Tuesday, November 18, 2008

If Only

Scene: Past midnight, Ron Rivera's office, San Diego Chargers training facility.

Enter: Ron Rivera, age 46, a Hispanic man with glasses and jet black hair. He is still an impressive figure 16 years after retiring as a linebacker. He sits at his desk, torn between joy at holding the Pittsburgh Steelers to only 11 points in his second game as defensive coordinator for the San Diego Chargers, and grief at having lost the game 11-10. He plots new schemes to improve his defense for the next week's game against Peyton Manning's Colts.


Rivera: We'll have to get a rush on Manning, we've done a lot better the last two weeks (the Chargers have allowed only 15 ppg under Rivera, as opposed to 25 ppg under his predecessor, Ted Cottrell), but there's still room for improvement.

(Suddenly: noise drifts in through the open window of his office, it is Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes")

Music: ... I drive off in my car but whichever way I go I come back to the place you are...

Rivera slowly puts down his research on the Colts and looks to the window

Music: all my instincts, they return and the grand facade, so soon will burn without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside..

Rivera walks over to the window and is shocked to see...


Bears MLB Brian Urlacher, tears streaming down his face, sings with the music:

in your eyes
, the light the heat, in your eyes, I am complete, in your eyes I see the doorway to a thousand churches, in your eyes the resolution of all the fruitless searches, in your eyes I see the light and the heat, in your eyes oh, I want to be that complete I want to touch the light the heat I see in your eyes

Ron Rivera: Brian? Brian, is that you?
Urlacher (shuts off the music): Ron! ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without ya. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you. I miss being near you! I miss your laugh! I miss – I miss your scent. I miss your musk.

Ron Rivera: Brian, please. I'm with the Chargers now. I know we had some good times but Lovie didn't want me there anymore.

Urlacher: This isn't about Lovie or Bob Babich or anybody, well, actually that's entirely what this is about, but it's also about you, Ron. And its about me! I need you back! You made me whole. I'm not me without you, and honestly, ask yourself if you're really You.

Ron Rivera: I...I don't really like Norv Turner, I mean his brother Ron can sometimes be a douche and a half, but he never had the authority to mess with me. But Norv, whenever he drags his leathery pockmarked handbag of a face over here I just wanna smack him with a clipboard. And Luis Castillo's roid rage is sometimes uncomfortable for all of us...

Urlacher: Then come back Ron! Chicago is your home!

Ron Rivera: Maybe someday Brian, maybe someday.

End Scene.

Scene: Same time, Bob Babich's office, Chicago. Bob Babich, Caveman, sits at his desk writing away frantically. He looks up in maniacal delight.


Babich: We'll see how they like this new defense!

If I put everyone right in front of the first down line, they can't Possibly get one!