Thursday, October 1, 2009

Rick Morrissey Somehow Does a 180, Spins from Pure Stupidity to....Pure Stupidity

Shall we recap our friend Rick's summer and his comments about Cutler and the hype surrounding him?

From July 27th:

When one of his receivers, What's His Name, drops an easy pass for the fifth straight game, yeah, I think there's a possibility Cutler will wonder why he left Eddie Royal and Brandon Marshall for this. And the chances of some sort of meltdown will increase exponentially.

From August 11th, in an article entitled "Jay Cutler Hype Over the Top":

This is the Summer of Love, or the Summer of Jay, whichever you prefer. I have been in this line of work for more than 25 years and I never have seen anything quite like the ado over the Bears' new quarterback. And I covered John Elway for eight seasons.

Everybody seems to be giddy about Cutler. Radio interviews with him have turned into giggle-fests. Questions to other players about the quarterback start with, "How amazed are you by ..." I wish an athlete just once would respond to that sort of query with, "I'm about a half of 1 percent amazed" or "Not amazed at all; I've seen better."

But if I might be the fly in the Kool-Aid, let's see what this guy can do in, you know, a real game before we crown him the next Peyton Manning.

Unless Cutler cures cancer and gets "Jon & Kate Plus 8" canceled, I don't see how he possibly can live up to the hype.

From September 10th:

Is the galloping optimism warranted? No

To sum up, hope for a Super Bowl appearance centers on two things not involving psychedelics: Cutler being as good as hyped, which might be impossible even if he were Joe Montana in his prime

From September 16th, right after the loss to Green Bay:

By that I mean, who is going to tell him? Who is going to get in Jay Cutler's face and inform him the Green Bay debacle was ridiculous?

The four interceptions in Sunday's opener were a career high, but the poor decision-making and the recklessness were nothing new.

The way the franchise, the fans and the media have built Cutler up has been bewildering. He is not a veteran John Elway, nor even a close approximation right now. Maybe someday. That's a huge "maybe" for any young quarterback.

So what does Morrissey do after two outstanding Cutler games? Does he do what we all desperately want him to do and just shut up? No. He tips the scales all the way in the other direction, surpassing even the greatest stupidity espoused by the thickest meatheads this summer. Morrissey's latest column?

"Is Jay Cutler the second coming of Tom Brady?"

Holy shit, Rick. I didn't expect this kind of hypocritical, half-brained about-face, even from you. You go from hollering that Cutler hasn't proved a damn thing in the NFL to comparing him to a three time Superbowl winner? God damn, you're pathetic. Just read these first two paragraphs

For those of us who are Jay Cutler skeptics, what has opened our eyes the last two weeks has not been his powerful right arm. Everybody knew the guy could throw the ball far.

The surprising thing has been Cutler's ability to make the delicate pass. No one told us a cannon could dispense velvet projectiles. He has been so precise at times you get the feeling he could throw a football through a moving mail slot.

I wonder who would have known that Cutler was accurate. People that watched game film? People that looked up his stat sheet that he'd completed 62.5% of his passes in Denver? People that took an objective look at Cutler, rather than hacks with agendas? And velvet projectiles? What the f*&k? Look what Morrissey has done:

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/09/the-difference-between-jay-cutler-and-tom-brady-one-sulks-the-other-is-a-budding-fashion-icon.html

God damnit, Rick. I'm done wasting time fisking you. You've won. I can no longer keep up with the torrential downpour of verbal diarrhea that pours forth from your articles.

Week 4 NFL Picks

Last week can only be described as a complete ass kicking, punctuated by Red picking the Raiders based on the merits of their offense. (Editors Note, since I can abuse my admin abilities: This is what I said about Oakland: "With that said, Oakland’s defense is legit, and they’ll be able to run the ball against Denver." I was way off anyways, but to you people who can read, on which unit's merit do I appear to have based that pick??) While you attempt to understand how someone who seems so intelligent could have such a complete and total brain fart, enjoy our (mostly) unanimous picks for this week.

Records so far:

Iggins!: 11-4

Code Red: 7-8


(1-2) Detroit @ (2-1) Chicago

Iggins!: Nice job getting a win last week, Detroit. You still suck. Da Bears.

Code Red: Bears. 31-13. But seriously, congrats.

(2-1) Cincinnati @ (0-3) Cleveland

Bengals. Who does Cleveland take with the number one pick? Bradford, who is now an injury concern? Tebow, who may not have a brain left after the beating he took and isn’t yet a fit for a pro style offense? McCoy, who lacks the physical attributes? Jevan Snead, who looks downright Grossmanish? We’ll see.

Iggins!: Hey, you know who picked the Bengals last week? Bengals win.

(1-2) Seattle @ (3-0) Indianapolis

Iggins!: The Colts have the mark of a great team: consistency. They won’t have a letdown game. I don’t think they’re as good as their record will eventually show, but they are good enough to beat Seattle. Colts win.

Code Red: The Colts have the mark of a great team: a great fucking quarterback. So excited to put the Bears in that category too. Colts win.

(3-0) New York Giants @ (0-3) Kansas City Chiefs

Code Red: Giants. Next question?

Iggins!: Wow the Giants get to play a lot of bad teams early on, huh? Giants win.

(3-0) Baltimore @ (2-1) New England

Iggins!: God I hate New England. They don’t look good! How did they beat Atlanta?! I hope God’s linebacker sodomizes Brady. Literally. Ravens win.

Code Red: I also hate New England. But I hate the man who tried to cover up a stabbing and then comports himself as “God’s Linebacker.” He then compared Steve McNair, who was shot and killed by his own mistress, to Jesus at his funeral. God damn I hate Ray Lewis. What am I trying to say? Hell I don’t know. I guess Ravens win, but we all lose.

(0-3) Tampa Bay @ (1-2) Washington

Code Red: (via text message) Fuck. I mean Tampa’s starting Josh Johnson (not Freeman). But Washington just lost to Detroit… Fuuuck. Washington wins.

Iggins!: Double suck! Washington wins.

(0-3) Tennessee @ (1-2) Jacksonville

Iggins!: Wow, the Colts have no competition in their division yet again! Can Tennessee actually manage to go 0-4? I don’t see why not. Jacksonville wins.

Code Red: Despite their win over the enigma that is the Houston Texans, the Jags still blow. The Titans will finally get on the board.

(1-2) Oakland @ (1-2) Houston

Code Red: I made the mistake of picking you once, Oakland, I won’t do it again. The Texans roller coaster ride will head up with a win.

Iggins!: Oakland is awful, and it isn’t anybody’s fault but Al Davis. Texans win.

(3-0) NY Jets @ (3-0) New Orleans

Iggins!: The Jets are winning on gusto and great coaching. The Saints are like a velocinado (velociraptor/tornado). Gusto can’t stop that kind of destruction and mayhem. New Orleans wins.

Code Red: The Saints are good, but they have their weaknesses. They’ve got enough to take down the Rex Ryan hype for a week, however. Saints win.

(1-2) Buffalo @ (0-3) Miami

Code Red: Death isn’t an option? Then I’ll take Buffalo.

Iggins!: I would have picked Miami if Pennington wasn’t gone. Buffalo wins easily.

(0-3) St. Louis @ (2-1) San Francisco

Iggins!: If Brett Favre wouldn’t have completed the luckiest pass in the history of fucking luck, the 49ers would have clinched the West already. And the Ram’s answer is… Kyle Boller? Sigh. 49ers win.

Code Red: The only team that can truly rival Cleveland for the top pick. 49ers win.

(2-1) Dallas @ (3-0) Denver

Code Red: Guh. I picked against Denver last week because of Oakland’s offense. I didn’t factor in JaMarcus Russell’s pitiful regression of despair. Dallas, however, will finally challenge Denver’s defense, and I don’t think Denver will have the offense to keep up. Cowboys win.

Iggins!: You… picked Oakland because of their offense? What the hell is wrong with you? Cowboys win, and finally bring the Broncos back to reality. A cold, 3-5 reality.

(SECOND Editor's Note: Oh, I see what I did there. Yeah, when we were doing the e-mail back and forth composing this, I accidentally typed offense instead of defense. That pick was entirely based on Oakland's fairly good defense. I would never pick Oakland's offense to beat anyone that wasn't Cleveland. Iggins! and I have been on the JaMarcus Russell Sucks bandwagon since his sophomore year of college. HE HAD ONE GOOD BOWL GAME! Either way, the quote from last week came first, and I clearly picked Oakland's defense. So I'm not a moron, more a terrible proofreader.)

(2-1) San Diego @ (1-2) Pittsburgh

Iggins!: Wow, Pittsburgh is 1-2! And the most overrated team for every year each of the past 3 years is 2-1! Let’s even that out. Pittsburgh wins.

Code Red: Pittsburgh will rebound at home. Pittsburgh wins.

(2-1) Green Bay @ (3-0) Minnesota

Code Red: Uggh. I’ll probably watch this one on mute to avoid the Favrellatio. Green Bay wins, because my Favre hate now outstrips my Packer hate now that the two are separated.

Iggins!: The Vikings now start a stretch of games against good teams. They should have lost to the 49ers, and now they WILL lose to Green Bay. Green Bay wins.