Why, Hello There

How are you today? Please, come in, come in. I know I'm not supposed to say my name, but I'll let you whisper it. I know it feels good. Let it out. Feel the Rush. Come on. Almost there. Say it with me

"ZOOK"

Yeah, thats right, the Zooker knows your heart, baby. He knows your innermost desires. He knows you see improvement. He knows its getting better and better.

Yeah, you saw that game on Saturday. Could you feel the Energy? You bet your sweet ass you could. Thats Zooktastic, baby. Thats how you play the game. It took only a transfer of a tiny bit of the Zook dynamism from my supercharged turbo body of recruiting fury to power the arm of Juice Williams to 4 tds. Yeah, you like Juice Williams now, don't you? I bet I know who'd really like ol' Juice. Texas. Yeah, Mack Brown, I remember you wanted Juice. He was gonna be your VY #2. But he chose the Zookster. He chose the improvement. He wanted to be better. And better.

Well he was. And we beat number one in the nation, baby. That means we're number one now. The Zooker doesn't play the polls, bro. He plays football assassin style. You kill the emperor to Be the emperor, and I am now the emperor. Bow before the Zook. It'll feel good.

Iggins!' Mind During Grossman to Berrian: The Return

What follows is an actual account of what was traveling through my mind and happening in real life during Rex Grossman's 59 yard pass to Bernard Berrian:

1 second into play:
Good he got the damned ball from center. Thats the first step, buddy. Now all you have to do is wind up and bring back the sex cannon, baby.

2 seconds into play:
Dropping back and he has good blocking... that's surprising. Why isn't Devin Hester getting a TD on all the returns he's had? Why isn't Devin Hester having my children?

Grossman winds up:
Oh shit ohshitohshit Rexy's windin up the cannon and he's goin deep baby. Christ I hope it isn't Moose down there. Why do we throw fly routes to him? He's so fuckin old and slow. I hope it's Berrian. And I hope he isn't double covered... or triple covered. Damn Rex just complete this bitch!!!!! We're losing to the Raiders for the love of God!

Grossman throws:
AHHHHH It's in the air itsintheair holy shit he just threw a massive fuckin pass that shit could travel for miles... oh fuck I hope there's a Bear down there and not a cheerleader or a Raider or Cher or Big Daddy Drew. That'd suck. I wonder how Drew is doin? Purple Jesus got hurt today I bet he's pissed...

Berrian is under the ball, Iggins! Sr. yells "Catch it!", I start yelling "Ahhhhhhhh!...":
OHMYFUCKINGGOD YOU BETTER CATCH THIS YOUPIECEOFSHITBERRIAN you better notdrop thisone you mutherfucker catchitcatchitcatchitcatchit!!!!!!

Berrian catches, runs into end zone:

Iggins! Sr. leaps from chair, Iggins! screams something... can't remember what... while leaping from chair, then yells "He's bringin Rexy back! The Cannon is back!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
OMGWTFBBQ
+
all four videos below simultaneously:

Iggins! Weekend Wrap-Up

Another good weekend for me. Why? Simple Equation:

+

+

=



Really.

Yeah, I stole this from KSK. Yeah, its a year old and probably premature. Yeah, Fuck You.