Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Code Red Returns!


and sacrilege for all..
Yes, my children, it is I. I who is the sworn rival of Iggins! I who named this site, and I who have been gone from it for so long. But what must I address, in this non-Bears, non-Cubs, end of Illini football darkness?
-Yes, the Rose Bowl was an unmitigated disaster, but the next Illini fan I hear bemoaning it can just suck a fat cock. Look, clearly the reason you people are still upset about the Rose Bowl is that you weren't actually Illinois football fans before this year, thus the defeat meant the end of something to you. To me, and every other fan who suffered through 1-10, 4-7, 2-9, and 2-10 seasons the past four years, this season was a blessing that no maiming at the hands of John David's Booty could tarnish.
-The Bears ended the season with two impressive wins, and our boy Kyle has given us a glimmer that he may be the man we want him to be. My long held opinion is that an incentive laden contract should be given to Rex, Brian Griese should be cut, a quarterback should be drafted in the 2nd, 3rd, or possibly 4th round (Brennan? Henne?) and Rex and Kyle should duel it out for the starting job while the rookie is brought along as insurance. Our first round pick should logically be a lineman or a safety, but like Iggins!, I personally would love to see it turn out to be Rashard Mendenhall.
-Illini basketball is a tragedy, as divine justice demands that I not be able to celebrate two college sports in one year. Iowa basketball is equally tragic, despite one magical win. Also, where's your list of final four appearances? At least I can remember a time when I didn't have to celebrate my team beating Michigan State, because it happened regularly.
-Please God, let baseball season come soon.

Observations*

Igor Olshansky, already owner of a fantastic name, apparently DO NOT FEAR FOOLISH PATRIOTS. Just a piece of advice for the Packers: DO NOT POKE THE FUCKING BEAR.

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TOM BRADY IZ PUNY, FOOLISH MORTAL

UFC 80
takes place this Saturday, BUT WAIT! It will air live at 2pm central time! This is because the event takes place in England, where we send all our least important events. Honestly, if you want to recruit British people into watching the UFC, maybe send em one of the events (78, 79, 81, 82?) that actually involves great fighters. Watching Fabricio Werdum and/or Jason Lambert for any kind of extended period of time will NOT extend your fanbase.

There have been many stupid decisions made in mankind's history, but number one on my mind right now is ESPN's decision to broadcast a congressional hearing. I don't give a good goddamn if it WAS on steroids. That thing could have been about getting Jessica Alba and Adriana Lima to do 1 hour of straight lesbian love-making on camera and I STILL would not be able to watch ten minutes of it. Stay safe kids, remember: Congress=BORING.

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I don't care

Terrell Owens cried for his QB. This is not news. After one day, shut up about it, and talk about a GAME.

*Now hatin' 'round the world!