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Friday, November 9, 2007

Damn that's good cliche

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Todd Lickliter started off his Iowa basketball coaching career with a win, and the first in a long, long, long string of cliches:

"Nine assists and zero turnovers -- that's super," Lickliter said. "He did that by having an understanding of the game and playing within himself."

holy shit for several reasons:
1) The season started?!?! Shit! I need to get ma tickets!
2) Wow this guy is white.
3) Super? He didn't really say that. Please tell me he didn't say that.
4) I cannot emphasize just how cliche this comment is. Soak it in. Bask in it.
5) Our starting PG is a freshman. And not a 5 star freshman, a 3 star freshman. Lord God this winter is going to be cold.
6) Iowa scored 58 points against Idaho State. Thats some Big Ten basketball right there. In other conferences they call it "Sucking".

I won't pray. Just gimme the fuckin pig.

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Look, I realize that anyone outside of Iowa/Minnesota doesn't understand this thing. In fact, you probably don't even know what it is. Well, let me tell you. This is Floyd of Fucking Rosedale. Actually, I added the fucking for emphasis but really, it should be there permanently. He started out as a real pig. Just a simple bet between Governors of states thatb hated eachother. You people have your buckets of nails, your jeweled shilelaighs (or however the fuck you spell she-lay-lee). We have this pig. This pig is the most treasured thing in all of Iowa. And right now it's in Minnesota. Fuck Minnesota. The best thing they ever did was this:

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and while Atmosphere is the best thing rapping right now, it still doesn't make up for a whole state. Their football team is 1-8. They've lost to North Dakota State two years in a row. And they have our pig. I have booed my own student section when we charged the field after beating Illinois. I have booed them harder after doing the same against Michigan State (I don't care if it was 12 fuckin overtimes), but I will not when we do after this game. I will be the first damn person on the field. America won't understand.

"Why?" they'll say, " why are those Iowans charging the field after beating a 1-8 team?"

And America will think us foolish. America will think us insane. But we know. And when I run onto that field I'll run straight at Floyd, and I'll touch that hog's back, and I'll say just two words:

"You're home."