Monday, January 7, 2008

Observations*

-The sleep was long, cold, and filled with Rock Band. But now that-two and a half weeks?! Oh my. Sorry about that- have passed, this blog shall rise again, much like the phoenix. But with more laziness and apathy.

-I hate Ohio State not only because of that stupid 'the' they put before their school's name, but because they have doomed me to listen to EVERY idiot with an opinion tell me how the Big Ten is a weak conference. Having to do this for just one year was enough to furrow my brow in genuine malaise, but for the second full year I do believe any man foolish enough to approach me wearing a hat emblazoned with the logo of an SEC school will have to be tortured mercilessly through impure means. From now on, I hate the SEC, no exceptions. I hope every SEC team has a massive tragedy in the offseason, that Les Miles actually has a malignant tumor under that hat, that Phil Fulmer FINALLY dies of a heart attack (hopefully it will ironically NOT be due to clogged arteries), and that every mush-mouthed idiot like JaMarcus Russell that opens his mouth gets asked the one question that everybody wants to ask: "How the fuck did you get to your Junior year of college?"

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You will all perish.

-The best way I can explain what happened to OSU at the hands of the SEC twice in two years is this: OSU is too smart for SEC football. An SEC team literally feeds off of the energy of a football game and the only way to acquire more of this essential nectar is for them to release more and more insanity. After every big play NAY after every freakin play an SEC team goes ballistic, jumping and hooting and hollering and flexing his muscles; all because they gained 5 yards. A Big Ten team has no answer for this: it is as foreign to them as crepes and burkas, and when OSU looks at this they immediately assume the role of the bullied and LSU/Florida becomes the bully. OSU tries to understand the why and the how of LSU/Florida's response to every play, and that is their downfall, for there is why or how: it just is. The energy that the SEC's teams put out is a sixth sense to them, something that is as obvious as how to breathe. But to a Big Ten team it is impossible to understand, and that is why the Big Ten and Jim Tressel cannot beat the SEC: The Big Ten cannot be excited simply for the sake of excitement and thus they are at a disadvantage at all times, because every time a Big Ten team faces an SEC team they can never dominate momentum NAAAAAYYYYY they can never even have momentum. And (yes this is another argument in and of itself) in college football, momentum is the most important part of the game.

-MUCH MUCH more to come tomorrow and over the next week, including Kratos and Bears offseason talk. Viva la Revolucion!

*Blatant bigotry IS included, you slack-jawed crawfish-catching, coon-skin wearing junkslut.