Well, This Wasn't Predictable at ALL..

Jay Cutler only found Devin Hester once on Sunday for 17 yards. But he spread the ball around and racked up 372 yards passing, tied for 4th most in team history, so surely no one would argue that he needs to work on his communication with Hester if the pass offense is somehow going to work, right?

Wrong. Sigh. God dammit, David Haugh. You're lucky I spent so much time on Morrissey last night, or else you'd get the full hack job. Let's just look at some of the garbage in Haugh's piece:

"Thankfully, nobody wasted any of Jay Cutler's weekly allotment of podium time Wednesday at Halas Hall asking him about his new favorite target.

And they said Cutler would ignore the tight end in Mike Martz's offense.

Seriously, if Cutler chose to jet to New York City to spend his off day with "The Hills'' starlet Kristin Cavallari, question his fondness for reality-TV more than his time management. He's a young, single millionaire coming off a terrific game so this was a rendezvous relevant to TMZ more than the NFL.

Now, if you want to worry about how Cutler's relationship with wide receiver Devin Hester may affect the Bears, that's harder to dismiss. Especially after Cutler's brutally honest assessment of why Hester had only one of 35 pass attempts directed his way against the Lions."

I'll just say here that I hate Jay Cutler for dating a starlet (does she really even qualify for that title?) and making it possible for Haugh to write this crap. That said, Jesus, this is a really, really lame open to an article that doesn't make any sense.

"If Devin would have gotten open I would have thrown him the ball,'' Cutler said without hesitation. Not exactly, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder.'' Unintended or not, the words came across more as a challenge than an explanation.

That asshole. How dare he call out Hester like that? Jeez, Jay, did anyone see you walking away after you threw him under that bus?

"We talked about this before the first game (and) it's going to be game by game who gets the ball,'' Cutler said. "Depending on what coverage … we're going to go with the matchups. They were doing some stuff to Devin, putting some guys over top of him. Devin is going to have his games. I'm not worried about that. He played really well.''

Oh wait. He actually had more than ONE LINE IN THE GOD DAMN QUOTE. Why, that sounds perfectly reasonable. If your number one receiver consistently draws double teams and leaves the others open enough to enable you to throw for 372 YARDS, well, that's pretty solid. Of course, this leaves little drama to this story, so how did Haugh explain it?

"Perhaps realizing how harsh that message may sound to Hester, one of the most sensitive players in the locker room, Cutler quickly conjured up a much less damning explanation. Though saying Hester was a punt returner masquerading as an NFL wide receiver would have been a less damning explanation."

Okay. I've listened to the tape of Cutler's quote. There was absolutely no kind of hesitation or any other indication that Cutler had to backtrack and say this to explain his first line. He didn't even pause after his first line. Haugh added that in. Even Mike & Mike in the Morning said the same thing, and at least 1 1/2 of the people in that duo are braindead. This is just the kind of shit that Jay Cutler is going to have to deal with, and it's sad.

I really can't even attempt to fisk all of the rest of this article. It's a steaming pile of contrived bullshit that Morrissey would be happy to keep on the wall of his fort at the next No Jays Club meeting.

"The Lions defense devoted extra attention to Hester for a reason: They rightfully respected his ability to break a game open more than any other receiver on the roster. As the Bears should."

Exactly. Cutler should try to force him the ball even if other guys are open, because Devin is the guy. That can't end badly at all.

"Hester then mentioned something about helping with big blocks. I don't recall incentives in Hester's contract for the number of downfield blocks thrown."

So Devin should act like a petulant dipshit and not block because that's somehow not what he's paid to do? Good for Devin for taking pride in his blocks and being incredibly diplomatic about this while this dipshit kept trying to prod him into a T.O. like outburst.

Here's a good one:

"Martz found Hester's claims of negligence more amusing than alarming."

Apparently Hester saying: "That's the way it goes — one week one or two balls, next week 15 or 20,'' Hester said. "That's what I'm hoping this week, to get my hands on the ball a little more.'' is accusing Martz of negligence. My God, what a hack.

"Cutler has his favorites and Devin Aromashodu — targeted 10 times Sunday — and Greg Olsen top that list. Why Hester never really has is a question only Cutler can answer, but as easy as the Bears quarterback made it look Sunday, it only will get easier if he develops better chemistry with Hester. Or any at all."

Oh really? Cutler has never really had a relationship with Hester? Is that why he, oh I don't know...LED THE TEAM IN RECEIVING YARDS last year and was second in catches and targets?

Alright, I'm done. Welcome to the list, David Haugh.