Monday, November 5, 2007

NFL week in review

Oh, what a good weekend it was. For one, the Bears did not lose,which means I can be happy. For two, Griese did not win so I can hate him even more! And for three, the entire NFL decided to stop playing run defense, something the Bears have been doing all season long.

-RUN FATTY RUN!!!!!




And if I wasn't in a deep depression over the Bears being in last I may have enjoyed this EVEN MORE.

-He still ain't Barry Sanders... yet. But Adrian Peterson is perhaps the most frighteningly good running back in the NFL since Barry. Oh, but only if he would have shown some of this talent in college, mayhap he would have been picked above #7! Wait, he almost (and should have), won the Heisman as a freshman? WELL WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!
-Also, because I am in no way shy about tooting my own horn, I did say before the draft that AD was the #2 player available behind Calvin Johnson. BITCH.

-Oh yeah, and these guys did okay too, I guess:
  • Marshawn Lynch: 29 carries, 153 yards, 1 TD
  • Warrick Dunn: 27 carries, 100 yards, 1 TD
  • Joseph Addai: 26 carries, 112 yards/ 5 catches, 114 yards, 1 TD
  • Clinton Portis: 36 carries, 196 yards, 1 TD
    • Ladell Betts: 9 carries, 64 yards
  • Ernest Graham: 34 carries, 124 yards, 1 TD
  • Lendale White: 31 carries, 100 yards, 1 TD
  • Ron Fuckin Dayne: 21 carries, 122 yards, 1 TD
- Devin Hester is getting more pissed every second. Not only is he not getting kicked to, getting hung out to dry by Griese, and killing every woman he sleeps with because within his seed lies the presence of God: now his record is broken, too. Antonio Cromartie returns a kick 109 yards for a TD, and holy shit was it 109 yards:



make that 109 7/8 yards. This was really a double dipper for me, because if Antonio's last name represents the high school where Freddie Mercury, a purple gorilla, and a robot that thinks it's human attend: then he is one of my favorite players.


-Derek Anderson is acting
eerily similar to Drew Brees when Philip Rivers was drafted, and I have a sneaky suspicion that it will end the same way, with Anderson being let go and the Ravens picking him up (the horror... th horror... for Browns fans...).

-----Power Rankings to come on the 'morrow, for now enjoy Devin Hester as we all do (and a pleasant reminder that Duke just CAN NOT tackle:
COLLEGE


2006


SUPER BOWL


Still Alive

I am still alive and kicking friends, however, my laptop is completely fried and the stand in that I am borrowing for school work from my grandparents is probably somewhere between 1/50th and 1/10th as fast as my old one, and the sheer fact that it takes this damn thing 5-10 minutes just to upload a fucking picture makes posting on here a rather painful and time consuming ordeal. So, sans my usual pilfering of youtube and google images for humorous media, here is my college football roundup/thoughts of the week

Top 25 Results

Ohio State 38, Wisconsin 17
Ohio State continues to be well-oiled, efficient, Big Ten epitomized machine, coming back in this game to crush the Badgers and continue to 9-0 and the inexorable death march to the national title game and their soul crushing defeat at the hands of LSU, which, now back at number two, will rise to the occasion to make Jim Tressel cry in his sweater vest. Next up for the Buckeyes? Team Powerthirst and Coach [Redacted], in a game in which Illinois will lead long enough to lose in a heartbreaking and soul crushing fashion.

Florida State 27, BC 17
Boston College, at number two for all of a week and a half, managed to piss away any chance the ACC had at credibility, which is just fine with me.

LSU 41, Alabama 34
Thank you, justice, for restoring order and placing LSU back in a slot for the national title game. Also, thank you for making sure Nick Saban lost this game in agonizing fashion. I had thought you had left college football this season, justice, but you show me you are alive and well.

Oregon 35, Arizona State 23
Wellll, maybe justice has been restored. I hope upon hope that Ohio State loses to Illinois or Michigan and allows Oregon to slip into the national title game against LSU, because after watching this team and their amazing quarterback the last two weeks, I can only imagine that an LSU-Oregon matchup would be the most exciting title game not involving Vince Young in the last decade.

Oklahoma 42, Texas A&M 14
I still maintain my stance that Oklahoma is the Big 12's Ohio State, and I think a Missouri-Oklahoma rematch in the Big 12 title game, or an Oklahoma-Kansas title game would be throughly entertaining in testing the mettle of this team and the entire conference.

Kansas 76, Nebraska 39
Yeah, 115 points in one game, 76 of them dropped on the Saigon 1975esque republic of Callahanistan. This shit is getting ridiculous. Flee!


(seen outside the offices of Bill Callahan, Nebraska Football Coach)

Missouri 55, Colorado 10
You can not hope to stop Chase Daniel, you can only hope to contain Chase Daniel. You're also likely to fail.

Georgia 44, Troy 34
Why, oh Why, did Florida lose to Georgia last week? Now, instead of watching the force of nature that is Tim Tebow get another crack at LSU in the SEC title game, we're likely to see the defense that gave up 34 points to TROY be bent over the table mercilessly by the taffy loving LSU tigers.

Virginia Tech 27, Georgia Tech 3
The ACC holds nothing but desolate wastelands and miserable turnover plagued offensively defunct football. Oh, and Fuck Chan Gailey.

USC 24, Oregon State 3
Yeah, USC's still out there. But are they relevant to the national title game picture? Say it with me folks, you know you want to, a one, a two, a three, "FUCK NO"

Michigan 28, Michigan State 24
Remember way, way way back in my first college roundup when I mentioned my fear that Michigan, despite its crushing defeats to App State and Oregon, would run the table in the Big Ten, end up in a BCS bowl, and expose forever the fact that the Big Ten is not a legitimate championship caliber conference? Prepare for mayhem, because barring Tressel beating Michigan again, it can, and will happen.

Texas 38, Oklahoma State 35
Really, let me put the emphasis on this, I do not care, Texas, I do not care.

Connecticut 38, Rutgers 19
Really? Good for you, UConn.

Florida 49, Vanderbilt 22
Oh, what could have been, Tim Tebow, what could have been.

Auburn 35, Tennessee Tech 3
Whew, dodged that bullet, didn't we Tommy Tuberville?

Cincinnati 38, South Florida 35
Two straight losses for one time #2 South Florida, a team that I have admittedly disliked all year for no apparent reason. I win, they lose.

Virginia 17, Wake Forest 16
(See Virginia Tech result)

Boise State 42, San Jose State 7
Blue turf for everyone! Yay!

Arkansas 48, South Carolina 36
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Spurrier can kiss this year goodbye.

Tennessee 59, Louisiana Lafayette 7
Squeaker.

Clemson 47, Duke 10
(See Virginia Tech result)

Rankings
1. LSU
2. Oregon
3. Oklahoma
4. Kansas
5. Ohio State
6. Missouri
7. West Virginia
8. Arizona State
9. Boston College
10. Georgia
11. Virginia Tech
12.Hawaii
13. USC
14. Michigan
15. Florida
16. Texas
17. UConn
18.Auburn
19. Boise State
20. Alabama
21. Clemson
22.Illinois
23. Cal
24. Kentucky
25. Virginia

Random Notes From Sportsdom-

-Really, I don't give a shit if the Bulls get Kobe or not.

-Brian Griese is still the Bears starter, and if you look in the box scores you will see that the Bears did not win yesterday.

-Matt Ryan vomits up #2 and the Heisman this week.

-Juice Williams passed for 200 yards finally. Joyous! What's that? It was against Minnesota? Fuck