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Monday, November 19, 2007

Throw The God Damn Ball

Dear Lovie,

Look, I know you've been mostly ignorant of my letters up until this point, despite the sage advice I continue to offer but let me make one thing clear. You are 4 and fucking 6. Your team sucks. You have nothing left but a remote chance at the playoffs and have nothing left to lose. You know what you do when you have nothing left to lose Coach? You throw caution to the wind and you throw the mother fucking ball.

Do you see this man here, Lovie? He is the man we call the Sex Cannon, and right now the barrel is cracking and that mother fucker is ready to explode. His contract is running up, he's playing for his future in the NFL, he has nothing left to fear and an arm that can pump a football through a Russian tank. Let him unleash the beast coach. Your offensive line has proven time and again that they won't block for Benson (except for yesterday in the first half, but nice job to pull Benson and put in Peterson right after Benson had just run the ball twice for 63 yards. Yeah, that didn't fuck with the rhythm at all), so you have no run game. Your secondary has proven that it won't stop any quarterback with an arm, so you're left with one option: Go Deep. Throw that ball all over the fucking field. Either put up forty points or die trying. Don't go down quietly, running for 2 yards and punting away whats left of the season. The odds are we're fucked whether we do or don't, so let's go down swinging. Lets use three WR sets every time with G-Reg and tight end. Lets go deep damn near every down to Hester, Rashied, or Berrian. Let us follow bravely the words of America's greatest president, that guy from Independence Day.

"Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in this history of mankind.
Mankind -- that word should have new meaning for all of us today.
We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore.
We will be united in our common interests.

Perhaps its fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution -- but from annihilation.
We're fighting for our right to live, to exist.
And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice:
"We will not go quietly into the night!
We will not vanish without a fight!
We're going to live on!
We're going to survive!"
Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!"

Its time to launch the greatest aerial fight in Bears history, Lovie. Fight for your right to live on. Unleash Rex.

Bears Fans

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