Saturday, November 5, 2011

NFL Prognostication Bukkake Week 9

Jets (4-3) @ Bills (5-2)

Iggins!: Didn't expect the Bills to have the better record heading into this game at the beginning of the year. Now that everybody realizes that San Diego win wasn't all that great, hopefully everyone realizes Buffalo is going to win this game. Bills win.

Code Red: Need the Bills to keep going now that New England put them back in first by losing to Pittsburgh. Bills win.

Mrs. Code Red: Bills, because what heartless person picks against Buffalo this year?

Seahawks (2-5) @ Cowboys (3-4)

Code Red: The Cowboys are not good. That said, Seattle should be pissed that the flukey win over the Giants propably put them out of the Andrew Luck sweepstakes. I'm sure the new coach that's responsible for cleaning up Pete Carroll's mess will wish he had a franchise QB. Cowboys win.

Mrs. Code Red: How sad is it that Dallas sucks badly enough that this is even somewhat of a question? Cowboys, I guess, but with reservations *cough* Tony Romo *cough*

Iggins!: Yeah, you have to take Dallas here, but it’s hard to get a read on them. Cowboys win.

Falcons (4-3) @ Colts (0-8)

Iggins!: Bet this looked better at the beginning of the season. Falcons win.

Code Red: That can be said about every Colts game this year. Falcons win.

Mrs Code Red: Gonna go out on a limb and pick the Falcons.

Dolphins (0-7) @ Chiefs (4-3)

Code Red: Everything is bouncing KC's way. They're much closer to the team that started 0-3 than the one that's going to own its fifth straight win thanks to soft scheduling and the epic fucktardery of Philip Rivers. Chiefs win.

Mrs. Code Red: Kansas City's looking much better and the Dolphins suck. Then again, Kansas City's mostly looking better because they've been getting teams like the Dolphins the last five weeks. Chiefs win.

Iggins!: Wah wah from both of you. The Chiefs have looked better because of a very stout defense and a much improved offense. It’s not like Run-DMC’s legs fell off against the Raiders, and the Bolts are still the Bolts. Chiefs win.

Buccaneers (4-3) @ Saints (5-3)

Iggins!: What people forget is the Saints actually blow an easy game like that every year. It's like they just want two bye weeks or something. Saints win.

Code Red: I can't imagine the Bucs defense containing Breesus twice in three weeks. Saints win.

Mrs. Code Red: Well they did just lose to them, but I, too, can't imagine the Saints losing this one at home. At least I hope not. Saints win.

49ers (6-1) @ Redskins (3-4)

Code Red: I'm not even sure why I hate the Redskins so much, since they've been inept for pretty much the entire time period that I've been watching NFL football, but their yearly regression to suck is amusing nonetheless. 49ers Win. That defense is scary.

Mrs. Code Red: 49ers. I can't believe that this game Isn't even a question.

Iggins!: Still upset that Singletary is a terrible HC. 49ers win.

Browns (3-4) @ Texans (5-3)

Iggins!: ARIAN FOSTER. Texans win.

Code Red: You should not anger Mrs. Code Red like this. Texans win.

Mrs. Code Red: (sobs hysterically), Stupid Texans win. But not because of Arian Foster. Definitely not.

Bengals (5-2) @ Titans (4-3)

Code Red: I'll be damned. Bengals win.

Mrs. Code Red: What's life without risk-taking? I'll go with the underdogs on their homefield. Titans win.

Iggins!: Hm. Neither of these teams should be 5-3 if the Bears won’t be (hopefully they will). I’ll take Cincinnati because Tennessee is turning into what we thought they would be.

Broncos (2-5) @ Raiders (4-3)

Iggins!: Oh Tim, if only you'd have been drafted where you should have been! Then none of this would have happened. Raiders win.

Code Red: Right, some team would have had years to work him in practice and move him to tight end. Raiders win.

Mrs. Code Red: TIM TEBOW'S GONNA DO IT. And by “it,” I mean continue to overthrow his receivers by a country mile. Raiders win.

Giants (5-2) @ Patriots (5-2)

Code Red: I don't see the Pats losing back-to-back games, not at home. Pats win.

Mrs. Code Red: My inner New England is showing. Pats win. I can't help it. As much as I act like I hate them, Tom Brady's still dreamy. And don't even get me started on fackin' Welkah (leaves apartment, drives to Dunkin' Donuts and bitches about Manny Ramirez).

Iggins!: The Giants aren’t that great. Patriots win.

Rams (1-6) @ Cardinals (1-6)

Iggins!: I'm pretty sure that was just the Saints crapping the bed, but even if it was it still makes the Rams better than AZ. Rams win.

Code Red: I can't take the Cardinals without Kevin Kolb. Hell, I don't think I'd take them with him. Rams win.

Mrs. Code Red: (She actually curled her face in disgust upon seeing this matchup. Me too, dear. Me too). I guess Rams, since that seems to be the way the wind is blowing.

Packers (7-0) @ Chargers (4-3)

Code Red: This may be spite, this may be the fact that someday Green Bay's shoddy secondary play will catch up to them, but I'm going to take a gamble here. Chargers win.

Mrs. Code: You seriously think they're going to win with Sucky McSuckerson throwing the ball to every one he can find who isn't wearing a Chargers jersey? Packers dominate. Fuckin' Philip Rivers. That fucking guy...Worst. Backup Team. Ever.

Iggins!: Wow taking the Chargers? That was stupid. You lambast the Chiefs as terrible for beating them but you choose the best team in the NFL to lose to them? Packers win by a whole freaking lot.

Ravens (5-2) @Steelers (6-2)

Iggins!: The Ravens are a confusing pile of mess, so I'll go with Pittsburgh evening the season series. Steelers win.

Code Red: Fucking Ravens. Give Ray Rice the ball and all will be well. Ravens win.

Mrs. Code Red: Hmm...I don't trust Baltimore. I guess I'll go with the Steelers.

Bears (4-3) @ Eagles (3-4)

Code Red: A couple of wins against Rex Grossman and an incredibly overrated Cowboys team and the Eagles are suddenly unbeatable, according to the media. That's fine. If the Eagles have “gotten on track” the last two weeks, so have the Bears. Matt Forte has a huge game, Earl Bennett and Johnny Knox find a way to exploit the non-Asantemougah players in the Eagles secondary, and a healthy and rested defensive line exploits Philly's shoddy protection. Bears win 28-17.

Mrs. Code Red: Bears!

Iggins!: The Bears don’t even need to pass in this game. Seriously, Forte will win this on his own. Bears win.

NCAA Prognostication Bukkake Week 10

Standings:

Iggins!: 99-46

Code Red: 93-52

Ms. Code Red: 86-59

Holy shit this week is sparse. On the bright side I, being Iggins!, soundly defeated Code Red last week and opened up a six game lead. THIS WILL CONTINUE.

(15) Michigan (7-1, 3-1) @ Iowa (5-3, 2-2)

Iggins!: Imagine my surprise that this is one of the top ten games of the weekend. I really didn't want to pick this game, because I hate picking Iowa, but everything aside from the talent says Iowa should win. Ferentz vs. a pro-style offense is always a good matchup, Iowa has stopped Denard before, Iowa plays like a different team at home, Michigan sucks on the road...etc. But... Iowa just lost to Minnesota. I'll take the Hawkeyes to win, but despite my above statements I'm pretty sure they're gonna get their ass kicked.

Code Red: I'd like to consider this a free win, but I trust Denard Robinson no more than I can throw him. Michigan wins, but they'd love to lose and fuck me over.

Mrs. Code Red: Michigan.

Texas Tech (5-3, 2-3) @ (21) Texas (5-2, 2-2)

Code Red: Seems like the win over Oklahoma was flukey. Texas sucks, but their defense is enough to fluster Tommy Tuberville's boys. Texas wins.

Mrs. Code Red: Texas, I guess. Even though they suck too.

Iggins!: I’ll take Texas, because clearly Oklahoma simply shit the bed a few weeks ago. Losing 41-7 to Iowa State is pretty undeniable proof of that.

Texas A&M (5-3, 3-2) @ (6) Oklahoma (7-1, 4-1)

Iggins!: I'm going to bank on Oklahoma not crapping the bed like they did against Tech. Oklahoma wins.

Code Red: I'm going to bank on Texas A&M's piss poor defense. Oklahoma wins.

Mrs. Code Red: Yeah... Oklahom's loss seems flukey. Oklahoma wins.

(25)Southern Miss (7-1, 3-1) @ East Carolina (4-4, 3-1)

Code Red: Well, alright then. East Carolina at home. Domonique Davis is a fine QB.

Mrs. Code Red: I don't think I had heard of either of these schools before now. Southern Miss, since they're record is better? And THERE IS NO EAST CAROLINA! WHICH CAROLINA ARE YOU ACTUALLY IN? You had two choices of Carolinas and neither was good enough, eh?

Iggins!: That’s a good point. Which Carolina are they East in? Either way, I take ECU to win this game.

Cincinnati (6-1, 2-0) @ Pittsburgh (4-4, 2-1)

Iggins!: This is for first place in the Big East. Why does this league get a BCS bid? Neither team has a single quality win, but Pitt lost to Utah by two scores, so I'll take Cincinnati to win.

Code Red: Oh, that's awful. Cincinnati wins.

Mrs. Code Red: I guess Cincinnati, to be safe.

(9)South Carolina (7-1, 5-1) @ (7)Arkansas (7-1, 3-1)

Code Red: I do nay trust ye, Spurrier. Arkansas wins.

Mrs. Code Red: Arkansas, for some reason I don't like football teams from the Carolinas. Well, except I like Cam Newton?

Iggins!: Who doesn’t like Cam Newton? I’m voting for him at the caucuses. Arkansas wins.

(14)Kansas State (7-1, 4-1) @ (3)Oklahoma State (8-0, 5-0)

Iggins!: Poor K-State. They're actually much better than they will be ranked after this beatdown. Okie State wins.

Code Red: Oklahoma State is awesome. I want to see that offense against LSU/Bama in the title game. OSU wins.

Mrs. Code Red: Oklahoma State, even if Black and Orange teams piss me off.

Notre Dame (5-3) @ Wake Forest (5-3, 4-2)

Code Red: Not after you screwed me last week, Wake. ND wins.

Mrs. Code Red: You had your shot, Wake Forest. You fucked it up. ND wins.

Iggins!: I’m still in shock that both of you thought Wake Forest was any good. Oh well. My gain. Notre Dame wins.

Missouri (4-4, 2-3) @ Baylor (4-3, 1-3)

Iggins!: I don't have a lot of faith in Missouri, and I think RG3 is next year's (if he goes to the NFL) Cam Newton. So Baylor wins.

Code Red: I like RG3, but the Cam Newton comparison stands on shaky ground. He's not the superhuman freak of nature that Cam is, he's certainly more a Vince Young-type long-term prospect. But he's totally gonna rip Mizzou a new one. Baylor wins.

Mrs. Code Red: Out of principle, I never take Baylor. Mizzou wins.

Iggins!: Vince Young had terrible throwing form and bad accuracy. RG3 has good form and an uncanny ability to throw spot-on 50 yard passes. Not the same.

(1)LSU (8-0, 5-0) @ (2)Alabama (8-0, 5-0)

Code Red: The Game of the Century. This game will be close. It's going to come down to the magic of the Hat. LSU wins.

Mrs. Code Red: Alabama. They're at home and I generally choose to Roll with the Crimson Tide.

Iggins!: You are correct that it will come down to Ther Hat. But that will not be a good thing. Alabama wins.