Sunday, September 30, 2007
Wisc 37, MSU 34
Wisconsin continues to prove that it will play up (down?) to the level of whomever they play, and after last weekend's eye gouging defensive struggle against Iowa(look,ANOTHER BOOTLEG!), The Badgers found themselves in a shootout against the Spartans, who have now lost 1 game and thus, according to their nature, will most likely follow it with 6 more losses in a row. Either way, I'm not sold on Wisconsin or Michigan State, and don't think either one will win the Big Ten, though Wisconsin would seem to have the best shot. Allowing opponents to dictate the way you play the game isn't a sure strategy for victory.
Michigan 28, NW 16
I'm only going to touch lightly on this. Fuck Michigan. Fuck them long, and fuck them hard. I have this unshakeable feeling those assfucks are going to somehow win the Big Ten and get shown up in a bowl game again and everyone will mock the Big Ten and Lloyd Carr will keep his job one more year, despite the fact that Michigan will look dominant in exactly zero ballgames and outclassed in several. Either way Chad Henne had a typical Henne "good game" (high tds, mediocre yardage, took advantage of a bad defense), and has locked down the starter job for Michigan again, which shall surely lead to more hilarious Henne meltdowns. God we can hope. Did I say I was going to touch lightly on this? Fuck you.
Purdue 33, Notre Dame 19
Notre Dame found a quarterback in Evan Sharpley. Purdue found the endzone. Charlie Weis is still trying to find an offensive line and slacks that fit.
Indiana 38, Iowa 20
Indiana sucks. So let's put this in perspective. If Indiana sucks, then Iowa.. LOOK ANOTHER BOOTLEG!
Ohio State 30, Minnesota 7
Ohio State looks just good enough to win the Big Ten, so that's most likely going to happen. But they're ungodly boring, always a hallmark of true Tressel teams. So, if you really love football, root against Ohio State. (but not FOR Michigan, you sick fucks)
ILL-INI 27, Penn State 20
This victory was beyond refreshing for all of us long suffering Illinois fans. We're 2-0 in the Big Ten, mother fuckers. Do we win the thing? At this point I'm just hoping for a January Bowl Game, we'll get to that when we come to it, but in complete reversal of college football blogging etiquette, we post a tribute to one man, one man with the vision necessary to build a winner. He DOES see improvement, you peasants.
We're getting better and better
South Florida 21, West Virginia 13
The pillage, plundering, ransacking, raping, and blatant out right Nanking meets the Japanese Army type maiming of the top 25 began Thursday night with this turnover filled slugfest for the dominance of the Big East. I give a lot of credit to South Florida, as they have clearly become a top program over the past few years, but I'm not entirely convinced this wasn't just a sloppy game by a superior West Virginia team. I'll wait a few more weeks to make my call on this.
LSU 34, Tulane 9
A spirited Tulane team gave LSU a battle in the first half, but in the end the fancy new uniforms of LSU (its a pelican, no, it's a phoenix. No, its a pelican phoenix. A penix.) were just too much to bare. LSU moves into Number 1 this week, setting up inevitable failure to a currently stunned Florida team....
Auburn 20, Florida 17
Speaking of which.. Auburn hit the reigning champs right in the mouth, in one of the more disappointing games of the season. Tebow did his best to save the Gators outside of one absolutely boneheaded, Rex Grossmanish interception (do they just teach "why the fuck did he do that?" interceptions there or what?), but the simple fact is that after the embattled Brandon Cox tore through them, Florida's secondary is most likely going to cost them the SEC championship or worse.
South Carolina 31, Mississippi State 28
Poor Sylvester Croom. Is South Carolina that good, really? Anyone still thinking so?
Georgia 45, Mississippi 17
Meh. At this point, sadly, we have to accept that we may lose the joy Ed Orgeron, College Head Coach, brings us at the end of the year.
Kentucky 45, Florida Atlantic 17
At this point, we of Start Kyle Orton officially throw ourselves into the Andre Woodson For Heisman Campaign.
Virginia Tech 17, North Carolina 10
VT's defense is good, but does it really justify a top 20 ranking?
Boston College 24, Mass 14
This game really should never have been that close. And Matt Ryan is inferior to Colt Brennan. And Andre Woodson.
Nebraska 35, Iowa State 17
After disappointing losses to Northern Iowa, Kent State, and Toledo, anybody should really hand this kind of whuppin' to Iowa State. Anybody except... OH LOOK, ANOTHER BOOTLEG!
Maryland 34, Rutgers 24
Rutgers continues upset week by allowing a Ralph Friedgen team to show a semblance of offense, stirring nostalgia for pre-2003 Maryland football. Rutgers, combined with the poor showing by West Virginia, opens the door, at least slightly, for the prospect of a BCS bowl featuring South Florida. Woaaah.
Kansas State 41, Texas 21
I really don't think anyone saw this coming. And I think I care even less.
Georgia Tech 13, Clemson 3
Clemson continues to prove there's just no reason for the existence of the ACC so by losing to the only program more frustrating the past few years than them. And the only team coached by Chan fucking Gailey.
California 31, Oregon 24
One of the best games of the weekend, and fear Cal. Frankenstein never scared me, but Cal does, because they're FAST.
Hawaii 48, Idaho 20
Colt Brennan, underdog Heisman Candidate, and Iggins! current college football mancrush fixation, possibly sabotages said Heisman campaign with a 5 interception game. On a related note, how do you not score more than 20 against Hawaii's defense after intercepting 5 passes?
Florida State 21, Alabama 14
Florida State looked str....fuck it. Florida State is a shadow of what they used to be and are nothing more than the epitome of mediocrity in football form. Alabama was only ranked becuase of their name and that of their coach, who is also an overrated cock. If you watched this game, shame on you.
USC 27, Washington 24
USC will soon be shattered in a horrible, horrible way. By Cal? By Oregon? By Notre Dame? (just fucking with you on that one. Notre Dame Sucks. Go Jesus!), but seriously folks, they're going down, and it will be bloody
Cinncinnati 52, San Diego St. 23
Cinncinnati? The MAC? My Nuts? Importance?
Arizona State 41, Stanford 3
Dennis Erickson and Jim Harbaugh meet in the thunderdome. Two enter, Captain Comeback dies.
Code Red's Rankings
3. Kentucky (try and stop me)
5. Ohio State
8. South Florida
9. West Virginia
10. Boston College
15. South Carolina
17. Illinois. Yeah. That's Right.
19. Arizona State
24. Kansas State
Kyle: Hi Timmy, how are you
Timmy: I'm Great!!
Kyle: That's great Timmy, now Timmy, do you like football?
Kyle: And who is your favorite team Timmy?
Timmy: I like the Bears! Yay Bears!
Kyle: Now Timmy, what's your favorite football play?
Timmy: I like when the quarterback throws a touchdown!
Kyle: Well, Timmy, if you like that play, why the fuck are you a Bears fan?
Timmy: Umm! You said a bad word!
Kyle: I don't give a shit,Timmy, now tell me, why the hell are you a Bears fan!?
Timmy: (sobbing slowly) My daddy's a Bears fan..
Kyle: You know why you're daddy's a Bears fan Timmy? Because he's a beatdown thirty year old factory worker who's still in love with a polish man named Ditka. Yeah, it was a blue collar football team, asshole, and look at all of us. WHOO!! FUCKING FOUR SIX DEFENSE!!!
Timmy: Why are you being so mean!!
Kyle: Because I'm life, Timmy, and life is mean! Get fucking used to it! Why don't you become a fan of the Colts if you like touchdowns so much Timmy?!
Timmy: Well..I guess..
Kyle: Yeah, there you go Timmy! Now for the rest of your God forsaken life all of us other Bears fans will berate you for being a sissy boy little girl and a bandwagon jumper!
Timmy: But I wanna like football...
Kyle: IT'S EITHER ENJOY FOOTBALL OR LIVE A HAPPY LIFE TIMMY, YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH!
Timmy: Bu, but..
Kyle: RUN AWAY TIMMY, RUN THE FUCK AWAY!
Timmy: (runs away screaming hysterically)
Kyle: Never could have cut it as a Bears fan anyway. Enjoy Indianapolis, you little prick.