Saturday, November 7, 2009

NCAA Picks

Last week was a bye because there were only 3 good games, so the stats remain the same, here are the picks:

#9 LSU @ #3 Alabama

Iggins!: You know, people complain about how bad Big 10 teams are and how boring and sluggish the games are… but have you seen an SEC game? It’s like two fat molasses monsters slowly grinding on and rubbing eachother. I’m not ready to anoint the SEC as kings of football this year yet. Their big win is Bama over VaTech, but VaTech doesn’t look very good (plus they’re an ACC team). Whatever, Satan wins (Alabama).

Code Red: The only difference is that based on the # of NFL draft picks and the recent bowl success, you can actually buy that the reason for SEC games being so sluggish is the high level of talent on defense, whereas the Big Ten is just a paragon of mediocrity. Alabama.

#8 Oregon @ Stanford

Code Red: Nothing’s stopping Oregon now. Holy shit they’re bringin’ the DOOM. Oregon.

Iggins!: Harbaugh scares me, and I remember the last time Oregon was in this position. My guess is Stanford wins.


#16 Ohio State @ #11 Penn State

Iggins!: No matter what I think of Penn State, the fact is Ohio State is Penn State Lite in every conceivable way. Penn State wins.

Code Red: I have to agree, and it’s in Happy Valley. Penn State.

Oregon State @ #20 California

Code Red: California’s been raped in every “big” game they’ve played this year. So I’ll take the Beavers. Oregon State.

Iggins!: Couldn’t agree more. Beavers win.

#24 Oklahoma @ Nebraska

Iggins!: A once famed rivalry that couldn’t possibly mean less this year. But it does let me say this: any person who passes up millions of dollars for another chance at a computer generated crapshoot and all the bullshit related with college sports is a moron and deserves to get their shit broken. Oklahoma wins.

Code Red: True. My normal advice for quarterbacks would be to stay for your senior year, because the extra experience improves your draft stock (for every other position I say GO). That wouldn’t have mattered for Bradford because he was already projected as the number one overall pick. Moran. Oklahoma wins anyways.

UConn @ #5 Cincinnati

Code Red: The Big East has two good teams. Cincy and….uggh…Wanny. Cincy keeps rolling.

Iggins!: I WANT Cinci to lose, but they won’t. Cincinnati wins.

Northwestern @ #4 Iowa

Iggins!: Once again, SEC games bore me like nothing else, and even if Iowa tries to kill themselves over and over and even if they probably don’t deserve to be in the title game, at least their games are incredibly interesting and instantly memorable. Speaking of which, Iowa tries to (and almost always does) lose to Northwestern every year. But even if Iowa goes down by 20 with 10 minutes left in the 4th they’ll still pull it out of their ass. Iowa wins.

Code Red: The inanity of Iowa fans (other than Iggins!, who’s at least willing to acknowledge Iowa’s status as merely the least crappy team in a crappy conference) has driven me from morbid curiosity over how this team keeps winning to outright hatred of them and everything they stand for. Every week someone puts their foot on Iowa’s throat and fails to apply the necessary amount of pressure. I don’t think Northwestern will win this game, but from here on out I’m picking ever single Iowa opponent. Fuck them raw. Northwestern.

Duke @ North Carolina

Code Red: This is not a top ten game of the week. I don’t fucking care what the other options were. Why do I even have to pick? Did you think this was basketball season? Fuck, Duke, I guess.

Iggins!: I actually put it here just because I’m so happy for Duke. Who will win.

South Carolina @ Arkansas

Iggins!: I can hear Red fondling Ryan Mallet’s cock from miles away. And because Lane Kiffin made Spurrier pump his gas last week, I’m thinking Arkansas wins.

Code Red: His arm is throbbing with power. My god he’s glorious…and he’s in a pro style offense (DRAFTPROZPECTDROOL). Arkansas wins, Mallet throws for 4,000 yards in two and a half quarters, then decides to try his hand at cornerback and mascot.

Kansas @ Kansas State

Code Red: Todd Reesing got benched last week. Fuck you Mangino, you can go join Zook on the bench for Idiotic Coaches Who Benched the One Player That Has Consistently Saved Their Ass club. Loyalty goes both ways, you dick. Kansas State wins.

Iggins!: Yeah, I think Kansas loses here and pulls off a ridiculous upset over Texas. KANSAS WINS.