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Monday, October 29, 2007

Ultimatums Abound

Dear Lovie Smith,

I tried to do this politely, Coach. I wrote a nice polite letter, started this quaint little website, and have subtly and in a dignified manner argued for you replacing Brian Griese at quarterback with Kyle Orton. But now you've shown yourself to be as slow to the trigger with the untalented wretch that is Griese as you were with the promising tragedy of Rex Grossman. Now I get serious, Mr. Smith. Now I am through asking. I am demanding that you start the Neckbearded One. For every day that you don't, I will kill an imaginary animal. This week?

See this Unicorn, Coach? Graceful, noble, one of the most beloved and respected of all fantasy animals. You don't want the death of this beautiful creature on your hands, do you? Make the call, Coach. Kyle's neckbeard steps onto that field Sunday, or this animal sits impaled on its own horn Monday morning.

Thank You,
Code Red

Guitar Hero 3, my XBox 360, and me

My gamertag is KrunkMuthaFugga. If you want me to beat you playing GH3, drop me a friend request. I play on Hard. Fuck Expert for now. I want to enjoy hard for at least a week or two, cockblocks.

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I do have a picture of me playing guitar hero, but I didn't want my
amazing rockability to scare you away.

Weekend wrap-up and cripples

Well, this last week was pretty up and down as far as my football interests go. Iowa won in double OT keeping our Alamo Bowl hopes alive! (WOOOHOO) But, as my esteemed colleague has already mentioned, Brian Griese reminded us why he sucks.

-Yes, Brian Griese got his balls back. But obviously his brain has regressed to what it was 2 weeks ago. Four INTS and 3 of them in the endzone? I'm sorry, but I thought stupid throws in the red zone were what you avoided when a veteran quarterback entered the game. Guess not. START KYLE ORTON.

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-The Hawkeyes managed to win somehow (Albert Young) but Jake Christensen somehow sucked even worse than he has been, completing a measly 5 passes (3 of which were dump offs. And he missed two dump offs by overthrowing his RB on screens. On screens, damnit!) further strengthening the DUHHHHHHH opinion of kicking that moron to the bench and starting ANYONE but him.

-So the SEC decided to take a huge dump this Saturday, virtually guaranteeing that Ohio State will play Kansas/AZ State/ Oklahoma. The upside of such a bowl is that FINALLY the BCS will be scrapped. Honestly, OSU vs. Kansas? Who wants that?!?! Oh no....

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Here's hoping that LSU can win out... somehow.

- Did anybody else see the commercial in which a man tells his friend that starting Jeff Garcia on his fantasy team made him communist? That is already in my top 5 favorite commercials with Terry Tate and the Merriman/Jackson Nike ad.

-Seriously, the 4 best teams are in the SEC right now (LSU, FLA, Kentucky, Spurrier) with the possible trade of SC for Oregon. Any title game without one of these four teams is a travesty... a sham... a mockery... a traveshamockery.

In homage to the SEC crippling itself this weekend you get plenty of videos of OTHER athletes crippling each-other. Enjoy:

THE MOST VOMIT INDUCING INJURY EVER. Me and Red both saw this live and the first shot you see, the live play, sent us both into one of these, as I recall: "OOHHHHHH!!! OHHHHHHHH!!! OH GOD OH FUCK OH DAMN OH SHIT!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Now this is also horrifying but it makes me smile because I hate Joe Theisman. Honestly, when LT reacts like that... shit is bad.

And now to MMA! One word: Bugggabuggablehhhhhhhhhhhh

Well, he seems to be aware that his arm is... a boomerang now. Notice how he kept punching with that arm. hard-fucking-CORE.

I did not see this live but... well when espnnews has a game break to show you an injury? Yeah it's bad. Shaun Livingston is a good guy. Remember that. Now if you look real close you can see every tendon in his leg tearing (If you didn't know? They did. Every damn one of em).

"But Iggins!" you say, "that isn't an injury!".
A) He injured that poor, defenseless backboard
B) This is the greatest dunk EVAR
C) I'm ready for some hoops! Chitown gettin Kobe and Iowa without Alford? Woo-Hah!!

News is Bad

Look, I know you miss me. Iggins! has filled this place with references to video games and praise of Brian Griese, whereas after last week's drive I had only calm appreciation and steady caution, Iggins! dared suppose that we place the hallowed name of our site under review. Well, I think Brian handed you your review, Bears fans, and it BURNED. This site's name is now more prescient then ever. I just used prescient on a blog. Start Kyle Orton, mother fuckers. We're 3-5, this season is dead in the water, you can't just float along with a journeyman quarterback. Either see what Kyle has to offer as option #3, or, dare I say it, at least see if Rex can be resurgent, because there's just no point in playing out the string with a quarterback whose entire ten year career is the poster for mediocrity. Unfortunately friends, my own computer's hard drive has fried and my posts will be erratic for a small measure of time, leaving this site almost completely in the hands of that maniacal video game loving bastard. When I have the chance to post, I will. Until then, God Bless, and remember, Iggins! loves video games, I can't stop what will come.