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Monday, October 22, 2012

Bears 13, Lions 7- These ARE Your Father's Lions

The box score will tell you this game was close, but it really wasn't. The Lions never stood a chance of winning this game, no matter how many unnecessary roughness penalties they racked up (2), or how badly they tried to knock Cutler out of the game. This Bears defense proved once again tonight that they'll shut down anyone, anywhere, and they will punch your balls out repeatedly.

The Bears move to 5-1, maintaining control of the division, while the probably-fucked Lions dropped to 2-4, proving that, hey, Detroit is still Detroit after all. I mean, there was a time in the 90s when the Lions weren't consistently awful. They were just awful the year after meaningless playoff appearances. Welcome back:

Onto the specifics:


Jay Cutler: The numbers weren't there, but anyone who saw the game will know why he's up here first. I've certainly argued against the "Jay Cutler is a wuss" crowd in the past, but even if it wasn't already the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard before tonight, after tonight I hope to never hear it again. As long as #6 is the quarterback of the Bears, I'll be happy, because he's a bad-ass mother fucker.

Matt Forte/Michael Bush: 28 rushes, 132 yds, 4.7 ypc. This combo works, and I'm glad they committed to it, even if they forgot it at the goal line (more on that later).

Julius Peppers: He had another sack, but disrupted the Lions on many plays, including Stafford's game-clinching interception. He's got more help than ever now, but he's still the star of the show.

The Rest of the D-Line: They finished with three sacks, but Stafford was hurried and harassed most of the night, and it showed. Shea McClellin had a half a sack, because fuck Hub Arkush.

Charles Tillman: He blanketed Megatron again, holding him to just 34 yards receiving. He broke up a touchdown pass right before a turnover that kept Detroit off the board. He punched a ball out (even if the fumble went out of bounds) because Charles Tillman is very good at football.


Gabe Carimi: I'm getting really tired of putting him here. At some point you've got to be able to block SOMEBODY in pass protection, Gabe. Please don't be Gabe Colombo.

Stupid Penalties: Several of them killed drives, drove starting field position back to the shadow of the endzone, and made the f*&king Lions look disciplined. Unacceptable.

Mike Tice: Christ, Mike. We've been over this. His name is Michael Bush. He's a fucking battering ram. Detroit showed no interest in stopping him at all tonight. Just give him the ball when you're at the fucking 3 yard line and it's 17-0 Bears and Jay can rest his ribs for an extra quarter.

Ndamukong Suh: Okay. That hit may not have been illegal, but fuck you. Overrated sack of shit.

Matthew Stafford: Stafford was seconds away from picking a fight with DJ Moore's back all night, as he was clearly flustered and frustrated that P'Nut once again took away his favorite toy. Nice turf-face, Bitchford.

That's all for now. Others will say "it wasn't pretty." Maybe you think so if you don't enjoy watching Lovie's defense rack up takeaways at an absolutely epic rate. I, personally, thought it was fucking beautiful.

Go Bears.