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Monday, October 29, 2012

Insults for the Hearing Impaired: The Jay Cutler Story

 Another week, another hack writer shitting out a pointless column about Cutler’s performance on the sideline. This week, it’s Newberry-award winning author Dan Bernstein of CBS Chicago, though there’s a pretty awful Morrissey article I might get to later this week if I’m not too busy.

You know how we do, he’s in italics.

The “f—ing fans” sure sound different when the scoreboard changes, don’t they, Jay?

Usually, yeah. That’s kind of the point of the game, to change the scoreboard. If they sounded the same whether it changed or not, there’d either be total silence for 60 minutes or they’d all shout their lungs out.

Amazing how that happens in an NFL stadium, right? They boo you and your sloppy teammates after an inexcusable half of uninspired slop against an over-matched opponent, then cheer when you actually perform as if you know what you’re doing.

Teenage-girl sarcasm and overuse of the word “slop” aside, is there a point to this rambling, Dan? We know they had a bad first half. Cutler not only said the team had a bad first half, but took the blame for it. “It starts with me,” was the exact phrase he used. They won the game, and Cutler looked pretty Goddamn impressive when it counted the most.

Are you new to this whole idea?

We’re now 67 words into this column, which in total runs just under 600 words. Which means that a full tenth of this article has been Dan Bernstein attacking Jay cutler with the savagery only a stalwart LiveJournal user can bring to bear.