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Friday, September 17, 2010

Prognostication Bukakke: Week 2 NFL Picks

Steelers @ Titans

Code Red: Dennis Dixon played pretty well against the Falcons, but the Titans have a much more complete team. Titans win.

Iggins!: This game would turn out the same whether Roethlisberger was there or not. Titans win.

Bucs @ Panthers

Iggins!: Irrelevant games are fun to pick. Panthers win?

Code Red: I think both these teams suck. But I think Josh Freeman will suck less than Matt Moore. Bucs win.

Chiefs @ Browns

Code Red: As I've said, the Chiefs are certainly improved, but Matt Cassel and that offensive line will keep them from playoff contention. They're more than good enough to beat Jake Delhomme, though. Holy shit, he's so awful. I mean he's worse than a young Jake Plummer at this point. I half expect him to just drop his pants and shit on the ball.
Chiefs win.

Iggins!: Cassel truly is terrible. It’s amazing how being totally inept at just one position can screw a whole team. That being said, the Browns should be euthanized. Chiefs win.

Cardinals @ Falcons

Iggins!: The Cardinals struggled to beat the Rams, and Derek Anderson is their QB. That’s got 4-12 written all over it. Falcons win.

Code Red: I’m still concerned about Matt Ryan’s struggles, but yeah. It’s going to be a long season in Arizona. Sorry, TEC. Falcons win.

Dolphins @ Vikings

Code Red: I think the Vikings are going to collapse this year. I just don't see that at collapse involving a loss at home to the Dolphins. (Prove me wrong, Miami. Prove me wrong)
Vikings win.

Iggins!: Favre is a corpse, and not one of those fast ones, I’m talking Dawn of the Dead here. The Fins didn’t look great week 1 but they’ll improve as the season progresses. I don’t think the Vikings can win this one. Dolphins win.

Code Red: If you’re right, I’ll gladly take the hit in the standings.

Eagles @ Lions

Iggins!: Julius Peppers hit Stafford so hard it knocked any chance the Lions had at a good season right out of them. Eagles win.

Code Red: Agreed. Although I wish Stafford a speedy recovery. I like the kid. Eagles win.

Bears @ Cowboys

Code Red: The Cowboys offensive line looked awful against the Redskins, and I think the Bears have a much better front seven than Washington. If Cutler and the offense hang onto the ball I think the Bears will win this one. Also, I don't pick against the Bears until they've driven me into my late-season rageahol binge, so Bears win.

Iggins!: Honestly I don’t think this will be close. The Bears played way better than the score showed last week. Bears win.

Ravens @ Bengals

Iggins!: The difference here will be defense. I have a suspicion that the Patriots defense isn’t that great, which means the Bengals are in trouble. Ravens win.

Code Red: The reason you have that suspicion is because the Bengals actually racked up some impressive numbers offensively. They had an awful, awful start but they’re better than that. Just not good enough to beat the Ravens. Ravens win.

Bills @ Packers

Code Red: Yeaaaah, that ain't happening no matter how many pins I poke in the Aaron Rodgers voodoo doll. Packers win.

Iggins!: Not even close. Packers win.

Rams @ Raiders

Iggins!: The Raiders are better. Which is like saying dog piss smells better than cat piss; It’s true, but why the hell do you care? Raiders win.

Code Red: I’ll just be contrarian and go with the Rams. And Sam Bradford looked not awful for a rookie, so there’s that.

Seahawks @ Broncos

Code Red: I'm not sure what to think of what Seattle did to the 49ers last week. I'm going to gamble that they're pseudo-mediocre-esque and that they can do God's will and send Josh McDaniels to an 0-2 start. Seahawks win.

Iggins!: Very very little has been said about the massacre that Seattle perpetrated unto the 49ers last week. Hasselbeck looked young, Mike Williams (the original, not the Buc or the Steeler) reappeared out of the crack smoke, and the defense shut the Niners down hard. So for at least this week I will believe that the Seahawks are back. Seahawks win.

Code Red: It could be that very little has been said because no one cares about Seattle.

Texans @ Redskins

Iggins!: The Texans could be the best team in the NFL. Texans win.

Code Red: Really? The Best team? Not exactly, but good enough to beat the Redskins. Texans win.

Patriots @ Jets

Code Red: Oooh. INTERESTING. On one hand we have “Perennial Division Champ That Seems to Have Overcome Premature Predictions of Their Demise” vs. “Team That Hasn't Won Shit but Really Likes to Act Like They Have.” Who ya got? I'll take Brady's Patriots, sadly, and drink up the tears of Jets fans. I bear no ill will towards the Jets outside of those who have hyped Rico Mirerez, but I'm well aware that Jets fans are also Mets and Yankees fans and therefore I can delight in their pain. Pats win, but fuck them anyway.

Iggins!: I went, in one week, from loving the Jets to hating them more than the Pats. Their offensive strategy was the most counter-intuitive bullshit I’ve ever seen an NFL team pull. The thing they do best is pound the ball, so they pull Shonn Greene after 5 carries and let Sanchez (editors note: MIREREZ), the worst player on their team, throw 2 yard passes the whole game (or they hand it off to the corpse of LT a few times) WAY TO GIVE UP ON A GUY BECAUSE HE FUMBLED REX. How many times did Forte fumble? How many yards did he end the game with? You don’t abandon a starter because he fumbles! You don’t pass when that is by far the worst part of your team! Jesus. Pats win.

Code Red: The malice this man shows when people bench his fantasy players is truly admirable, folks.

Jaguars @ Chargers

Iggins!: No torrential downpour? Chargers win.

Code Red: San Diego’s at home, too. I don’t see them falling to 0-2. Chargers win.

Giants @ Colts

Code Red: Hmm. Manning brother leading team that wasn't good last year but may be kinda good this year vs. Manning brother leading team that was good last year but may be kinda not so good this year. I'll look for the Colts to rebound and win this one while I get my Michael Irvin on and stab anyone who says “ManningBowl” in the neck with a pair of scissors. Colts win.

Iggins!: Why are people so damn down on the Colts? They lost to a really great team. They’re still way better than the Giants. Colts win.

Code Red: Because we’re all revolutionaries at heart and we want to see the downfall of royalty.

Saints @ 49ers

Iggins!: After the ass kicking the Niners got handed last week I would have to accept a frontal lobotomy if I didn’t say Saints win.

Code Red: I hate that we have to agree so much this week. Saints win.

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