Friday, October 24, 2008

This week in sports: the bye weeks are for pussies edition

What the hell? Why do both the Bears AND the Hawkeyes have byes this week? What cruel God-Creature would do this to me? Now I don't have an emotional investment in a football game on Saturday OR Sunday! What did I used to do when there was no football on... what happened in the offseason...?...

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...OH GOD...








JESUS DE CHRISTO! REPRESSED MEMORIES!

GOD that hurt.

- The Elite XC, the MMA organization best known for allowing a deranged street fighter who has no business in a ring, in a ring, folded yesterday. This means nobody will be able to see Kimbo or Gina Carano fight until they get signed by another fight organization. And if you think that's going to be the UFC, you're a moron. I imagine that conversation would go something like this:



Dana White, UFC President: "EliteXC just folded guys. While that organization WAS overall terrible, gimmicky, probably fixed, and run by an overweight chimp who thought he was a mobster, they still have a few good fighters. Who are we thinking about signing?"

Random Middleman: "Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano seem to get good ratings. How about them?"

Dana: "... leave. Now."

In all seriousness, however, there are a few fighters who will warrant UFC attention. These include Jake Shields and Robbie Lawler.

- The Iowa Hawkeyes look a lot like they did Drew Tate's first year as QB. I ain't sayin, I'm just sayin'. Also, 5-3 (2-2) is MUCH better than that shitty team across the river's 4-3 (2-2). Because fuck the Illini. FEAR SHONN GREENE.

- How is it that Tom Brady keeps making it into the news? He hasn't played since week 1! Is there really nothing more interesting than which doctor did what to his knee and how many times he's had to have it done? Honestly? People do realize that there are actual games being played? There's this whole World Series thing...? No? Oh that's right, because there are no Boston teams playing in it ESPN magically forgets it even exists...


"Where the fuck is Tampa Bay?"