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Monday, December 17, 2007

The wait is over

We're under 12 hours away from the resurgence of man-God Kyle Orton, and as such I would like to demonstrate Kyle Orton: A History, as seen through the eyes of Iggins! and Code Red.

Kyle's senior season:

Iggins!: "Why was this guy supposed to win the Heisman? He lost to Iowa, he must suck!"
Code Red: "But he didn't play against Iowa you dipshit!!"

Draft Day:

Code Red: "It was a good move in a later round to grab a back up plan. If you haven't noticed the Bears need back up plans."
Iggins!: "But we have Grossman! He can't get hurt again, can he?!"
Code Red: "Why would you say that?!?!!?"

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Rx Grossman: "OWWWWW!! DAMNIT, WHY?!"
Iggins!: "Fuck... did I do that?"

Beginning of Kyle's Rookie Season:

Iggins!, Code Red: "Well, at least he isn't Chad Hutchinson."

Middle of Kyle's Rookie Season:

Iggins!: "He threw 5 INTs to the Bengals... that isn't so good. But we're winning... how are we winning?"
Code Red: "He's a rookie, and we have a great defense... but 5 is a bit much."

End of Kyle's Rookie Season:

Iggins! & Code Red: "So yeah, we're 11-5. But let's not credit that to Orton. Maybe in a couple years, if Grossman doesn't pan out, we can make Orton the full time starter. But we need Grossman against the Panthers."
Rx Grossman: "Why does our defense suck when I do good!?!!?"

This season:
Iggins!: "The time has come! Sound the horn of Gondor!"

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Code Red: "He has been developing like a caterpillar... in a cocoon... and now he shall sprout into a magnificent butterfly!"
Iggins!: "And he shall light the Metrodome ablaze with his God-like brilliance!"
Code Red: "Do you want to go to Hell?"

It's been so long. So damn long. I have never, not once in my 18 years of existence, seen a Cubs World Series game, a Blackhawks Stanley Cup game, or a Hawkeye National Title game. But worse than all of that is never having seen a good Bears Quarterback. Please, Orton. The odds are so good that you'll be a great QB at this point that it's more unlikely that you suck than that you'll be good. BRING THE PAIN.