Friday, October 7, 2011

Prognostication Bukakke, NFL Week 5

Saints (3-1) at Panthers (1-3)
Code Red:
This Panthers team is going to upset someone very soon. I'm not sure it'll be Breesus, however. Saints win.

Iggins!: We are thinking the same damn things this week. I feel like I should pick Carolina, but I just can't pick the Panthers to win until they close the deal once. Saints win.

Mrs. Code Red: Saints. Breesus over Cam. For now.

Raiders (2-2) at Texans (3-1)
Iggins!: The Raiders have had a tough schedule up to this point. They're much better than the 2-3 record they are going to have. They drop this one because they have a pretty atrocious run defense. Texans win.

Code Red: Indeed. This has shootout potential, but whereas Arian Foster vs. Run DMC is fairly even, Schaub over Campbell every time. Texans win.

Mrs. Code Red: Fucking Texans. Fucking Arian Goddamn Foster. I hope he tears his entire leg off (Editor's note: she traded Foster to Iggins! In our fantasy league last week). Sigh. Texans win though.

Cardinals (1-3) at Vikings (0-4)
Code Red: the Vikings have to win at some point, no? The Cardinals have been disappointing, and Adrian Peterson may be the key here. Vikings win.

Iggins!: I'll take the Cardinals because they have a better team, and even though they have yet to capitalize fully on their offensive talent, the Vikings have specialized in failure this year. Cards win.

Mrs. Code Red: The Vikings have been close lately...Vikings?

Eagles (1-3) at Bills (3-1)
Iggins!: Normally it takes teams at least 5 or 6 weeks to start capitalizing on the obvious weaknesses of their opponents. This season every team is running the ball straight at Philly, and that just happens to be their weakness. Fred Jackson goes off, Bills win.

Code Red: I don't know. Buffalo allowed Andy Dalton to run on them last week. Vick should have a big enough game to get the Eagles sort of back on track, although they still have a ton of weaknesses. Eagles win.

Mrs. Code Red: Bills. Last week was just a hangover.


Seahawks (1-3) at Giants (3-1)
Code Red: Wow. The Giants will be 4-1. What the hell? Giants win.

Iggins!: What a strange NFC East we live in. Giants win.

Mrs. Code Red: Laugh laugh laugh. Giants.

Chiefs (1-3) at Colts (0-4)
Iggins!: The Chiefs will have the same record as the Raiders, and that is a grave injustice. Chiefs win.

Code Red: Indeed it is. Matt Cassel sucks. Chiefs win.

Mrs. Code Red: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say the Colts. They were close last week. I don't think they'll go winless, so might as well be the Chiefs. Colts win.

Titans (3-1) at Steelers (2-2)
Code Red: Fuck it, the Titans might be just plain good. Titans win.

Iggins!: The Steelers have looked bad and the Tits have looked good. Titties win.

Mrs. Code Red: Titans, because I have their defense in fantasy.

Bengals (2-2) at Jaguars (1-3)
Iggins!: Wow, who cares? Bengals win?

Code Red: Sigh. Somehow the Bengals will be 3-2. Bengals win.

Mrs. Code Red: Bengals, I guess?

Bucs (3-1) at 49ers (3-1)
Code Red: Harbaugh has some powerful magicks to have conjured a 3-1 record out of this crew. But the Bucs are legitimately good, so Bucs win.

Iggins!: Yeah, we'll see how good the 49er run defense really is. Bucs win.

Mrs. Code Red: The Bucs.

Chargers (3-1) at Broncos (1-3)
Iggins!: Chargers win.

Code Red: Man, the Broncos suck (will never forgive the Broncos Trolls of Aught Nine). Chargers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Go Chargers, Go Philip Rivers. Chargers win.

Jets (2-2) at Patriots (3-1)
Code Red: I'd love Rex Ryan's boys to keep up their unlikely winning streak against the Pats, but the Jets defense hasn't looked anywhere near as stout as usual and they seem to think they can win consistently by having Rico Mirerez throw the ball 40 times a game. That is a fallacy, sir. Pats win.

Iggins!: Apparently Rex went crazy and yelled at his players, saying that they were going back to running it all the time. I've heard you say that before, Rex. I'm calling bullshit. Pats win.

Mrs. Code Red: Pats. I can't help it.

Packers (4-0) at Falcons (2-2)
Iggins!: The Falcons are doing their best to make the Bears win over them in week 1 look very meh. Packers win.

Code Red: Those bastards. Packers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Packers. It's hard to pick against them.

Bears (2-2) at Lions (4-0)
Code Red: The Lions defense has some legitimate holes. They can't run the ball. They're a good team that's managed to escape the last couple of weeks because their opponent let off the damn gas. I think the Bears have enough on both sides of the ball, assuming Mike Martz continues to let the offense work through Matt Forte, to win this one. Bears win.

Iggins!: Here's the deal. The Bears are going to lose this game. But I am a Bears fan and I haven't picked against them in an official capacity (ESPN games, against my dad in head-to-head picks, or here) ever, so I'll say Bears win. (But they won't).

Code Red: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Mrs. Code Red: Dear God, let it be the Bears.