Our Father
Who art in Heaven
I know I am not Catholic
But really, grant me, your holy follower
Without the weird like wine and Latin Chanting
the following favor
Oh Lord!
See it in thine divine glory to grant the University of Illinois
Ye of the Fighting Illini
The glory of victory on the field of football
Against the Ohio State Buckeyes
I am not so heritical,
Oh Merciful One
To assume that the all knowing creator owes me anything personally
But really, you were cruel about that whole Iowa game
Yea, my arrogance preceding said game was mighty
Yea, you did smite me down
Yet I remain the most arrogant man this side of Terrell Owens
But will humble myself before you should you find it in your divine wisdom
To inexplicably fell the sweater vested one, Jim Tressel,
Before he whom we have [Redacted]
So give us on Saturday our powerful upset
And make LSU and Oregon 1 & 2
And Justice shall reign
And happiness shall be thy verdict
Yea, grant us this wish, Oh Lord
Amen
