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Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Return of Prognostication Bukakke! NCAA Week 3 Picks

You know how it goes, folks. I manage to drag back Iggins!, the reclusive co-founder of this blog, in order to insult his manhood and try to outprognosticate him. Last year I took the title, going 143-70 (85-43 NFL, 58-27 NCAA) to Iggins!' 134-79 (85-43 NFL, 49-36 NCAA). This year he's out for revenge, and it starts with today's college picks (NFL picks'll be up tomorrow):

Arkansas @ Georgia

Code Red: The throbbing armcock of Ryan Mallett is more than adequate for beating the rather punchless looking Dawgs. Armcockansas wins.

Iggins!: The SEC is a pile of suck after Alabama. It’s so bad that the number 2 and 3 teams are Arkansas and South Carolina. Jesus it’s Stephen Garcia! Anyway, Arkansas wins.

Code Red: College football in general is looking like a pile of suck after Alabama, Ohio State, Iowa, and…

AZ State @ Wisconsin

Code Red: I'm sorry. You people probably expect more out of us when we choose the top ten college games of the week, but damn is this cupboard bare. I wish I'd been less lazy and started this last week, because that was a good slate of games. Not like this one. Since I've explained why this game is even on here, I'll now say that Wisconsin will win.

Iggins!: Wisconsin has not looked great, but AZ State isn’t much of a step up from San Jose State. Wisconsin wins.

Nebraska @ Washington

Iggins!: Washington is nice and overrated because they have an NFL prospect who has never done anything at the college level. They gonna get they ass kicked. Nebraska wins.

Code Red: This is true. I like Jake Locker (not as much as Mallet’s Armcock), but Washington has still won just 5 games in two years. Nebraska wins.

Florida @ Tennessee

Code Red: I've already gone over how backed up Florida is on offense and why it's mostly Steve Addazio's fault, but despite their shortcomings on that side of the ball their world-class defense should be enough to clamp down Matt Simms and the Vols. Florida will win, but it may not be pretty. They're going to be in some serious trouble soon.

Iggins!: Don’t fool yourself into thinking I forgot Florida when I mentioned how shitty the SEC is behind Bama. Florida is in trouble. Fortunately for them, Tennessee sucks, but this game is going to be really close. The good times are over FLA. Florida wins.

Notre Dame @ Michigan State

Iggins!: So Notre Dame doesn’t want to join the Big Ten because they’d lose rivalries… but they play 3 Big Ten teams in a row? Oh right, they need to play Navy. God I hate ND. Michigan State wins.

Code Red: Is it an even numbered year? I’ll take ND.

Texas @ Texas Tech

Code Red: Texas Tech has looked good so far in the post-Leach era, but they deserve nothing but pure boiling bile and hatred for the fact that it's even a “post-Leach” era at all. And Fuck Craig James while I'm at it too. Texas will mete out my vengeance this week. Longhorns win.

Iggins!: Yeah, now that Tuberville is coaching everyone will remember that Lubbock is a shithole and nobody wants to go there, not to mention they don’t have the talent even presently to compete without the Air Raid. Texas wins.

Code Red: We’re still in mourning, as you can tell. Mike Leach, you’ll always have a place in our hearts, you batshit sonofabitch.

Iowa @ Arizona

Iggins!: There have been under 5 teams who have looked dominant so far; Bama, OSU, Oregon, and Iowa are the four I would count as having been truly impressive and dominant. This isn’t the finicky Iowa team you’re used to, you know, the one with Drew Tate? These guys are disturbingly efficient and strangely talented. If I’ve said it once I’ll say it again, the Pac 10 is an awful conference and up against a good defense they will look like garbage. Iowa wins.

Code Red: I hate the few years that Iggins!’ homerism actually coincides with a legitimately good Iowa team. Sigh. Iowa wins.

Houston @ UCLA

Code Red: I thought UCLA would be better than the performance they turned in against Stanford last week, but they looked absolutely clueless on offense. They certainly won't put it together in time to keep up with Case Keenum and the explosive Cougar offense. Houston wins.

Iggins!: Last week Harbaugh and Luck had a strategy in place in which they would quickly snap the ball when UCLA did a mass substitution. It pissed off Neuheisel so bad I think he killed an assistant. If the guy can’t counter something simple like that without blowing up, I don’t think he has the brain cells to stop Houston. Houston wins.

Code Red: That was a dick move. And it was awesome.

Auburn @ Clemson

Iggins!: Wow. Really? I don’t even know. I know almost nothing about these two teams. But I DO know I hate Gene Chizik. Clemson wins????

Code Red: Well, that settles it for me. Auburn wins.

Baylor @ TCU

Code Red: I realize Baylor is a perennial punching bag, but they're a dangerous team with a healthy Robert Griffin at QB. TCU will win this game, but don't be surprised if the Bears give them a scare.

Iggins!: I hope Baylor wins and stops this BS talk about BYU deserving a shot at the title before it really starts. They barely beat Oregon State. Pac 10 team. But I also lost my NCAA picks by 9 games last year so I’m picking the safe bet, TCU wins.

Code Red: I think you mean Boise State, not BYU, but whatever, you’re on a roll.
There you have it, folks. It begins.

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