 10, 2007

NEWSFLASH! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!


*It has been brought to my attention that my high school classmate and U of I student Nick Heiar, is actually in this picture, if you look above the head of the Cubs hat wearing fat kid on the left, the one who looks like he is going to consume the camera, you will see a man in an orange ball cap looking to the left. That is our boy.

Oh LORD! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! There are no words for what you have given me this evening! I feel as though someone has dissolved cocaine in Jack Daniels, then added John Wayne's ashes to the mix and injected it straight into my veins. I asked for a miracle, and it was granted. What surprises you more? [Redacted] going for it on fourth down after an OSU timeout and actually making Jim fucking Tressel look like a moron? What about Todd Boeckman heaving the ball up three times for interceptions while Juice Williams transformed himself into the epitome of calm. Four tds, no turnovers, 1 PENALTY! Somehow, this team played its way into a miracle, that they shall cherish forever. I remember four years ago an Illinois team limped its way to 1-10, just two years after a 10-2 Big Ten Title team. I knew a decline so steep and so fast would take years to recover. Four years later a 7-3 team marched into the fucking horseshoe and denied a national title to Ohio State. If Juice or Rashard Mendenhall asked me to bend the laws of nature and my own right wing ideology and have their love children, I would. In droves. This tastes sweeter than any victory I have ever watched in my life(easy to do, as I root for Zero teams that have won championships in my lifetime). Iggins! may have his Floyd of Rosedale, and I shall honor his bragging this week. Were Hilary Clinton to approach me this day I would say "Madame, this day our quarrel rests. I bear malice toward none, on this day." For the Lord looked down upon Columbus, Ohio, saw the Fighting Illini, and said "It is Good".

Now I'm off to get shitfaced.