Thursday, September 22, 2011

Prognostication Bukakke, NFL Week 3

49ers @ Bengals

Code Red: This game will suck. Bengals.

Iggins!: Andy Dalton has been surprisingly serviceable in his rookie year, but nobody really cares because Cam Newton is the second coming. Bengals win.

Mrs. Code Red: I'll go with the Bengals, because I've actually heard of their QB.

Lions @ Vikings

Iggins!: The Vikings have played two teams who are clearly superior to them and lost in heartbreaking fashion both weeks... yup. Gonna happen again. Lions win.

Code Red: Well, spite is still driving me. Vikings win. This is probably the last week I'll forfeit a win in vain hopes that the Lions will fall apart.

Mrs. Code Red: Lions, because the Lions actually don't suck and the Vikings do. Strange world.

Broncos @ Titans

Code Red: Well, the Titans defense has been surprisingly decent, and the Broncos aren't good. Titans.

Iggins!: Hoo boy was that confusing. The Titans lost to Luke McCown in week 1... then they turn around and stymie the freaking Ravens? My gut tells me these guys are basically this year's version of last year's Browns and that they play big against tough opponents and play poorly against the weak. But until I see the Broncos beat them I won't fully accept that so I still think the Titans win.

Mrs. Code Red: I'm gonna have to go with the Titans because I just picked up their defense in fantasy.

Dolphins @ Browns

Iggins!: Crap. I'm developing my old desire to pick the Dolphins to win every week. Dolphins win.

Code Red: You damned fool. Browns.

Mrs. Code Red: Let's give the Dolphins a shot.

Giants @ Eagles

Code Red: If Vick ain't startin? Giants.

Iggins!: The Giants looked bad and somehow won by 12. I have yet to see any reason to think the Giants aren't one of the worst teams in the NFL. The Eagles win regardless of their QB.

Mrs. Code Red: Whether Vick is healthy or not, it's about time for him to suck. I'll take Eli and the Giants.

Texans @ Saints

Iggins!: I like the Texans a lot, but I think this game will come down to home-field advantage. Saints win by the narrowest of margins.

Code Red: Yeah, the Saints are just a damn good team. Saints win.

Mrs. Code Red: I want to hope the Saints are really good because of what they did to the Bears. Saints.

Patriots @ Bills

Code Red: New England just has more ammo in a shootout. Patriots.

Iggins!: My upset special of the week. Basically all it takes is an offense with enough firepower and a little magic to beat New England, and Buffalo has that, plus they're at home. CIRCLE THE WAGONS. Bills win.

Mrs. Code Red: Well, I used to think I'd be really confident with the Patriots...I'll go with the Patriots just because they're the Patriots.

Jaguars @ Panthers

Iggins!: If Cam Newton plays, Panthers by a longshot. If not... will anybody care about this game at all if not?

Code Red: Jacksonville is terrible. Panthers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Is that a real game? Panthers

Ravens @ Rams

Code Red: Ravens.

Iggins!: Well after being a trendy pick to have a good season this year the Rams have gone and sucked just like they did last year. Plus the Ravens are going to be SUPER FUCKING PISSED. Ravens win and a Ram will be lost for the season in some way.

Mrs. Code Red: I'll go with Flacco and the Ravens.

Jets @ Raiders

Iggins!: The Jets defense will keep them afloat long enough to win by some stupid score, like 19-16 or something. Jets win.

Code Red: Both of these teams are kinda good and yet kinda not good. I'll gamble on the Raiders at home.

Mrs. Code Red: Jets.

Chiefs @ Chargers

Code Red: My God, the Chiefs are awful. Chargers.

Iggins!: There really isn't any reason not to start Palko or Stanzi at this point. Something needs to be shaken up dramatically on offense so the Chiefs can keep up with their terrible defense. Chargers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Oh my, the Chiefs are boned. Chargers.

Packers @ Bears

Code Red: Well, last week was brutal, but there are a lot of things Mike Martz can do to correct it. I'd really rather not see Green Bay with the team this banged up, but you know I'll take my Bears.

Iggins!: The Packer defense is terrible, what happened in New Orleans had a hell of a lot to do with the Superdome and a dramatic change of offensive gameplan that made no sense. Both of those things will be different here, and the Bears will win.

Mrs. Code Red: I will prove my loyalty here and pick the Bears to win.

Cardinals @ Seahawks

Code Red: The Seahawks and the Chiefs will both be in the running for Andrew Luck. Cardinals.

Iggins!: The Seahawks fall into the same category as the Giants this year as a team that looks like crap all the time despite a supposedly talented roster. Cardinals win.

Mrs. Code Red: Eww. Cardinals.

Falcons @ Buccaneers

Iggins!: The Bucs have not looked particularly good, but really neither have the Falcons. I think the Bucs came to a realization during the second half against the Vikings that running the ball is good and that will carry over here. It'll be close, but the Bucs will win.

Code Red: The Falcons are a better team. Falcons win.

Mrs. Code Red: Umm...Bucs because that angry bird on the Falcons helmet annoys me.

Steelers @ Colts

Code Red: Steelers. Colts suck.

Iggins!: Wow. No words needed. Steelers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Steelers.

Redskins @ Cowboys

Iggins!: Neither of these teams makes any sense, so I really just want to pick the Houston Oilers to win... but I guess I'll settle and take the Cowboys to win instead.

Code Red: Fuck it. I'll roll with Rex. Redskins win.

Mrs. Code Red: I'm sticking with Sexy Rexy until he lets me down. Redskins win.