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Friday, September 6, 2013

Meet your 2013 Bears! Roster Breakdown and BOLD PREDICTION

When we last left our heroes, we were flinging our feces at them as they somehow managed to go 10-6 and miss a playoff spot when the Minnesota Vikings beat the Packers because f&%k me, that's why. Since then, as you know, they've replaced the head coach with a guy half the fanbase undoubtedly knows only as "CFL guy", drafted the son of the guy known most for the movie Broken Arrow in the first round, made a bunch of free agent moves to fix the offensive line and the tight end spot, and now enter a new season as the biggest mystery team in the NFL. So who are these guys, and what can we expect? Onto the roster!

Quarterbacks: #6 Jay Cutler, #12 Josh McCown

As they've done the last two years, the Bears entered the sensible world of the NFL and kept only two QBs, since they along with everyone else realize that whether your 3rd string QB is on the roster or on his couch, you're fucked if you're playing him either way. You all know the Jay Cutler story at this point. He's got "no excuses" even though he's now got two rookie linemen on the right side and only one wide receiver who has made it through an entire NFL season in the last three years. The fact of the matter is, no, Jay doesn't have any more excuses. He does have the most talented offense he's been a part of since at least his last year in Denver (but even they did not have Matt Forte and Michael Bush), and a head coach who sure gives the impression he understands offensive football. There are those predicting a breakout season for Jay, and understandably so. But can someone breakout this late in their career? It's happened before, but not that often.

The key for Jay this year isn't suddenly becoming a guy who can throw 50 passes a game accurately, it's being efficient on the 25-35 throws he's likely to get.  I can't sit here and tell you he won't throw interceptions that will make your eyes try to crawl out of your skull in order to unsee them. He will. But he should also have the protection and help he needs to complete 60+ %, throw for 25-30 TDs, and hopefully keep his YPA relatively high. In the end I think the Jay Cutler we get will look a lot more like the guy we thought we were getting from Denver, even if he will never be the guy his talent makes you think he could be. Either way, that should be more than enough for this team to contend, and for Jay to get his money.

As for Josh McCown, well, the plan is the same: if he's coming into the game for anything more than garbage time, maybe find something better to do with your Sunday.