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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Iggins!: Coaches are funny edition

Wow.In the last 10 days I've seen more coaches flip out or say hilarious shit than in any previous ten day span. Before that, however, a few random tidbits from this last week:

-Tim Tebow may be leading Dennis Dixon in every possible category this season, but he is behind Dixon in the most important category: wins. Tebow has lost three times this year to Dixon's one, not to mention that Dixon beat the best teams in his division (and they should have beaten Cal. That call was shit.) while Florida lost to the best teams in theirs, putting aside a win over Kentucky (who will always be Kentucky). The Heisman does not go to a player who loses 3 games. It is a trophy that goes to the player who has helped their team to WIN the most while also putting up gaudy statistics. The Maxwell award goes to the best INDIVIDUAL regardless of wins. If Florida wins the SEC, then there is an argument. Until that time, it is Dennis Dixon's trophy to lose.

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A vote for Dennis Dixon is a vote for teamwork and
democracy. Don't be a communist.

-Stephon Marbury finally did physically what he's been doing mentally his whole tenure in New York: he abandoned his team. After Isiah Thomas benched him Starbury just up and left the team, returning to his home in New York instead of going on the Knick's current West Coast road trip. Reports suggest that he is o a plane as I type this, flying to L.A., but honestly, I don't think the Knicks want him back. I'm pretty sure they hope that plane he's on crashes.

- There has been a recent rash of coaches going crazy or otherwise saying things that might be considered... in poor taste? Let's explore:

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-Joe Glenn, coach of The University of Wyoming Cowboys, shows his displeasure with Kyle Whittingham, U. of Utah's coach, over a call to kick an onside kick while up 43-0 in the 3rd quarter. Glenn had, earlier in the week, guaranteed a win over Utah. That didn't turn out so well for him. Personally, I think this was justified in both regards: Whittingham deserved to rub in a 50-0 victory over Glenns team as much as he wanted because Glenn guaranteed a win, and Glenn is okay to flip the bird because it was still a dick move. Imagine if this had happened at the OSU vs. Michigan game! Oh, lord, how fun that would have been.

-Phil Jackson, L.A. Lakers coach, enjoys explaining things the way college kids explain things to their friends. Generally, if you get beaten badly, you were "Sodomized," or, as Mr. Jackson put it: "We call that a brokeback game, there was a lot of penetration and kickbacks." I would write something witty about that but it really speaks for itself.

-Pat Riley, Miami Heat coach, apparently has lost the ability to have... ahem... relations. This is the way has reprinted his quote:

"I guarantee it. I swear to God. With an old hip and 62 years old and I can't see, I'll play better than some of my guys tonight. Come on, they were pretty bad."

but what was actually said was:

"I guarantee it. I swear to God. With an old hip, I'm 62 years old, I can't fuck, and I can't see, I'll play better than some of my guys tonight. Come on, they were pretty bad."

seriously. go listen to the interview.

-Mike Leach, beloved head coach of Texas Tech, blames the referees for everything wrong in his life:

"I think it's disturbing that Austin residents are involved in this. People work too hard, too long, there's too much money invested in these games to allow that," Leach said.

"Am I condemning the crew? Hell yeah, I'm condemning the crew," Leach said.

"Unless this can change, the Big 12 Conference needs to take a serious look at having out of conference officials officiate the Texas Tech-Texas games and perhaps other games where there is proven to be a bias by officiating," he said. "It's unfortunate and does the bowl picture enter into it? I don't know. Does the money enter into it? I don't know."

Leach went on to blame the referees for his hair thinning, global warming, and the spread of the AIDS virus.

-Couple those with all the other coaching hilarity from this year:
-Mike Gundy: "I'm a man! I'm forty!"
-Isiah Thomas sexually harasses every woman he sees.
-Norv Turner in general

and you've got yourself a hilarious year for coaching. Still, nothing can beat this:

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