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Monday, December 14, 2009

In Which I Remind You We're College Students

Iggins! and I are both trapped in the hell that is finals week, so posting will continue to be spotty up until next week. Sorry for the hell that must put you all through. On the bright side, GEEEAUUXXX SAINTS! 13-0!!! What a great time to be a LIFE LONG SAINTS FAN. Certainly wouldn't want to be stuck with those poor, 5-8, listless, aimless, hopeless Bears fans. Those sonsabitches must spend every night drinking paint thinner and curling themselves into the fetal position, begging for sleep or death to take them away from the pain of consciousness.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Weekly Picks, Bandwagon Edition

Now two games separate Red and I as Oregon State had to go and fail once again. But life is grand, for we are Saints fans!


Here are the picks:

(7-4) Philadelphia @ (6-5) Atlanta

Iggins!: Chris Redman, eh? Philadelphia wins.

Code Red: He went to Louisville. That has nothing to do with anything, I just felt the need to point it out. Philadelphia wins.

(1-10) St. Louis @ (4-7) Chicago

Code Red: Oh thank god. For one week the pain will stop. Or ease significantly. Or not. Or who gives a shit because I’m a lifelong Saints fan. Bears win.

Iggins!: Yeah even I can’t pick against the Bears here. Thank God I’m a Saints fan. (But seriously I have been a Drew Brees fan since he went to Purdue so this website suits me).

(2-9) Detroit @ (8-3) Cincinnati

Iggins!: Wow this game’ll be… fun. Bengals win.

Code Red: Bengals.

(3-8) Oakland @ (6-5) Pittsburgh

Code Red: Steelers.

Iggins!: Rapey should be back. And even if he isn’t… it’s the Raiders. Steelers win.

(5-6) Tennessee @ (11-0) Indianapolis

Iggins!: The Colts have been flirtin’ with disaster for weeks now and this week they play unstoppable God-man Chris Johnson and my boy Vince Young who can’t seem to lose. I’ve got Zulu Cthulu for the win. Titans win.

Code Red: God DAMNIT. Stop him! STOP HIM NOW! Colts win.

(7-4) Denver @ (3-8) Kansas City

Code Red: Guh. Sadly Denver’s losing streak is long over with opponents like this. Broncos win.

Iggins!: I hate myself for doing this but Kansas City wins.

(7-4) New England @ (5-6) Miami

Iggins!: Insert ESPN comment about Bill Belichick after a loss, New England wins.

Code Red: Insert ESPN comment about Tom Brady being more NOW. New England wins.

(11-0) New Orleans @ (3-8) Washington

Code Red: Undefeated, bitches! Geaux Saints!

Iggins!: 16-0 Bitch! Saints win.

(1-10) Tampa Bay @ (4-7) Carolina

Iggins!: Delhomme is back to his old self again and Freeman has been knocking at the door against really good teams for weeks. Tampa Bay wins.

Code Red: Eh, why not? Tampa Bay wins.

(5-6) Houston @ (6-5) Jacksonville

Code Red: The Texans will win this game. Or they won’t. Those are the options. Texans win.

Iggins!: That was very diplomatic of you. Texans win.

(8-3) San Diego @ (1-10) Cleveland

Iggins!: And the race for the first overall draft pick is on! San Diego wins.

Code Red: Cleveland’s going to have it. San Diego wins.

(8-3) Dallas @ (6-5) New York Giants

Code Red: Dallas isn’t That good, and the Giants have to do something at some point. Giants win.

Iggins!: Yeah, but the Giants suck. Cowboys win.

(5-6) San Francisco @ (4-7) Seattle

Iggins!: It’s too bad that Alex Smith’s resurgence isn’t leading to wins for the Niners. 49ers win.

Code Red: You cannot WIN WITH EM. 49ers win.

(10-1) Minnesota @ (7-4) Arizona

Code Red: Arizona, because fuck you, that’s why. Cardinals win.

Iggins!: Thank you for giving me a win. Minnesota wins.

(6-5) Baltimore @ (7-4) Green Bay

Iggins!: Baltimore hasn’t shown greatness yet this season so I can’t imagine they’ll beat Green Bay at Lambeau on Monday Night. Packers win.

Code Red: I’m a bitter, spiteful, hateful man. Ravens win.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Weekly Picks, Championship Edition

Isn't life grand as a Saints fan? Great QB, no media problems, no losses. Life is peachy. (sobs uncontrollably). Here are our records up to this week:

Iggins!: 123-67 Overall (46-32 NCAA, 77-35 NFL)

Code Red: 124-66 Overall (53-25 NCAA, 71-41 NFL)

So as you can see Red's lead over me has shrunk to one tiny little game. Although The odds of me overcoming a seven game deficit in the NCAA standings are rather small, we still differ on 4 games this week, and bowl season is yet to come! So on to the picks:

#16 Oregon State @ #7 Oregon

Iggins!: I predicted this game would be for the title weeks ago, and I also predicted the winner. I ain’t no John Kerry, Oregon State wins.

Code Red: Ah ha! But you are John Kerry in that you will lose to a man widely regarded as a moron and a failure! ….wait. Oregon wins.

Ohio vs. Central Michigan

Code Red: I am deeply, deeply disappointed that Temple’s comeback season ran out of steam and kept them from making the MAC title game. Oh well. They’ll still get ten wins and I feel less guilty about the manner in which Dan Lefevour will destroy Ohio. Central Michigan wins.

Iggins!: Ohio is coached by a guy who got date raped, and that’s pretty much what Lefevour is gonna do here. Central Michigan wins.

#5 Cincinnati @ #15 Pittsburgh

Iggins!: The Big East sucks, and Wanny is just evil enough to pull this upset. Pittsburgh wins.

Code Red: The Big East sucks, but Wanny is just incompetent enough to finish a season that started at 9-1 with 4 losses. Cincy wins.

Arizona @ #18 USC

Code Red: Ooh. Tough call. Both of these teams are good, but slightly below the upper crust of the Pac 10 this year (that was just an excuse to point and laugh at USC’s plight). I’ll go with the home team, I guess. USC wins.

Iggins!: USC has had the two most crushing defeats in the history of the Colosseum this year, both to teams who look suspiciously like Arizona. So I’m taking Arizona for the final blow to USCs season. By the way did anyone see the ESPN piece on the kid with eye cancer? Holy shit that was sad. Arizona wins.

#1 Florida vs. #2 Alabama

Iggins!: The National Title Game! This is tough, but picking against Tim Tebow is pretty damn unsafe. Florida wins.

Code Red: This will end just like last year. As evenly matched as they are in most other areas, the team with the better quarterback will be the one that wins. Florida.

#3 Texas vs. #22 Nebraska

Code Red: Seriously, someone get out the charts and shit and explain to me how Nebraska resurrected itself in order to make it to the Big 12 title game. Texas wins.

Iggins!: Well you see, Red, the biggest competition they had in the Big 12 North was K-State. They are 6-6. Texas wins.

#10 Georgia Tech vs. Clemson

Iggins!: Two opposing forces at play here. 1) The ACC Rubber Band Effect which clearly states that any ranked ACC team must lose when playing against an unranked ACC team and 2) Clemson’s history of failing when it counts over and over again. In the end I can’t pick against Clemson. Clemson wins.

Code Red: TRIPLE OPTION BCS YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH . Paul Johnson’s GT actually defies the ACC malaise by running an entirely unconventional offense and refusing to settle for a 21-14 score in every game. They will not be stopped, despite a minor setback to Georgia. Georgia Tech wins.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Week 14 College Rankings

1. (-) Florida (12-0)- This week they finally settle things with Alabama

2. (-) Texas (12-0)- I'm supposed to believe Nebraska is a threat to Texas? I say nay. Lock in that title game.

3. (-) Alabama (12-0)- See Florida

4. (-) Boise State (12-0)-They wrapped up another perfect regular season and, with Oklahoma State and Pitt both losing again, may have increased their chances of getting an At-Large BCS bid along with TCU.

5. (-) Cincinnati (11-0)- They'd better beat the Wannstache this weekend, or the Big East has no way to deny their absolute suckitude.

6. (-) TCU (12-0)- I still like Boise State more.

7. (+1) Oregon (9-2)- Oregon and Ohio State flip flop after their bye weeks because I realized I made the mistake of ranking Ohio State over Oregon.

8. (-1) Ohio State (10-2)- See above.

9. (+4) Iowa(10-2)- Iowa moves back into the top ten. Oh joy.

10.(-3) Georgia Tech (10-2)- The loss to Georgia was a minor setback on the course to world revolution which the Triple Option has plotted. It shall nevertheless overthrow the bourgeoisie and their "passing games" in the BCS!

11.(-) Penn State (10-2)- They had better not get an at-large bid over Boise or TCU. Given that they've played two good teams and lost to both of them. Holy hollow ten win season Batman!

12.(+3) Virginia Tech (9-3)- They can still salvage a ten win season, and they have a young corps of players that will return next year (including this year's star freshman runningback, Ryan Williams (1538 yds, 19 tds) who will pair with last year's star freshman runningback, Darren Evans, who has been out for the year but rushed for 1,265 yds and 11 tds in 2008, to form the most terrifying runningback duo since Cadillac Williams and Ronnie Brown took Auburn to an undefeated season in 2004).

13.(+3) Oregon State (8-3)- Oregon State has somehow climbed to #13. Be afraid, people. Be very, very afraid.

14.(+3) LSU (9-3)- God damnit. Why won't they just drop out of the top 20 for good and stop passing off their mediocrity as something slightly better than that.

15.(+3) Miami (9-3)- Miami could win 10 games for the first time since 2003.

16.(-4) Oklahoma State (9-3)- That loss to Oklahoma was unforeseen.

17.(-9) Pittsburgh (9-2)- Ha! Back where you belong, Wanny. After a loss to Cincy and whoever the hell it is they'll get in their mid-tier bowl game, Pitt's once-promising season will collapse in pure Wanny fashion.

18.(+1) Cal (8-3)- I'm still not sure they won't find Some way to fuck this up. Tedford does not win in December, damnit.

19.(+3) BYU (10-2)- So BYU's quarterback can't say he Hates his rival, Utah? Damn Mormons. Let Max Hall hate who he wants to hate. His hatred will make him powerful.

20.(-) USC (8-3)- Nothing to see here.

21.(+4) Houston (10-2)- Meh.

22.(-8) Clemson (8-4)- Damnit Clemson. For a second there I thought you'd finally do something un-Clemsony and beat teams you're supposed to beat. But no, so now a crushing defeat at the hands of the Triple Option is all you have to look forward to.

23.(NR) Nebraska (9-3)- Woah. How'd that happen?

24.(-) Central Michigan (10-2)- Yep.

25.(NR) West Virginia (8-3)- Well, this is unexpected.

A Poll, Because I'm Still Too Disgruntled to Write

After a whole day of reflection and soul-searching, I still haven't come up with anything to say about the Bears-Vikings game (why I care, given that I'm a life-long Saints fan, I don't know). It went about as poorly as I expected, other than the team only giving up four sacks. Cleveland managed that, so, in your face, Jared Allen. There's no other way to describe this team right now other than what it is: a complete and utter fucking disaster.

My illustrious comrade on this blog, Iggins!, seems to think three playoffless seasons brought on by injuries (not Lovie's fault), poor coaching changes and decisions (replacing Rivera with Babich, keeping Ron Turner, running the Cover 2 long after the personnel no longer suited it, all of which Is Lovie's fault), and awful personnel decisions (Angelo's fault indeed, but also Lovie's, as he was the one who insisted Danieal Manning/Adam Archuletta were better options than Chris Harris, he's the one who insisted the team draft Cedric Benson, he's the one who still runs the Cover 2 even though the personnel no longer suits it), Lovie's just a guy with a bunch of bad luck who shouldn't be fired. I maintain my long-held stance that everything Iggins! says is wrong, and that Lovie (and Jerry) should be run out of town. Hub Arkush (I know. It's not much) says the Bears have talked specifically to Bill Cowher and that Cowher "would be very interested" in the Bears job. Shanahan's also an option, as is Jon Gruden (I'd be okay with two of those. I won't tell you which one I don't like, but I'll give a hint: "That guy is a football player. He came to play football!") But that's all speculation for now. Since I don't want to keep grumbling, and honestly, nothing I'd bitch about would be any different than what I've bitched about with increasing frequency all season long, here's a poll:

Monday, November 30, 2009

Don't Worry.

The changes are not permanent. But damnit, for the next 5 games I'm rooting for a winner. The Purdue quarterback that this site was named after isn't even a part of the Bears anymore. Time to root for his God-Like Boilermaker predecessor. GEAUX SAINTS!

(and yes, I'll still grumble about the Bears)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Week 13 NCAA Rankings.

1. (-) Florida (11-0)- After what should be a final, satisfying pasting of Bobby Bowden this weekend they'll take on 'Bama in the SEC title game.

2. (-) Texas (11-0)- Did you know Colt McCoy has a losing record against Texas A&M? Yeah...that won't last.

3. (-) Alabama (11-0)- Like Florida, they're on autopilot till next week.

4. (-) Boise State (11-0)- I Still like them better than TCU.

5. (-) Cincinnati (10-0)- They get to rape my Illini on Friday, setting them up for the Big East-deciding showdown against Pitt the week after.

6. (-) TCU (11-0)- I'm wondering if they'll follow Utah's path and beat a disappointed, second-place SEC team in the Sugar Bowl. I doubt it.

7. (-) Georgia Tech (10-1)- They get Georgia This weekend (I misread the schedule and wrote that down as last weekend), then they take on Clemson in the ACC title game. Iggins! informed me the other day that some projections have them facing Iowa in the BCS. I'll pay good money to make this happen, for nothing will make Iggins! realize the unstoppability of the triple option more than Josh Nesbitt and Jonathan Dwyer running roughshod through the Hawkeye defense.

8. (-) Pittsburgh (9-1)- Guh. Once more, if Cinci loses next week and gives Wanny a Big East title, I may be reduced to murder.

9. (-) Ohio State (10-2)- Not too long till Oregon (or Oregon State, I suppose) hands Tressel his next embarassing loss in front of a national audience.

10. (-) Oregon (9-2)- They barely survived Arizona, and the Civil War against the Beavers this weekend is just as nerve-wracking. Should be a hell of a game.

11. (+2) Penn State (10-2)- They jump over Oklahoma State because OK State suffered the embarassment of letting Colorado hang around until the 4th quarter.

12. (-) Oklahoma State (9-2)- They get Oklahoma this week, which is no longer as scary as it seemed. They should be Iowa's biggest competition for one of the last at-large bids for the BCS.

13. (+1) Iowa (10-2)- They grit out yet another win against Minnesota to finish the regular season with ten wins, and they may yet grab an at-large BCS bid. A tip of the cap to mine enemies.

14. (+2) Clemson (8-3)-CJ Spiller is unstoppable, and freshman QB Kyle Parker has improved all year long. The ACC Title game should feature a lot of offense on both sides (I'll take Things I Never Thought I'd Say for 500, Alex).

15. (+3) Virginia Tech (8-3)- Welcome back to the Top 15.

16. (+3) Oregon State (8-3)- They survived the curse of being in my rankings for one week, let's see if they can do it long enough to win a Pac 10 title.

17. (-6) LSU (8-3)- This is a much, much more appropriate spot for them.

18. (+3) Miami (8-3)- I still like Jacory Harris.

19. (NR) Cal (8-3)- They've the year went on? How unlike Cal. Beating Stanford without Jahvid Best is impressive.

20. (-) USC (7-3)- Not much to say.

21. (+1) Temple (9-2)- 9 wins for Temple. WHY AREN'T PEOPLE NOTICING THIS?

22. (NR) BYU (9-2)- I guess I can now forgive them for the ass whuppin' Florida State handed them.

23. (-) Utah (9-2)- Sure, why not.

24. (-) Central Michigan (9-2)- I like Dan Lefevour, but he'd better not fuck up my Cinderella story by beating Temple in the MAC title game.

25. (-) Houston (9-2)- Meh.

Monday, November 23, 2009

The Death Spiral Continues

I don't know what you're expecting if you've come here to read a recap of last night's game. What else is there to say? Cutler fucking sucked. When he throws the god damn interceptions I can usually (and rightfully) point out most of the time how it was his receiver's fault or the line's fault or even a bad call, but last night was inexcusable. Four times he had receivers wide open for what would have been the game winning touchdown. Four times he failed to set his feet and make the throw. It was disgusting. It's disgusting to see him playing timid and afraid. It's disgusting to see him fall away from every throw and lose his accuracy (I realize it's because he's been hit so god damn many times this year that he's got happy feet, but that's still on him). It's disgusting that for two weeks in a row he's wasted good efforts by everybody else (well, except the offensive line). It's disgusting that this whole franchise is just royally fucked.

Am I giving up on Jay Cutler? Absolutely not. Last night was just a bad game. Any quarterback is going to have those nights, but in his case it's absolutely magnified by the struggles he's been having lately, whether most of those picks were his fault or not (and they still weren't). There's no saving grace to this team right now. The coaches, the offense, the defense, they all suck. There's not one thing I can point to right now and say "if they just tweak this, they'll be okay." The worst part is that nothing's going to change. Ted Phillips and the McCaskey's aren't going to just decide money grows on trees and thus they can dump Angelo and Lovie. I'm really still too god damn pissed to keep doing this, so I'm going to quote this absolutely spot-on article by Mark Potash of the Sun Times entitled " 6 Reasons for the Bears' Fall"-

"Perhaps the biggest problem the Bears have is that they're a family-oriented organization that thinks everybody is doing a heckuva job. Lovie Smith raising his voice to his team at halftime is considered "accountability."

From top to bottom, the Bears hierarchy is the Peter Principle run amok. Team president Ted Phillips is a director of finance/contract negotiator. Jerry Angelo was a director of player personnel. Lovie Smith was a defensive coordinator. They' were all new to their present job when they were hired. It was easy when the Bears reached the playoffs in 2005 and the Super Bowl in 2006. But with a likely third consecutive payoff-less season, somebody needs to see that the arrow is pointing straight down. But who? It takes a complete disaster for Lovie Smith to acknowledge an underpeforming player -- he still thinks the Bears are a running team. How long will it take Jerry Angelo to acknowledge an underperforming coach? Or Ted Phillips to acknowledge an underperforming general manager. And if you think the McCaskey's are going to be able to quickly acknowledge an underperforming team president, you have more faith in the Bears than I do. "

You should read the rest of the article, too. In case you still aren't sure just how fucked this whole mess is.


Saturday, November 21, 2009

NFL Picks Week 11

And now for the NFL picks, otherwise known as me selling my soul for wins by picking against the Bears for the second straight week. I'm 3 games back of Red, here are the picks for this week:

(3-6) Washington @ (6-3) Dallas

Code Red: Well that’s easy. Cowboys.

Iggins!: Yeah I’m gonna attribute the Redskin’s win last week to the hilariously inevitable meltdown of the Broncos. Cowboys win.

(1-8) Cleveland @ (1-8) Detroit


Code Red: Holy shit. I realize it’s blacked out, but could the almighty football gods just intervene right now and prevent this game form being played at all? Guuuh. Lions win?

(4-5) San Francisco @ (5-4) Green Bay

Code Red: San Francisco. No reason, I just want to believe Green Bay sucks as bad as the Bears do.

Iggins!: So do I, but we both know that just isn’t true. Green Bay wins.

(6-3) Pittsburgh @ (2-7) Kansas City

Iggins!: I will not pick you, KC. Pittsburgh wins.

Code Red: No shit? Against Pittsburgh? Nice call, Sherlock. Steelers.

(5-4) Atlanta @ (5-4) NY Giants

Code Red: One team has been inconsistent from week to week, one team’s been inconsistent from month to month (5-0 start followed by 0-4). I guess the Giants, because they’re at home and due for a win.

Iggins!: Until the Giants beat a good team I can’t pick them against one. Atlanta wins.

(9-0) New Orleans @ (1-8) Tampa Bay

Iggins!: Freeman has looked really good, but in a week filled with games pitting teams who have yet to prove if they’re good or bad against eachother, this one is pretty cut and dry. New Orleans wins.

Code Red: He has looked good, but they need a lot more than a promising young quarterback in Tampa. Saints win.

(3-6) Buffalo @ (5-4) Jacksonville

Code Red: Buffalo sucks, and they aren’t going to get a “spark” from firing Jauron. Jags win.

Iggins!: Interesting The Jaguars will be 6-4. Something is wrong with the world. Jaguars win.

(9-0) Indianapolis @ (5-4) Baltimore

Iggins!: Baltimore is better than 5-4 but they’re still much worse than the Colts. Indy wins.

Code Red: My sentiments exactly. Colts win, and honestly, the only thing I want to see now (unless the Bears pull some miracle out of their ass and vault back into contention), is a Saints-Colts, Breesus vs. Manning Superbowl. That would be some damn good tv.

(3-6) Seattle @ (8-1) Minnesota

Code Red: God damnit. Minnesota.

Iggins!: Minnesota wins.

(6-3) Arizona @ (1-8) St. Louis

Iggins!: St. Louis almost wins a lot of games, unfortunately for them that doesn’t count for shit. Arizona wins.

Code Red: Kurt Warner seems to step up his game against his old team. Oh wait. Everyone does. ‘Cuz the Rams suck. Cardinals

(4-5) New York Jets @ (6-3) New England

Code Red: The Pats will be out for blood to avenge both their early season loss to the Jets and last week’s embarrassment in Indy. Pats win.

Iggins!: Yeah, I don’t think crying before the Pats game will help the Jets turn it around. Pats win.

(7-2) Cincinnati @ (2-7) Oakland

Iggins!: Cincinnati wins.

Code Red: Hoo boy. At least they finally benched JaMarcus? Bengals win.

(6-3) San Diego @ (6-3) Denver

Code Red: Orton isn’t likely to start (and Chris Simms Bloooooows), and teams are starting to exploit their weaknesses. Chargers win.

Iggins!: The Broncos have entered a tail spin and are nearing the ground. The clincher is they’ll give up the division lead to the Bolts for good here. Chargers win.

(5-4) Philadelphia @ (4-5) Chicago

Iggins!: I refuse to pick the Bears. Picking them is what we call “madness”. Go Bulls and Blackhawks. Eagles win.

Code Red: I live by a strict moral code. It’s going to continue costing me games in the standings, but I do not pick against the Bears. Bears win.

(3-6) Tennessee @ (5-4) Houston


Iggins!: Tennessee wins. What, did you think I’d pick against him?

Friday, November 20, 2009

NCAA Picks, Week 12

Last week Red and I tied at 7-3 in our NCAA picks and I inched ever closer to the overall lead by going 10-5 in the NFL while he went 9-6. This means I am gaining on him because of the Bear's failure. WHY GOD?!

Iggins!: 104-63 Overall (64-33 NFL, 40-30 NCAA)

Code Red: 107-60 Overall (60-37 NFL, 47-23 NCAA)

On to this week's NCAA picks:

#10 Ohio State @ Michigan

Iggins!: If Ohio State loses here it would pretty much prove how mediocre the Big 10 is before bowl season comes around. But I can’t pick against OSU here, OSU wins.

Code Red: Michigan sucks, and they will miss bowl season two years in a row, causing me endless joy. Ohio State wins.

Oklahoma @ Texas Tech

Code Red: For a long time I said Oklahoma wasn’t really that bad, but there’s just no denying after the loss to Nebraska that losing Bradford (twice) has sucked the wind outta their sails, and Mike Leach shall prey on their gloom. Texas Tech wins.

Iggins!: Yeah it’s hard to take Oklahoma after that crap fest. Texas Tech wins.

#8 LSU @ Ole Miss

Iggins!: So honestly, after Florida and Bama, the SEC is a pile of mediocrity. The Pac 10 is the best conference top to bottom by far. I guess we’ll see in the bowl season, when Iowa plays LSU and Penn State plays GEORGIA OR OLE MISS (yes one of those teams is the 4th best team in the SEC). LSU wins.

Code Red: What the hell, I’ll go with Ole Miss, because LSU doesn’t strike me as all that good, and Ole Miss has to win at least one “big” game after the way they’ve been raped in all of their previous ones. Ole Miss wins.

#14 Penn State @ Michigan State

Code Red: Might Penn State actually beat a not-completely shitty team on the road? Yes. Penn State wins.

Iggins!: I flip a coin…and… Penn State wins.

#25 California @ #17 Stanford

Iggins!: So here’s what’s going to happen in the Pac-10. Stanford will win this game, Oregon will beat Arizona, and Oregon State will beat Oregon in Corvallis the final game of the season to win (!) the Pac-10. So enjoy the battle of the OSUs in the Rose Bowl. Stanford wins.

Code Red: Dude, where are you getting these rankings? Are you using the BCS? Cool kids use the AP, son. Or the SKORankings. My point? Cal sucks, they do not deserve to be ranked. Stanford wins.

Iggins!: Well hate them as I might I use the BCS because they determine everything.

Kansas @ #3 Texas

Code Red: Mark Mangino, the almighty fat one, is in danger of losing his job due to alleged physical and verbal harassment of players, just two years after going 12-1 and winning the Orange Bowl. Chances are he was physically and verbally harassing players then, too, but now that he’s lost 5 straight and is in danger of missing bowl season, its suddenly unacceptable. Texas Wins.

Iggins!: When did verbally abusing players become unacceptable? Texas wins.

#11 Oregon @ Arizona

Iggins!: I already said who’s win here. Seriously though the 5th best team in the Pac 10 is USC. Fuckin USC. Oregon, OSU, Zona, Stanford are all better and that’s not a knock on USC. This conference is dominant and bowl season will probably prove that. Oregon wins.

Code Red: Oregon wins, and beats Oregon State next week to clinch the Pac 10. Also, USC, which got its ass handed to it by Oregon and Stanford, beat Oregon State 42-36 in a game that wasn’t as close as the score indicated. Oregon State will Not win the Pac 10, give it up. Your mother went there and raised you with an irrational love of the Beavers. We get it, now knock it off. Oregon Wins.

Iggins!: Yeah, and Oregon got raped by a Stanford team that Oregon State beat AT Stanford, so what’s your point, Mr. This-team-beat-this-team?

Kansas State @ Nebraska

Code Red: ……Kansas State? Seriously, I have no fucking clue which one of these teams is better. They both suck.

Iggins!: In case the folks at home are wondering, this game is for the Big 12 North title (basically). Nebraska because they’re at home. The Big 12 title game is going to be hilarious. Nebraska wins.

Guest Article: Rick Morrissey Continues To Wander Off On His Path To Total Idiocy‏

Today, SKO readers, we have a very special guest, Mike D. of Hire Jim Essian!, everyone's favorite Cubs blog. Mike, who is well aware of our campaign against the incompetence of Rick Morrissey, wished to share his wonderful fisk-job of Morrissey's latest steaming pile of crap. So without further ado, here's Mike (with Morrisey in Italics):

It's like I always say: If you want to know what's wrong with your local NFL team, ask an ophthalmologist.


Wait a second, that's not what I always say. What I always say is, if you want to know what's wrong with sports these days, pay attention to the pushy parents behind the athletes.

What? Rick Morrissey always says that? What kind of people willingly hang out with this guy, what with his always assuming sports are riddled with wrongness, and that the problem can be whittled down to one overly trite example? Frankly, I’d rather explore the ophthalmologist angle.

Figuring out what possessed Dan Grossman, ophthalmologist and father of former Bear Rex Grossman, to rip the Bears isn't too hard.

No. No, Rick, it’s not too hard. Not too hard at all. One merely needs to flip the page to yesterday when your dying industry’s Irv Kupcinet stand-in Fred Mitchell took a break from interviewing old and dead athletes to give Dan Grossman a chance to vent at what he perceived to be a raw deal for his son while leading the Bears to only their second Super Bowl in team history.

He's another father fighting his kid's battles.

Or maybe the fact that Fred Mitchell called Dan, and not his son Rex, meant Mr. Grossman had no choice, you talentless, couldn’t-spell-analogy-if-he-were-spotted the “a-n-a-l-o-g” buffoon.

Many of us have an inner voice reminding us of the importance of letting our kids learn their own lessons.

Rick misspelled “Many”—he meant “some”—and instead of writing “the importance of letting our kids learn their own lessons” he clearly intended to write “how ridiculously fortuitous our lot in lot has been, to where we find ourselves writing a daily sports column for a major metropolitan newspaper in spite of the fact that we are terrible at writing and have no feel for sports, but we manage to drown out these inner voices with gallons of grain alcohol.” This would, of course, qualify as a major non sequiter, which is why I know it’s right for a Morrissey column.

But more than a few parents have no such voice,

So sad. Who will speak for these souls?

no such filter, no such clue.

You’re really pulling at my heartstrings, you melodious, prosaic bastard.

They're the ones calling college campuses to complain about their 20-year-old's grade in 19th Century French History.

Did I say non-sequiter earlier? I thought we were talking about Rex Grossman, NFL quarterback who attended college at—wait for it—Florida. Is Morrissey drawing some ersatz analogy between Napolean Bonaparte and Steve Spurrier?

They're the ones typing their kids' resumes. They're the ones calling their adult children three times a day.

They’re the ones who came to America, persecuted for their beliefs back home, beliefs which sprung from a lifestyle unavoidably intertwined with their industry--the harvesting and distribution of straw. These “strawmen” as they came to be known in Europe—they are the ones who are ruining sports.

I really need to stop using the word "children." Rex Grossman is 29.

Exactly. So now you realize how off you were in the first place, right?


Whoa. No need to shout, Mr. Righteous Indignation.

Let me see if I have this straight. Fred Mitchell puts down his pudding and rings up Dan Grossman for god-only-knows-what-reason. Maybe Fred needed a new pair of trifocals and in some hilarious madcap sequence, wound up talking to an eye doctor from southern Indiana.

Grossman, now that his son is no longer playing for a team whose media and fanbase wouldn’t know a good quarterback if one pegged them in the gonads with a spiral, speaks out. Bear in mind, Rex Grossman is gone, hasn’t played here in about a year. We have a very good quarterback now (although Rick, in several earlier demonstrations that he really should have a restraining order issued to him from topics revolving around the quarterback position, may still not have grasped this). This is only a story if, upon hanging up the phone, Dan Grossman drives the 350 miles to Chicago and strangles Fred Mitchell to death for bothering him with this inanity.

So, having properly baited the guy, the Tribune comes out FULL FORCE with this article and also have their entire staff pile on with their thoughts.

Piling on the father. Of a quarterback. Who no longer plays for this team.

And who’s leading the charge? Sir Whiffsalot, of course.

If I were Rex Grossman, I would be looking for a hole to crawl in from the embarrassment my father has caused me.

Instead you’re Rick Morrissey and you should be looking for a hole to crawl in from the embarrassment that YOU have caused YOUR father.

I would be trying to understand why I still have my dad speaking for me in the pages of the Tribune,

Yes, I’m sure that’s how it happened, you revisionist buttwipe. I’m sure Fred Mitchell REALLY called Rex first, and Rex told him, “You need to talk to my dad.”

especially when I don't recall asking him to do so.

So a father needs permission from his TWENTY NINE year old son to spout off on something’s that bothering him. He’s not allowed to express that now?

Seriously, I don’t known if Rick is a father or not. But if he is, I wonder how he would react if A) his kid was all grown up (but hopefully, for the kid’s sake, without Rick’s 3 foot schlong for a nose), and B) working in a profession where (s)he was visible to the masses, while C) talentless, smart-ass mopes like Rick Morrissey, whose only skill was in gravitating to the lowest common denominator, were D) taking potshots at his kid... that he wouldn’t feel it his right--WHEN ASKED—to express the frustration HE had felt, as a parent, about the whole situation? I’m not related to Rex Grossman, and but whenever anyone ASKS me about his time in Chicago, I’ll always say he was treated unfairly. That’s simply my opinion. Why can’t the guy’s dad have his? He’s the guy’s fucking father, for crying out loud.

And I would be wondering how tone-deaf a parent has to be to think that firing on his son's former team is a good idea.

I would think not firing on the team while his son was on the team showed restraint. What’s the harm in a player’s dad firing on said team once his kid’s not only gone, but in a different conference, for a team against whom the Bears will not play again until 2012?

Dan Grossman would like everyone to know that the Bears can't develop quarterbacks and that his son got jobbed.

Well I’d say he’s right and, if I’m not mistaken, you have generally agreed with that first part, Rick.

If you were a Houston Texans teammate of Rex Grossman's, what would you be thinking about him today?

I dunno. Maybe “Hey check out that mouthbreather whose backing up Matt Schaub. I played against him in the SEC. He’s sometimes pretty good and sometimes pretty shitty. Good thing he’s our backup.”

That he sure has a supportive dad?

Of course, Rick. Many pro football player immediately take inventory of their teammates' parental situation. It’s important to Mario Williams whether or not Steve Slaton’s mom breast-fed him, and that DeMeco Ryans knows whether or not Andre Johnson’s dad beat him as a child.

Or that it's more than a little creepy having a father who spouts off publicly?

Oh Christ, I can’t even mock this guy anymore. Did he just burn off 40 words to imply that the Houston Texans—a 5-4 team that is in the thick of a wildcard spot that would deliver the first-ever playoff appearance for their franchise--are giving any attention to this non-story up in Chicago? Can Rick really be this delusional that anyone outside of Bill Adee’s staff truly gives a shit?

I'll go with Door No. 2.

And now you’re pissing on Monte Hall. I WILL DESTROY YOU!

On any level, this wasn't a good move by dear, old dad.

You’re right. It wasn’t a good move. Of course, it wasn’t a bad move, either. It’s NOTHING.

Texans management has to be wondering when Dan Grossman is going to pop off about the situation in Houston.

First of all, why do they have to wonder? Secondly, the situation? What situation? Dan Grossman was complaining about how his son was treated when he started here, he's not bitching about playing time. Finally, even if the Texans were to wonder when Grossman will “pop off” again--a pretty remote chance of that, to be sure but work with me in Rick's fantasy world for a second-- well maybe they’re thinking it’d be after his son leaves, like HE DID IN CHICAGO.

The guess here is if Rex doesn't get his chance in the next year, the eye doctor will question the Texans' vision.

What a horrible guess. If I didn’t know what a shallow, cynical thinks-he’s-being-clever hack Rick Morrissey was, I’d accuse him of just being dumb. Since Dan Grossman didn’t say a peep during his son’s stay in Chicago, the evidence actually would support that he’d take the same tack in Hosuton, if it all.

If Rex does get his chance, can Houston's offensive coordinator expect weekly calls from Papa Grossman?

(You know what, I have a confession to make. It’s 1 AM, and I’ve had a long day. I began reading this article 16 hours ago on the CTA and by the time I got to this point in the article, I stopped. I was also thinking of fisking it like I’m doing now but was immediately distressed to see that there were SO MANY MORE PARAGRAPHS OF THIS CRAP LEFT. So I just figured I’d still fisk it, without reading it past this point ahead of time, on the presumption that Rick would not fail to riddle it with mockable offenses to human decency. You could say that the GUESS here is that Rick will not disappoint me.

I also hate Rick Morrissey just for making this exercise necessary.)

Whether Dan Grossman was right or wrong about what ails the Bears and their quarterbacks, he further painted his son as a man who needs his dad to stand up for him.

So regardless of the validity of Grossman’s point, he—hold on I’m going to have to quote this because I think I need a translation “further painted his son as a man who needs his dad to stand up for him.” Further? That would imply that Rex Grossman has always needed his dad to stand up for him. But AGAIN, this is the first time Dan Grossman has said anything. It’s almost as every word that Rick Morrissey writes reflects the opposite of reality. Truly bizarre. Maybe he’s a genius, a latter-day, cosmic retro version of a love child between Lewis Carroll and Samuel Taylor Coleridge, sent here to provide us with an alternate reality.

That's exactly what a big, tough football player needs, isn't it?

Wow. Now Rick’s putting on his big boy pants to try to bully an NFL player. I love when sportswriters do this. Ha ha, Rex, who’s laughing NOW?!?! HAHA*COUGH*HA. Ow--My asthma!

But I wonder if I'm in the minority on this.

If the majority is “sane, reasonable people with a well-adjusted adaptation to reality”, then you can stop wondering, Rick. You are.

I had a conversation recently with a friend about one of his sons, a soccer player.

Oh great. Here we go. Rick dragged us through his broken glass trail of factual inaccuracies, schlocky analogies and all-around smarminess just so he could bring us to our destination—his asshole neighbor.

The friend believed his 10-year-old deserved more playing time. My advice was to let it play out, that if the boy were good enough, his talent would shine through. But the father and another friend thought I was dead wrong,

DEAD WRONG. You do NOT argue with people whose parents and grandparents emigrated from Strawlandia.

that the right thing was to talk to the coach and impress on him that the kid was, by any measure, one of the better players.

These are two of the more level-headed people I know.

For “people” who go absolutely apeshit when you light a match near them, sure.

Maybe my way of thinking has become passé.

Oh look at you. You fancy yourself Andy Rooney now. Good gord this is awful, even for you, you meandering twit.

All I know is I would have been mortified if my mom had complained to any of my coaches about playing time as I was growing up.

Because you wore black socks to practice and played with Tonka trucks in right field, I’m guessing even your mom knew how silly it would have been to advocate on your behalf.

And I don't think many parents would have complained in those days.

No. parents never complained before. They just drank more, smoked, and wheeled around town without putting on their seatbelts while tossing McDonalds polystyrofoam Big Mac containers out their windows. A simpler time. NO COMPLAINING.

Today? It starts early and, apparently, lasts a lifetime.

To what exactly does “it” refer? Herpes?

In a way, then, Dan Grossman is the logical expression of a society developing stage parents at a frightening rate.

Holy shit. Rick has managed to take this thin sliver of nothingness and allow it to prop himself up into his Sociologist Armchair. What other lessons on society can we learn from this profound example of Dan Grossman initially speaking his mind to a senilic sportswriter?

I would suggest to him that, because his child turns 30 next year, it might be time to let go.

That’s right. You can still give him money on the weekends if you’d like, but emotional supports has limits, Mr. Grossman. You must stop defending your life and blood.

He likely would ask why he's supposed to stop caring about the boy.

I’m amazed Rick would actually consider this ounce of humanness.

But that's just it. Caring parents let children make their own mistakes and find their own solutions.

Where does Dan Grossman not allow his kid to make his own mistakes? AGAIN, this guy never said a peep while his son was here. Further, does Rick Morrissey truly suppose that Rex Grossman was unaware that, say, when he was getting picked off all night against Arizona in 2006 that he was playing poorly? Grossman was maddening, but nobody—not even the great penisface Rick Morrissey—can say he never was accountable for his poor outings. He stood up and admitted when he sucked. What’s the problem here? By the same token, if someone wants to make the case that Rex Grossman received a disproportionate amount of vitriol for a guy who, on balance, fared relatively well here—a valid point and a not-too-difficult stance to advocate—who the hell is Rick Morrissey to tell him to shut up? Oh, wait. He’s one of the guys who mercilessly ripped Grossman while he was here. Now it makes sense.

Some of Dan Grossman's comments were reasonable, but others were just plain ridiculous.

And I’m Rick Morrissey. I KNOW ridiculous.

He said NFL teams ignored Rex Grossman in the offseason "because of all the baggage he had to carry coming out of Chicago."

Certainly plausible. How else do you explain that there was no market for a quarterback who, two years earlier, had thrown for over 3,000 yards and 23 touchdowns while leading his team to a Super Bowl?

Teams ignored him because they saw the same thing everyone else did: Rex Grossman was all over the place consistency-wise.

“All over the place, consistency-wise”? Isn’t that redundant?

If he's as good as his dad thinks he is,

He would have led SOME team to the Super Bowl by now.

he wouldn't be the second-string quarterback for the Texans.

There are worse gigs in the NFL, you know. Plus, he’s only TWENTY NINE.

He would be a starter somewhere. Maybe even in Chicago.

Now you’re just asking to get punched in your penisface, seeing as how you were Torch-Bearer #1 in The Running—Rex—Out—Of--Town Brigade.

If Rex Grossman had said the things his father did, it would have been one thing.

But he didn’t, so let’s stop wasting more space with your hypothetical fantasies.

We could have judged the statements on their merits.

And if your dad could have pulled out, I’d be sleeping right now.

The criticism came from Dr. Grossman, though, and it opened his son to ridicule.

By you, and your entire fucking soon-to-be-irrelevant newspaper, yes.

Is there a mute button in the house?

Don’t know. I’d settle for your computer to crash, though.

Also, I hate you.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Week 12 College Rankings

As we near the end of the regular season:

1. (-) Florida (10-0)- I'm not sure why people seem so concerned about their failure to dominate offensively. Their only obstacle is Alabama, a team that's clearly more offensively challenged, and their defense is good enough to stick it to any offense in the country.

2. (-) Texas (10-0)- A ho-hum drumming of Baylor keeps them on track.

3. (-) Alabama (10-0)- See above, but replace "Baylor" with "Mississippi State".

4. (-) Boise State (10-0)- I Still like them better than TCU.

5. (-) Cincinnati (10-0)- So they didn't start Tony Pike, they just brough him in the red zone? I'm so confused. Stop with your use of two amazing quarterbacks, damnit, and give me one.

6. (-) TCU (10-0)- I still like them less than Boise State (see what I did there?).

7. (-) Georgia Tech (10-1)- Could be a shootout with Georgia this weekend, but I don't see Joe Cox being able to keep up. GT makes it to the ACC title game with ease.

8. (+1) Pittsburgh (9-1)- They get West Virginia this weekend, who can still be dangerous, but it's more than likely that it'll all come down to next week's game vs. Cinci for all of the marbles. If Wannstedt wins that I may vomit.

9. (+1) Ohio State (9-2)- And Sweatervest is going back to the BCS, probably against Oregon. God damnit.

10. (+1) Oregon (8-2)- If they make it past Arizona and Oregon State the Pac 10 is theirs. However, the loss to Harbaugh has shaken my confidence in their ability to not fuck up.

11. (+1) LSU (8-2)- There's absolutely nothing remarkable about this team. The SEC right now consists of two leviathans, one well-rounded but unimpressive team (LSU), and then 9 teams that can each only play one half of the ball.

12. (+5) Oklahoma State (8-2)- They're at least talented enough to be the #12 team? Even though they've lost the only two tough games they've played.

13. (+3) Penn State (9-2)- See my last comment about OK State.

14. (-6) Iowa (9-2)- Woops. I hath committed the faux pas of ranking Iowa below a team they beat. I'm too lazy to fix it. Have fun in the Capitol One Bowl, boys.

15. (+7) Stanford (7-3)- Harbaugh is an unstoppable machine.

16. (NR) Clemson (7-3)- Similar to my Texas Tech clause, Iggins! demands that I rank Clemson whenever possible.

17. (+4) Wisconsin (8-2)- It all sucks from here on out.

18. (+2) Virginia Tech (7-3)- They're just too talented to have three losses. I'm disappointed in you, Frank Beamer.

19. (NR) Oregon State (7-3)- And they're back! Every single time I've ranked them they've lost their next game. Sorry Beavers, I hath jinxed you again.

20. (-5) USC (7-3)- The guys over at Every Day Should Be Saturday compared USC's losses to Oregon and Stanford this year to Nebraska's blowout loss to Colorado in 2001, which signalled the beginning of the end for the Cornhusker's decades long reign of asskickery. I think that's crap. USC is undeniably mediocre this year, but they have a true freshman quarterback who has shown flashes of serious potential, their usual stack of young blue chippers, and an offensive staff that's slowly gaining experience. They'll be back next year.

21. (-13) Miami (7-3)- What happened to the 'Canes being "back"?

22. (+1) Temple (8-2)- 8 wins, people. Temple. 8 wins. This is a school that hasn't been to a bowl since 1979. In the last 20 seasons before this one they've won a grand total of 48 games, (an average of 2.4 wins per season). Hell, Ron Dickerson, who coached the team for 5 seasons from 1993-1997, won 8 games Total in that time. What Al Golden has done is nothing short of amazing.

23. (-5) Utah (8-2)- Sorry Utah, you may have won a BCS bowl last year, but you aren't a Cinderella story, so you get to sit behind Temple.

24. (+1) Central Michigan (8-2)- Dan Lefevour is still a really good quarterback.

25. (-11) Houston (8-2)- There we go.

Friday, November 13, 2009

God Damnit

I can't really explain what I saw last night. Well, from everyone but Jay, I'll give you the simplest answer possible: They suck. They're the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked. Jesus this team is stuck in a 2002 like death spiral and I don't know how they slow it down. I never thought that I'd be considering 5-11 or 6-10 with Jay Cutler at the helm, but this is what we're staring into the face of, and if the McCaskey's tight wallets keep Lovie after that I'm not sure what I'll do. This team is just a shitty, poorly constructed, fundamentally weak group of absolute morons. What the hell was with Chris Williams just throwing his girth at a 49er after the play was dead on the last drive? What was with the 900 penalties throughout the game? I haven't seen a football team this pathetic since Jauron left. That's where things stand right now. There's no looking back and laughing at all of those crappy Wanny and Jauron teams like they're some distant past now. There's absolutely no reason to believe this team is better than any of those ones. God fucking damn it. I'm absolutely sick of this shit.

As for Cutler, well, I don't know what you want from me. Analysis? Defense? To say that it wasn't his fault that Hester fell down or that Kellen Davis was interfered with? Yeah, that's great, so he only threw 2 interceptions that were mind-numbingly stupid and fucked his team's chances in the red zone. Great. There's the Franchise. I can't keep him separate from my rants against the suck on this team. He's right there with them now. Can I blame them for dragging him down into the muck with them? Sure, why not.

We are in hell right now. As much as any football fan not in Cleveland, Detroit, Oakland, St. Louis, or Buffalo can be. Everything that could have gone wrong this season pretty much has, from the moment Jay threw his first pick in Green Bay and Urlacher's wrist snapped in half. Kyle Orton's 6-2 in Denver. No, I don't think he's had much to do with the 6 wins. He's had a lot to do with the 2 losses, but that doesn't change how much it chaps my ass that he's at 6-2 and the Bears are 4-5. Cutler's played three games on prime time tv and has been a complete embarassment in all three. The Eagles are coming in next week. God fucking damn it. I don't want to watch that. I just flat out do not want to watch. Before this season I thought I was well past that point of ever being so disgusted that I don't even want to watch my own team. I figured no matter what, the games should be entertaining with a real, live offense. Well, turns out I was wrong.

I hate this fucking team, and so should you.

Thursday, November 12, 2009


Jay Cutler
Ricky Stanzi
Fourth Quarter heroics

(If you're looking for something that doesn't involve blind rage go talk to Red or something)

College Football Week 11 Rankings

I don't have much time, so here's the rankings without much commentary-

1. Florida (9-0)- They beat Vandy. That means nothing, but they're still good.

2. Texas (9-0)- There ain't a tough game left on their schedule.

3. Alabama (9-0)- I still don't like their offense.

4. Boise State (9-0)- I still like them more than TCU.

5. Cincinnati (9-0)- They're going with Tony Pike at quarterback, which means their other absolutely amazing quarterback is waiting in the wings. Lucky bastards. Cinci in the top 5? We're through the looking glass, folks.

6. TCU (9-0)- I'm just gonna take a moment to reflect on my 4-6 being Boise State, Cincinnati, and TCU. Jesus.


8. Iowa (9-1)- They got royally fucked, but that's what happens when you get that consistently lucky for 9 games. The 10th one just happens to bite you in the ass every now and then. They're screwed for Ohio State as well. Looking like a flashback to 2005, with Iowa and LSU meeting in the Capital One Bowl.

9. Pittsburgh (8-1)- Wanny's in the top ten. SOMEONE STOP THIS. END THIS NOW.

10. Ohio State (8-2)- Fuck. In my haste to destroy Iowa by injuring Stanzi with my mind, I did not factor in the fact that I was handing the Big Ten title to Ohio State. Accept my apologies, Hawkeye fans.

11. Oregon (7-2)- God damnit. They're still winning the Pac 10. Also, have you looked at the AP poll? USC is in this spot, with Oregon at #14, just one week after Oregon beat USC by TWENTY SEVEN POINTS. Fuck the AP.

12. LSU (7-2)- I do not, in any way, consider them a great team, but shit. It's a wasteland out there.

13. Miami (7-2)- I still like Jacory Harris?

14. Houston (8-1)- I guess.

15. USC (7-2)- This seems appropriate. Really, AP? Really?

16. Penn State (8-2)- This is what getting manhandled by the only two good teams you've played all year will get you.

17. Oklahoma State (7-2)- Like I said last week, 10-3 looks likely.

18. Utah (8-1)- Again, what the hell? Utah is 8-1? Name one Utah player. You can't do it.

19. Arizona (6-2)- They're a half game back of Oregon for first in the Pac 10, with a head to head coming on November 21st.

20. Virginia Tech (6-3)- I still think they're better than this.

21. Wisconsin (7-2)- It's all refuse at this point, and who represents mediocrity better than Wisconsin?

22. Stanford (6-3)- Harbaugh's amazing feat of making Stanford bowl eligible deserves at least a temporary ranking. Plus they're winning with a white running back. Who does that?

23. Temple (7-2)- No seriously, Temple has 7 wins. That's awesome.

24. Texas Tech (6-3)- There's a clause in my contract stipulating that I rank Texas Tech whenever possible.

25. Central Michigan (8-2)- I like Dan LeFevour.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

NFL Picks Week 10

Week 10 is here, and with it my hope for a good season is lost. But despite this, the rest of the NFL moves on and so do our picks. Once again, our records are:

Iggins!: 87-55 Overall ( 33-27 NCAA, 54-28 NFL)

Code Red: 91-51 Overall ( 40-20 NCAA, 51-31 NFL)

so I need to gain some ground, which is possible as we differ on 5 games this week. On to the picks...

(4-4) Chicago @ (3-5) San Francisco

Iggins!: Like I could pick the Bears after the last 3 weeks. 49ers win.

Code Red: The rules are what they are. Bears win.

(8-0) New Orleans @ (1-7) St. Louis

Code Red: Holy shit. What’s the NFL record for points in a game? Saints win.

Iggins!: Whatever the line is for this game TAKE IT. Saints win.

(1-7) Tampa Bay @ (3-5) Miami

Iggins!: Wow, Josh Freeman looked good. Interesting. Doesn’t really matter in Miami though (unless they throw Ted Ginn the ball). Miami wins.

Code Red: I like Freeman, but Miami won’t die yet. Dolphins win.

(1-7) Detroit @ (7-1) Minnesota

Code Red: Guh. Vikings.

Iggins!: Vikings.

(4-4) Jacksonville @ (4-4) New York Jets

Iggins!: Pussy-Tubin’ time. Jets win.

Code Red: Argument’s sake. Jacksonville.

(3-5) Buffalo @ (2-6) Tennessee

Code Red: Buffalo has THREE WINS? When did this happen?? Eek. Time to even that out. Titans win, and Iggins! Becomes more and more unbearable.

Iggins!: What’s that? Titties will be 3-0 with VY at QB? SUFFER, RED, SUFFER. Tits win.

(6-2) Cincinnati @ (6-2) Pittsburgh

Iggins!: Damn this is a good game. The Steelers haven’t lost since they lost to the Bengals, and this is pretty much for the AFC North. I’m going with Cincinnati.

Code Red: Argument’s sake. Steelers win.

(6-2) Denver @ (2-6) Washington

Code Red: Washington bloooooows. Maybe they’ll release Haynesworth’s fat ass and let him take Tommie Harris’ place after the season? Or not. Broncos win.

Iggins!: Wow, Washington keeps playing teams who really need to play a shitty team to turn around recent misfortunes. Nice bunch of guys, those Redskins. Broncos win.

(5-3) Atlanta @ (3-5) Carolina

Iggins!: The Panthers aren’t good, no matter what you see in the box scores of their last couple of games. Atlanta wins.

Code Red: I don’t care if they’re any good as long as Deangelo gets his touches. But no, they aren’t good. Atlanta wins.

(1-7) Kansas City @ (2-6) Oakland

Code Red: Woaaaaah ugly. Kansas City wins.

Iggins!: I made the mistake of picking KC way too many times. Oakland wins.

(3-5) Seattle @ (5-3) Arizona

Iggins!: Not wasting words here. Arizona wins.

Code Red: Ditto. Arizona.

(6-2) Dallas @ (4-4) Green Bay

Code Red: At least Green Bay looks awful too? Cowboys win.

Iggins!: Yeah, the Cowboys are somehow pulling it together and they look rather impressive. Plus, Rodgers is gonna get sacked at least 7 times. Cowboys win.

(5-3) Philadelphia @ (5-3) San Diego

Iggins!: The Eagles will struggle here. San Diego wins.

Code Red: Or they won’t. Eagles win.

(6-2) New England @ (8-0) Indianapolis

Code Red: Oooh! A good game! When was the last fucking time That happened? Colts win.

Iggins!: The Bengals vs. Steelers game. Also, when did this game become something that HAS to be played every year? Colts win.

(4-4) Baltimore @ (1-7) Cleveland

Iggins!: Oh wow, this is on Monday Night. Who the fuck scheduled this? Baltimore wins.

Code Red: Wait, what? I got when Cleveland got like 5 prime time games last year because of the 10-6 record in 2007 and the explosive offense. But what the hell, who wanted Cleveland on national tv?? Ravens win.

NCAA Picks, Week 11

After last week I managed to gain some ground on Red by going 4-1 on our differs in the NFL, but because my Hawkeyes lost I still went 1-2 on those games in the NCAA. Here's how we stand:

Iggins!: 87-55 Overall ( 33-27 NCAA, 54-28 NFL)

Code Red: 91-51 Overall ( 40-20 NCAA, 51-31 NFL)

And for this week:

#25 West Virginia @ #5 Cincinnati

Iggins!: So Cincinnati loses their QB, a top rated NFL prospect… and their backup kicks ass too. Life is not fair. Cincinnati wins.

Code Red: And they may have permanently benched that top rated NFL prospect for the back up. Can you imagine a first round pick being a guy that lost his job? Because it’ll happen. Cinci wins.

#7 Georgia Tech @ Duke

Code Red: Really? Georgia Tech.

Iggins!: Had to pick this game, it pretty much determines who wins the ACC coastal, believe it or not. And God I hate Ga Tech, so Duke wins.

#1 Florida @ South Carolina

Iggins!: Wow, how South Carolina has fallen. Pumping gas for Kiffykins and getting shredded by Mallet in the span of two weeks. But those were both road games and, well, Florida doesn’t have much to play for here. I’m callin a miracle, South Carolina wins.

Code Red: Right, other than the #1 rankings in the BCS and a shot at the national title game when there are several other undefeated teams right now. Moron. Florida wins.

Iggins!: Even if Florida loses here and wins out, they’d be in the title game, which would further cause chaos for the BCS, which I cheer for every year.

Idaho @ #6 Boise State

Code Red: Idaho got shellacked by Fresno State, a game I was watching at Buffalo Wild Wings when I went there for a late night dinner Saturday night. This anecdote means nothing. Boise Wins.

Iggins!: Yeah, Boise will go unbeaten again, and still not get a shot at the title. Boise State wins.

Stanford @ #9 USC

Iggins!: So, funny story. USC has lost to Washington and Oregon, yet Oregon, whose only losses are to Boise State and Stanford, and who BEAT USC, are ranked below USC. Sweet. Harbaugh rules, Stanford wins.

Code Red: USC wins, just to piss us all off with an undeserved conference title. WHY DID YOU FUCK UP OREGON??

Iggins!: …USC probably can’t win the conference title. Oregon would have to lose 2 more games in conference, Arizona would have to lose one more, and USC would have to win out.

Code Red: I totally knew that.

#10 Iowa @ #11 Ohio State

Code Red: Wow. My hatred finally reached the point where I was able to knock out Ricky Stanzi, and with Ohio State’s win over Penn State I may very well have cost Iowa the Big Ten Title. MUAHAHAHA. Ohio State wins.

Iggins!: Yeah, I’m gonna go ahead and say you had nothing to do with it (considering you picked them to lose to Iowa State and Penn State too) and gonna say it’s that fucking Northwestern curse. But holy shit I’m not stupid enough to pick Iowa with a backup QB, third string RB, two injured O-Lineman, and 2 injured punt returners in the Horseshoe. Ohio State wins.

Code Red: But I did do that. It was my hatred that ruined Drew Tate's senior year, Jake Christensen's career, and Ricky Stanzi's ankle. Iowa quarterbacks continue to fall prey to my wrath.

#16 Utah @ #4 TCU

Iggins!: This should be called last chance week. Boise, TCU, and Florida all have their last real challenges and Cinci has one of their two final challenges, plus the Big Ten clincher game is this week. What I’m trying to say is, I hope all these teams go unbeaten so the BCS can fucking suffer. TCU wins.

Code Red: Utah is ranked? Really? Again? TCU wins.

#17 Arizona @ California

Code Red: Cal sucks, and they won’t have Best. Arizona wins.

Iggins!: Yeah that’s really all that needs to be said. Arizona wins.

Texas Tech @ #19 Oklahoma State

Iggins!: I love good games that are completely irrelevant! Oklahoma State wins.

Code Red: Mike Leach loves to fuck shit up. Texas Tech wins.

Notre Dame @ #12 Pittsburgh

Code Red: Wanny vs. Notre Dame. Two hatreds collide. Only one survives, and its Wanny.

Iggins!: Yeah, Wanny wins and gets Weis fired. Hurray! Pittsburgh wins.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Bears vs. Cardinals Breakdown

Since starting this site I've tried to keep perspective and reason on most Bear related news. I've tried to avoid the "Bench ____" and the "Fire____" after one bad game kind of crap. If you care to go through the archives you'll find some fairly extensive pieces defending both Ron Turner and Jerry Angelo. You'll find me defending Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton (but not Brian Griese. Fuck that fucker. Fuck him long, and fuck him hard). But after yesterday's debacle I'm finally deciding that "keeping perspective" means taking stock of the situation. For a long time I haven't even given the "Fire Lovie" crowd a rebuttal because it seemed downright ludicrous. I actually remember the 8-24 Wannstedt death spiral of 1997 and 1998. I remember the Cade McNown days, and the darkest points of the Jauron Era. Say what you will about Lovie Smith, he brought a measure of respectability back to a franchise that should never have fallen far enough to need to that. But after seeing the Bears get completely manhandled in every single facet of the game in two of the last three games against teams that, while certainly better, do not have That much more talent than the Bears, I have to say it's time to side with the mob.

This should not be happening. There's enough talent on the Bears roster right now to be competitive. Cutler, Forte, Hester, Bennett, Knox, and Olsen all showed yesterday why this offense has a young, cheap core of skill position players that you can build around. They'll be excluded from this rant. On defense, however, Lance Briggs is about all you can point to and say "there's a keeper." Charles Tillman is still a quality corner, and I don't blame him for struggling in single coverage against Chad Ochocinco or Larry Fitzgerald when his idiotic coach decides to run a linebacker blitz every god damn play and leave Tillman with zero help from a safety or nickel. Especially when Kurt Warner can just fucking double or triple pump, step up in the pocket, dance around, or do whatever the hell he wants because the pass rush isn't even close to getting him. Think about that. Kurt Warner, a man famous for making Drew Bledsoe look mobile, easily evaded the "rush" all damn day yesterday. But it's still not the talent on defense (even though there's not a lot back there) that's sticking in my craw. There are teams out there with less than stellar talent who can avoid giving up 31 points in the first half, which the Bears have now done twice in three weeks.

What's bugging me is, once again, the stubborn nature of Lovie Smith. The Tampa Two works with a hall of fame caliber defensive tackle. Warren Sapp was one. Tommie Harris may have been on that path, but he's a shadow of his former self and a fucking moron to boot. His ass should be first on the chopping block this offseason unless he suddenly turns it on (little secret: it ain't happenin'). It's not fucking working. It hasn't worked since 2006. It won't work again. The sheer stupidity of continuing to run it over and over again boggles the mind. All day long yesterday Lovie sent linebacker after linebacker on blitzes up the middle and left Tillman alone on an island against Fitzgerald, or Bowman matched up against anything that lives, breathes, and has hands. The results on both sides of the field were bad. I'm tired of seeing it. For that alone he should at least be on the hot seat, if not the chopping block, but I'm not done yet.

There's cap room on this team. Cut Harris and Vasher's ridiculously high contracts, and there's even more room to work with. Let Ogunleye walk and you've got more money opened up. I don't even know what free agents are going to be available this year (I could probably find a list, but the NFL's such a crap shoot with franchise tags and transition tags that it's a hell of a guessing game as to who will actually make it to the market), but a few well placed signings and a change of coordinator and scheme on defense could make all the difference. Look at the Broncos and Saints. Both of them added a reputable coordinator (Mike Nolan, Gregg Williams) and a few well placed veteran free agents (Brian Dawkins, Darren Sharper) and it's made all the difference, so don't tell me it can't be done. There's enough talent on that defense to be mediocre. That would, believe it or not, put this team in contention. Right now they aren't even competitive. Aikman said yesterday that "at least they still have two games against the Vikings." I'd rather eat glass than watch what Jared Allen's going to do to Jay Cutler. I'm still going to watch, but after sack number 6 just picture me bleeding from my gums after trying to take down my beer, bottle and all. I can't even imagine the Favrellatio that will ensue from what that old fucker manages to do to this porous excuse for a defense.

If you want to know what really threw me into a boiling fit of rage and cemented me in the anti-Lovie camp, it was sending Cutler back out there with a minute and a half left in the game. He's been sacked 19 times this year and Lovie's tempting fate by throwing him out there in a completely lost cause. The only thing not driving me into the total depths of despair right now is the fact that Cutler is the most important piece to any future success this team will have, and if they fuck up and get him injured that can go right out the window as well, so fuck Lovie.

Going back to all that cap room I mentioned above, however, does anyone feel confident Angelo can use that money effectively? I agree he's probably bought himself more time than Lovie has by making the trade for Cutler (and Knox, actually, since Jerry took him with the 5th round pick the Broncos threw in), a move which at least showed that Jerry's not quite as complacent with the status quo as his milquetoast head coach, but I still don't think he can pick out a quality free agent if his life depended on it. He got lucky in the past with Thomas Jones, Fred Miller, John Tait, and Ruben Brown, but he went ahead and shit on those pick ups by trading TJ and sitting on his hands while those three lineman aged and then collapsed in 2007. Of his three big signings this offseason Pace is old and ineffective, Omiyale is riding the pine, and Tinoisamoa is sitting in a hot tub. Guh.

I didn't say much after the Bears got blasted by the Bengals. I didn't want to speak too soon and make an ass of myself in the anger over a loss, but this time around I don't think anything I'm uttering is uncalled for. Angelo and Smith should get all the credit for saving this franchise four years ago. They should also take all of the blame for what's happening now.