Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Back to Cold, Ugly, Brutal Reality.


I wish I could hate you to death

That was fun, wasn't it? For a few months we were winners. The world was our oyster and we went along with Breesus and the Saints for a magical ride that gave me a chance to slip away from the depressing nature of my existence and be a champion. But that's over now. It's back to being Bears fans, and that of course means back to being Pissed Off Bears Fans. So to get this place back on track (I'm not actually going to post all of that much until the draft gets nearer. February and March are bad months to run a football blog, and I'm not going to bother with Cubs coverage this year, I'm not good at it and there are much better places where you can get much better coverage), here are some thoughts on Bears-centric news from recent weeks-

1. Mike Martz is the offensive coordinator- Obviously I'm opposed to this move. Like, really, really opposed to this move. But I was far too optimistic in thinking that the Bears had a shot at any legitimately promising offensive coordinator prospects this offseason. No one wants to take these jobs, because any betting man knows Lovie, and probably his whole staff, is gone after the season. It's not, however much that hack Mike Florio wants you to believe it is, about people not wanting to coach Jay Cutler.

That doesn't make this a good move, though. Martz will do some terribly stupid shit. I'm also sure that in order to get hired he had to promise Lovie he'd still get off the bus running and would try to remember that tight ends are eligible pass catchers and not just fat Hawaiians you draft for your own amusement (see Manumaleuna, Brandon), meaning we'll get some half-assed version of the Martz offensive that ditches all of the effectiveness while retaining the sacks and turnovers. Oh, joy. Seriously, if you aren't some delusional homer you should probably just start (if you haven't already) gearing yourselves up for a horrible fucking season and make it your number one priority to pray to Jesus, Allah, Buddha, L. Ron Hubbard, Cthulu, Gozer, Krishna, Atheismo, or Vin Diesel so they'll spare Cutler's life.

2. Rod Marinelli is promoted to defensive coordinator- If you're a moron like Mike Florio and you think Cutler was the reason no one would take the offensive coordinator job, how do you explain the total FAIL at hiring a defensive coordinator? Perry Fewell, whom Lovie thought for sure would take the job, decided to go to a team with actual defensive talent and left the Bears scrambling for options, and the one they took was naturally the cheapest and most retarded one out there.

If there's one thing this team needed it was someone who could change the defensive scheme and mentality. I'm not someone to generally overrate a coordinator's impact on a unit's effectiveness, but defensive coordinators can sometime's make sweeping defensive improvements with only modest personnel changes (see Williams, Gregg or Capers, Dom). Instead we get the only person somehow More likely to do exactly what Lovie wants on defense than Lovie himself. This is going to suck. All offseason we heard (and I swallowed that bullshit the same as you did), that Marinelli just hadn't been prepared to go from a defensive line coach to a head coach, and that putting him back into the very-specific job that he'd been so effective in would work wonders for him and the team. The defensive line was still absolute shit, so Marinelli got a promotion. Fuck my life.

3. Gaines Adams is dead- I don't wish to make light of this story by making it about football, and that's probably why I didn't post much when it happened. A 26 year old kid is dead and it doesn't get much sadder than that. Obviously we barely knew him, and who knows what might have happened in the future had he been able to start for the team next year like they intended. There's no denying, however, that his death puts the team in even more of a bind regarding their plans for free agency and what few draft picks they have left. Ogunleye is a potential free agent, and he's going to want a raise, even though he doesn't deserve it, in order to re-sign with the team. They can either pay him more to continue his decline or they can take a chance on starting a third round draft pick at defensive end, even though that pick would be better used on an offensive lineman. This just sucks no matter which way you look at it.

4. There are no draft picks, the offensive line sucks, the defensive line sucks, the secondary sucks, the linebacker corps is mediocre at best, oh god damnit they're looking at signing Torry Holt? - Oh God. Why did I come back? I'm not fucking ready for this shit.