Every so often, generally at night, and generally during some kind of cosmic shift, Red and I become something... unholy. Something wrong. We succumb to our basest instinct and turn into... meatheads. What follows is a horrifying conversation we had after far too much Nyquil and a marathon 24 hour session of ESPNNEWS.
49ers 13, Seahawks 6
Code Red: You talk about defense! Discipline! Smashmouth football! Is this the best division in football (despite the rapidly sinking Cardinals, the Seahawks inability to win games on the road or score 20 points against Non-Patriot defenses, or the fact the Rams can only beat other teams that don’t have offenses)? DEFENSE
Iggins!: I been so used to you damn kid’s “spreads” and “zone-reads” and hippity-flippity that I thought my NFL died with America’s manhood! But here we have two teams willing to run the ball right into the teeth of the defense, fail to achieve point totals higher than many baseball games, and generally look incompetent. THAS FOOTBAW.
Packers 30, Rams 20
Code Red: Clearly the Packers have re-established themselves as the dominant team in all of football.
Iggins!: I have to disagree here, y’see that Packer offense is too gattdamned gimmicky to win anything. Thirty points?! This ain’t basketball, Packers! I’ll take the mediocre offense and strong defense of the Rams any day! Even when they lose!
Colts 17, Browns 13
Code Red: Boy, this Andrew Luck. You see him running it. You see him throwing it. Might as well slap his name on that rookie of the year trophy now!
Iggins!: Too flashy! 53.6% completion percentage? Stop showing off, son! I’ll take Trent Richardson’s 3.4 yards per attempt this year any day! WORKMANLIKE.