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Just don't fuck with him. Don't.
From the Bears Website-
Cade, the only white quarterback on the cover, looks ridiculously out of place in that picture with his powder blue UCLA jersey and surly toeheaded apperance. God, I hate him. I hate him so much.
On draft day, as expected, Couch went number one overall to the Browns, McNabb went at number two to the Eagles, Smith went to the Bengals at three, Culpepper went to the Vikings at
11, and McNown went to the Bears at number 12. As of the 2007 season, only McNabb and Culpepper are still in the NFL, only McNabb is with the team that drafted him, Smith is a Canadian Football League backup, and Couch and McNown are not playing at all.
Erik Kramer was supposed to be the starter until McNown was ready, but he was cut before training camp, as the Bears had every intention of letting McNown win the starting job. In the first asshole move of many, Cade held out throughout training camp, and Shane Matthews was given the starting job, though first year head coach Dick Jauron promised that McNown would play at least one series every game to accumulate experience.
The 1999 Season
Jauron stuck to the plan for the first five games of the season as a red-hot Shane Matthews propelled the team to a 3-2 start and McNown looked solid, if not spectacular, in his one series per game. Matthews pulled his hamstring, however, late in the fifth game of the season at Minnesota and the door was open for the beginning of Cade's Hell.
Cade started the sixth game of the season against Philadelphia, the first of his many losses as a starter for the Bears. Cade followed that loss with an embarassing 9 of 23 passing performance in another loss against Tampa, and with the Bears at 3-4, Jauron tried to start the gimpy Matthews in the next game against Washington, but Matthews again aggravated the hamstring injury, and Cade finished the game, which the Bears lost in blowout fashion thanks in no small part to Cade's 3 interceptions. Cade then started the next week's game against Green Bay, but was injured in the first half and replaced by Jim Miller, who rallied the Bears to their miracle win dedicated to the memory of Walter Payton, who had died earlier in the week.
Jim Miller then started the next three games for the Bears, rolling up huge passing numbers and winning two of three before being suspended for taking a banned over the counter substance. Cade then started the last three games of the season, passed for 300 yards and four touchdowns in an impressive win over Detroit, then followed that with two mediocre games against St. Louis and Tampa Bay, both losses. Cade finished his rookie season having played in 15 games, starting 6 games and going 2-4 in those starts. Cades stats for the year were as follows:
127 of 235, 1,465 yards, 6.2 ypa, 8 tds, 10 ints, 66.7 QB rating.
All in all, one would suppose those weren't bad numbers for a rookie, but in reality, of his 15 games, the 1 good one was against Detroit, the other 14 ranged from decent to absolutely horrendous.
The 2000 Season
Before the 2000 season, Cade "won" the starting job in a battle vs. Matthews and Miller, in a competition that many felt was rigged in favor of the youngster. The season began well statistically for Cade, as he rolled up 290 yards passing, 87 yards rushing, and a combined 3 touchdowns against Minnesota in the season opener. Over the next six games, however, McNown regressed to the bad form he had shown throughout most of his rookie season, refusing to set his feet, overthrowing his receivers, and showing a general lack of arm strength that had concerned Bears fans since before the draft. The Bears went 1-6 in their first seven games under Cade, as fans chanted for Jim Miller each week. Coach Jauron stubbornly stuck by his young quarterback, despite his unpopularity with fans and his own teammates. What Jauron failed to do, however, Cade's own weak shoulder did for him, as he left the team's eighth game against Philadelphia with an injury to that area after getting sacked.
Miller took over and nearly rallied the team to a win, though he fell just short. Miller would play well in his three starts, winning two of them, before being injured himself and replaced with Shane Matthews. Matthews started five of the teams last six games, going 3-2 but playing badly enough that Jauron gave McNown one final start against San Francisco, a game where Cade was an appalling 9 of 29 passing. Cade's final line for the 2000 season:
154 of 280, 55% comp., 1,646 yds, 5.8 ypa, 8 tds, 9 ints. 68.5 QB Rating
Bringing Cade's two year totals as a Bears player to
25 games, 15 starts with a robust 3-12 record. 281 of 515, 54.6% comp., 3,111 yds, 6.1 ypa, 16 tds, 19 ints, 67.7 QB Rating.
But Cade's statistics are not the sole reason why we hate him. You'll actually notice that, for the most part, they aren't that bad, especially in comparison to the other quarterbacks on this list. But while its true that Cade's numbers are mostly deceiving because of the 2 or 3 great games he had, which balanced out his 23 bad to godawful games, the main reason we hate Cade is because he is possibly the biggest dickhead in the history of the Chicago Bears. Note the following reasons:
Feuds with Teammates:
-When asked about his poor performance in one game in which he badly overthrew his receivers on multiple occasions, Cade suggested that his wide receivers maybe were just "too tired" to catch up to his passes.
-Cade openly admitted that he did not prepare very well before his miserable game against San Francisco in 2000, and was unapologetic about this fact.
-Multiple Bears players were reported to have gone to Coach Jauron before the 2000 season finale against Detroit to tell him that they would not play if Jauron started McNown over Shane Matthews.
Feuds with the Law, Press, and Fans:
-Cade was once investigated by the FBI in a possible point-shaving scandal while at UCLA.
-Cade was charged and plead no contest to illegally using a handicapped parking permit while at UCLA.
-After being booed after yet another terrible game, Cade announced to fans that if they "want to boo, they can just stay home". Not a popular move among management.
-Cade once plowed over a camera man while running out of bounds during a game, helped him up, then walked back to the sidelines and informed his teammates that he helped said reporter because "I had to make it look like I cared"
Feud with Tim Couch:
-At a party shortly after the draft in 1999, fellow rookie quarterback Tim Couch introduced Cade to his girlfriend, Playboy Playmate Heather Kozar. Cade then stole Kozar from Couch after sending her flowers on multiple occasions and buying her a Porsche. Fear not for Tim, though. Once Kozar realized the bag of douche Cade was, she left him and returned to Tim. They are now married. Here's a picture of Mrs. Couch for good measure:
Thankfully after two years the Bears had had enough, and traded Cade to the Miami Dolphins for a seventh round draft pick. Cade spent the 2001 season on the bench as the Dolphins 3rd stringer, and then was traded to the 49ers, where he also spent the season on the bench as a 3rd stringer before being cut before the 2003 season. Since then Cade has stayed out of football, biding his time before dying and going to hell.
Cade is, unfortunately, not entirely gone, at least not in the hearts and minds of Bears fans forever haunted by his terrible attitude and quarterbacking. Many of us winced on draft day when Rex Grossman was picked and announced that he would wear the #8 jersey once worn by Cade. Even the rare sightings of Cade merchandise can send Bears fans into a panic, as Iggins! and I once discovered one day while he was cleaning out his closet, when we discovered a Cade jersey and a Bears hat signed not only by Cade, but also by 1st round Bears runningback bust Curtis Enis. Iggins! dropped the hat as both of us recoiled in fear, but we so far have been unable to destroy it for fear of the evil it would release upon the world, and also so that might it serve as a warning of what might be when first round picks go wrong.
I fucking hate you Cade.
Kordell's Line: 9 games, 7 starts, 126 of 251, 50.2 % comp., 1,418 yds, 7 tds, 12 ints, 56. 8 QB rating.
#3- Jonathan Quinn
Take a long look at that photograph. For you are gazing upon the visage of the least talented quarterback in Chicago Bears history. No one in their right mind can explain why Jonathan Quinn has ever set foot upon an NFL field. The man is the anti-Rex Grossman, and not in the safe, good way that so many want. This man could not throw the ball downfield if his life depended on it. Any pass that was not a wide receiver screen, half back screen, or dumpoff pass was beyond the capabilities of young Quinn. Quinn was also the most indecisive quarterback known to mankind, staring down his receiver until the last second, then either getting sacked or throwing the ball into the stands. Unintentionally. Quinn's statue like pocket presence was in fact the origin of Iggins! father's famous declaration that "the Bears favorite play must be the Dropback-and-get-sacked."
Quinn came to the Bears before the 2004 season following the hiring of Lovie Smith as head coach. Lovie named Kansas City Chiefs quarterbacks coach Terry Shea as the offensive coordinator, and Shea brought with him a ridiculously long and complicated playbook and also recommended that the Bears sign Quinn as their backup. Not surprisingly, Shea was fired after the 2004 season for being a fucking moron. After Rex Grossman started the first three games of 2004 and performed well in the vertical pass based offense before getting injured against Minnesota, Quinn finished the game against the Vikings missing badly on all three of his pass attempts on the final drive. Quinn then started the next three games against Philadelphia, Washington, and Tampa Bay, going 0-3 and forever burning in the minds of Bears fans just how horrible quarterback play really can be. Quinn was then benched for Craig Krenzel, proving the time tested theory that if Craig Krenzel is a better option than you, you should just quit. When Krenzel got hurt in a Thanksgiving game against Dallas, Quinn came in to play the second half and went 10 of 21 for 86 yards, no touchdowns and 2 interceptions in two quarters of play that no Bears fan probably watched. Quinn was cut after the 2004 season, and I cried hot tears of joy.
Quinn's Line: 5 games, 3 starts, 51 of 98, 52% comp., 413 yds, 4.2 ypa, 1 td, 3 ints, 53.5 QB rating.
#2- Rick Mirer
Not surprisingly the only picture of Rick Mirer as a Bear features him runnng for his life while Andy Heck gets killed. Awesome.
Rick Mirer holds the unique distinction of being one of the only players in NFL history to have been a first round bust for two different franchises. Rick was drafted number 2 overall by the Seahawks in the 1993 NFL draft after a stellar career at Notre Dame. He was touted as the next Joe Montana, but as we know, that label is usually a curse (see Stenstrom, Steve). Mirer then started all 16 games as a rookie for the Seahawks in 1993, and the majority of their games through the 1996 season, and was a disaster, throwing for 41 touchdowns vs a whopping 56 interceptions. Not to be deterred by four years of evidence to the contrary, then Bears head coach and douchebag Dave Wannstedt decided to trade his first round draft pick in 1997 to the Seahawks for the troubled Mirer. Thus making Mirer a bust worthy of two first round picks. The Bears then signed Mirer to a 3 year, $11.4 million dollar deal that still ranks as one of the worst in franchise history. Before the 97 season the Bears named Mirer the starter the day he was acquired, but were forced to backtrack as former starter Erik Kramer was healthy and clearly outplayed Mirer in every way in training camp and the preaseason. Wannstedt declared Kramer the starter, but remarked that Mirer would start when he was ready.
"Ready" for Mirer apparently meant "as soon as we're 0-3 and there's no reason why not", and after going winless the first three weeks, Mirer started the next three games of the season against New England, Dallas, and New Orleans. Mirer went 0-3 in those games as the Bears were outscored 78-23 and Mirer played absolutely atrociously, looking scared at all times, heaving duck passes left and right and scrambling erratically at the first sign of trouble. Mirer was cut after the Bears finished 1997 4-12, and the painful nightmare was over for Bears fans.
Rick's Line: 7 games, 3 starts, 53 of 103, 51% comp., 420 yds, 4.1 ypa. 0 tds, 6 ints, and his miraculous 37.8 QB rating
Chad's Line: 6 games played, 6 starts, 92 of 161 passing for a 57% comp. rate, 903 yards, 4 tds, 3 ints,a 73.5 rating and a meager 5.6 yards per attempt.
#9 Steve Stenstrom
#8-Chris Chandler
Chris "Chandelier" holds the distinction of being Brian Griese before Brian Griese. Before the 2002 season the Bears beat out several teams for the insurance policy of having Chris Chandler at quarterback, as he had just been run out of Atlanta after being replaced by the young Michael Vick. Boy, what a deal the Bears got in this one. Chandler managed to be even more fragile than the porcelain Jim Miller, and the repeated injuries to both enabled such illustrious quarterbacks as Henry Burris and Kordell Stewart (don't worry, they're coming) to start games for the Bears. But Chris isn't here just for letting crappier quarterbacks onto the field, he did a fine job of sucking on his own when he was "healthy" enough to play. In his two seasons with the Bears Chris started 15 games, and went a healthy 5-10 in those starts. He also had the most hilarious male pattern baldness known to man, and was the fastest person I've ever seen at switching from helmet to sideline caps the numerous times he was benched.
Chris's line: 17 games, 15 starts, 210 of 353, 59% comp., 2,073 yds, 5.9 ypa. 7 tds, 12 ints, 68.6 rating.
#7- Peter Tom Willis
I'm Peter Tom Willis, and I Sucked So Bad in the NFL no one took my picture.
Peter Tom Willis, or PT, was a very efficient and popular quarterback at Florida State in the late 1980s, and still holds the Florida State record for passing efficiency at 148.1. However, all Florida State quarterbacks are no talent hacks who are lucky to make mediocre backups in the NFL. Peter was unlucky in that he wasn't mediocre. He sucked. The Bears drafted PT in the 3rd round in 1990 hoping to use him as a solid backup to Jim Harbaugh after the departure of Mike Tomczak. For two years, PT was just that, as Mike Ditka refused to start him in 1990 or 1991 no matter how many times Bears fans became fed up with the sometimes poor play of Jim Harbaugh. In 1992, with the Bears sinking in an eventual 5-11 season, Ditka finally benched Harbaugh after 12 games and started PT in weeks 14, 15, 16. PT went 1-2 in those starts before being benched for rookie Will Furrer in the season finale. The Bears kept PT around for the 1993 season, and the dazzling combo of head coach Dave Wannstedt and the terrible play of Harbaugh in his final season in Chicago gave PT one final chance to start for Chicago. He failed.
PT's Line: 21 games, 4 starts, 104 of 183, 57% comp., 1,261 yds, 6.9 ypa, 6 tds, 15 ints, 54.9 QB Rating.
#6-Craig Krenzel
Craig Krenzel was the starting quarterback for Ohio State during their 2002 national title run. He is what most people would call the prototypical caretaker quarterback. His right arm was designed to hand off and throw screen passes. In the Bears quarterback evaluation process, that makes him NFL-worthy, and the Bears drafted Craig in the 5th round of the 2004 draft to serve as the third stringer behind Rex Grossman and Jonathan Quinn. After Grossman was injured and Quinn..we'll get to that later, Craig was given the chance to start in week 7 of the 2004 season. Despite being absolutely atrocious as starting quarterback, Craig managed to win his first three NFL games because of stellar play by the defense and special teams, and the fact that his first three opponents went a combined 15-33 that season. Craig and the Bears then lost his next two starts, the last one against Dallas resulting in an injury to Craig's hand or foot or something that landed him on the IR for the rest of the season. I'll give Craig's regular stat line in a minute, but I want you to consider something, in 6 games as starter Craig threw six interceptions and had four fumbles. thats 10 turnovers in 6 games, while throwing only 3 touchdowns. So if you thought Rex and Brian were turnover prone, imagine the turnovers without any production to counterbalance it. There's Craig.
Craig's Line: 6 games, 5 starts, 59 of 127, 46% comp., 718 yds, 5.7 ypa, 3 tds, 6 ints, 52.5 QB Rating.
Bottom 5 to come later in the day or tomorrow.
