Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Prognostication Bukakke! Bonus Rounds, NFL Week 15

Standings:
Code Red: 25-7
Mrs. Code Red: 20-12
Iggins: 17-15

49ers (5-8) @ Chargers (7-6)
Code Red:
Not even close. The Chargers will destroy the 49ers. Sadly, however, that will not take the 49ers out of postseason contention yet. Yes, folks, 7-9 could still win the NFC West.

Iggins!: Yeah, this is unfair. When the NFC West plays out of division it’s an easy pick (usually, damn Broncos suck so hard). Chargers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Chargers? Seems like they might be the least bad of the really bad West coast teams.

Chiefs (8-5) @ Rams (6-7)
Iggins!:
Cassel is practicing so I’ll take the Chiefs, but Croyle is just terrible enough to cost the Chiefs this game if he starts. Chiefs win.

Mrs. Code Red: Even though the Chiefs got killed last week by the Chargers, I’m going to go with them this week. They have a much better offense than the Rams and about an equal defense so simple logic says they should win.

Code Red: It's simple logic indeed. Chiefs win.

Cardinals (4-9) @ Panthers (1-12)
Code Red:
Eww. Despite last week’s beatdown of Denver, the Cardinals are terrible. Also, did anyone think they’d be treated to the horror of a showdown between John Skelton and Jimmy Clausen this year? Yikes. I’ll take the Cardinals with great reluctance.

Iggins!: Cardinals.

Mrs. Code Red: I can’t believe I even have to pick between these teams. I mean, I’ll take the Cardinals, but does anybody really win in this situation?

Eagles (9-4) @ Giants (9-4)
Iggins!:
The thing that seems to slow Vick down is a good front 4, and the Giants have that. This is going to be a tight game, but I see the Giants pulling off the upset here.

Mrs. Code Red: I’m going to go with the Eagles because they have an awesome offense and because they won the last time these teams went head to head. Plus, Red wants them to win so the Bears can potentially get a first round bye in the playoffs or something. Good game, but Eagles win.
Code Red: I was tempted to take the Giants right up until Iggins! did. He's always wrong, so it follows that the Eagles win.

Lions (3-10) @ Bucs (8-5)
Code Red:
The Lions did an awesome job last week, and we congratulate them. I expect Tampa to remain undefeated against teams with losing records, however. Bucs win.

Iggins!: Last week was all about the Lions defense and how bad Matt Flynn is. The Bucs can score at least 2 TDs in this game and the Lions won’t score 1, so Bucs win.

Mrs. Code Red:
The Lions just aren’t good. Beating the Packers once is cool, but it doesn’t actually mean you’re good. Bucs win.

Browns (5-8) @ Bengals (2-11)
Iggins!:
The Bengals are an unmitigated disaster. Who’d have thought T.O. would be the only good offensive player for Cincy this year? Browns win.

Mrs. Code Red: What’s with the slew of mediocre games this week? The 29th ranked offense against the 28th ranked defense? Yuck. Browns win I guess.

Code Red: Hey! You're reading! Stop reading, reader. Statnerd. Browns win, since I think Colt McCoy will play.

Bills (3-10) @ Dolphins (7-6)
Code Red:
Lot of rather easy games to pick this week. Dolphins win.

Iggins!: Not much to say about this one. Fins win.

Mrs. Code Red: Dolphins
I guess. Both teams annoy me but the Dolphins have a better record so I’ll go with them.

Redskins (5-8) @ Cowboys (4-9)
Iggins!:
The Cowboys look much better, and the Redskins have lost their ability to win games they shouldn’t. Cowboys win.

Mrs. Code Red: Okay the whole NFL is apparently just really really average this year. Blah. Redskins have been losing a lot lately and Cowboys have been sort of winning sometimes, so… Cowboys win. Even though I really dislike Tony Romo.

Code Red: Redskins blow. Cowboys win.

Jaguars (8-5) @ Colts (7-6)
Code Red:
I fear that Jacksonville’s struggles to win in Indianapolis will continue, but there are times when a man has to stand for something, and say that This is the year Pey-Pey stays home for the playoffs. Jaguars win.

Iggins!: You stole my upset, dick. The Jaguars win this division, meaning nobody cares.

Mrs. Code Red: This is a really big game… Since it’s still the regular season and not the playoffs, I’m going to say that Manning will pull through and win the big one for the Colts.

Saints (10-3) @ Ravens (9-4)
Iggins!:
Wow, a good game! I’ll take the Saints because I still don’t think the Ravens are all that great.

Mrs. Code Red: I still love Breesus, his baby is still adorable, and I still believe the Saints are damn good. Saints win.

Code Red: I too, shall take the Saints because the Ravens are mediocre.

Texans (5-8) @ Titans (5-8)
Code Red:
One of these is a 5-8 team with a pretty good offense being wasted by an absolutely dreadful defense. The other is a 5-8 team with a pretty decent defense being wasted by an absolutely dreadful offense. I’m taking the Texans because Kerry Collins BLOWS.

Iggins!: The Texans have done a good job of almost beating every good team they’ve played. Luckily, the Titans aren’t good! Texans win.

Mrs. Code Red: Titans are on a 6 game losing streak. With a 5-8 record, that’s not good. I’ll take the team from Houston, because I still refuse to acknowledge Texans as a real mascot.

Falcons (11-2) @ Seahawks (6-7)
Iggins!: Falcons.
Do I really need to justify this?

Mrs. Code Red: As much as I want to pick the Seahawks (I don’t know why, but I have a random fascination with all athletic teams from the Pacific northwest), reason tells me the Falcons will continue their 7 game winning streak.

Code Red: No, no one needs to justify this. Falcons win.

Jets (9-4) @ Steelers (10-3)
Code Red:
The Steelers will continue the destruction of Rico Mirerez’s confidence. The Bears will then finish the job next week. Steelers win, and Jets reallly start to panic.

Iggins!: Sanchez is going down in flames and bringing the Jets with him just watch as the Dolphins sneak up and make the playoffs instead of New York. Steelers win.

Mrs. Code Red: I don’t really know anything about these teams, so I pick the Steelers because I still think it’s dumb that the Jets signed Brett Favre. That seems logical, right?

Broncos (3-10) @ Raiders (6-7)
Iggins!: Raiders.
There are some truly awful NFL teams this year.

Mrs. Code Red: The Broncos are getting worse by the day. Raiders win.

Code Red: At some point the Broncos'll bow to their fans and play Tebow. Then those fans will realize they Truly have nothing to hope for. Raiders win.

Packers (8-5) @ Patriots (11-2)
Code Red:
It’s still not certain whether or not Rodgers will play. He shouldn’t, since it’s his second concussion, but the Packers may be desparate and stupid enough to throw him out there. Even then I don’t think it’ll be enough. I can’t see the Patriots losing to a team as one dimensional as the Packers, certainly not in Foxborough. Patriots win.

Iggins!: Even with Rodgers the Packers would get destroyed. Patriots win.

Mrs. Code Red: Patriots. Definitely. I felt too guilty to choose the Pats over the Bears last week even though I wanted to, but I feel no shame in saying that the Pats are going to beat the Packers. I may even be so bold as to say that I think the Pats will be in the superbowl this year. Sorry boys—the mass-hole past strikes again.

Code Red: Yeah...even we've come to terms with the incredibly high probability of another Pats Superbowl. F*&k.

Bears (9-4) @ Vikings (5-8)
Iggins!:
ALL HAIL YOUR NFC NORTH CHAMPIONS. Bears win.

Mrs. Code Red: As Red so aptly put it, the Vikings have the choice this week to play a really old, mediocre, injured QB, a crappy, injured second-stringer, or an injured rookie. Even at their best and healthiest the Vikings couldn’t beat the Bears this year. Bears win without a doubt.

Code Red: I will truly savor a Bears division championship. Regardless of what happens in the playoffs, if this team rebuilds the offensive line this offseason it may finally have taken the steps necessary to be a consistent contender. Go Bears. Bears win.