The Historically Boring Numbers of Daniel Jones

That's right folks, it's time for me to once again piss all over the insanely stupid decision by a New York franchise to draft a mediocre college passer who shouldn't have sniffed the first half of the draft, let alone the top ten. No I'm not picking on Buffalo and Josh Allen again*, today I'm tackling the indefensible decision by the New York Football Giants to draft East Coast Clayton Thorsen. Any time you can draft a guy who managed to put up Shane Matthews numbers in the ACC you gotta do it (NFL Shane Matthews, not college Shane Matthews, whom it should be noted was a much, much, much better college QB than Daniel Jones). To be blunt, statistically speaking, Daniel Jones might be the most indefensible first round pick at QB in the last twenty plus years, and yes, that does include my well-known hatred of the aforementioned Josh Allen pick.

Just how bad is the Daniel Jones pick, historically? As I mentioned in my article on drafting QBs a few months ago, I have compiled basically every relevant statistic on every QB drafted in the first round since 1998. With the three 2019 draftees this list now spans 63 quarterbacks who combined for over 66,000 college passing attempts. No matter the category, however, Daniel Jones ranks middling at best to jaw-droppingly awful at worst. Without further introductions I'll just dive right in:

1) Jones can't throw deep, at all, in any capacity.
For his career Jones averaged 6.4 yards per attempt. That's absolutely terrible, and out of all 63 QBs drafted in the first round in the last 21 drafts that figure puts him 62nd overall, ahead of only the notoriously awful Kyle Boller.There have been just 5 QBs before Jones who were drafted in the first round and failed to hit 7 yards per attempt in college (generally consider the Mendoza Line of acceptable production for a QB):

Jake Locker, Matt Ryan, JP Losman, Kyle Boller, and Patrick Ramsey.

Aside from Ryan, whom I will discuss more in detail further down since I'm quite sure he'll be the most frequently used comp among Jones apologists in the near future, that is obviously quite the terrible selection of QBs.

Raw yards per attempt can sometimes be misleading, however, as one can sometimes arrive at a respectable YPA by completing an insanely high % of short passes (like Sam Bradford, who completed 71.3% of his passes for the Vikings in 2016 and managed a respectable 7.3 yards per attempt while only averaging a paltry 9.8 yards per completion), or by hitting on a smaller percentage of deep pass plays. For this reason I decided to look at Jones yards per completion as well, and that was just as staggeringly awful. For his career Jones averaged a mere 10.7 yards per completion. For perspective, Case Keenum ranked 26th in the NFL last year with a 10.7 YPC. This points to an almost laughable inability to complete the long ball. Jones is one of only two first round quarterbacks total to have managed fewer than 11 yards per completion in college after Tim Couch.

2) Okay, so he can't throw deep, he's accurate, though, right?
Actually, no, not really! Jones was one of just 19 QBs out of 63 who completed less than 60% of their total college pass attempts. His 59.9% average ranked 45th in the pack. While there are some successful QBs who have completed less than 60% of their total college pass attempts and gone onto NFL success (namely Matt Ryan, Jay Cutler, Carson Palmer, Donovan McNabb, and Matthew Stafford), all of those successful QBs managed higher yards per attempt and yards per completion than Jones, meaning that while Palmer, McNabb, Stafford, and Cutler especially can blame some of their low % on the fact that they often went deep and connected often enough on big plays to make it worthwhile, Jones has no such excuse.

Even more concerning than Jones' mediocre career completion % is the fact that his first season as a starter was actually his best in that regard, as his 62.8% as a sophomore saw a massive drop to 56.7 as a junior and only a modest rebound to 60.5% as a senior. Most of the successful QBs listed above started as overwhelmed freshman before seeing their completion % increase to more than 60% in their final year. Jones regression (or his stalled progress, at best) does not bode well for any ability to improve steadily at a more difficult level of football.

Even more depressing is that Jones managed that mediocre % while, as noted above, managing the second-lowest yards per completion of any QB in the sample. At least when Tim Couch only managed 10.6 yards per completion he was a high volume passer, completing 67.1% of those attempts and 72.3% in his final campaign. Then again I'm sure that Jones' apologists will point out Jones played with a terrible supporting cast at Duke and Tim Couch had the all-star talent one normally finds on the football program at, uh, *checks notes*...Kentucky.

Ex-Bears Quarterback of the Day: Rick Mirer

Twelve years before Jay Cutler, the Bears traded a different first round pick to a different AFC West team to acquire a strong-armed mobile quarterback. The man was to be the 9,787th attempt at finding a savior at the most important position, and he was also supposed to the person who saved Dave Wannstedt's ass. He failed epically at both.

This man, of course, was Rick Mirer.

Ex-Bears Quarterback of the Day: Shane Matthews

The offseason is long, and dreary, and hell, I even watched soccer this week. To liven things up it's time for another sure-to-be-quickly-abandoned Start Kyle Orton Recurring Feature. This one focusing on the principle this entire site was founded on: discussing mediocre Bears quarterbacks.

Today, it's time to re-visit the man whose arm strength made Christian Ponder look like Brett Favre (if Brett Favre's throwing arm had actually been replaced with a cybernetic throwing arm that was even stronger): Shane Matthews.

How He Came to Be a Bear:
After a record-breaking career at the University of Florida (where all of his records were like, immediately broken by Danny Wuerffel), Matthews went undrafted because, well, dat arm. The Bears signed him as a UFA and he spent 1993-1996 as the third string quarterback, starting zero games and throwing just 17 passes, all in his final year. He then spent 1997 and 1998 with the Panthers before the Bears brought him back for the 1999 season.

Matthews was expected to compete for the third string job with Jim Miller and Moses Moreno, as longtime Bears starting QB Erik Kramer was expected to start until first round pick Cade McNown was ready. Everything about that sentence depresses the living shit out of me. The Bears unexpectedly released Kramer in June, however, and entered training camp with Matthews competing directly with McNown for the starting spot, which Matthews won, because the opponent was Cade McNown.

Looking Back: An Oral History of the 2003 Bears on their 10th Anniversary

I am bored on a Friday night and have nothing else to do because my wife is gone for the weekend I am 25 going on 60. So this is just something I thought might be fun:

Some teams are good. Some teams are bad. Some teams are utterly forgettable, and that includes the 2003 Bears. In a way, though, doesn't that make them the teams most worth remembering? No? Well, here's the story of the 2003 Bears anyway.

March, 2003. Coming off of a dismal 4-12 campaign in 2002, just a year after a startling and totally-not-at-all-an-aberration-considering-it-was-their-first-ten-win-season-in-a-decade division title in 2001, Bears general manager Jerry Angelo deemed his team to be closer to a Superbowl contender than a basement-dweller, and chose to take a cautious approach to NFL free agency.

Jerry Angelo, ex-Bears GM: I've never been a big believer in free agent spending, unless my ass and everyone around me is about to be fired without a quick fix. I thought the core of that 2001 team could still contend, and decided the key to getting over the hump was a tight end who caught 2 passes for 42 yards in 2002.


Desmond Clark: Hey, I turned out pretty well.

Jerry Angelo: You sure did, Dez. Sorry I spent every fucking year seemingly trying to find your replacement, right up until I eventually benched you for Greg Olsen just in time to hire a coach who didn't even want to use him. 

When Should the Jaguars Give Up On Blaine Gabbert?

Those of you who read this site often know that there are certain quarterbacks that I frequently criticize, if for no other reason than the fact that I thought they'd suck before they ever even arrived in the NFL and continue to point out their suck at every available opportunity. Rico Mirerez is a notable example, but more recently I've spent a lot of time ragging on Blaine Gabbert.

Now I'm not going to pretend I'm alone in pointing out how much Blaine Gabbert sucks. Everyone's doing it because it's true and it's fun. That said, I've noticed many people still saying things like "it's too early for the Jaguars to give up on Gabbert." This group can range from usual simpletons like Hub Arkush, who of course thought Gabbert would be better than Cam Newton and says you can't judge Blaine yet after 19 starts (but who also all but dismisses Shea McClellin with a wanking motion despite his good production so far as a pass rushing specialist because Hub still totally told you he couldn't be a three down, run stuffing 4-3 end on a team that didn't draft him to do that and has no need for him to do so at the moment) to more scientific sources like Pro Football Focus. While the PFF guys do nothing to defend Gabbert's play, they still say it's "too early" to give up on him. Is it really?

The old standard for measuring a QB's progress was to give them three years. After three years the idea was that you knew what you had in a guy. Drew Brees was a notorious example of a guy who took three years to hit his stride. Even with quarterbacks like Roethlisberger, Flacco, Ryan, Newton, Dalton, RGIII, and Luck impressing from day one, the idea that you need to give some guys three years to develop holds some weight. I'm not going to disagree with this, but there's also a difference between waiting three years for a dynamic but inconsistent top prospect to flatten out his peaks and valleys and become a franchise guy and simply waiting for a guy like Gabbert to do something, anything, to justify his draft stock. It's not like Gabbert is a guy who has flashed a ton of potential and simply forces too many throws or takes too many risks. He's shown no measurable progress or any real potential for greatness. He's never had a 300 yard or 3 TD game. QB rating is a flawed stat, but even then Gabbert has had just 5 career starts with a passer rating of over 80, three of which were games where he had less than 20 pass attempts or 200 yards, or both.

My argument, then, is that the Jaguars should give up on Gabbert now because the likelihood that he'll develop into a reliable starting quarterback in the NFL is damn near miniscule. In order to prove this I've decided to compare Gabbert's stats to other quarterbacks taken in the 1st or 2nd round since 1999 in order to show what company Blaine is actually in.

The stat I've chosen to look at for this comparison is what Pro Football Reference calls "Adjusted Yards Per Attempt." Basically, this stat adjusts a player's YPA with bonuses for TDs and deductions for interceptions. After 19 career starts, Gabbert's AYPA sits at 4.9. The only two passers that managed an AYPA lower than that in their first years in the league? Alex Smith and Joey Harrington. The bottom five? JaMarcus Russell, Kyle Boller, Gabbert, Smith, and Harrington. Drew Brees, the poster boy for the three year model, had an AYPA of 5.28, but had also had four 300 yard games and several 3 TD games. Brees' had a regular YPA of 6.4 during that time period, and also averaged 10.8 YPC during that time, meaning he, unlike Gabbert (5.4 and 10.0 respectively) showed some proclivity for making big plays and had many more of the usual "young QB" struggles, rather than a sheer inability to run an NFL offense.

At this point, the Jaguars are basically banking that the best case scenario (and one could could argue that Alex Smith is a historical anomaly, given that few quarterbacks survive as many unproductive years and as many coaching changes as he has) is a 20% chance that Gabbert may one day be Alex Smith. The far more likely scenario is that he's Kyle Boller or JaMarcus Russell. The suck isn't just going to one day transform into something else. The Jaguars should move on now, just two years into the experiment. The Raiders did that with Russell, and I bet the Ravens wish they would have with Boller. Even a move to Chad Henne (AYPA through first 19 starts: 5.86) would be a better move for the franchise.

Your 2012 SKO Quarterback Rankings: 21-32

21. Josh Freeman: Oh, what a precipitous fall. It turns out people should have looked at how many potential interceptions Freeman had dropped in 2010 (according to Pro Football Focus, at least 10), and how incredibly weak the Buccaneers schedule that year was. Freeman got into the "elite" category on many lists last year because of his inflated 25:6 ratio that year, since the rest of his stats (61.4%, 3451 yds, 215 YPG, 7.3 YPA) ranged from average to slightly-above average. Last year Freeman had the season he probably should have had the year before, making incremental improvements with his accuracy and total yardage while still turning the ball over a ton (16:22 ratio). While the luster has come off, I still wouldn't give up on Freeman. He's still an impressive player, talent-wise, and he was a project coming out of Kansas State to begin with. His aberration of a 2010 season led us to assume he was a year ahead of schedule, but he could still get there.

22. Carson Palmer: This may be overrating Carson Palmer a bit. Do you have ANY IDEA how much it hurts me to say that it's generous to claim Carson Palmer as the 22nd best passer in the NFL? It's painful. Goddamn, I loved Carson Palmer. Remember this, young athletes, at any given moment Kim Von Oelhoefen or a torn rotator cuff can drop you from the top of the world to the Oakland Raiders real quick. Be grateful for your beautiful armcocks while they're still spitting hot fire before your biggest fans refuse to watch your games because it's too damn depressing to see yet another deep ball die hopelessly in midair like a Russian airliner, when you used to do it with such ease.

23. Matt Cassel: Okay, Matt Cassel fans. Do any of you still exist? Is there anyone out there who is still willing to use his Jamaal Charles induced, red-zone TD inflated, weak schedule-boosted 27:7 TD-INT ratio in 2010 to argue that he's anything more than this generation's Scott Mitchell? No? Okay. Carry on then.

24. Mark Sanchez: Oh, how I wanted to rank Mirerez lower. I have hopes that some of the plebeian passers below him on this list will leapfrog him this year. For now, however, Sanchez's 3474 yards and 26 TD passes last year, however hollow, give him a better resume than anyone below him on the list. That said, if there's anyone left who thinks that a guy who has a weak arm, who has never been accurate enough in college or through three seasons in the NFL to compensate for that weak arm, who turns the ball over at an incredibly alarming rate, and who is nothing more than the product of two massive hype machines (USC, the NYC media) will somehow magically transform into a Pro Bowler on a team with less offensive talent than he's had around him in the past, I'd like to meet you so I can punch you in the face.

25. Sam Bradford: I thought Sam Bradford was an average player coming out of college. I railed against those like Ross Tucker who thought his "good" rookie year justified crowning him as a top 15 quarterback last year. His "good" rookie year was actually just a media overreaction to an 18:15 TD:INT ratio and the usual crap about poise and intangibles. Bradford actually just threw an ungodly amount of short passes and didn't turn the ball over that much (for a rookie). Last year was an unmitigated disaster that can't be entirely blamed on Bradford, but a guy who threw for 6 TD passes in ten starts in his second year doesn't inspire much confidence. That was actually the fewest number of TD passes for any QB with 350 or more attempts in a season since Trent Dilfer threw 4 in his second season. That's not good company, Sam.

26. Jake Locker:  Iggins! and I spent some time trying to project Jake Locker's stat line for the season and decided that something around 55-57% completions, 3300 yds, 22 TDs, and 15-17 INTs would make sense. I love Jake Locker's talent, but it's always hard for me to accept that an inaccurate college passer will become a consistent NFL thrower. I'm guessing his ceiling is somewhere around Joe Flacco while his floor is Rex Grossman with speed. A likely middle ground would be Derek Anderson circa 2007.

27. Christian Ponder: Christian Ponder has the skill set of Chad Pennington without the incredible accuracy and with far more turnovers. That's....well. That's not going to end well. I wouldn't worry, though. He's got all the trademarks of a guy destined to have a long NFL career. With a clipboard.

28. Brandon Weeden: This is probably not justifiable either. The idea that a rookie starter for the goddamn Browns could put up better numbers than four other quarterbacks in the NFL is probably not tenable, but I like Weeden's talent and think he's a better pocket passer than Tannehill and maybe even RGIII. It may have been stupid to invest the franchise in a 29 year old, but that doesn't diminish his on field value. I think he might surprise.

29. John Skelton/Kevin Kolb: If Kolb wins the job, he'll probably be game manger-ish enough to move up a few spots on the ranking. I have no doubt that Skelton is just Derek Anderson all over again. He's the classic case of "fan favorite who got lucky in meaningless games" and will no doubt shit all over that goodwill when he gets an extended chance to start. Skelton hasn't even been Average in a single statistical category in 14 career starts. Besides, their line is atrocious and is going to get both of them killed anyway.

30. Russell Wilson: The list of rookie quarterbacks who were first or second round quarterbacks and had immediate success is short. The list of rookie quarterbacks who came from later rounds and had immediate success is much, much shorter. I've been a huge fan of Wilson since his first year at NC State, and I think it's a sad failure of the NFL scouting system that a guy fell so far simply because he's 5'11'' and not 6'', but to expect anything other than typical rookie struggles from the guy is absurd.

31. Ryan Tannehill: Last year an NFL team took a mediocre Big 12 quarterback solely due to his measurables. Most seasoned experts said he needed to sit a year before he started because his glaring flaws needed time for correction and the team around him lacked the talent to do anything but destroy his confidence. The Jaguars started Gabbert anyway and the result was a crime against the very profession of quarterbacking. This year it's the Dolphins who are pissing into the face of conventional wisdom, and they'll get the reward of watching turnover-prone, happy-footed Tannehill throw to what may be the worst receiver corps in the NFL (thanks for trading Brandon Marshall and taking the Bears out of that conversation, guys!) while his "star" runningback stands idly by following his annual week four injury. Sorry, Tannehill. We barely knew ye.

32. Blaine Gabbert: Oh, and here's Blaine Gabbert. Hell, I'm just going to quote directly from the Football Outsiders almanac:

"Watch Blaine Gabbert's tape last year and you will see a boy playing with men. There were a few minor signs of improvement, and a few nice throws down the stretch, but nothing that would lead you to suggest that he had turned a corner. This is a quarterback that made the vast majority of his throws within 10 yards of the line of scrimmage. This is a quarterback that showed signs of panic even when his pocket was relatively clean—though he did get a bit better at this as the season wore on. What was most galling about watching him was his footwork. He correctly stepped into maybe one of every nine throws, and that absolutely killed his accuracy."

That's pretty much exactly what the book was on Gabbert coming out of college. The guy failed to get 7.0 YPA in a fucking spread offense in the Big 12, where Jim Abbott could throw for 200 yards a game with his Other arm. He has a great arm but no ability to throw a consistent deep ball. He can run, but doesn't do it effectively. He scrambles when he has a pocket and stands frozen when everything goes to Hell around him. The Jaguars have rightly tried to load up on wide receiver talent (although the whole Not Paying MJD thing is kind of unintentionally ratcheting up the pressure on Gabbert), but few of Gabbert's issues had anything to do with his targets. He's. not. good.

That's everyone. I counted only the starting QBs, but if Tebow takes over for Sanchez you can probably slot him somewhere around Weeden. He's easily the worst passer, but his ability to run at least makes him more of a threat than Blaine Fucking Gabbert. Matt Flynn, meanwhile, would probably belong in Matt Cassel territory even though, long-term, Wilson probably is a better option.

 Phew. That was long. I hope at least one of you made it to the end of all three of these.

Looking Back at a Decade of Shitty Predictions

I thought I'd take a moment between doing Bears position reviews and before this week's NFL draft (Iggins!, Mrs. Code Red, and myself will post our official mock drafts Wednesday and explain the scoring system for the Prog Bukakke Draft Edition) to look back on some of my previous predictions regarding the glamor position in the NFL and in the draft: Quarterback. I'll finish with my opinion of the top of this year's QB crop.

Now, for some of these there's evidence in the archives of this site, for others Iggins! is available to call bullshit, but you'll have to just trust that I actually said all of these things. I think you'll believe me when I establish my credibility by copping to my absolutely horrible prediction regarding the 2004 QB class.

Anywho, onto the self-mocking.

 2002: David Carr (1): I believe my exact words were "This has Tim Couch written all over it," because while I didn't dislike Carr I didn't think he was the kind of elite prospect that could make a terrible expansion team any good. I didn't foresee him getting absolutely demolished for five years, though.

Joey Harrington (3): I never liked Harrington in college and kind of always thought he had a stupid face. My predictions became more scientific as time went on. Regardless, I thought he was fucked because, well, Detroit.

Patrick Ramsey (32): "Why would the Redskins draft a guy who wasn't even good in college? Oh, and that college was Tulane. He'll suck."

2003: Carson Palmer (1): I'll go down to the death stating that Carson Palmer, before the injuries, was perhaps the single most perfect quarterback prospect I've ever seen. He had the arm strength of Favre, he ran the no-huddle as well as Manning (at least in 2005), and he was as accurate as Brady. Then he was absolutely ruined and now I sometimes cry when I watch him desperately attempt to recover some of his old glory. DAMN YOU, CRUEL WORLD. CARSON AND I WERE HAPPY TOGETHER.

Byron Leftwich (7): Yeah, I'll admit I loved him just because of that game where his linemen had to carry him down the field because of his broken leg. I CAN LOVE GRIT TOO YOU KNOW. Hell, he wasn't even that bad, considering his last year in Jacksonville he managed a 15-5 ratio and a 89.3 rating. He was just dreadfully slow, easier to sack than a frozen Drew Bledsoe, and very injury prone.

Kyle Boller (19): I thought Brian Billick was absolutely idiotic to draft a guy who couldn't even complete Half of his passes for three years in college. He was. BUT HE COULD THROW 50 YARDS FROM HIS KNEES!

Rex Grossman (22): My love of Rex Grossman was not just Bears homerism. I loved him in college. I still think he was wrongfully screwed out of the 2001 Heisman but I absolutely loved his deep ball, his quick release, and his swagger. I, like the Bears, overlooked his dreadful decline in 2002 when he threw 17 interceptions. My bad.

2004: Eli Manning (1): I like Philip Rivers more, but I thought Eli would be good. Man, do I look smart now.

Philip Rivers (4): He was fun to watch at NC State. I liked him the best out of the group, but I didn't know if his arm was strong enough. Hasn't seemed like much of a problem.

Ben Roethlisberger (11): I thought he was a project with potential but wouldn't be very successful if he started before his third year. Turns out he'd have the best rookie season since Dan Marino and he'd win a Superbowl a year later. I was wrong, but it looks even worse when you consider that I said....

JP Losman (22): would be better than Roethlisberger. Yep. Losman had a cannon arm, he ran like a gazelle, and I thought he had a lot of talent around him in Lee Evans, Eric Moulds, Travis Henry, and Willis McGahee. He ended up winning a UFL championship. Guh. My biggest failure.

2005: Alex Smith (1): I thought he sucked then and I think he sucks now. I know he sucks less, but if the number one overall pick in the draft can't even throw for 200 yards a game, c'mon.

Aaron Rodgers (24): Thought he was the best QB in this draft but certainly never expected the terrifying demi-God he became.

Jason Campbell (25): I thought he would be good if he ever got out of Washington. Well, he still wasn't that good, but he may be the best backup quarterback in the NFL, so that's nice.

2006: Vince Young (3): I have hated Vince Young for so long it's not even funny. I despised everything about him from his attitude to his ridiculous sidearm throwing motion to the hype constantly surrounding him in college. He's been mostly terrible in the NFL and he may rot.

Matt Leinart (10): Iggins! and I had a bet with each other for three years over whether Leinart or Young would be better. We eventually just tossed it out, but I won't deny I thought Leinart would at least be a starting quarterback in the NFL, so that one's on me as well.

Jay Cutler (11): Like Rex Grossman, my Jay Cutler love began well before his Bears career, as I said before the draft in 2006 that Jay would easily be the best quarterback in his class. His incredibly shitty classmates not withstanding, he's been a top ten NFL quarterback for most of his career, and I still sometimes shit myself when I think of how different the Bears franchise would be if Josh McDaniel wasn't a fucking moron.

2007: JaMarcus Russell (1): I'm not going to act like I was any kind of genius when I said Russell would be a bust, because everyone who wasn't in the Raiders organization said that. Hell, everyone but one person IN the Raiders organization said that. We miss you, Al.

Brady Quinn (22): Apparently if you are a quarterback taken at #22 (Grossman, Losman, Quinn), you will most likely suck. I said at the time that Brady Quinn would have been a 3rd round pick if he hadn't played at Notre Dame. Then again, he's never really even gotten a chance to start. Who was worse, the Russell/Quinn Duo of 2007, the Maddox/Klingler Duo of 1992, or the McGwire/Marinovich pairing of 1991?

2008: Matt Ryan (3): I liked Matt Ryan at the time, although I thought #3 was a bit high. He's certainly resurrected the Falcons, but I still have my doubts that he can ever really be anything more than a very highly touted game manager. Everyone wanted to compare him to Tom Brady after his hot start, but I still see him as more of a Matt Hasselbeck type. Not to say you can't win a Superbowl with him. The Seahawks nearly did.

Joe Flacco (18): I may have overrated Flacco a bit. Statistically and physically he's very similar to Cutler, and I argued up until this year he was underrated, then he kind of shit the bed. Yeah, his offensive line has issues at times but he has generally had way more talent around him than most QBs get (Cutler in particular) and he never really seems to go beyond what he was as early as his second year. I compared him to Drew Bledsoe once: on the one hand, you could say that's a pretty good thing, a consistently above average QB, but on the other hand, did anyone ever say "Fuck yeah, we've got Drew Bledsoe"? Besides dipshit Bills fans, I mean.

2009: Matthew Stafford (1): Iggins! and I also had a three year bet regarding Stafford vs. Mark Sanchez. I said Stafford was better and, well, obviously I'm right. Granted, I still thank that Matthew Stafford without Calvin Johnson is probably somewhere in Joe Flacco territory, but numbers are numbers. That said, I'm disappointed the he turned out to be a sonofabitch. Let's see if he picks a fight with someone bigger than DJ Moore next year.

Mark Sanchez (5): Sure, everyone's come around to Sanchez and his enormous level of suck now, but I was there from day one. If he hadn't gone to USC he'd have been a mid-level prospect. I coined Rico Mirerez as early as the second half of his rookie year. You suck, Mirerez. This is yet another cautionary reminder that you don't draft someone for "poise," at least not in the top five.

Josh Freeman (17): I thought Josh Freeman was physically more impressive than Stafford but incredibly raw, considering Kansas State doesn't exactly run the most pass-friendly offense in America. His first three inconsistent years are evidence of that, especially when you consider that the whole 2010 Bucs team was one big mirage of luck and weak scheduling. I don't know if he'll turn it around.

2010: Sam Bradford (1): I never cared much for Bradford, and I railed against people who thought his rookie campaign was excellent, since it was really just a case of incredibly conservative play calling help him to pad his completion % and avoid interceptions while not actually playing very well. His physical skills are still impressive but he's injury prone and the Rams don't appear to have any idea how to build around him. Even considering the shitty talent around him, 6 TD passes in 10 starts last year is pretty pathetic.

Tim Tebow (25): Yeah, I was as much a part of the "Tim Tebow is not an NFL Quarterback" club then as I am now, although I've nearly reached the point where I hate his detractors as much as his supporters.

2011: Cam Newton (1): I was not on the list of people who thought Newton would be a bust, as my exact quote was that I didn't think he'd learn an NFL offense quickly enough to justify the number one pick. I saw him more as a guy who would hit his stride sometime around year three. I'll give Iggins! credit, though, because he thought Newton would be a star from day one. He needs this kind of encouragement, since he once said that "Jason White can make ALL the throws." Jason will be glad to hear you tell him that the next time you visit your local footlocker.

Jake Locker (8): College statistics tell me I should beware of Jake Locker, but his big, throbbing armcock disagrees. I saw him play some outstanding games at Washington and have some total meltdowns. His brief audition last year only showed that he was still kinda inaccurate (51.5 comp. %) and yet still armcocky (15.9 yards per completion). I said I thought he'd be a success so long as the Titans running game and play action allowed him to rely on play action and big plays downfield. Armcock.

Blaine Gabbert (10): I preached from the mountain tops that you shouldn't draft a guy who wasn't even good in college. Gabbert averaged just 6.7 ypa his last year in the fucking spread (it should also concern the Jaguars that Chase Daniel, Gabbert's predecessor, and James Franklin, his successor, aren't really NFL prospects and both had far better numbers at Mizzou than Gabbert). He had no pocket presence and he had stupid hair. He's still got no pocket presence, he was absolutely atrocious as a rookie, and he cut his stupid hair and somehow made it even more stupid. Gabbert sucks.

Christian Ponder (12): I wondered aloud why the Vikings would spend the 12th overall pick of the draft on a guy who might hopefully someday be the next Chad Pennington. I still wonder. He would have been available in the 2nd round, I'm sure, or later in the 1st round at least, and he's just not that talented. He had his moments as a rookie and might be a quality starter, but he's not going to be a franchise quarterback. Does not compute.

2012: Andrew Luck: I think he's the real deal, and I think he's the right pick for the Colts. Any concerns about his arm strength are overrated, as I really don't think his is any worse than Manning's and he's much more mobile. He's really the no-brainer everyone makes him out to be.

Robert Griffin III: This year has really gotten my football hipster up since I knew about RGIII back when he was a freshman just because I've followed the career of his head coach, Art Briles for a while (he was the OC at Texas Tech for a while and my infatuation with the Mike Leach coaching tree is well-known). Therefore I knew about him before you did. Probably. Anyway, I think the Cam Newton comparisons and the impatience of Redskins fans will probably raise expectations too high, too fast, but he's going to be a great player if the Redskins can protect him. I keep groaning when I read predictable, stereotypical black quarterback analysis like this from the 2012 Pro Football Draft Guide:

Athlete making major strides as passer.

Really? Is that why he had a career completion % higher than Luck? (67.1 to 67). Raycess.

Ryan Tannehill: He's not very good. He's certainly not a top ten pick. Beware a quarterback with limited starting experience who has somehow climbed up draft boards without being able to even work out the combine or do all of the drills at his pro day. Desperation is a cruel mistress.

Brandon Weeden: If he were younger than Tannehill I'd rank him higher, because he's got a better arm and he makes better decisions, but it's hard to deal with a 28 year old rookie. He's better than, say, Chris Weinke, but if the Browns take him at #22 as some have said they'll probably regret it.

Kirk Cousins: I knew the Andy Dalton comparisons would come. I said back in November that he'd be the guy benefiting most from Dalton's success. Seriously, though, one mediocre game manager having a good year largely thanks to a dynamic fellow-rookie receiver doesn't mean that all college game managers will be good NFL players. Not to say that Cousins couldn't be an OK NFL starter, but teams that take him as the next Dalton will be reaching.

Brock Osweiler: Has Derek Anderson 2.0 written all over him.

Nick Foles: Not very good.

Well, that's everything. You now have all of the ammunition you need to trust or not trust my judgement on any quarterback prospect I ever mention, and you have the definitive statements you need on this year's crop to mock me next spring.

2011 Bears Position Reviews: Quarterback

Well, it's probably about time I get to this, isn't it?

#6 Jay Cutler-
We all know the way Jay Cutler's 2010 season ended, with an injury that brought a hail of undeserved and absolutely ridiculous meathead criticism upon him. Unfortunately, his 2011 season also ended with an injury, but by the time his second injury occurred most of his critics had come to accept the simple fact that Jay Cutler is a damn good quarterback.

No, the numbers (2319 YDS, 13 TDS, 7 INTs, 85.7 rating) weren't mindblowing, but if there was one thing Jay's absence taught us, it was that those of us who have always defended him were right: without him, the Bears were nothing.

He dealt with an offensive coordinator who desperately tried to force an poorly conceived, dangerous scheme down his throat. He dealt with an offensive line that continually struggled with injuries and lapses before settling into a nice rhythm in the last five games before his injury. He dealt once again with a mediocre corps of wide receivers, especially when Earl Bennett missed most of the first half with an injury. Eventually, Jerry Angelo's refusal to get him a real receiver proved to be the undoing of the entire team, as Jay injured himself after an interception caused by Johnny Knox slipping. Again.

Through it all, Jay continued to play well, limit mistakes, make some absolutely breathtaking throws, and prove that he was tough as a quarterback gets. More importantly, he won, as he has in 19 of his last 27 regular season starts with the Bears. Next year he'll hopefully have better protection, a coordinator who won't hesitate to use the stable of very good backs that the Bears have in order to take the load off of Jay, and, finally, a real receiver to throw to. I cannot wait to see #6 take the field again. It's been far too long.

#12 Caleb Hanie-
Well, shit. Did you see that coming? I'll admit, my initial reaction to Jay's injury was absolute panic and woe, but as you saw, I talked myself out of it long enough to freak out all over again in the Raiders game. I should have known. Generally speaking, any time Bears fans are enamored with a backup quarterback, they always find out how wrong they are.

I had hoped Caleb would be different. He had experience in the scheme, he was big, mobile, and physically talented. He seemed like he wasn't a shithead, and he didn't seem phased by the NFC Title Game, so I had hoped for a little bit more than the shifty, panicky, absolutely atrocious flop of a quarterback that we got. People can blame the Bears offensive line and the talent around him all they want, but there's no good reason why Jay Cutler can take 23 sacks in 10 games (and just 5 in his last 5) and Caleb can get sacked 19 times in 4 games. Most of those are on him. He had no sense of the rush, he had no idea how to throw the ball away, and he had no ability to make decisions on the run. In the end, his numbers (51/102 (50%), 613 yds, 3 TDs, 9 INTS, 6.0 YPA and 41.8 rating) show he was really just Craig Krenzel without the molecular genetics degree.

Needless to say, the Bears made the best decision possible when they brought in Jason Campbell and re-signed McCown to upgrade the depth chart, as Caleb could never be trusted as a reliable fallback plan again. I'm sure he'll work out fine in Denver, though. Totally.

#15 Josh McCown-
The Bears may have made the playoffs this year had Josh McCown not signed a contract with the Hartford Colonials in 2010. If Josh had decided to pass on the UFL, Mike Martz may have signed Josh instead of Todd Collins, Caleb would never have had the #2 job, and a much less rusty Josh McCown may have been able to get the Bears the 2 wins in 6 tries the team would have needed to make the playoffs and hand things back over to Jay Cutler.

Alas, none of the above happened, and all we were left with was two relatively decent spot starts by McCown after Hanie had already tanked the season. There's no need to pretend that Josh was anything spectacular, but he may win the coveted title of Best Third String Quarterback in Bears History (or at least since the George Blanda Era) next year.

#10 Nathan Enderle-
Didn't play. Totally going to be cut in training camp.

In a familiar scenario, the quarterback position proved to be the undoing of a promising Bears team in 2011. Fortunately, Phil Emery opened up the wallet for a capable backup for the first time in recent Bears memory and brought in Jason Campbell. At least we have the comfort of knowing that the nightmare is over, since Jay will be back and better than ever in 2012.

The Quarterback Market- What's so Great about Kevin Kolb?

If you read this blog, you'll know I subscribe wholeheartedly to the idea that this is a quarterback driven league. I understand, then, that the NFL is heavily divided between the haves and the have nots in this department, with the Bears having spent most of my life in the have nots until the recent past. Not surprisingly, signal callers with any modicum of experience or promise tend to be overvalued and can draw a king's ransom in return during a trade. As we all know, Jay Cutler cost the Bears two first round picks and a third round pick, while others have cost nearly as much. Matt Schaub, for example, had started just two games for the Falcons and had just a 6:6 TD:INT ratio and a measly 69.2 passer rating, but he cost the Texans two second round picks and a swap of first round picks in a trade. Obviously Schaub has justified the cost, but other pricey quarterback trades haven't paid off (*cough* Charlie Whitehurst *cough*).

This year's golden goose is obviously Kevin Kolb. It seems he's the only quarterback on the market worth taking a look at, and it sounds like a given at this point that he's going to cost at least a first round pick. I'm not really sure he's worth it.

In nineteen games and seven career starts, Kolb's completed 60.8% of his passes (194/319) for 2082 yards, 11 TDs, and 14 INTs, averaging 6.5 YPA with a rating of 73.2. Those aren't exactly jaw dropping numbers. Even if you take away Kolb's stats as a second year player in 2008, when he was thrown into the fire after McNabb was benched against a very good Ravens defense, those numbers still only improve to 62%, 1938 yds, 11 TDs, 10 INTs, 6.8 YPA, and an 80.4 rating. Personally, I watched almost all of Kolb's starts over the last two years and have walked away largely unimpressed, which is surprising since I liked him far more than any other QB in the 2007 class coming out of college (and I was totally right! Granted, he only had to top JaMarcus Russell, Brady Quinn, and Trent Edwards, but a win is a win).

I get what people seem to like about Kolb, though. He's a young guy (27 next month) with a great build at 6'3'', 218. He's got a very strong arm, he racked up a lot of yards and experience in college, he spent several years under the tutelage of a well-respected offensive head coach, and he has shown flashes in those seven starts, including back-to-back 300 yard games in 2009 and a 326 yard, 3 touchdown effort against the Falcons this year. I won't deny there's enough there to warrant a trade for him, but I'm not sure he's necessarily worth the kind of first round bounty that people are associating with him, considering that in 4 of the 6 games where he threw at least 10 passes this year he had mediocre to extremely poor outings (56.2 rating vs. GB, 76.0 vs. WASH, 56.9 vs. TEN, 37.0 vs. DAL).

I truly do believe that Kolb would be an upgrade for almost all of the teams that are rumored to be interested in his services (Arizona, Seattle, and Cleveland among others), but I don't think he's a franchise quarterback worth the kind of bounty that we've seen those type of players draw in the past. All of those franchises have enough holes that they'd be best served continuing to build from within while finding a stopgap QB at a lower price. Arizona and Seattle could both compete in a crappy division with a more affordable veteran while building an actual contender through the draft. If either of those teams (Arizona particularly) gets into the habit of patching holes with high-priced veterans in order to skate by in a weak division they could very well end up in a jam like the Redskins.

Looking around I see the following names as available quarterbacks this offseason:

Free Agents:
Marc Bulger
Brodie Croyle
Trent Edwards
Rex Grossman
Matt Hasselbeck
Tarvaris Jackson
Matt Leinart
Matt Moore
Brady Quinn
Alex Smith
Drew Stanton
Tyler Thigpen

Trade Candidates:
Kyle Orton
Carson Palmer
Donovan McNabb
Vince Young

Of the trade candidates I'd say it's likely that McNabb and Young will be released rather than traded, since both make way more money than they are worth on their current deals. As for Carson Palmer, well, I think Mike Brown might truly be crazy enough to let Palmer go through on his threat to retire rather than try to get any actual value for a guy that could reap a substantial reward in draft picks in a thin market. Only the f*&king Bengals...

That really leaves Kyle Orton as the only other viable starting quarterback prospect on the trade market besides Kevin Kolb. I'd say of that list the best candidates for starting positions (in order) are:

Kyle Orton
Alex Smith
Donovan McNabb
Marc Bulger
Vince Young
Matt Hasselbeck
Rex Grossman
Assorted Garbage

Obviously, I think somewhat highly of Kyle's ability to not embarass himself as a professional NFL quarterback. He certainly has his limitations, something that Denver managed to hide to an extent the last two years (although not well enough to prevent his overthrow by Tim Tebow, which by all accounts will occur this year), but he's also a guy more than capable at this point of guiding an NFL offense for a year or two. In my mind it'd be a much wiser proposition on the Cardinals part to send a mid-round draft pick to Denver in order to acquire Orton rather than send a first round or a possible mid-round+player package (I'm hearing possibly Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, which would be absurd) to Philadelphia for Kolb. Build a team that can consistently compete while Orton manages the game and sends some ducks Larry Fitzgerald's way (and Brandon Lloyd's #s last year would indicate that Kyle is capable of heaving the ball downfield to a wide receiver capable of making plays) and then turn that team over to a more talented QB that you find somewhere in the draft.

I really do apologize to Donovan McNabb for the fact that I've got him ranked lower than Alex Smith, but at his age with his injury history I'm not sure he could give you a year of average production, whereas Smith could give you many years of absolutely average production. I mean that in the nicest way, Alex. I think Smith probably will get more chance with the Niners, since Harbaugh appears to think he can be the one that finally "fixes" him. I'm more than eager to see the Vikings make the McNabb mistake.

As for the others, well, Bulger was never that good without Faulk/Jackson/Bruce/Holt and Mike Martz and hasn't done much since 2006 to show that he wasn't just the product of a system. He's not worth a starter's job. Vince Young would be worth a gamble for a team with a strong running game that would allow him to make the occasional play without having to rely upon him to win games (something that Tennessee was able to do with Chris Johnson). Matt Hasselbeck seems to be the second most popular name out there these days, which is funny since he's old, oft-injured and completely unproductive since 2007. As for Grossman, well, I'd be very happy to see him get another starting opportunity with the Redskins, but Shanahan appears willing to roll the dice on John Beck in what I assume must be some kind of sinister plan to tank the season and acquire Andrew Luck.

So really the market boils down to Kolb and Orton, and I'd have to say that anybody willing to stake the future of their franchise on Kevin Kolb will be disappointed. His ceiling may be higher than Orton, but I'd have to say Orton is most likely going to be the better value, price wise.

Killin' Time- People I Hate: Dave Wannstedt

I've decided to take a fish-in-a-barrel approach to today's "People I hate" and go after former head coach of the Chicago Bears, Miami Dolphins, and University of Pittsburgh Panthers Dave Wannstedt. I say former head coach because he was fired from all three jobs. F*&k you, Dave. If you don't know who Dave Wannstedt is or why he's appearing on this segment of a Bears blog, well, you must be a very small child. While I question why a child is reading this blog, I'll briefly state that Wannstedt was the head coach (and de facto GM, since he was given personnel control by McCaskey when he was hired) of the Bears from 1993-1998, and in that time went 40-56 with just one playoff appearance. The Bears organization, which had been one of the winningest franchises in the NFL from 1984-1992, fell into such a shambles under Wannstedt's control that they averaged 10 losses a year from 1996-2003. The franchise spent most of the Dick Jauron Era (1999-2003) cleaning up the mess from Wannstedt's rampage (although the Jauron Era certainly had its own mistakes to fix) and thus two straight head coaching tenures were absolutely fruitless for Chicago. Today I've decided to kick Wanny while he's down by going after one of his many shortcomings (since going after all of them would take too damn long) and listing the

TOP FIVE HILARIOUSLY AWFUL DAVE WANNSTEDT PERSONNEL DECISIONS:

5. Re-signing Alonzo Spellman (and not Jeff Graham)
Alonzo Spellman was a defensive end from Ohio State who had been the last first round pick of the Ditka regime in 1992. Spellman had largely under-achieved through the first four years of his contract, and entered the last game of the 1995 season with just 19 sacks in 62 career games. Spellman had three sacks in the '95 season finale against the Eagles, and entered the offseason as a potential free agent.

Another free agent that offseason was wide receiver Jeff Graham, who had 150 receptions for 2,245 yards and 8 TDs in two years as a Bear, including a then-franchise record (since eclipsed by Marcus Robinson's lightning-in-a-bottle 1999 season) 1301 yards in 1995.

Given that the Bears are rarely a free-spending team, they were in the position of only re-signing one of the two, and Wannstedt chose to gamble on Spellman, based on a one-game outburst, rather than Graham, a consistent performer.

Graham went on to play until 2001 with the Jets and Chargers (he actually managed 907 yards with the 2000 Chargers despite catching passes from Ryan F*&king Leaf) while the Bears had to run through a motley assortment of receivers in the last few years of the Wannstedt Era.

Spellman, meanwhile, had a respectable 8 sacks in 1996 before the wheels fell off in 1997. Spellman injured his shoulder in 1997 and finished with just two sacks, but even more concerning than his shoulder injury was the fact that he was batshit crazy. In March of 1998 Spellman, angry that his doctor was late to an appointment, decided to yank a phone out of the wall of the office and threatened to kill himself. Spellman also ballooned in weight, began to have drug problems, and was eventually released after he refused to have surgery on his injured shoulder. Nice choice, Dave.

4. John Thierry over Trace Armstrong
One of the reasons that Wannstedt may have decided he needed to re-sign Spellman was the glaring mistake he'd made the year before when he let defensive end Trace Armstrong go after drafting John Thierry. John Thierry was a linebacker at Alcorn State, a I-AA school, that Wannstedt thought he could turn into a defensive end. Wanny compared him to Charles Haley, which was right on since Thierry finished just 67 sacks, 5 Pro Bowls, and 2 All Pro nominations short of Haley's career totals. Even more important was the fact that Thierry's 12.5 sacks in 5 years as a Bear barely exceeded the 11.5 sacks that Trace Armstrong had in 1993 alone. Wanny decided to go with the young Thierry over the proven Armstrong and got burned badly, as Armstrong would go on to play for another decade, with three more seasons of at least 10 sacks (including 16.5 as a 35 year old in 2000) while Thierry never had more than 4 sacks in a season as a Bear.

3. The runningback he didn't draft
Before Wannstedt's first draft with the Bears in 1993 it was obvious that the team needed help on the offense. Neal Anderson, a shifty runningback similar to Matt Forte who could catch passes out of the backfield had been injured for most of the previous seasons and was approaching the dreaded age 30 wall. He was also a poor fit for Wannstedt's offense (based on Jimmy Johnson/Norv Turner's offense in Dallas) which needed a workhorse back. One was available in the 1993 draft in the person of Jerome Bettis, whom you may have heard of. Instead, the Bears drafted Curtis Conway, a one-dimensional receiver from USC who had only played wide receiver for a year in college. While Conway had a long and somewhat above-average NFL career, he was an inconsistent performer who had just two seasons with more than 733 receiving yards during his seven years in Chicago, while Bettis went on to finish his career with the 5th most rushing yards in NFL history. Guh. That's alright, though, because of...

2. The runningbacks he did draft.
During that 1993 season, where the Bears averaged just 14 points per game thanks to a poor season by the aging, injured Anderson (who'd have thunk?) and Conway contributing a mere 19 receptions (Bettis had 1400 yards rushing, but who's counting?) it became apparent that the Bears did need to find a runningback. They tried to get by in 1994 with Lewis Tillman and Tim Worley (both sucked) but were ultimately forced to draft a runningback in 1995. That runningback was Heisman Trophy winner Rashaaan Salaam.

To be fair to Wanny, the Salaam pick seemed to be worth the gamble (there were rumors of drug use and his hands were always questionable) when he set rookie records for the Bears by rushing for 1074 yards and 10 TDs in 1995. However, he also fumbled 9 times, caught just 7 passes (and had numerous drops), and averaged only 3.6 yards per carry. In 1996, Salaam suffered through an injury-plagued season and finished with just 496 yards (3.5 avg), then later admitted to smoking heavy amounts of marijuana while rehabbing and struggled with his rehabilitation and his weight. Salaam went flat-out bust in 1997, rushing for just 112 yards, and was released. That cleared the way for....

Curtis Enis, the #5 overall pick in the 1998 draft. Enis was a guy who had rushed for a ton of yards at Penn State, but had also accepted money from an agent while he was there (among other controversies) and was once described by Joe Paterno as "the biggest con man to ever go through the Penn State program." The Bears, however, bought into the "changed man" act that Enis gave them in pre-draft interviews and chose him over Randy Moss, who they deemed to be a bigger character risk. Enis naturally showed his character by immediately holding out for an outrageous contract, resulting in a showdown that resulted in Enis playing just nine games his rookie year, with only one start. He rushed for just 497 yards that year with no touchdowns (3.7 average), and the Bears managed the same 4-12 record in 1998 with their new runningback bust that they had in 1997 with their old one. Enis went on to rush for just 916 yards in 1999 before new coach Dick Jauron moved him to fullback. He was out of the NFL after just three years, just like his predecessor. At least the Bears didn't have to deal with Randy Moss and all of his damn character issues. And all of those damn touchdowns. Bullet. Dodged.

1. Trading for Rick Mirer
It's hard to really explain to people who weren't there at the time, or who don't really remember Rick Mirer, everything that is wrong with the Bears decision to trade for him. To begin with, never before in the history of football has a player with such an incredibly proven track record of awful play been acquired at such a high cost. Even if Mirer had been able to resurrect his career like a Jim Plunkett or a Tommy Maddox or other quarterback busts who moved on, none of them demanded a first round pick as compensation. Hell, even Steve Young didn't merit a first round pick when he was traded from the Bucs to the 49ers. Yet, there was Dave Wannstedt sending away the 11th overall pick in the 1997 for a guy who had a 41-56 TD:INT ratio and a 65.2 QB rating in Seattle.

Perhaps even more frustrating was the fact that Wannstedt had Erik Kramer on the roster, a quarterback who had set every single franchise passing record possible in 1995 and who had passed his physicals and fully recoverd from the neck injury that had ended his 1996 season after just four games. Kramer had a 40-24 TD:INT ratio and an 83.9 rating in his three years as a Bear, numbers that would make any sane human being concede that he was a vastly superior quarterback to Rick Mirer, not to mention the fact that Kramer would be entering his fourth season in the system in 1997 while Mirer, a notoriously slow learner, would be entering his first.

With every logical impulse telling him no, Wannstedt pulled the trigger anyway and sent the 11th pick to Seattle for Mirer in one of the greatest heists in history. Mirer then struggled to learn the offense, Kramer clearly outplayed him in the preseason, and Kramer started while Mirer served as an expensive clipholder. Kramer was benched after an 0-3 start and Mirer was given three chances to prove himself and failed epically, going 0-3 against the Patriots, Cowboys, and Saints while compiling a 37.7 quarterback rating and guiding an offense that was outscored 72-9 under his watch. Kramer was reinserted and had a mediocre 74.0 passer rating (nearly twice as high as Mirer's, though) but managed his second 3,000 yard season in Chicago. Mirer was cut after one year, making him the greatest front office blunder in the history of the organization.

One final reason the Mirer trade still chaps my ass? The Bears biggest need in the draft that year was tight end, and, after trading away the 11th pick, they settled for USC tight end John Allred (30 receptions in 4 years as a Bear) in the second round. Had they decided to go with Kramer as their starter at QB in 1997 and spent their first round pick on a tight end, there was some guy named Tony Gonzalez available who went to Kansas City with the 13th pick. Might have been handy to have that guy around for the last 14 f*&king years.

So in summary, I f*&king hate you, Wanny.

Killin' Time: People I Hate - Brian F*&king Griese

I'm an angry individual. People who read this site will not be surprised by this fact. On multiple occasions I've threatened all kinds of gruesome injuries upon everyone from Rick Morrissey to Todd McShay. Vitriol is what I have and I'm not afraid to use it in a meangingless blog post that will catch the eyes of maybe ten to twenty people on a good day. Hell, my most popular post, to this very day, is a a longwinded rant about Cade McNown that I penned four years ago. This is why people fear me. Some of you, however, may not understand why I hate so many people, or who I hate the most. Since it's the offseason, it's time I tie up some loose ends and explain, in detail, why the hell I hate certain people. Today I start off with public enemy number one, Brian F*&king Griese.

Why do I hate Brian F*&king Griese, let us count the reasons:

1. His stupid f*&king face:

Look at that vacant, droopy-eyed, neanderthalish gaze. That wild, untamed mess of chest hair worthy of a Greek olive merchant. A forehead so big that Shanahan used to diagram plays on it at halftime for the rest of the Broncos offense. The faint traces of unibrow that he hasn't bothered to pluck. This, folks, is one disgusting individual.

2. His total inability to push the ball down the field.
Brian Griese offered an alternative to Rex Grossman during his two years on the Bears bench, and everyone assumed, regardless of the actual information at hand, that he was some kind of Ortonian game manager who would make safe, efficient throws and allow the defense to win games. This was really just a myth that ignored Griese's own proclivity toward turning the ball over and tried to portray his lack of arm strength in a positive light. "He can't even Throw shitty pop flies like Rex can, so he's automatically better!" or something. I don't know. All I know is Brian Griese threw one deep ball in his entire Bears career, an 81 yarder to Devin Hester that required him to dip his shoulder all the way into the bowels of hell in order to get enough loft on it for it to find Devin. For the most part, however, Captain Checkdown was awesome at throwing interceptions to guys who were within his 5-15 yard comfort zone.

3. He couldn't solve the Detroit Lions. The Goddamn Detroit Lions.
The Detroit Lions are an awful waste of a franchise and managed to win just ten games in the two years that Brian Griese was a Chicago Bear. Two of those ten wins came against Griese, though. From 06-07 the Lions were 2-0 against teams with Brian Griese at starting QB and 8-21 against everyone else. Splendid. Let's look at Griese's first start as a Bear, on September 30th, 2007 in Detroit. Rex Grossman had been benched after a three interception game against the Cowboys, and dumbasses all over the world thought Griese would right the ship. Griese did the following:

34/52 (65.4%), 286 YDs, 2 TDs, 3 INTs, 5.5 YPA, 68.3 rating.

All three of Griese's interceptions came in the red zone as the Bears allowed a 13-3 fourth quarter lead to turn into a 37-27 loss. Start Kyle Orton was founded on that very evening.

But hey, it was his first start since the middle of 2005 and the guy was probably rusty. He managed to put up some decent, if misleading, statistics while going 2-1 against the Packers, Eagles, and Vikings. He even managed a nifty 90+ yard touchdown drive with no timeouts left in the final minute against Philadelphia. Kudos, Brian.

No, wait. That was all just a set up for the next nutpunch. Brian's "heroics" had gave the Bears a 3-4 record with the Lions coming into town on October 28th. Surely the Bears would notch a win and get themselves back to .500 and in the thick of the playoff race. Or....

Brian F*&king Griese would throw his fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh interceptions to the GODDAMN DETROIT LIONS. Yes, that's right, Brian followed up a 3 interception game in his first match with Detroit by throwing four more in round two at home in Soldier Field. For the season, Brian's numbers against Detroit resulted in a ghastly 3-7 TD:INT ratio, a measly 5.3 YPA, and an appalling 54.3 rating.

Maybe the Lions just had a great pass defense that year? Let's look:

2007 Lions Pass Defense: 422/602 (70.1%), 4387 yds, 32 TDs, 17 INTs, 7.1 YPA, 274.2 YPG, 96.8 rating.

If you take out Griese's 2 performances, the passer rating of Lions opponents that year goes all the way up to 102.0.

That's the Iron Curtain that stopped Brian F*&king Griese cold, folks.

3. His "Revenge":
The Bears sent Griese back to Tampa Bay after the 2007 season. Jon Gruden wanted him because he has an addiction to stockpiling mediocre quarterbacks in hopes that one of them will someday have a magical, Rich Gannon-like transformation into someone who doesn't suck. Griese had managed to overtake Jeff Garcia (no one knows how, or why) by week three when Tampa came to Soldier Field. The Bears absolutely pathetic pass rush allowed Griese to drop back 67 times without getting sacked. Griese completed barely half of those passed (38 of 67) for 407 yards, which sounds impressive until you do the math and realize that that's just 6 yards per attempt. He also threw more interceptions (3) than TDs (2) and yet the Buccaneers won the game after the Bears blew a 24-14 fourth quarter lead and gave up a field goal in OT after a Charles Tillman personal foul sustained Tampa's game winning drive. Griese then went on and talked about how much the win meant to him, like he did anything in the game that proved to the Bears that he wasn't a shitty quarterback or that they were wrong to get rid of him. Dan Orlovsky torched the Bears that year, Brian. Get over yourself.

4. He represented the end of the Bears superbowl hopes.
No, I'm not blaming Brian F*&king Griese alone for turning the 13-3, NFC Championship 2006 Bears into the 7-9, last place 2007 Chicago Bears (although they lost the tiebreaker for last place to the 7-9 Lions thanks to Brian F*&king Griese's two defeats at the hands of the Goddamn Detroit Lions), but Griese taking over for Rex Grossman meant the writing was on the wall for that team. The defense couldn't overcome the injuries it had taken, and the only hope for salvation was with a quarterback that could actually put up points consistently. Brian Griese would never be that guy.

Lots of people have asked me why I hate Brian F*&king Griese so much. He was, admittedly, nowhere near the worst QB they've had, at least according to statistics. He wasn't the total shithead or disaster that Cade McNown and Rick Mirer were. Brian F*&king Griese, however, is more than just a man. He's a symbol. He's the emblem of everything that is wrong with the "game manager" myth that's been perpetuated by morons like Trent Dilfer and every guy who loses his shit everytime Jay Cutler throws an interception. He forced me to accept that Rex Grossman had finally gone completely bust. Mostly, it was the fact that I knew from the second he took the field that I wasn't going to see a return to the Superbowl. All that matters, however, is that I hate Brian F*&king Griese, and I want you all to hate him too.

Not So Fast, Mikey.

You remember Michael Silver, right? Just a few weeks ago he said the following:

"the Vikes have life, because they have Favre – a man impervious to age, pain, scandal, rust or, most of all, inertia"

And then Silver predicted that an invigorated Vikings team would then turn their season around. Of course they didn't, because they suck. Now in this week's article,entitled "Favre, Vikes Firmly Pressed Against the Ropes" Silver totally ignores his previous drooling schlobfest over Favre (one that occurred less than a day after Favre cost the Vikings a win over the Jets with a pick six) and tries to toot his own horn as THE MAN WHO SAW THIS COMING:

"If you’re starting to get the feeling that this is a lost season for a franchise clearly governed by a championship-or-bust mentality in 2010 – and yes, some of us saw this coming – that’s a distinct possibility. "

That link goes to an article this summer where Silver, yes, correctly predicted most of the problems the Vikings have had this year. I said the same things before this season. The difference between Mike Silver and myself is that I didn't completely reverse course and throw on the kneepads for Brett Favre the second he made two good passes against the Jets. If Silver had just stuck with his preseason statements he'd be looking pretty damn smart right now, but you do NOT earn an "I Told You So" just two weeks after penning the most pathetic piece of Favre worship I've seen this season ("Sure, he cost them the game, but he did it WITH MAGIC").

Also, read the following:

"On a day when Favre confounded skeptics in his own organization by starting a record 292nd consecutive game despite being hobbled by a pair of small but debilitating fractures in his left foot – and was surprisingly mobile and effective against a well-equipped opponent – the legendary passer was unable to finish, thanks to Pryor’s perfectly legal hit."

Favre didn't confound any skeptics. I'm a Favre skeptic. I've made it a fucking cottage industry since he started coasting on his own legend and failing miserably and hilariously in the playoffs every year since 1997. You know what I expected him to do last week? Play. The man is never as fucking injured as he claims. He's just not. He's the only player in the NFL who goes out onto the field every week protected by shoulder pads, an offensive line, the media, and the built-in escape pod that is his myriad of exaggerated or non-existent injuries. Ol' Brett throw another goddang interception? GRAB THE ELBOW, BRETT. LET THEM SEE YOUR PAIN. Fumble the ball after a sack? HOBBLE OFF LIKE THAT ANKLE HAS GONE GANGRENOUS. Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber ranted beautifully against this last week, so I won't go into further detail, but the only thing "confounding" about Favre playing last week is the fact that, once again, the media fell for his stupid fucking act. Favre isn't the magical healer he claims to be. He's not Wolverine. Some injuries are incapable of healing as fast as he claims, regardless of what anyone said. The reason Favre moved "surprisingly well" is because his ankle injury wasn't debilitating. Period.

Need something else to piss you off about the Favre injury charade? Check out this quote from last week:

“I’ve always had a knack for healing, I think, quicker than maybe most people,” said Favre, who has started 291 consecutive regular-season games. “And mentally … I know that I’ve been able to play with different types of injuries that most people probably wouldn’t have attempted.”

Bravo, sir. Bravo. This is some excellent solipsistic shit here, people. This man is excellent at self-fulfilling prophecies. Exaggerate your injuries, stress over and over again how much they hurt and how unlikely you are to play, then play. Regardless of how well you play or not you will be praised simply for playing, even though the only reason there was ever a doubt as to whether or not you would even play was because you yourself planted it. The best part? You can then take comfort in and even brag about your ability to play through more made up injuries than any other player in history. Bravo.

God I hate you, Brett Favre. You too, Silver.

Bears 23, Panthers 6 and A Lot of Ugly In Between

Well, most of that game played out the way I expected. It was excellent to see Matt Forte get going. I had begun to think that it was illegal for a runningback to bounce it outside, but apparently not. Anywho, onto the Good/Bad

THE GOOD:

Matt Forte: Just an absolutely fantastic performance from #22: 166 yards rushing, 22 yards receiving, and 2 TDs. Those are the kinds of numbers we've been expecting for awhile. Hopefully that can carry over against teams that are actually good (although, to be fair, Carolina had been allowing just 112 ypg and a 3.3 average on the ground before this game).

Julius Peppers: I've been a fan of the Peppers signing since day one. I thought it would be hard for a defensive end to justify 91 million dollars, but hey, it ain't my money. So far, however, he's been worth every fucking dime. He's some kind of man-beast.

UrlacherBriggsSamoa: The three headed monster was at it again, with Urlacher turning in an interception, Briggs and Tino each compiling a sack, and all three of them contributing to my raging erection. Please stay healthy, guys.

Izzie Idonijie: Izzie had the kind of production we should expect from the guy benefiting from the attention given to Julius Peppers as he tallied 3 sacks. Beautiful. I sure as hell don't miss Mark Anderson.

The Secondary: Yeah, Clausen is a not-good douche-bazooka, but this was still an impressive performance as they held the Panthers to just 96 yards passing and Tillman added an interception as well. Kudos, boys.

The Bad:

The offensive line (Sorta): They didn't exactly do a stellar job of opening up holes, but it's an accomplishment all by itself that they were able to jam up the middle and give Forte some cutback lanes, something they've sucked at all year. Brilliant move by the coaching staff to get J'Marcus Webb and Edwin Williams some playing time, as they both played pretty well. The pass blocking was still rather sketchy, although Collins should have thrown the ball on 1 of the sacks he took. Improved performance, but not quite there yet.

Jimmy Clausen: I just hate this surly-looking toehead. He reminds me of someone....I can't remember who... but that guy was also an entitled dickhead with little in the way of actual talent and I enjoyed watching both of them get pounded into the turf.

Todd Collins: This is a special moment, Todd. For you have joined: THE PANTHEON OF EPICALLY BAD CHICAGO BEARS QUARTERBACKS.

Roll Call: Concannon, Rakestraw, Carter, Douglass, Huff, Nix, Avellini, Phipps, Evans, Lisch, Tomczak, Willis, Furrer, Mirer, Stenstrom, McNown, Chandler, Burris, Stewart, Quinn, Krenzel, Hutchinson, Griese and....

TODD COLLINS.

Don't thank me, buddy. You earned it with your 6/16, 32 yd, 4 INT performance, and frankly, your 10/27, 68 YD, 0 TD, 5 INT performance in 7 quarters of work truly ranks among the, umm, rankest in the illustrious history of shitty Bears QBs. Your 5.9 (no, that is not a f*&king typo) QB rating will (assuming you never throw another pass as a Bear, and God help me if you do) place you as the LOWEST RATED STARTING QB IN BEARS HISTORY. Move over, Will Furrer (7.3 rating in 1992), you've been dethroned. Holy shit, Todd. Ho. Lee. Shit.

Well, that about does it for now. Good effort by every unit that didn't involve Todd Collins today. They beat up Carolina the way they should have. Let's pray for Cutler's speedy recovery and that Todd finds himself on the waiver wire reaaaaal soon. I'd rather try to steal Josh McCown from the UFL than see Todd in a Bear uniform again.

Quarterback Controversies: They Suck

By my count, the Bears have started 19 different quarterbacks and made 51 total changes in the starting lineup at quarterback during my lifetime. I'm going to go ahead and then claim myself an expert on quarterback controversies and expect you to follow my words in this article as though I am the burning bush and these are the very words of God. Or something.

Anyways, so far this week the Panthers, Bills, Raiders, Titans, and Jaguars have already benched their starting quarterbacks (as well as the Eagles benching Vick, but I'm not sure if benching your back up in favor of the original startings QB who was out due to injury counts). For most of these teams, this isn't going to make one damn bit of difference. The hardest thing for most NFL fans to swallow is that the guy starting is usually the best option on the roster, and no one is coming to the rescue. It's also hard to accept that the offensive line, running game, wideouts, etc. may also suck, and that salvation is more than one player away. Anywho, I'll go ahead and breakdown all the controversies:

Carolina Panthers: Jimmy Clausen and Matt Moore
Some people thought Carolina was a darkhorse this year (okay, it was just Peter King and he sucks at everything), but I've maintained throughout that they blow. The complete disintegration of their offense behind Matt Moore has only confirmed my suspicions. This is the only one of the quarterback changes that I think may yield positive results. I'm not a huge fan of Jimmy Clausen, but he's a much more talented quarterback than Matt Moore. His arm strength is NFL caliber, with enough zip to make the short-to-intermediate throws that were Jake Delhomme's forte in his not so awful years. His deep ball tails a bit, but he can get it down there on occasion. Carolina's offensive line isn't that awful, and they have a solid running game and Steve Smith. Clausen may be enough to get them to 5 or 6 wins. I'm betting he'll be very inconsistent, however.

Buffalo Bills: Trent Edwards and Ryan Fitzpatrick
Oh man. This team is so awful. Why they haven't even attempted to address their God awful offensive line is beyond me. Instead they're just content to have three good runningbacks that they can't open holes for. I used to think Trent Edwards reputation for checking down too often was unfair, as he never has time to look downfield, but by this point he suffers from David Carr Syndrome and is merely a shell who can't even contemplate throwing deep. Fitzpatrick's ability to hang around in the NFL and get a starting opportunity for three straight years absolutely baffles me. He has a weak arm (9.7 career yards per completion, 5.6 YPA), isn't accurate (just 57.8% completions) and he's turnover prone (27 INTS, 21 TDs). Other than that, he's awesome. I don't see why they won't just start Brian Brohm. He'd still suck, but he'd at least placate the fans since they'd at least be trying something new. Damn, Bills fans are screwed.

Oakland Raiders: Jason Campbell and Bruce Gradkowski
Blue collar hero Bruce Gradkowski surprisingly replaced the offseason savior of the Oakland Raiders after just six quarters. This one is probably the most shocking change that's occurred. Even for the Raiders benching the guy that Al Davis compared to Jim Plunkett and gave a contract extension to is baffling, especially considering the fact that Gradkowski was less than impressive as well (11/22, 167 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT, 70.6 rating vs. Campbell's 30/52, 267, 1 TD, 2 INT, 61.9 rating). It's uncertain right now whether or not Gradkowski will keep the job, but it's humorous nonetheless that the Raiders return to respectability has been derailed once more. Again, nothing will change, no matter which one is taking the snaps.

Tennessee Titans: Vince Young and Kerry Collins
I'm not a fan of Vince Young. I've finally granted him begrudging respect as a game manager, but I've mostly been unimpressed with him since he entered the league. Apparently I'm a much bigger fan of him than Jeff Fisher. Ignore the fact that Kerry Collins got the Titans back into the game. This was an awful decision. Truly awful. Since his return to the lineup last year, Young is 9-3 and has completed 60.1% of his passes for 2,099 yds (7.4 YPA) 12 TDs, 9 INTs, and an 83.7 rating. Now, none of those numbers are all that impressive, but all of them are better than Kerry Collins career averages. Collins blows and he's old. Young is mediocre, young, and seems to fit the offense better. He's not the first, the best, or the worst quarterback that the Steelers defense has made a bitch out of. Fisher has declared that Young will start next week, but the pathetically short leash is just ridiculous, especially when the backup offers absolutely no upside.

Jaguars: David Garrard and...well, no one.
This would be a controversy if Luke McCown hadn't torn his ACL. Since his stellar 2007 campaign which was a golden example of game-managing at it's finest, Garrard has been, well, about as mediocre as Vince Young (62% completions, 6.9 YPA, 34 TDs, 26 INTs, 82.7 rating), but he's also been hurt by playing behind a pretty bad offensive line and not having any receiving threats outside of Mike Sims-Walker and Maurice Jones-Drew. Still, it's convenient for Jack Del Rio to scapegoat Garrard for his failures as a coach, so Garrard is under fire. Why Del Rio criticized Garrard so heavily only to not bring in any competition I don't know, but the simple fact is that Garrard and Del Rio don't trust each other and both will be somewhere else next year.

Philadelphia Eagles: Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick
To be fair to Andy Reid, I totally understand his logic in starting Kevin Kolb next week. Kolb is younger and is potentially the ideal quarterback for his West Coast offense, and they traded McNabb in order to keep Kolb from leaving. However, I find it absolutely hilarious that this situation has occurred. Here's what I hope happens: Kolb starts, sucks, and loses the game against McNabb's Redskins in Philadelphia. The fans eventually get their wish and Michael Vick returns, only to turn back into the Michael Vick that can barely complete half of his passes. The Eagles miss the playoffs, Reid is run out of town on a very large, reinforced rail, and McNabb finally has his vindication. F%&k the Eagles.

That's it for the QB controversies that have developed, but I'm also looking forward to:

Minnesota Vikings: Brett Favre vs. Tarvaris Jackson (oh yes, it'll happen)

Arizona Cardinals: Derek Anderson vs. Anybody that's not Derek Anderson

Cleveland Browns: Seneca Wallace vs. Jake Delhomme (maybe this is already happening?)

Kansas City Chiefs: Matt Cassel vs. Brodie Croyle

My point is that there are a lot of really bad quarterbacks and bad teams in this league. And their back ups are worse. I'm sure plenty of teams are already watching highlight films of Ryan Mallett's armcock.

Todd Collins? Why? Damon Huard Wasn't Available?

The Bears signed former Redskin/Chief/Bills clipboard holder Todd Collins today. The 38 year old Collins went to Michigan, so I hate him, and is now the insurance policy in case Hanie can't return before the season starts and Matt Gutierrez is somehow more awful than Todd Collins and Dan LeFevour. LeFevour, who I had high hopes for, is currently staring at a line of 5/20 (25%), 60 yd, 0 TD, 1 INT, 18.8 rating, and would seem an unlikely candidate of doing anything other than a Henry Burris impersonation if forced into a regular season game, so I suppose someone had to be signed off the street.

But why Todd Collins? I know he's been in the system before but outside of one three game stretch in Washington back in 2007 (and you might remember who he padded his stats against that year), he's been a bland, boring, worthless back up quarterback. After 1997 (his only year as a full-time starter when he was the first schmuck to fail miserably in a Bills uniform while trying to replace Jim Kelly), he threw exactly 27 passes over the next decade. He blows.

My point, however, is not that there are better candidates out there for serving as a back up that knows the Martz offense. No, my point is, as I pointed out with the story about Tom Moore and Jim Sorgi last week, if Cutler goes down this team is royally boned anyway, so the Bears should sign up someone interesting who will make the season worth watching, rather than some boring joe like Todd Collins. Some candidates:

JaMarcus Russell- He can throw the football 80 yards and see if Devin Hester or Johnny Knox can run under it, and he help Chris Williams on the line on running plays.

Jeff George- Why not? They did it once before, and Jeff is Still lobbying for someone to sign him. He's also such a notorious asshole that Rick Morrissey would finally think Jay Cutler was a good teammate by comparison, and he made this sweet workout video:


Jeff George, the Kenny Powers of the NFL.

Tim Couch- because the man's taken HGH just to get back in the game and he deserves a shot for that kind of commitment. Also because it WASN'T HIS FAULT.

Tommy Maddox- Hear me out on this one. First we have to send Tommy Maddox to the upstart UFL so that he can win the UFL championship. Their season ends in November, so the Bears could sign Tommy in time to give him another chance at being a one shot wonder making a comeback in the NFL after a stint with a shitty alternative pro football league.

Jamie Foxx- If he's good enough for the Miami Sharks, he's good enough for me.

Joey Harrington- He's unemployed and I need yet another excuse to sing "Piano Man" without seeming gay.

Brian Griese- Nah, I'm just fucking with you. Todd Collins is a better quarterback than Brian Griese could have been even if he was actually Bob Griese's son and not the child of the Faulknerian idiot manchild who mowed their grass and whom Bob's lonely wife cottoned to.

Matt Grothe- You may not know who Matt Grothe is. That's fine. You just need to know that "G to the R O T H E is a Beast From Da Big East"

So there you have it, just a few suggestions that will keep the Bears hilariously relevant, if not competitive, if Cutler should go down. Because Todd Collins will do neither.

Bears QB Controversies, Part II

Earlier today, inspired by NFL Networks Top Ten QB Controversies of All-Time, I decided to compile a list of the Top Ten Bears QB Controversies of my lifetime (1988-Present). Here's the rest of the list:

4. Jim Miller vs. Cade McNown, 2000

During the 1999 NFL Draft, the Bears tabbed Cade McNown, quarterback from UCLA, with the 12th overall pick. As you may have figured out, I was not a fan of this pick, and things didn't turn out too well. The Bears entered the 1999 season with the plan that Shane Matthews would start until McNown was ready. Miller was simply a journeyman who'd managed to beat out Moses Moreno for the third spot on the depth chart. Matthews was the starter for most of the season, while McNown started a few games after Matthews got hurt, and Miller started a few games after both Matthews and McNown were knocked out. Miller performed the best of the three, but was given a suspension for taking a banned supplement.

Going into the 2000 season, the Bears held a "competition" for the starting job, with McNown getting the majority of the reps. The second year QB started off the season in a promising fashion, racking up 377 total yards and 3 total TDs in a losing effort against Minnesota, but as the weeks went by his performance regressed drastically. After 8 games under McNown, the Bears stood at 1-7, with the fans chanting for Miller every week. Dick Jauron, likely pressured by management to support the "QB of the Future," continued to state that McNown gave the Bears the best chance to win. In that 8th game, McNown went down after a tremendous hit by Eagles DE Hugh Douglass (who would ironically knock Miller out of the playoff game a year later), and Miller finally got his chance. While the Bears lost that game, Miller won his first start against the Colts, 27-24, but blew out his ankle the next week against Buffalo. The controversy ended there, as McNown's career was essentially over thanks to his injury and his ineffectiveness, and Shane Matthews took most of the snaps the rest of the way.

3. Kyle Orton vs. Rex Grossman, 2005 and 2008.

The Bears selected Rex Grossman with the 22nd overall pick in the 2003 NFL Draft. He started three games his rookie year and looked very promising, and his first three starts of the 2004 season were mostly impressive as well, but then his bad luck began. A torn ACL in the 3rd game of 2004 wiped out the rest of that season. In 2005, Grossman was joined on the depth chart by 4th round pick Kyle Orton out of Purdue. The Patron Saint was supposed to hold a clipboard as the third stringer during his rookie year, as Grossman's back-up was Chad Hutchinson, who saved the 2004 Bears season like Neifi Perez saved the 2005 Cubs. The star-crossed Grossman broke his ankle in the second preseason game of 2005, which left Hutchinson holding the keys to the starting job. Not surprisingly, he fumbled. Hutchinson was so abysmal in the third preseason game (completed just 1 of 12 passes against the Bills), that Lovie rightfully concluded that the rookie was the best option at quarterback.

Orton then started the first 14 games of the season, and the Bears were a surprising 10-4 in that span. Orton was playing fairly well for a rookie outside of one 5 interception abortion against the Bengals (57% comp., 73 rating in his first 10 games excluding CINC.).

As Grossman became healthy and available to play around the time of the Tampa Bay game, however, Orton went into the tank. Orton was terrible against the Bucs, Packers, and Steelers, and the fans really began to clamor for Grossman. Orton went just 2-10 for 12 yard in the first half against the Falcons, and that was the end. Grossman entered to a standing ovation in the second half, started the next game against the Packers (a division-clinching win) and then started the playoff game against the Panthers after Orton got one more start in a meaningless game against the Vikings. The controversy seemed at an end as the Bears signed veteran Brian Griese to back up Rex in 2006, and Kyle was quickly forgotten.

The controversy arose again, however, in 2008. Grossman's notorious struggles in 2006 and 2007, and Griese's failure to do much of anything at all in his stead, led the Bears to open the QB job to a competition between Grossman and Orton. Despite many (yours truly included) thinking the Bears were sure to hand the job to Rex, Kyle won, and shocked the hell out of everyone by leading the Bears to a 5-3 record while averaging 222 passing yards per game, throwing for 10 tds, and posting a 90.8 QB rating. Unfortunately, Orton injured his ankle in the 8th game of the season against Detroit, leading to Rex's last start in a Bear uniform the next week against Tennessee. Grossman had clearly lost his touch by then, and had just a 59.7 rating in his three appearances. When Orton returned, he was much less effective and the Bears missed the playoffs. Jerry Angelo decided to end this controversy by jettisoning both, with Grossman headed to free agency and Orton traded for Jay Cutler.

2. Jim McMahon vs. Jim Harbaugh vs. Mike Tomczak, 1987-1990

This one I'm going to cite from the history books, as I'm too young to actually remember a game started by Tomczak or McMahon. McMahon was the Bears first round pick in 1982 and was without a doubt the best quarterback the Bears have had since Sid Luckman, at least in terms of ultimate results (46-15 as a starter, Super Bowl Champion), but was undeniably brittle, as he never started more than 13 games in a season during his Bears career, and only started more than 10 games twice in his seven years with the team. Because of McMahon's frequent stints in the trainer's room, the Bears drafted Jim Harbaugh in the first round of the 1987 draft. This was despite the fact that some in the locker room (primarily just McMahon and Tomczak himself) thought that Mike Tomczak was a better option as McMahon's back-up. McMahon and Tomczak were close friends while both were bitter rivals of Harbaugh and barely spoke to him at all, according to rumor. The saga of the McMahon-Harbaugh-Tomczak trio plays itself out in the number of starts each had from 1987 until Harbaugh became the undisputed starter in 1990.

1987: McMahon- 6 starts, 210 attempts, Tomczak- 6 starts, 178 attempts, Harbaugh- 0 starts, 11 attempts (replacements Mike Hohensee and Steve Bradley started a combined 3 games during the strike)

1988: McMahon- 9 starts, 192 attempts, Tomczak- 5 starts, 170 attempts, Harbaugh- 2 starts, 97 attempts.

McMahon was traded to San Diego after the season, leaving Tomczak and Harbaugh to battle it out.

1989: Tomczak- 11 starts, 306 attempts, Harbaugh- 5 starts, 178 attempts.

1990: Harbaugh- 14 starts, 312 attempts, Tomczak-2 starts, 104 attempts.

Tomczak departed after the 1990 season, leaving Harbaugh as the winner of the contest. As I mentioned before, however, Harbaugh's hold on the job was always fragile, as Ditka never seemed to embrace him and he found himself in another controversy with PT Willis soon enough.

1. Rex Grossman vs. Brian Griese, 2006-2007.

The top spot should surprise no one. The paint had barely dried on the "savior" label that the fans had applied to Rex after he relieved Orton in 2005 when Rex found himself on the other end of the fans' support. During the 2006 preseason, Grossman compiled just a 60.7 quarterback rating while Griese led the NFL at 141.7. Some fans and pundits argued that Lovie Smith shouldn't risk the Bears Superbowl aspirations by going with Rex Grossman and his 7 career starts over a "proven" veteran like Griese (although I maintained that the only thing Brian Griese had proven was that he wasn't a good quarterback at all). That controversy seemed to end, however, when Rex won NFC Offensive Player of the Month in September of '06 after leading the Bears to a 5-0 record, throwing for 10 touchdowns, 3 ints, 1243 yards, and a 100.8 rating. All Bears fans know what happened next, however, as Grossman melted down with a four interception game against the Cardinals and had a 61.4 rating and 17 interceptions over the last 10 games of the season. By the time the playoffs rolled around, many felt that Griese should have been the postseason starter, and they only grew louder after Grossman's 2 interceptions in the Superbowl helped Indianapolis seal the game.

In 2007, Grossman vowed to cut down on turnovers, but instead seemed indecisive and regressed even further, and was benched after he posted a 45.2 rating during a 1-2 start in the first 3 games. Griese finally stepped in and responded by throwing 3 interceptions against the god damned Detroit Lions. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm supposed to keep my rational, analytical "professional" tone while writing about Brian F*&king Griese? Not going to happen. Brian Griese sucks. Brian Griese sucks so hard that bystanders have been injured by the vortex of suck that he generates while walking. Brian Griese is a god awful journeyman so bad that he goes to bed with delusions of one day being Jeff Garcia. Sure, you may argue, Griese's 75.6 rating in 2007 was way better than Rex's or even Kyle's that year. But you, sir, are an idiot. Do you realize how hard it is to throw SEVEN interceptions and choke away two games to the DETROIT LIONS? Let's compare the passer ratings of Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton, Brian Griese, and Jay Cutler when it comes to Detroit:

Cutler: 112.6
Orton: 102.2
Grossman: 82.2
Griese: 54.3

That's right, folks, when it comes to facing the Detroit Lions, Brian Griese morphs into Ryan Leaf. Now some of you may have realized by now that the reason Start Kyle Orton was founded actually had less to do with our love of the Patron Saint (not that we don't love him) but with our hatred of the weak-armed, hair-brained Griese. Because seriously, f*&k that guy.

Anyways, Griese started 6 games, lost 3 of them, got injured against the Raiders, and was relieved by Rex who won the game with a bomb to Berrian. Rex then started the next four games and played much better, but was injured against the Redskins and replaced by Griese (who, not surprisingly, threw 2 interceptions as the team lost by a touchdown), who was then replaced for the last three games of the season by the Patron Saint, who was the only quarterback the Bears started that year who had a winning record (2-1). So remember kids, when asked the following question:

When Brian Griese and Rex Grossman face off, who wins?

The answer is Kyle Orton.