Friday, June 19, 2009

The UFL?


I realize this is now two posts about non-NFL or college football in two days, but the workday is light and quite frankly I'm stubbornly refusing to write about the Cubs until they give me something Worth writing about. So today I'm going to talk about a novel new concept, the United Football League. The UFL is set to kick off with four teams (Las Vegas, Orlando, New York, and San Fransisco) who will also play additional games in Sacramento, Los Angeles, and....Hartford, Connecticut. Because That's an unexploited football mecca. The league will play on Thursdays and Fridays from October to Thanksgiving. Their motto is "Where the Future Stars Come to Play!" which makes many believe that their ultimate goal is to serve as a developmental/minor league for the NFL from which teams can pull midseason replacements or future prospects.

In case you're wondering whether this league will be devoid of talent, I can assure you its every bit as loaded as the star studded rosters of the highly successful XFL! Why begin with the coaching staffs, where successful NFL coaches Dennis Green (113-94), Jim Haslett (47-61), Jim Fassel (58-53), and Ted Cottrell (defensive coordinator for the Bills, Jets, Vikings and Chargers, he was fired from 3 of the 4) all get a crack at the head jobs!

But what about the players on the field? Well besides the HUGE acquisitions of JP Losman and Tim Rattay, and the rumored acquistion of Ken Dorsey and maybe even Michael Vick*, its clear the team will have proven NFL field generals to light up the scoreboard! Curious about even more illustrious NFL and College vets that are going to take these first steps into a bold new football future? Here's the list of talent accumulated in yesterday's UFL draft!

So I know by now you're asking yourself, "Code Red, where the hell can I get in on some UFL action?" Well, by Golly, if you have the Versus Network, tune in this fall! If you don't, ASK YOUR PROVIDER NOW!!! Whats that, you actually want to be a PART of this fantastic experience? Well here's a place to sign up for tryouts! (honest to God loyal SKO readers, please sign up every single fictional football player you can think of. I've already registered Boobie Miles and Chris Rix (okay, not a fictional quarterback, just a really fake one). Get to it, people.

The UFL! Where the Future Stars Come to Play!**


*All kidding aside, how awesome would it be to see Vick exiled to a league of undrafted free agents and has beens. He might actually complete 60% of his passes! But probably not.

** Disclaimer: Probability of witnessing anything resembling past, present or future stars at a UFL game is extremely low.

The Reports of His Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated


This guy, with two home runs today and a healthy .285/10/33/.361/.490/.851 line, would like to extend a hearty "fuck you" to any jackass that advocated starting Micah Hoffpauir back in April.