College Football Roundup and Code Red Rankings 11/03/08

AP Top 25 Results:

Cincinnati 24, #24 South Florida 10
Once more this just proves my theory that South Florida should never be ranked. Period.

California 26, #23 Oregon 16
Oregon continues the downfall that began the day Iggins! declared Dennis Dixon his Heisman candidate and subsequently doomed his knee and the program.

#22 Michigan State 25, Wisconsin 24
Wisconsin makes me feel somewhat better by playing a second consecutive tough game? Ehh. Bret Bielema's kind of a moron for calling a timeout to allow the Spartans to set up the game winning field goal.

Northwestern 24, #20 Minnesota 17
I don't know what on earth could have possessed Minnesota QB Adam Webster to heave a desperation pass into triple coverage that was intercepted and returned for the winning touchdown. It was a tie game! Go to overtime you idiot!

Arkansas 30, Tulsa 23
Iggins! favorite coach Bobby Petrino ends Tulsa's undefeated season.

#17 BYU 45, Colorado State 42
BYU- the Mountain West's Texas Tech.

Georgia Tech 31, #16 Florida State 28
Good. There was no reason FSU should have been ranked anyways. I continue my lovefest for Georgia Tech (now 7-2) and Paul Johnson's triple wing offense.

#15 LSU 35, Tulane 10
Yeah, whatever LSU, no one's impressed with your defeat of a Matt Forte-less Tulane.

#14 Missouri 31, Baylor 28
Baylor comes short of the upset, which is disappointing as I want Missouri to burn to the ground as an Illini fan.

#12 TCU 44, UNLV 14
The Horned Frogs continue their dominance of the Mountain West.

#11 Boise State 49, New Mexico State 0
Well that's just swell.

#10 Utah 13, New Mexico 10
Utah is #10? Seriously?

#9 Oklahoma State 59, Iowa State 17
I'm putting the over/under of combined points in this weeks Texas Tech-Oklahoma State game at 90.

#5 Florida 49, #8 Georgia 10
How's that national champion Bulldogs prediction look now, Sports Illustrated? I still think Florida can win the SEC.

#7 USC 56, Washington 0
So the Huskies didn't exactly come out firing for now lame duck coach Ty Willingham.

#4 Oklahoma 62, Nebraska 28
These Nebraska blowout losses were more fun when Bill Callahan was the head coach.

#6 Texas Tech 39, Texas 33
Yar!

Code Red's Top 25
1. Texas Tech
2. Florida
3. Alabama
4. Penn State
5. Texas
6. USC
7. Oklahoma
8. Oklahoma State
9. Ohio State
10. Missouri
11. Boise State
12. Utah
13. TCU
14. LSU
15. Georgia
16. Michigan State
17. BYU
18. Georgia Tech
19. Ball State
20.West Virginia
21. North Carolina
22. Maryland
23. Northwestern
24.Tulsa
25. Kansas

SKO Rankings-
1. Illinois
2. Iowa

2008: REDEMPTION!

Cue the Battle Hymn of the Republic:

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!

GLORY GLORY HALLELUUUJAH!

GLORY GLORY HALLLELUUUUUUJAH

ILLINOIS MARCHES ON!!!!!!

Also: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! VIVA LA TEXAS TECH! VIVA MIKE LEACH! VIVA LA AIR RAID !

Bowl Game Predictions

The time is near for the greatest celebration of the year. A time when all people put aside their differences and embrace love and brotherhood. A time for healing, redemption, and happiness. This time, of course, is Bowl Season. Yes, the time of the first college bowl game of the year is nigh. Starting with the first game, next Thursday, here are the following predictions for this year's bowl slate.

Thursday, December 20-

Poinsettia Bowl- 9:00 EST.
Utah (8-4) vs. Navy (8-4)
This is an interesting matchup as you've got Utah, one of the most prolific users of the pass heavy spread offense in college football, vs. Navy's throwback triple option offense. This is also the first game for new Navy head coach Ken Niumatalolo, who replaces Paul Johnson, who after six years in Annapolis is moving to take over for Chan Gailey (hahaha) at Georgia Tech. Will the new coach guide the triple option to victory over the 5 wide receiver spread? Could be entertaining to watch, but I take the Utes in this one.
Utah 27, Navy 20

Friday, December 21-

New Orleans Bowl-8:00 EST

Florida Atlantic (7-5) vs. Memphis (7-5)

This is the FAU Owls first ever bowl game after starting a football program from scratch 9 years ago. Other than that, this Sun Belt Champ vs. Conference USA Runner Up game doesn't hold much worth watching.
FAU 35, Memphis 24

Saturday, December 22-

Papa John's.com Bowl- 1:00 EST
Southern Mississippi (7-5) vs. Cincinnati (9-3)
First off, why isn't this just the Papa John's Bowl? Can't we just assume the company has a website? Do they want us to go the website and look, rather than the restaraunt and actually buy the pizza? Oh, this game should suck.
Cincinnati 34, Southern Miss 17

New Mexico Bowl- 4:30 EST
Nevada (6-6) vs. New Mexico (8-4)
Has there always been a New Mexico Bowl? Did they just create one to put New Mexico in a bowl? Anywho, this WAC vs Mountain West smackdown features two interesting offenses, at least, and who doesn't love watching Nevada play the pistol?
Nevada 35, New Mexico 31

Las Vegas Bowl- 8:00 EST
BYU (10-2) vs. UCLA (6-6)
This is a rematch of a game from September which the Bruins won 27-17. But that was before UCLA launched its final late season collapse under Karl Dorrell. BYU has gone 9-1 since that game, while UCLA has gone 4-6. UCLA will also play this game with a lame duck coaching staff, and I just don't expect this to be pretty.
BYU 42, UCLA 20

Sunday, December 23-

Hawaii Bowl- 8:00 EST
Boise State (10-2) vs. East Carolina (7-5)
Boise State goes in one year from winner of one of the most exciting bowl games in history to a participant in the Hawaii Bowl. I don't think East Carolina stands a chance against the fury of Ian Johnson in this one.
Boise State 56, East Carolina 24

Wednesday, December 26-

Motor City Bowl- 7:30 EST
Purdue (7-5) vs. Central Michigan (8-5)
These teams met on September 15, with Purdue triumphing 45-22. I have no reason to believe this game should be much different.
Purdue 48, Central Mich. 28

Thursday, December 27-

Holiday Bowl- 8:00 EST
Arizona State (10-2) vs. Texas (9-3)
This game intrigues me, as its probably the best matchup of the games to this point. Arizona State has been pretty damn impressive this season barring one blowout at the hands of USC, and Texas, while I've clearly been convinced all year that they suck, is still Texas, and I will still thoroughly enjoying watching them lose this battle of premier head coaches in Dennis Erickson and Mack Brown.
ASU 28, Texas 17

Friday, December 28-

Champs Sports Bowl- 5:00 EST
Boston College (10-3) vs. Michigan State (7-5)
Both of these teams started off really hot this year, with BC rising all the way to number 2 before falling prey to the apparent curse of that ranking. Not surprisingly this was after Iggins! endorsed Matt Ryan for Heisman. Michigan State started off 4-0 before starting their typical mid season downfall, but, proving that they are in fact no longer coached by John L. Smith, managed to rally enough to secure a bowl birth. This game should feature a decent level of offense and a great quarterback in Matt Ryan playing against a potentially great quarterback with a cannon for an arm in Brian Hoyer.
Boston College 31, Michigan State 27

Texas Bowl- 8:00 EST
TCU (7-5) vs. Houston (8-4)
This game, as its name implies, really should only be watched by people from Texas. But if you really have nothing else to do this night and are watching this game, Houston's offense is sometimes worth watching, and the TCU mascot, the Horned Frog, always looks awesome on the sideline.
Houston 38, TCU 24

Emerald Bowl- 8:30 EST
Maryland (6-6) vs. Oregon State (8-4)
Maryland is the poster boy of ACC mediocrity every year, and this year is no different as here they are in the venerable "Emerald Bowl", playing the formidable offense of the Oregon State Beavers. This game actually becomes fun if instead of watching the players you imagine the mascots fighting, and a turtle fighting a beaver just merits watching.
Oregon St. 28, Maryland 13

Saturday, December 29-

Meineke Bowl- 1:00 EST
UConn (9-3) vs. Wake Forest (8-4)
Don't watch this game. Don't do it.
Wake 17, UConn 9

Liberty Bowl- 4:30 EST
UCF (10-3) vs. Mississippi St. (7-5)
I really want to take Mississippi State in this one, as the job Sylvester Croom has done in getting his team to a bowl game in the SEC was downright impressive. However, Miss St. gives up 159 yds rushing per game on defense, and now has to face UCF's Kevin Smith and his 2,448 (Holy Fucking Shit) rushing yards. I expect Smith and the Golden Knights to triumph in this one.
UCF 30, Mississippi St. 23

Alamo Bowl- 8:00 EST
Penn State (8-4) vs. Texas A&M (7-5)
This could have been a hilarious matchup of senile former coaching genius (Joe Paterno) versus pretentious wanna-be-but-never-gonna-be coaching genius (Dennis Franchione), had Franchione's reign of stupidity not finally come to an end this season. I expect Penn State to throw the ball over the Aggie defense, which comes into the game giving up 264 yards passing per contest.
PSU 27, A&M 17

Sunday, December 30-

Independence Bowl-8:00 EST
Alabama (6-6) vs. Colorado (6-6)
This game features a matchup of two .500 teams, but with very different stories. Alabama comes in dejected after a 5-2 start to the season disintegrated with four straight losses, one of which came at the hands of Lousiana-Monroe. Colorado is simply thrilled to be going to a bowl game after a miserable 2-11 season last year. I think the Buffs come out ready to play and take this one.
Colorado 23, Alabama 10

Monday, December 31-

Armed Forces Bowl- 12:30 EST
California (6-6) vs. Air Force (9-3)
California has fallen ridiculously far from its 5-0 start. With the number two ranking and a chance to seize number one, Cal lost to Oregon State, and since then has gone 1-6 to finish the regular season. Will this streak continue against Air Force? I don't think so.
Cal 24, Air Force 14

Humanitarian Bowl- 2:00 EST
Fresno St. (8-4) vs. Georgia Tech (7-5)
This is another game featuring an interim coach, as Georgia Tech's defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta takes over as the interim head coach for one game only before giving the job to former Navy coach Paul Johnson. Unlike the previous games featuring lame duck coaches, I'm gonna take Tech in this one, because I expect the players to be so ecstatic in their first game free of Chan Gailey that they win this one out of sheer exuberance.
GT 17, Fresno State 7

Sun Bowl 2:00 EST
South Florida (9-3) vs. Oregon (8-4)
Two victims of the #2 curse square off in this game. South Florida probably never should have been that high, where Oregon was crippled by the loss of quarterback Dennis Dixon (Iggins! is to thank for that one). I expect the Bulls to win this one,with Matt Groethe outdueling Brady Leaf.
USF 28, Oregon 17

Music City Bowl 4:00 EST
Kentucky (7-5) vs. Florida State (7-5)
Kentucky has a chance to win two straight bowl games for the first time in its history, and I think they do so in Andre Woodson's last game. Florida State is just too inconsistent to win this one.
Kentucky 31, FSU 20

Insight Bowl 6:00 EST
Indiana (7-5) vs. Oklahoma State (6-6)
Indiana has had an inspiring season this year in honor of late Coach Terry Hoeppner. OSU has had an interesting season this year, typified by Coach Mike Gundy's hilarious rant (I'm a grown man! I'm 40!). If you have a chance to watch this one, watch it, because the two offenses lead by duel-threat quarterbacks Kellen Lewis for the Hoosiers and Zac Robinson for the Cowboys both average 400 yards per game or more. Should be very entertaining.
Indiana 42, Oklahoma State 34

Peach Bowl (Chick-Fil-A Bowl) 7:30 EST
Clemson (9-3) vs. Auburn (8-4)
I still refuse to refer to this 80 year old bowl game by its bastardized commercial name. The two teams in this game, however, are both hard running teams with impressive defenses. I think Auburns defense contains Clemson backs CJ Spiller and James Davis in this one.
Auburn 20, Clemson 17

Tuesday, January 1-

Outback Bowl- 11:00 am EST
Tennessee (9-4) vs. Wisconsin (9-3)
This as an interesting matchup, as these teams are actually pretty similar to each other. Both have proven to be the best of the mediocre-to-bad teams in their conferences, both both wilt against stiff competition. Who gives way in this one? My guess is the Badgers, but God do I hate you Phil Fulmer.
Tenn. 27, Wisconsin 14

Cotton Bowl- 11:30 am EST
Missouri (11-2) vs. Arkansas (8-4)
This game should, on its surface, be an incredible matchup of talent as the powerful Mizzou offense led by quarterback Chase Daniel faces off against the run heavy leviathan that is Arkansas and Darren McFadden. Mizzou should be the favorite, but I think the disappointment of missing out on the national title game and being screwed out of the BCS will cost the Tigers, and I think McFadden runs wild in his last college game.
Arkansas 38, Mizzou 21

Capital One Bowl- 1:00 EST
Michigan (8-4) vs. Florida (9-3)
The journey that began for Michigan with the loss to Appalachian State will culminate in a loss to Heisman winner and DemiGod Tim Teabow in this bowl game. Lloyd Carr will lose his final game as a head coach and wander off into the sunset, searching for the perfect bottle of Scotch.
Florida 44, Michigan 27

Gator Bowl- 1:00 EST
Texas Tech (8-4) vs. Virginia (9-3)
My anti-ACC stance this year has resulted in me watching exactly zero games involving Virginia this year, but my strongly Pro-Air Raid stance will have me watching this one at least briefly. I expect the Red Raiders to finish their season with a win in this one.
Texas Tech 27, Virginia 24

ROSE BOWL- 4:30 EST
ILLINOIS (9-3) vs. USC (10-2)
Yeah, I'm well aware this doesn't look good for my Illini. USC only gives up 79.2 yards rushing per game, which, as everyone knows, is the key to the Illinois offense. Duel threat quarterbacks Have given USC some trouble in the past, however, and Juice Williams has played very well in the Illini's last few games. Objectively, there's really no way to predict an Illini victory. On the other hand, however, Have I ever been fucking objective in anything this year? Why be a fan if I won't show any faith on this one, however misguided it may eventually look to be.
Illinois 31, USC 28

Sugar Bowl- 8:30 EST
Hawaii (12-0) vs. Georgia (10-2)
Everyone wants Hawaii to be the Cinderella this year, as Boise State was last year, and make the BCS look totally worthless by winning this one impressively and making the national championship game look even more bunk. Unfortunately its not going to happen, as I think the Bulldogs will pressure Colt Brennan into making some key mistakes, and I don't think Hawaii's defense slows down either quarterback Matt Stafford or runningback Knowshon Moreno.
Georgia 41, Hawaii 24

Wednesday, January 2-


Fiesta Bowl- 8:00 EST
West Virginia (10-2) vs. Oklahoma (11-2)
West Virginia, as we know, and as Iggins! bemoaned, had a shot at the national title, but lost to Pitt of all people. Iggins! still cradles his Pat White action figure while wearing his Steve Slaton pajamas, however, and for his sake, I'm going to predict a WVU win on this one.
West Virgina 38, Oklahoma 31

Thursday, January 3-
Orange Bowl- 8:00 EST
Kansas (11-1) vs. Virginia Tech (11-2)
Well, Kansas is BCS team #2 that is there wrongfully instead of Mizzou. (Illinois is number one of course). But Virginia Tech has survived this whole season based on their defense. Kansas is a more balanced team, and I'm taking them in a close one.
Kansas 23, Virginia Tech 17

Saturday, January 5-
International Bowl- 12:00 EST
Ball State (7-5) vs. Rutgers (7-5)
This is the last game of Ray Rice's brilliant college career. Other than that, I don't see any real reason to watch this mediocre bowl game sandwiched between the BCS bowls and the BCS championship.
Rutgers 28, Ball State 13

Sunday, January 6-
GMAC Bowl-8:00 EST
Tulsa (9-4) vs. Bowling Green (8-4)
Another sandwich bowl, but the GMAC always seems to provide some kind of high-scoring hilarity that makes it worth a passing glance.
Tulsa 39, Bowling Green 27

Monday, January 7-

BCS Championship Game- 8:00 EST
Ohio State (11-1) vs. LSU (10-2)
Despite the fact that the winner of this game will still have no legitimate claim to being champion, some kind of validity will result from the harsh maiming that Ohio State will receive at the hands of the Tigers. This might end up being even uglier than last years, and Ohio State will officially be the 21st century college version of the 1980s-1990s Buffalo Bills.
LSU 38, Ohio State 13

The BCS Fucking Sucks! What, Illinois Made the Rose Bowl? VIVA LA BCS

I don't pretend to say this system isn't completely broken. At this point the BCS has all the efficiency and competence of the former East German government.

Zere is no escape!

But the simple fact of the matter is that Illinois is Rose Bowl bound. This means lots of things: They're getting better and better, this team finally gets to see if its actually a fast team if it can compete speed wise with USC, or if its just the fastest team in a slow conference, the BCS really, really fucked up, Missouri must have killed someone on the commitee's dog, as the simple fact that an 11-2 team that beat both Illinois and Kansas was beaten out of a BCS slot by both of them is utterly ludicrous. But I'm not going to rationalize this. I'm going to enjoy the Illini in Pasadena, reflect on the fact that Illinois has now been to more BCS bowl games than Iowa, and still holds the lead in Rose Bowl appearances both BCS and non, and enjoy this man's chance at everlasting Illinois glory.

Are you excited? I am. It's a broken system. We could say Illinois doesn't deserve to be there, but in a broken system, what Are the requirements for entry? Illinois has just as much of a perverse right to be there as USC or LSU. This is what happens because of this bullshit system. The NCAA wants us to accept this system for all its faults, and I'm supposed to be indignant because of this? Let me embrace this, as it just may be the straw that broke the BCS warped, MS infected, elephant man spine of a back, and if thats Illinois contribution to this system, to bring about its downfall, then that's the best contribution of all.

Post 100!... and the BCS is dead.

This is post number 100 of this glorious site. HAIL!!!

In other, admittedly less important, news: the BCS is going down in a spiral of hellfire and death. Quoth the BCS computers:


"Fuck."

There are four teams who have an equal argument for being the number two team in the nation: LSU, VaTech, USC, and Oklahoma. All are 10-2, all won their divisions by either playing every other team in their division or by winning a division championship game. All of these teams are better than the undisputed number one team, Ohio State. Also better than Ohio State:

-10-2 Georgia, who should have won the SEC East.
-10-2 AZ State
-11-2 Missouri
-11-1 Kansas
-10-2 West Virginia

This is the first year I can remember in which there is a good argument, in fact an equal argument, for including any of the Big 6 conference champions: OSU, LSU, USC, VaTech, Oklahoma, and West Virginia. There was never a chance for the BCS to "get it right" because one game cannot possibly settle all of this. A plus one, the system that ESPN's Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit seem to champion merely because they don't think a playoff system will be accepted, would have also been insufficient to settle anything, considering that the winners of all four BCS bowls (and the national title game) will have an equal argument saying that they deserve to be included in the plus one game (obviously Illinois wouldn't deserve to if they beat USC, but we'll assume USC wins).

For the love of God. We live in America. Actually, that doesn't even matter. I CANNOT TELL YOU OF ONE OTHER SPORT IN THE WORLD THAT DOES NOT CROWN IT'S CHAMPION WITH A PLAYOFF. If there is honestly someone who prefers that a computer should tell us who is the best team in the nation instead of having said team prove it on the field, that person is a moron or is mentally handicapped.

College Football Roundup and Code Red Rankings

I was going to do this yesterday but decided at least for the day I'd let Iggins! obit for Sean Taylor be the feature of the site. Its a shame that sometimes real life ruins the nice little world of football. RIP Sean, we'll always remember you as a man who could have been one of the all time greats at his position.

Top 25 Results-
Arkansas 50, LSU 48.
Well Shit. LSU is still in my mind the most talented team, and still the team that I think would grind its way to victory if college football had a playoff system. Unfortunately we don't, and now we have to say goodbye to the hope of having any possible claim that the best team will win the national title game. Ahh fucknuts.

Missouri 36, Kansas 28
And now we have Missouri in the Big 12 title game for a shot at the national title game. Growing up as an Illini fan, I'm sworn to hate Missouri in all things. However, I am not opposed to the sheer mindblowing reality of watching the Tigers play for the national title. I mean, who the fuck saw that coming? I want this to happen, and then we will celebrate the death knell of the BCS. VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

West Virginia 66, UConn 21
My feelings on WVU in the title game are pretty similar to Iggins!, though I would not go so far as to declare them my favorite QB/RB duo. (I mean c'mon, they are so 2005. Move over for the Juice/Mendenhall Asskicking Bukkake Tour of Awesomeness). I think they win the national title game really, whoever winds up opposing them, be it Missouri or Ohio State or anyone else.

Georgia 31, Georgia Tech 17
Hurrah! Georgia has finally rid Georgia Tech of Chan Gailey! Glory! Also, Georgia is a great team, and fuck Tennessee for getting ass backwards into the SEC title game. It should be Mark Richt's team in there.

USC 44, Arizona State 24
So ESPN asked today "Is USC the best team right now?" You bet. The best team with two losses. In the PAC 10. One of them to Stanford. Fuck it. Get your mouth off of Pete Carroll's cock, ESPN. They're mediocre, and a two loss LSU team would rape a two loss USC team so hard that angels will cry.

Virginia Tech 33, Virginia 21
ACC. But nice job, one of you finally scored 30 points.

UCLA 16, Oregon 0
Tough break for the Ducks. I recommend that any Oregon fan hunt down any particular bloggers who vehemently touted Dennis Dixon for Heisman, thus jinxing him and ruining their season.

Oklahoma 49, Oklahoma State 17
Oklahoma's a team of Grown Men! They dropped 40 on us! Wow, that was a bad rip on Mike Gundy. I apologize. I'm not that clever. Either way, too bad Mike Leach and his pirates pretty much crushed your title hopes last week, Sooners.
In celebration of that loss two weeks ago that I didn't write about because I was busy with school work before Thanksgiving break, here's a video for the Texas Tech Red Raiders

You are a pirate.

Florida 45, Florida State 12
Tebow should have sealed the Heisman with this game. He now sits at 51 touchdowns. 51. In the SEC. If you don't vote for Tebow, you pretty much have a blackened derelict wasteland of a soul and should die a traitor's death.

Texas A&M 38, Texas 30
I've been saying all year long that Texas sucked ass, but here they were at number 13. How did they respond? They lost to lame duck Coach Fucking Fran. I hate Texas. I remember back in NCAA 06, Iggins! was playing franchise mode against Texas, and after Vince Young left in the game, Texas had nothing but slow white quarterbacks and yet still ran the Vince Young zone read offense, and thus was easy to defeat. Now in real life the same thing has happened. Ha.

Hawaii 39, Boise State 27
Colt Brennan throws for 5 td passes to break Ty Detmer's NCAA career td passes record. Let us remember Ty always, though, for his oddly shaped beak-nose, his stringy blonde hair, and the way he warmed our hearts as America's Backup in his NFL days. Colt Brennan, the torch hath been passed. In honor of Ty, however, here's a brief photo history of his days as back up quarterback for 5 illustrious NFL franchises.

Green Bay
Philadelphia
Cleveland
Detroit
Atlanta
Always a bridesmaid...

Boston College 28, Miami 14
ACC

Tennessee 52, Kentucky 50
Yeah, I already cursed Phil Fulmer's eternal luck for having a team thats been beaten by 30 points or more twice, and has given up at least 40 points 5 times, back its way into the SEC title game, where it will no doubt be bashed once more by LSU, out for vengeance after losing their national title spot. Fuck Phil Fulmer.

Clemson 23, South Carolina 21
ACC/Disappointing Spurrier

BYU 17, Utah 10
BYU's ranked? When the fuck did that happen?

Cincinnati 52, Syracuse 31
Syracuse scored 31. Awesome. Cincinnati is somehow still ranked. I hate the BCS. Playoffs?

Auburn 17, Alabama 10
Didn't recover quite so fast from that tragedy, did we Coach Saban? If you were president after 9/11 we'd be hunting for Bin Laden in Luxembourg.

Top 25
1. West Virginia
2. Missouri
3. LSU
4. Kansas
5. Georgia
6. Virginia Tech
7. Ohio State
8. Oklahoma
9. Florida
10. USC
11. Hawaii
12. Arizona State
13. Illinois
14. Boston College
15. Tennessee
16. Clemson
17. Oregon
18. Wisconsin
19. Auburn
20. BYU
21. Boise State
22. Virginia
23.South Florida
24. Arkansas
25. Texas Tech

Top 25 Roundup and Code Red Rankings

It was a blessed, beautiful week of college football, so without further ado, here's the roundup/rankings..

LSU 58, Louisiana Tech 10
LSU whomps on their degenerate cousin from Bizarro world (1-AA), regains their rightful number one spot in the rankings. Other than that, this game is basically just what you'd expect from an opponent like Louisiana Tech.

Oklahoma 52, Baylor 21
Look, I realize there's still a decent chance they wind up in the national title game. Yes, they're record is impressive. I'm still not buying it. I've just run out of logical reasons why not.

Kansas 43, Oklahoma St. 21
On the other hand, Kansas is slowly beginning to make a believer out of me and I don't know why..

OH GOD! THE HORROR! PLEASE JUST TAKE THE BIG 12! NO ONE WILL SAY ANYTHING!

West Virginia 38, Louisville 31
West Virginia continues to claw their way back to the top, and hopefully a BCS slot. Really, if you don't want Pat White and Steve Slaton on national tv, you hate America.

Missouri 41, Texas A&M 26
Missouri also wins, setting up an epic battle next week for the Big 12 North Title, a slot in the Big 12 title game, and a chance at the BCS. I want to root for Missouri in this game, but I feel compelled to root for Kansas because...

OH GOD! HE'S TOUCHING HIM! RUN REF! RUN!!!!!!!!

Maryland 42, Boston College 35
Well, Matt Ryan had the Heisman for like, 3 days there, didn't he? God I hate the ACC.

Arizona State 24, UCLA 20

Karl Dorrell heads closer toward firing. Our national nightmare is soon to end.

Georgia 45, Auburn 20
Georgia continues to give the appearance of being for real, and the possibility of certain people's suggestion for SEC Champion (Florida, Iggins!), seems dimmer and dimmer. Whereas my prediction of LSU still goin strong.

Virginia Tech 40, Florida State 21
ACC.

USC 24, Cal 17
Who'd have thunk before the season that this game would have meant nothing in relation to the PAC 10 championship or the National Championship. Not I, but I'm sure pleased as hell about it.

Wisconsin 37, Michigan 21
Now that Ohio State has been removed from national title convention, all that is needed is for the Buckeyes to win The Big Game next weekend in Ann Arbor, thus enacting the best possible, but still sucks, scenario of a national title game sans Ohio State, but no Michigan Big 10 title either.

Hawaii 37, Fresno State 30
The Colt Brennans advance one step closer to an at large BCS bid, but don't expact the Boise State heroics of last year should they make it, this team has only one viable weapon, their quarterback, and he has a tendency to melt down when on the national tv stage.

Texas 59, Texas Tech 43
I didn't see this game, but Mike Leach was fined 12,000 dollars for saying the game was rigged in favor of Texas. I trust Mike Leach, our dashing pirate captain, and hate Texas, so I agree with him. Fuck Texas. Yar!

Cincinnati 27, UConn 3
Wow, this game should not have featured a ranked team. Let alone the fact that the team that as ranked lost by 24. Cincinnati and UConn? Fuck.

Florida 51, South Carolina 31
Look, we've endorsed a few candidates lukewarmly for Heisman on this website (Colt Brennan, Andre Woodson, Rashard Mendenhall (oh, I've never said that out loud? Well I am now)), but really, there's only one person in this country who deserves the Heisman, regardless of the fact that he's a sophomore. No disrespect intended toward Dennis Dixon, but Tebow has 23 passing touchdowns and 19 rushing. Thats 41 fucking touchdowns. Against SEC defenses. He's completing 68 percent of his passes and is Florida's leading passer, rusher, and scorer. He's by far the most impressive physical specimen I've seen at quarterback that I can remember. Chuck Norris watched the Tebow last week and was heard to say "Wow, that is a MAN". Just give him the fucking trophy.

Boise State 52, Utah St. 0
Well, thats impressive.

Clemson 44, Wake Forest 10
ACC.

Mississippi St 17, Alabama 12
Nick Saban doesn't have time for this shit. He also doesn't really have that good of a football team. Way to go Mississippi State for becoming bowl eligible. Tip of the cap, sir.

Tennessee 34, Arkansas 13
Phil Fulmer vs. Houston Nutt- Two coaches universally reviled by their own fan base and college football fandom in general. Two halfwits collide, only one survives. And NO ONE CARES.

Virginia 48, Miami 0
ACC.

Kentucky 27, Vanderbilt 20
I picked Kentucky for 10 wins this year, and if they beat Georgia and Tennessee, then win a potential bowl game, they can do just that. Please do just that.

ILLINOIS 28, Ohio State 21
I've touched on this already, but in case you're wondering, no, the euphoria hasn't subsided. Yes, I will bask in this win for years. Unfortunately current bowl projections have Illinois matched up against Florida, so this wonderful season will eventually end with the permanently scarring vision of TEBOW running mercilessly through our defense, leaving [Redacted] in tears and all Illinois fans wondering whether it was worth it. In my opinion, it so, so will be.

The Top 25
1. LSU
2. Oregon
3. Kansas
4. Oklahoma
5. West Virginia
6. Missouri
7. Georgia
8. Arizona State
9. Ohio State
10. Virginia Tech
11. Florida
12. Hawaii
13. USC
14. Texas
15. Illinois
16. Clemson
17. Virginia
18. Boise State
19. Boston College
20. Kentucky
21. Tennessee
22. Wisconsin
23. Eugh. There's no one else. Just don't even look.

Why, Hello There

How are you today? Please, come in, come in. I know I'm not supposed to say my name, but I'll let you whisper it. I know it feels good. Let it out. Feel the Rush. Come on. Almost there. Say it with me

"ZOOK"

Yeah, thats right, the Zooker knows your heart, baby. He knows your innermost desires. He knows you see improvement. He knows its getting better and better.

Yeah, you saw that game on Saturday. Could you feel the Energy? You bet your sweet ass you could. Thats Zooktastic, baby. Thats how you play the game. It took only a transfer of a tiny bit of the Zook dynamism from my supercharged turbo body of recruiting fury to power the arm of Juice Williams to 4 tds. Yeah, you like Juice Williams now, don't you? I bet I know who'd really like ol' Juice. Texas. Yeah, Mack Brown, I remember you wanted Juice. He was gonna be your VY #2. But he chose the Zookster. He chose the improvement. He wanted to be better. And better.

Well he was. And we beat number one in the nation, baby. That means we're number one now. The Zooker doesn't play the polls, bro. He plays football assassin style. You kill the emperor to Be the emperor, and I am now the emperor. Bow before the Zook. It'll feel good.

NEWSFLASH! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

*It has been brought to my attention that my high school classmate and U of I student Nick Heiar, is actually in this picture, if you look above the head of the Cubs hat wearing fat kid on the left, the one who looks like he is going to consume the camera, you will see a man in an orange ball cap looking to the left. That is our boy.

Oh LORD! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! There are no words for what you have given me this evening! I feel as though someone has dissolved cocaine in Jack Daniels, then added John Wayne's ashes to the mix and injected it straight into my veins. I asked for a miracle, and it was granted. What surprises you more? [Redacted] going for it on fourth down after an OSU timeout and actually making Jim fucking Tressel look like a moron? What about Todd Boeckman heaving the ball up three times for interceptions while Juice Williams transformed himself into the epitome of calm. Four tds, no turnovers, 1 PENALTY! Somehow, this team played its way into a miracle, that they shall cherish forever. I remember four years ago an Illinois team limped its way to 1-10, just two years after a 10-2 Big Ten Title team. I knew a decline so steep and so fast would take years to recover. Four years later a 7-3 team marched into the fucking horseshoe and denied a national title to Ohio State. If Juice or Rashard Mendenhall asked me to bend the laws of nature and my own right wing ideology and have their love children, I would. In droves. This tastes sweeter than any victory I have ever watched in my life(easy to do, as I root for Zero teams that have won championships in my lifetime). Iggins! may have his Floyd of Rosedale, and I shall honor his bragging this week. Were Hilary Clinton to approach me this day I would say "Madame, this day our quarrel rests. I bear malice toward none, on this day." For the Lord looked down upon Columbus, Ohio, saw the Fighting Illini, and said "It is Good".

Now I'm off to get shitfaced.

Still Alive

I am still alive and kicking friends, however, my laptop is completely fried and the stand in that I am borrowing for school work from my grandparents is probably somewhere between 1/50th and 1/10th as fast as my old one, and the sheer fact that it takes this damn thing 5-10 minutes just to upload a fucking picture makes posting on here a rather painful and time consuming ordeal. So, sans my usual pilfering of youtube and google images for humorous media, here is my college football roundup/thoughts of the week

Top 25 Results

Ohio State 38, Wisconsin 17
Ohio State continues to be well-oiled, efficient, Big Ten epitomized machine, coming back in this game to crush the Badgers and continue to 9-0 and the inexorable death march to the national title game and their soul crushing defeat at the hands of LSU, which, now back at number two, will rise to the occasion to make Jim Tressel cry in his sweater vest. Next up for the Buckeyes? Team Powerthirst and Coach [Redacted], in a game in which Illinois will lead long enough to lose in a heartbreaking and soul crushing fashion.

Florida State 27, BC 17
Boston College, at number two for all of a week and a half, managed to piss away any chance the ACC had at credibility, which is just fine with me.

LSU 41, Alabama 34
Thank you, justice, for restoring order and placing LSU back in a slot for the national title game. Also, thank you for making sure Nick Saban lost this game in agonizing fashion. I had thought you had left college football this season, justice, but you show me you are alive and well.

Oregon 35, Arizona State 23
Wellll, maybe justice has been restored. I hope upon hope that Ohio State loses to Illinois or Michigan and allows Oregon to slip into the national title game against LSU, because after watching this team and their amazing quarterback the last two weeks, I can only imagine that an LSU-Oregon matchup would be the most exciting title game not involving Vince Young in the last decade.

Oklahoma 42, Texas A&M 14
I still maintain my stance that Oklahoma is the Big 12's Ohio State, and I think a Missouri-Oklahoma rematch in the Big 12 title game, or an Oklahoma-Kansas title game would be throughly entertaining in testing the mettle of this team and the entire conference.

Kansas 76, Nebraska 39
Yeah, 115 points in one game, 76 of them dropped on the Saigon 1975esque republic of Callahanistan. This shit is getting ridiculous. Flee!

(seen outside the offices of Bill Callahan, Nebraska Football Coach)

Missouri 55, Colorado 10
You can not hope to stop Chase Daniel, you can only hope to contain Chase Daniel. You're also likely to fail.

Georgia 44, Troy 34
Why, oh Why, did Florida lose to Georgia last week? Now, instead of watching the force of nature that is Tim Tebow get another crack at LSU in the SEC title game, we're likely to see the defense that gave up 34 points to TROY be bent over the table mercilessly by the taffy loving LSU tigers.

Virginia Tech 27, Georgia Tech 3
The ACC holds nothing but desolate wastelands and miserable turnover plagued offensively defunct football. Oh, and Fuck Chan Gailey.

USC 24, Oregon State 3
Yeah, USC's still out there. But are they relevant to the national title game picture? Say it with me folks, you know you want to, a one, a two, a three, "FUCK NO"

Michigan 28, Michigan State 24
Remember way, way way back in my first college roundup when I mentioned my fear that Michigan, despite its crushing defeats to App State and Oregon, would run the table in the Big Ten, end up in a BCS bowl, and expose forever the fact that the Big Ten is not a legitimate championship caliber conference? Prepare for mayhem, because barring Tressel beating Michigan again, it can, and will happen.

Texas 38, Oklahoma State 35
Really, let me put the emphasis on this, I do not care, Texas, I do not care.

Connecticut 38, Rutgers 19
Really? Good for you, UConn.

Florida 49, Vanderbilt 22
Oh, what could have been, Tim Tebow, what could have been.

Auburn 35, Tennessee Tech 3
Whew, dodged that bullet, didn't we Tommy Tuberville?

Cincinnati 38, South Florida 35
Two straight losses for one time #2 South Florida, a team that I have admittedly disliked all year for no apparent reason. I win, they lose.

Virginia 17, Wake Forest 16
(See Virginia Tech result)

Boise State 42, San Jose State 7
Blue turf for everyone! Yay!

Arkansas 48, South Carolina 36
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Spurrier can kiss this year goodbye.

Tennessee 59, Louisiana Lafayette 7
Squeaker.

Clemson 47, Duke 10
(See Virginia Tech result)

Rankings
1. LSU
2. Oregon
3. Oklahoma
4. Kansas
5. Ohio State
6. Missouri
7. West Virginia
8. Arizona State
9. Boston College
10. Georgia
11. Virginia Tech
12.Hawaii
13. USC
14. Michigan
15. Florida
16. Texas
17. UConn
18.Auburn
19. Boise State
20. Alabama
21. Clemson
22.Illinois
23. Cal
24. Kentucky
25. Virginia

Random Notes From Sportsdom-

-Really, I don't give a shit if the Bulls get Kobe or not.

-Brian Griese is still the Bears starter, and if you look in the box scores you will see that the Bears did not win yesterday.

-Matt Ryan vomits up #2 and the Heisman this week.

-Juice Williams passed for 200 yards finally. Joyous! What's that? It was against Minnesota? Fuck

Iggins! NFL Power Rankings post week 6

A few things about the last week that have crossed my mind:

- My opinion (nay, my FACT!) coincides with Red in that the BCS is a horrifying experiment that never went wrong because IT WAS ALWAYS WRONG. Nobody would ever say, "Golly, I hope the NFL or the NBA changes from a playoffs system to a BCS-like system. " And that is with good reason. Ohio State would get beaten by each of the twelve teams directly below them. USF would get beat by at least half of them. The horror that is... the BCS!

- Honestly, Devin Hester is the biggest game changer in the league and if the Bears had ANY offense we would score at least 35 a game based solely on field position and Hester TD's. Where the fuck is Orton? WHERE?!?!!?

- I'm looking forward to Iowa returning to form this weekend in God's rebuke for their win over Illinois. Maybe Christensen'll get pulled now. I can hope, right?

- Also, yes, my Bisquit is awesome.

- Now on to the NFL...


Maybe they need to pray more to Christ Jesus...
32) Miami Dolphins
31) St. Louis Rams (In grave danger of taking the bottom spot)

How did they get a win again...?
30) Atlanta Falcons (So I'm playing Madden 08 in the 4th year of my franchise and I play the Falcons. There's Mike Vick. I laugh hysterically for minutes)
29) Buffalo Bills
28) New York Jets

Fuck Cincinnati
27) Cincinnati Bengals

Overrated
26) Denver Broncos
25) New Orleans Saints (They looked like the Saints on Sunday Night. I'll wait and see which team is the real New Orleans: The Saints or the Aints)

Goddamnit
24) Chicago Bears
23) Minnesota Vikings

Soon to be scraping the bottom of the barrel
22) San Francisco 49ers
21) Oakland Raiders (Look here, Oakland, Culpepper is the same damn person that Jamarcus Russell is. So why not play the guy who needs experience?)
20) Seattle Seahawks (Wow Shaun Alexander is bad. What the hell happened there?)

Dangerous... kinda
19) Baltimore Ravens (Boller is back! Alright?)
18) Cleveland Browns (So... Derek Anderson, huh? Really?)
17) Houston Texans (Too bad these guys play in a division with Indy, Jacksonville, and Tennessee.)
16) Arizona Cardinals (Who the hell is their 3rd string QB?... Tim Rattay and Tim Hasselbeck, huh? Well, there's always next year.)

Mediocrity is the spice of life...?
15) Detroit Lions
14) Kansas City Chiefs
13) Philadelphia Eagles (Hey D-McNabb? The Bears called. GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!)
12) Washington Redskins (Oh, too bad for these guys their coach is senile, otherwise they'd be much higher.)
11) Carolina Panthers (I do not prescribe the the Vinny Testaverde theory.)

Lookin' Good
10) New York Giants
9) San Diego Chargers (LT is LT again! Ihope he learned his lesson and will stop making ridiculous commercials now.)
8) Tennessee Titans (Not their fault the Madden curse struck VY down)

Contending
7) Tampa Bay Bucs
6) Green Bay Packers
5) Jacksonville Jaguars (Are the Jaguars better than mediocre finally?)

Top Tier
4) Pittsburgh Steelers
3) Dallas Cowboys (You expect me to drop them for losing to a Demon God?)
2) Indianapolis Colts (Peyton: "What, now Brady has good receivers? Dagnabbit.")

Diablo, Lord of Terror, Harbinger of Doom
1) New England Patriots (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

College Football Round Up and Code Red Rankings 10/15/07

In wake of Illinois' disappointing bounce from the 25, which they admittedly deserve, other than the fact that if a two loss Michigan team that lost to Appalachiafuckin State can be ranked, than a two loss Illinois team that lost to a ranked team and an in-conference rival, should probably be ranked as well, and after Kentucky's upset win over LSU (golf clap for Iggins! for predicting said upset. *clap* *clap*), Cal's loss to Oregon State, and the fact that Ohio State is now #1 and South Florida is #2, which sums up everything that is wrong with the BCS, I am not going to do a game by game roundup of the past week's top 25 results, as the entire ranking system and BCS is a damned sham and anyone who puts any stock into any rankings until the BCS is finally abolished French Revolution style is a miserable sheep and a terrible human being,

Storm the BCS! Behead Myles Brand!

instead, I'm going to post a completely inane top 25 ranking list that will somehow magically hold all the validity of the AP and BCS rankings. Because if an Ohio State team with zero quality wins and SOUTH FUCKING FLORIDA are 1 and 2, justice has evaporated from the world, and any miserable little shit head who tries to tell you that the BCS is great because every college game is now a playoff is a moron. Yes, every game is playoff. I'm sure Ohio State sat there reviewing the film and chanting "play like there's no tomorrow" as they marched out to whomp ass on Kent State, while LSU had to march into Kentucky, a resurgent program that now proves there really is no easy game in the entire SEC, and was taken down in one colossal struggle that should give both of the participants a chance at a national title down the road. But it won't, because now that the BCS has finally proven without a doubt that it is a miserable failure, you'll have an undefeated Ohio State team from the Big Ten in one of its least competitive years later playing for the national title, while an LSU/Kentucky/Florida team that will be the best in the land will be pasting Wisconsin in the Capital One Bowl. Fuck you, college football, let it finally be settled on the field.

So here are my rankings

1. Texas Tech
2. Louisiana-Monroe
3. Spain
4. This Cheese Sandwich


5. Illinois Weslayan
6. Burritos
7. North Glendale High School
8. Voltron

9.Middle Tennessee State
10. The Chinese restaraunt I go to in Campustown. They have the best fucking egg rolls known to man.
11. Tom Jones

12. Bisquit. Iggins! dog with the misspelled name. She rocks.


13. Ole Miss (fear the Orgeron)
14. Dramatic Squirrel


15. Bill O'Reilly
16. Billy Bob Thornton
17. 1999 Dodge Neon


18. Johnny Walker Black Label


19. ESPN 8, The Ocho
20. Miami Dolphins
21. Smokey, my beloved deceased cat.

The world was not enough for you, Smokey..

22. That thing in the back of your mouth? the hangy thing? I'm ranking that here.
23. The Catholic Church
24. James Lipton

Ha Ha Ha..Delightful

25. Think of the sluttiest girl you've ever known. Rank her here.