Monday, November 1, 2010

College Football Round Up, Week 9

NC State 28, Florida State 24 and Virginia 24, Miami 19
I'm only addressing these games because the ACC and Big East now suck enough that you may be staring at the very real prospect of an NC State-Syracuse matchup in the Orange Bowl. The horror.

Illinois 44, Purdue 10
Holy shit. Illinois is...good.

Tulsa 28, Notre Dame 27
Hahahaha. Notre Dame sucks.

Iowa 37, Michigan State 6
I had hoped MSU would win this game. I really thought Iowa would win it. I did not expect a raping entirely uncharacteristic of a Ferentz team, as they typically prefer to win games in the turf-grinding, eye-fucking fashion. This was just an ass-whupping of epic proportions. Always a bridesmaid, Sparty. Always a bridesmaid.

Nebraska 31, Mizzou 17
This doesn't surprise me at all. I wish I could fathom how Texas beat Nebraska.

Baylor 30, Texas 22
Baylor is 7-2. Odd.

Stanford 41, Washington 0
Jake Locker, I'll see you in the 3rd round of the draft.

Oregon 53, USC 32
I've never really cared about Oregon one way or the other, but I can't help but stare slack-jawed as they perfect the spread-option like never before.

Not So Fast, Mikey.

You remember Michael Silver, right? Just a few weeks ago he said the following:

"the Vikes have life, because they have Favre – a man impervious to age, pain, scandal, rust or, most of all, inertia"

And then Silver predicted that an invigorated Vikings team would then turn their season around. Of course they didn't, because they suck. Now in this week's article,entitled "Favre, Vikes Firmly Pressed Against the Ropes" Silver totally ignores his previous drooling schlobfest over Favre (one that occurred less than a day after Favre cost the Vikings a win over the Jets with a pick six) and tries to toot his own horn as THE MAN WHO SAW THIS COMING:

"If you’re starting to get the feeling that this is a lost season for a franchise clearly governed by a championship-or-bust mentality in 2010 – and yes, some of us saw this coming – that’s a distinct possibility. "

That link goes to an article this summer where Silver, yes, correctly predicted most of the problems the Vikings have had this year. I said the same things before this season. The difference between Mike Silver and myself is that I didn't completely reverse course and throw on the kneepads for Brett Favre the second he made two good passes against the Jets. If Silver had just stuck with his preseason statements he'd be looking pretty damn smart right now, but you do NOT earn an "I Told You So" just two weeks after penning the most pathetic piece of Favre worship I've seen this season ("Sure, he cost them the game, but he did it WITH MAGIC").

Also, read the following:

"On a day when Favre confounded skeptics in his own organization by starting a record 292nd consecutive game despite being hobbled by a pair of small but debilitating fractures in his left foot – and was surprisingly mobile and effective against a well-equipped opponent – the legendary passer was unable to finish, thanks to Pryor’s perfectly legal hit."

Favre didn't confound any skeptics. I'm a Favre skeptic. I've made it a fucking cottage industry since he started coasting on his own legend and failing miserably and hilariously in the playoffs every year since 1997. You know what I expected him to do last week? Play. The man is never as fucking injured as he claims. He's just not. He's the only player in the NFL who goes out onto the field every week protected by shoulder pads, an offensive line, the media, and the built-in escape pod that is his myriad of exaggerated or non-existent injuries. Ol' Brett throw another goddang interception? GRAB THE ELBOW, BRETT. LET THEM SEE YOUR PAIN. Fumble the ball after a sack? HOBBLE OFF LIKE THAT ANKLE HAS GONE GANGRENOUS. Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber ranted beautifully against this last week, so I won't go into further detail, but the only thing "confounding" about Favre playing last week is the fact that, once again, the media fell for his stupid fucking act. Favre isn't the magical healer he claims to be. He's not Wolverine. Some injuries are incapable of healing as fast as he claims, regardless of what anyone said. The reason Favre moved "surprisingly well" is because his ankle injury wasn't debilitating. Period.

Need something else to piss you off about the Favre injury charade? Check out this quote from last week:

“I’ve always had a knack for healing, I think, quicker than maybe most people,” said Favre, who has started 291 consecutive regular-season games. “And mentally … I know that I’ve been able to play with different types of injuries that most people probably wouldn’t have attempted.”

Bravo, sir. Bravo. This is some excellent solipsistic shit here, people. This man is excellent at self-fulfilling prophecies. Exaggerate your injuries, stress over and over again how much they hurt and how unlikely you are to play, then play. Regardless of how well you play or not you will be praised simply for playing, even though the only reason there was ever a doubt as to whether or not you would even play was because you yourself planted it. The best part? You can then take comfort in and even brag about your ability to play through more made up injuries than any other player in history. Bravo.

God I hate you, Brett Favre. You too, Silver.