College Football Roundup and Code Red Rankings 10/28/08

Scores-
How the AP Top 25 fared last week:

#25 Minnesota 17, Purdue 6-
7-1 Minnesota just seems wrong and dirty in all the wrong places, but perhaps in a few years, their coach, former Illini tight end Tim Brewster can be induced to coach the ole Alma Mater.

#24 Florida State 30, Virginia Tech 20-
I really hate that Florida State is ranked again. Is anyone surprised that the ACC sucks yet again?D Does every good offensive recruit on the east coast go to the SEC?

#23 Boston College 24, North Carolina 45-
Butch Davis has UNC at 6-2 and making the most noise they've made since Mack Brown left for Texas. Its still the ACC.

#22 Tulsa 49, UCF 19-
I watched this beatdown on ESPN2 just for the hell of it, and 8-0 Tulsa's offense remains as fun and glitzy as ever. This program's rising, hopefully someday they'll rise out of Conference USA.

#21 Georgia Tech 17, Virginia 24-
This game used to be the most maddeningly frustrating matchup of ex-NFL turned college coaches, Chan Gailey and Al Groh. Only Al remains. Paul Johnson and his throwback triple option offense are easy to root for, but they stumbled here against the Cavaliers. I still like them most of all ACC teams.

#20 Ball State 38, Eastern Michigan 16-
Ball State is ranked?

#19 Kansas 23, #8 Texas Tech 63-
Air Raid. Air. Mother fucking. Raid. If you aren't rooting for the Red Raiders to run the table and give Mike Leach a national title, you are fucking heartless.

#18 BYU 42, UNLV 35-
I've always found it strange that the pioneers of the spread offense and the most progressive offense in history are staid, fastidious mormons.

#17 Pittsburgh 34, Rutgers 54
Ha! Greg Schiano earns himself an SKO stamp of approval for whacking Wannstedt's team out of the rankings.

#16 Missouri 58, Colorado 0
Dan Hawkins begininning to think that his team Did go play intramurals.

#15 TCU 54, Wyoming 7
Well, that's nice.

#14 South Florida 20, Louisville 24
Anyone who read my weekly rankings last year knows my inexplicable hatred of South Florida, it'd be nice to see Lousiville get back to where they were under Iggins! favorite coach, Bobby Petrino. (Seriously read that link. Its Iggins! finest rant ever, because he actually uses research and stuff. That's not typically his game)

#13 Boise State 33, San Jose State 16
Boise State begins their march back to a BCS bowl game, which can only disappoint the memory of their thrilling win against Oklahoma in their first.

#11 LSU 38, #9 Georgia 52
LSU's vaunted defense from last season further detoriates, this coming not long after hemorrhaging 51 points against Florida.

#10 Ohio State 6, #3 Penn State 13
Terrelle Pryor finally shuts up ESPN by proving he hasn't quite arrived at Vince Young's level. And god there's no hope of Penn State representing the Big Ten well in the national title game.

#7 Oklahoma State 24, #1 Texas 28
Texas sets up their inevitable glorious loss at the Air Raid's hands. Also, I still don't like Colt McCoy, his fancy 81.8% completion percentage not withstanding.

#6 USC 17, Arizona 10
The scary part is that USC is winning with defense this year.

#5 Florida 63, Kentucky 5
Kentucky's regressed pretty miserably without graduated QB Andre Woodson, and will have a tough time making it to a 3rd bowl in a row. TEBOW and Co. look dominating and a victory over Georgia next week would make them a near-lock for the SEC Championship game.

#4 Oklahoma 58, Kansas State 35
Impressive?

#2 Alabama 29, Tennessee 9
When Nick Saban faces off against Phil Fulmer, America loses.

Code Red Rankings!
1. Texas Tech
2. Texas
3. Alabama
4. Florida
5. Oklahoma
6. USC
7. Penn State
8. Georgia
9. Oklahoma State
10. Missouri
11. Boise State
12. Ohio State
13. TCU
14. Utah
15. LSU
16. BYU
17. Minnesota
18. Tulsa
19. North Carolina
20. Michigan State
21. Oregon
23. South Florida
24. Vanderbilt
25. South Carolina

Prognostication Bukakke! Results Round 1

After 1 week the standings of in the Prognostication Bukakke! are as follows:

Iggins!-10-4

Father-9-5

Code Red- 8-6

Girlfriend-8-6

A solid weekend for Iggins! and the father, mediocre efforts from myself, and surprisingly good results for blind chance on the Girlfriend's part. (She did pick the Lions after all).

Lou Holtz Says Hold On a Minute

Hey gang, Lou Holtz here. Now the last few weeks there've been some unfortunate incidents of which I have been a part, and Lou apologized sincerely for them. Yesterday here on Start Kyle Orton, my dear friend Code Red may have made a few unfortunate references to two 20th century dictators when attempting to make a point about the Iowa Hawkeyes coach, Kirk Ferentz. Code Red is distraught today over the pain this has caused. He swears that the alleged MS Paint jobs in question were not premeditated and were a heat of the moment slip of the cursor. I personally believe him, and I the old coach hopes you will too.























But seriously, Kirk Ferentz is Hitler

Consider the 2008 Iowa Hawkeyes Motto: Arbeit Macht Frei

SKO Civil War Week 2008

Kirk Ferentz, center, at an Iowa Pep Rally

2000- Illinois 31, Iowa 0

2001- DNP

2002-DNP

2003- Iowa 41, Illinois 10

2004- Iowa 23, Illinois 13

2005- Iowa 35, Illinois 7

2006-Iowa 24, Illinois 7

2007- Iowa 10, Illinois 6

And that's what I've had to fucking deal with the last 8 years. 5 straight wins by Iowa in the rivalry. Iggins! is a maniacal fanatic who'll shlop up anything Iowa throws at him and then spit it out the moment it goes sour. Drew Tate was his idol and he was willing to carry his man child until Tate struggles his senior year and "Iowa'd fuckin win if they'd put in Christensen! Did you see his fucking arm!" was his battle cry. Last year "With Christensen we're going At least 8-4!", he buys his nice little number 6 jersey and they promptly go 6-6. Christensen becomes a swear word in Iggins! household. Next up? "Ricky Stanzi is a fucking Golden God!" Peaks and valleys, friends, peaks and valleys for this "what have you done for me lately?" blasphemer. I won't even get started on how many times I heard "Ferentz is a fucking moron! Run Albert Young!" followed ten minutes later by "WE CAN'T FUCKING RUN WITH ALBERT YOUNG! HE SUCKS! DAMIEN SIMS IS TEH SHIT!"

But I? Oh I have weathered the fucking storm my friends. I was there watching Illinois football when we had Simeon Rice and Kevin Hardy and the best defense in the Big Ten, if not the country (the two went #2 and #3 overall in the 1996 NFL draft), and yet couldn't make a damn bowl game because we tied the last game of the season 3-3. Yeah, the offense was that bad. I suffered without complaint as Ron turner went 5-25 in his first three years, enjoyed the 8-4 season that culminated with the raping of Virginia in the Micron PC Bowl (yeah, THE Micron PC Bowl), I saw the rise of Kurt Kittner, who forever holds a place in my heart. Oh did I thrill at the 10-2 Big Ten Championship of 2001, and yes, I still poke pins into my Rohan Davey voodoo doll with regularity. What followed that Big Ten Championship? Ohh, how about a 13-45 record from 2002-2006. I had to watch Jon Beutjer, Chris Pazan, Brad Bowers, and Tim f*&king Brasic play quarterback. Yet I watched every single game that was televised, which mercifully was never more than 4-5 a year with records like that. But oh did the corner seem to turn in 2007! Juice! Rashard! Rejus Benn! Jay Leman! Vonte Davis! Oh the talent ooozed from that team, and at 5-1, having knocked off ranked teams the previous two weeks, Illinois wandered into Kinnick determined to bust their streak against 2-4 Iowa.

And failed. Miserably. How do I describe the effort of a vastly superior Illinois team against the inferior Hawkeyes last year? Imagine you're in love with this extremely attractive girl. She's kindly, but with emphasis, turned you down year after year. Finally she relents and gives you one date to prove yourself. So you think, "Hey, I'll cook her a nice romantic dinner. Women love sensitive guys who can cook!" And you invite her over. But while you try to talk to her you stumble over your words, start flop sweating and ignore the roast, which burns to a crisp in the oven, setting off the smoke alarm. As you fan a towel in front of the smoke alarm to get it to turn off you accidentally elbow the girl in the head and knock her out cold. You panic so badly you piss yourself. You reach to help her and instead slip and wind up headbutting her in the crotch. She wakes up with your head in her crotch and piss stains on your pants. She calls the cops, you get hauled off for attempted date rape and, having realized that you forgot to turn the oven off, watch as your house burns down. That, my friend, was Illinois' effort against Iowa last year.

This year? The situation looks grim. An Illinois team that seems more and more to consist solely of Juice Williams on offense and Vonte Davis on defense has blown to games in which it was favored, against Minnesota and Wisconsin. A resurgent Iowa has shot out to 5-3 (though thats a weeeeeeeeeeeeeee bit deceptive when you factor in that three of their wins have come against AA Maine, 3-4 (in the Sun Belt!) Florida International, and 2-6 Iowa State) behind demi-God Shonn Green (1154 yds, 10 tds rushing) and the typically stout if boring Ferentz defentz. Iowa will most likely be favored heading into Saturday, even though the game will be played in Champaign.

Is there hope? I doubt it. The milquetoast assassin that coaches the Hawkeyes knows how to dominate Illinois consistently and ruin my lunch every single fucking year. Iggins! and I discussed yesterday the uniquely opposite natures of Zook and Ferentz. Zook can take a brilliant recruiting class that should be spotted 10 wins on talent alone and go 7-5, as he did at Florida and is doing this year. Ferentz can throw together five tubby white kids on the offensive line, pick a kid out of the crowd and win 8 games with a team that should win 4. His teams do tend to struggle in years in which they're burdened with huge expectations, but even that can't help Illinois this year as no one but Iggins! (and he says they'll go at least 8-4 every year regardless) thought they'd be impressive.

I'm not going to pray for one more win as epically as Iggins! did last year. I'm not gonna throw up false bravado and act like I expect Illinois to win. They're more talented than Iowa. They were more talented than Wisconsin, Minnesota, and possibly even Penn State too. But talent and coaching are the yin and the yang of the game, and coaching tends to weigh just that tiny bit more heavily, and if that's the case, get ready for at least one more year of this man standing on the sidelines victorious. If he'd even gloat about it I'd actually like him more. But he won't. He'll curl the tiny little corners of his mouth into a smile practically undetectable, credit his line of fat white kids, button up his shirt and go home and make sweet, lights off, God-fearing, missionary position love with his wife.

There is no room for personality in the classless utopia Iowa Football shall create!

Someday I'll Make Up My Mind

Hey, You!

Moi?

WTF was that?

Seriously man, WTF WAS THAT?

Wisconsin loses three in a row, they fail to move the ball with any consistency other than with the ridiculous field position we gave them through turnovers and ungodly stupid penalties. Look, some of this shit's just getting ridiculous. If stupid penalties and bad calls that cost games are the mark of bad coaching..let's recap-

2008- Wisconsin 27, Illinois 17

-Twice the right tackle was whistled for lining up behind the line of scrimmage. Twice. Both cost us first downs. It shouldn't be that hard to find the line of scrimmage. It's painted on the field. You should point that one out at practice, Coach.

-8 overall penalties for 47 yards, many of which cost Illinois first downs, or turned the 4th and 1 on Illinois' last offensive possession into a 4th and 6th. Fuck nuts.

-The option/outside runs. As in running Juice outside 8 times for 4 yards. Or running the option god knows how many times despite Wisconsin constantly shutting it down. The only yards Illinois gained up the ground were straight up the middle, but those playcalls were lacking.

2008- Minnesota 27, Illinois 20

-This one's really mostly because I can't believe Minnesota's 7-1, but I can blame you inadvertently because their coach interviewed for your job.

2007- Michigan 27, Illinois 17

-This one was ungodly frustrating. Michigan loses their quarterback, runningback, and top wide receiver and we still lose because of 10 penalties for 107 yards, two of which sustained Michigan scoring drives.

-Playing rotating quarterbacks with Juice Williams in Eddie McGee keeps both of them out of synch and leads them to throw for just 106 yards.

2007- Iowa 10, Illinois 6

-This game, of course, led to this. But it was also another example of beating the option into the ground despite zero success. The thing that pissed me off most about this one was TWICE accepting penalties that gave Iowa third down instead of declining them and giving Iowa fourth down. Iggins! will tell you that Kirk Ferentz is not exactly Mike Leach. Gambling's not his business, pink shirts are. Chances are the fucker was going to punt. But no, you had to put them in third in long each time and allow Jake Christensen to complete the only two 10+ yard long passes of his career (possibly an exaggeration, but not by much).

Such a nice man..

- It was Iowa, and even Iggins! predicted an ass-whooping, and you let it through our fingers.

So really that's 4 losses due to poor coaching and preparedness. I respect everything you've done in recruiting and rebuilding this terrible program, but, you know, you could at least work a bit on the x's and o's rather than spending all day txting some blue-chipper "OMG! ILL-INI! BetR n BetR!" Until then, I remain blasé about your very existence.

This week in sports: the bye weeks are for pussies edition

What the hell? Why do both the Bears AND the Hawkeyes have byes this week? What cruel God-Creature would do this to me? Now I don't have an emotional investment in a football game on Saturday OR Sunday! What did I used to do when there was no football on... what happened in the offseason...?...

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...OH GOD...








JESUS DE CHRISTO! REPRESSED MEMORIES!

GOD that hurt.

- The Elite XC, the MMA organization best known for allowing a deranged street fighter who has no business in a ring, in a ring, folded yesterday. This means nobody will be able to see Kimbo or Gina Carano fight until they get signed by another fight organization. And if you think that's going to be the UFC, you're a moron. I imagine that conversation would go something like this:



Dana White, UFC President: "EliteXC just folded guys. While that organization WAS overall terrible, gimmicky, probably fixed, and run by an overweight chimp who thought he was a mobster, they still have a few good fighters. Who are we thinking about signing?"

Random Middleman: "Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano seem to get good ratings. How about them?"

Dana: "... leave. Now."

In all seriousness, however, there are a few fighters who will warrant UFC attention. These include Jake Shields and Robbie Lawler.

- The Iowa Hawkeyes look a lot like they did Drew Tate's first year as QB. I ain't sayin, I'm just sayin'. Also, 5-3 (2-2) is MUCH better than that shitty team across the river's 4-3 (2-2). Because fuck the Illini. FEAR SHONN GREENE.

- How is it that Tom Brady keeps making it into the news? He hasn't played since week 1! Is there really nothing more interesting than which doctor did what to his knee and how many times he's had to have it done? Honestly? People do realize that there are actual games being played? There's this whole World Series thing...? No? Oh that's right, because there are no Boston teams playing in it ESPN magically forgets it even exists...

"Where the fuck is Tampa Bay?"

Bobby Wade's Quarterback Carousel

Those that know me and have read this site know I have a perverse fascination with the crappy quarterbacks the Bears have trotted out in my life time, so its no surprise I'm absolutely thrilled with this article by Dan Pompei of the Chicago Tribune in which he discusses the 17 (!) quarterbacks he's played with in only a 6 year career. Now, one could argue that these quarterbacks sucked partially because they were throwing passes to Bobby freakin' Wade, but his comments are insightful and valuable nonethless.

On Kordell Stewart:
"2003 Bears: " The Bears had just brought him in and everyone was excited about him, but it was a flop. That was the end of his career, no doubt. But he was a great leader."

Kordell Stewart a great leader? That's why, 6 years into his NFL career, this guy was remarking on how he couldn't remember any time Kordell's leadership had been praised, that this guy said quote "Add into this mix of incompetence that Stewart's leadership skills have long been in question and that he is perhaps the opposite of a crafty field general. It's all enough to project Stewart as a quarterback who, at the least, should have a challenger to stave off in camp." And don't be so quick on thinking that's the end of Kordell's career Bobby, he has potential as a punter.

Chris Chandler:
"2003 Bears: "One of the savviest quarterbacks I played with. He taught me a lot as far as understanding the game and being where quarterbacks expect you to be."

Chris Chandler, for instance, expected you to be there helping him find the stretcher when he left the game with his 355th injury of the year.

Rex Grossman:
"2003-2005 Bears: "He really competed, and was kind of a maverick. I remember in a preseason game he used a check we didn't have. He completed the pass to me for a first down, but he really caught it from [then-offensive coordinator John] Shoop. That's Rex."

I'm voting for McCain, and yet I too am tired of hearing the word maverick. Also, he probably caught it from Shoop for showing him up by completing a pass for a first down. That ain't Shoop's game baby.

Chad Hutchinson:
"2004 Bears: "We literally picked him up off his couch. I think he was surfing somewhere. But he was a competitor."

If he was on his couch, how could be surfing? And I bet he's right back there now.

Jonathan Quinn:
"2004 Bears: "He was a basket case in the huddle. He had a hard time getting the plays out of his mouth. A heavy-footed guy, with no mobility at all."

That's just fucking hilarious.

Craig Krenzel:
"2004 Bears: "A quiet guy who never really said much. He had a beautiful deep ball. He could throw it over your shoulder really well."

Yeah, beautiful deep ball. Thats why he was 30-67, .45% comp., 465 yds, 2 tds, 3 ints, and had a 59.6 rating on passes over 10 yards. Woof.

Kyle Orton:
2005 Bears: "Our offense was so simple when he was in the game. Ron Turner wasn't comfortable throwing more than about 10 passes a game. He has a big arm and is smart. He doesn't make any mistakes. But he's more of a rhythm guy who drops back, hits the guy he's going to with accuracy, and that's all you're going to get. He isn't the kind of guy to create something if the first read isn't open."

Obviously this isn't true anymore, but in Bobby's defense that was back in Kyle's rookie year. I wonder if Bobby's Vikings still think he can't create something. And God forbid all we get is a quarterback with a big arm who is smart, doesn't make any mistakes, and hits the guy he's going for with accuracy.

Jeff Blake:
2005 Bears: "He would tell you he threw the best deep ball in the NFL. He was a good player who I caught at the end of his career."

I bet most of you forgot Jeff Blake was a Bear. But I agree he was a great player.

The other nine quarterbacks are Titans and Vikings, and you can read the article and make up your own snarky remarks if you want to hear about that.

Prognostication Bukakke!

Many of you who have read this site since the beginning know that it started as the joint effort of myself and my friend since 7th grade, Iggins! While we've rarely both posted at the same time, in fact going whole months where only one or neither of us was posting, this site was originally conceived to provide a showcase for our opinions and frequent head to head clashes over various subjects. From the epic Civil War Week the week of the Iowa-Illinois football game, to the Tim Tebow vs. Dennis Dixon Heisman debate (Bam! Torn ACL! No victory as sweet as the victory by default), Iggins! and I headbutted via internet last year as we had in person the previous six years. This year I've decided to up the competition a notch and add a few competitors. So from here to the end of the NFL season, Iggins!, myself, The Girlfriend, and my father will all compete to pick the winners of each game. Whether my obsessive stats research, Iggins! mostly hate-fueled gut instincts, my father's bitter outlook on...everything, or The Girlfriend's completely blind luck shall prevail, no one knows. So without further ado..our picks for week 8 of the NFL season....

Buffalo Bills vs. Miami Dolphins
Code Red: Bills
Iggins!: Dolphins
Girlfriend: Bills
Father: Bills

Washington Redskins vs. Detroit Lions
Code Red: Redskins
Iggins!: Redskins
Girlfriend: Lions
Father: Redskins

San Diego Chargers vs. New Orleans Saints
Code Red: Saints
Iggins!: Saints
Girlfriend: Chargers
Father: Saints

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Dallas Cowboys
Code Red: Cowboys
Iggins!: Buccaneers
Girlfriend: Cowboys
Father: Cowboys

Oakland Raiders vs. Baltimore Ravens
Code Red: Raiders
Iggins!: Ravens
Girlfriend: Raiders (quote: "whats a bird going to do against a pirate in a football game??")
Father: Ravens

Kansas City Chiefs vs. New York Jets
Code Red: Chiefs
Iggins!: Jets
Girlfriend: Jets
Father: Jets

St. Louis Rams vs. New England Patriots
Code Red: Patriots
Iggins!: Patriots
Girlfriend: Patriots
Father: Rams

Arizona Cardinals vs. Carolina Panthers
Code Red: Panthers
Iggins!: Cardinals
Girlfriend: Panthers
Father: Panthers

Atlanta Falcons vs. Philadelphia Eagles
Code Red: Eagles
Iggins!: Eagles
Girlfriend: Eagles (quote: "because an eagle is a more patriotic bird than a falcon")
Father: Eagles

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Houston Texans
Code Red: Texans
Iggins!: Texans
Girlfriend: Bengals (quote: "because the Texans have a stupid, unclever name")
Father: Texans

Cleveland Browns vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Code Red: Browns
Iggins!: Jaguars
Girlfriend: Browns
Father: Jaguars

New York Giants vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Code Red: Steelers
Iggins!: Giants
Girlfriend: Giants (quote: "They won the Superbowl last year, right?")
Father: Giants

Seattle Seahawks vs. San Fransisco 49ers
Code Red: 49ers
Iggins!: 49ers
Girlfriend: 49ers (quote: "The Mariners sucked this year, so so should the Seahawks")
Father: 49ers

Tennessee Titans vs. Indianapolis Colts (Monday Night)
Code Red: Colts
Iggins!:Titans. Emphatically.
Girlfriend: Titans. (quote: "they were in a Superbowl once, right? I remember that one")
Father: Colts

So there you have it. We'll see how this goes.

Awakening from Depression..to Kyle's Greatness.

Leave it to our hero to stir me out of my post-Cubs depression. Its been difficult the last few weeks. I've had to slowly let myself shake loose the disappointment of baseball season and immerse myself wholeheartedly in football and a Bears team that's been anything but reassuring this season. The point I must touch on is one thats slowly been pointed out in the media the last week: Kyle Orton is good. Damn good, even. This is being thrown out in whispers and hushes, because the last time we saw a quarterback play this good (143-230, 62.2% compl., 1,669 yds, 10 tds, 4 ints, 91.4 rating) over the first two months of the season it was this guy:

and it was the two months of his career that tantalized us and made it so hard for many of us, me foremost of all, to give up on him. At this point Kyle's numbers look extremely similar to Rex's before the Arizona game in 2006:

93-152, 61.1% comp., 1243 yards, 10 tds, 3 ints, 100.8 rating.

These numbers earned Rex the Offensive Player of the Month Award for September 2006 and an article in Sports Illustrated on his rise as Bears quarterback. His decline thereafter is well documented, and we will not touch on it here.

Given the epic decline of Rex, its no surprise that the press and many Bears fans are slow to buy Kyle's success. But there are many reasons to believe that Kyle is not Rex, and here are just a few.

1.) There are two schools of thought in the NFL on how to develop a successful quarterback. Many argue that the quarterback should be thrown into the fires as a rookie and learn on the run, like a Ben Roethlisberger. Others feel he should sit the bench a few years before starting with a complete grasp of the offense, like a Phillip Rivers. Kyle is fortunate enough to have done both, and is in his fourth season, the year when most quarterbacks first put up a break out season (Drew Brees, Eli Manning, Roethlisberger, Tony Romo). Rex sat for all but three games as a rookie, and was injured in his second and third years and unable to gain the grasp of the offense and experience that Kyle earned on the practice field.

2.) Kyle's turnovers have decreased with his playing time, not increased, as Rex's did.

3.)The late game prowess Kyle has shown this year (91.3 rating, 0 turnovers in the 4th quarter), far eclipses the late game shenanigans of Rex in 2006 (43.5 rating, 2 tds, 5 ints in the 4th quarter). Kyle's performances late in these games is crucial to the Bears 4-3 record this year, though his performance in all three losses (especially the Atlanta game) should have been rewarded with a 7-0 record.

4.) Kyle has never had the unequivocal support that Rex once had, and has had to earn his playing time. Rex was frequently criticized for not being able to handle the pressure of competition, Kyle has clearly thrived upon it. Simply put, you appreciate more what you earn through your own efforts, rather than those opportunities which are handed to you.

5.) Kyle has this website.

Many of you are probably asking yourself...wait, Code Red, didn't you yourself advocate starting Rex as late as this summer? To which I must answer: yes. I did. But for reasons other than you may think. Its true I've been seduced by Rex's talent since he was a freshman at Florida. But I too followed Kyle's career at Purdue. My late uncle was once head of maintenance of the sports facilities at Purdue and the free tickets and perks that that job provided us has formed a tight bond with Purdue sports. If you'd asked me as late as 2004 who the two quarterbacks I most enjoyed watching in college sports were I'd have said Rex and Kyle. I've never doubted Kyle's ability. I did believe, however, that Lovie Smith and Ron Turner did. The reason I had hoped Rex would win was my fear that the competition between the two was Rex's to lose, and Kyle was Lovie's second choice. If Kyle won, that meant the playbook would be scaled back and we'd be back to watching John Shoopesque offense. My fears were nearly realized in the Carolina game, when Lovie seemed to take the game out of Kyle's hands and the defense blew a 17-3 lead.

Kyle must have shown Lovie something, however, in those first two games, because Kyle has been in complete control of the offense since week three, and has guided it in a cool, calm, and efficient manner. It's with great pride that we of Start Kyle Orton have seen our mission validated, with results greater than even we dared dream when this quest began last October.

Why I've More or Less Proven That You Can't Listen to Me.

Now that the regular season is more or less over other than the feces flinging between the Twins and White Sox, I thought this would be a good time to look back at my hilariously bad preseason predictions-

AL East-
Predicted:
1. Red Sox 97-65
2. Yankees 88-74
3. Rays 84-78
4. Blue Jays 82-80
5. Orioles 64-98

Actual:
1. Tampa BayRays 97-65
Okay, so I wasn't ready to stake the farm on them, but I had faith in this team. Nobody expected this though, but good for them.

2. Boston Red Sox 95-67
They more or less did what everyone thought they would do, and would have won the division but for the miracle Rays.

3. New York Yankees 89-73
I was only off by one game. This team is Old, and I think everyone but them (and Sports Illustrated) knew that.

4. Toronto Blue Jays 86-76
The injury prone rotation kept them short of the playoffs, as I predicted. Scott Rolen sucks.

5. Baltimore Orioles 68-93
Fuck Andy MacPhail.

I did a better job predicting this division than most, as you'll see with my AL Central and West Previews.

AL Central-

Predicted:
1. Detroit Tigers 95-67
2. Cleveland Indians 92-70
3. Chicago White Sox 77-85
4. Minnesota Twins 73-89
5. Kansas City Royals 71-91

Actual:
1A. Minnesota Twins 88-74
Oh come on, like you thought they'd be good.

1B. Chicago White Sox 88-74
I hate this division, I hate this team, I hate their manager, I hate their fan. I hate that they seem intent on dredging their way to a three game sweep at the hands of the Rays.

3. Cleveland Indians 81-81
I said Fausto Carmona wasn't a fluke. He was. I said Travis Hafner would rebound. He didn't. I said CC Sabathia would be great in his free agent year. He was. For Milwaukee. Fuck.

4. Kansas City Royals 75-87
They won 75 games, their best season since 2003. Wulf.

5. Detroit Tigers 74-88
I had them in the world series, and so did Sports Illustrated. Sadly, you'll see I whiffed worse on other teams.

AL West:
1. Seattle Mariners 89-73
2. California Angels 86-76
3. Oakland Athletics 76-86
4. Texas Rangers 72-90

Actual:
1. California Angels 100-62
I still don't know if they're as good as their record, but they sure told me to go fuck myself.

2. Texas Rangers 79-83
I was right, Josh Hamilton WAS a good pickup.

3. Oakland Athletics 75-86
Probably my most accurate prediction.

4. Seattle Mariners 61-101
This is what I get for doubting sabermetrics. Their pythagorean W-L in 2007 said they were worse than their 88-74 record, and I should have jumped ship when I saw that Jose Vidro was DHing. God. This is probably my worst call, but there's one more you'll laugh your ass off at.

NL East-

Predicted:
1. Philadelphia Phillies 92-70
2. New York Mets 89-73
3. Washington Nationals 83-79
4. Atlanta Braves 81-81
5. Florida Marlins 69-93

Actual:
1. Philadelphia Phillies 92-70
I got one! I got one!

2. New York Mets 89-73
On a roll baby!

3. Florida Marlins 84-78
This just proves that the Marlins are determined to screw with me at every possible opportunity.

4.Atlanta Braves 72-90
I overestimated my win total, but did say the following: "Glavine doesn't have much left in him in his second Atlanta go-round, Mike Hampton won't make it through the season, Tim Hudson has posted just one great season in his Atlanta tenure, and I don't think they even know who their fifth starter is. I see this team stumbling out of the gate and trading Teixera at the deadline" Eh? Pretty good prognostication, right? Remember that when we get to...

5. Washington Nationals 59-102
Seriously I'm not sure whether this is worse than my Mariners prediction or not. I thought that the new ballpark and a potentially talented lineup would get them a few wins. But seriously Austin Kearns, Wily Mo Pena, Ryan Zimmerman, and Paul Lo Duca all had below average seasons, and Dmitri Young and Nick Johnson both missed most of the season. Can I really be blamed for that much bad luck befalling Washington?

NL West-

Predicted:
1. Colorado Rockies 91-71
2. Arizona Diamondbacks 88-74
3. Los Angeles Dodgers 85-77
4. San Diego Padres 79-83
5. San Fransisco Giants 63-99

Actual:

1. Los Angeles Dodgers 84-78
So I was actually pretty close on their record, I just underestimated how thin this division really was.

2. Arizona Diamondbacks 81-81
Their offense, which was hit or miss last year, was more miss.

3. Colorado Rockies 74-88
Their pitching just absolutely fell apart. I guess their total badassitude in High Heat 2002 has always made me wish that the Rockies could have sustained success. Oh the follies of youth.

4. San Fransisco Giants 70-92
Well, they sucked, but not as much as thought..so that's...good for them? Tim Lincecum is the balls.Other than this team is still screwed offensively.

5. San Diego Padres 63-99
Speaking of sucking offensively, how has Kevin Towers managed to justify letting this offense degrade year after year? They were mediocre or less than from 2004-2007, and showed absolutely no power, and yet no remedy was even attempted. One mediocre showing from their pitching staff and they sank into oblivion. They finished last in the NL in runs, OBP, and steals, and were damn near the bottom in every other category. I've had to watch some horrible Cubs teams in my life, but most of those could be attributed to horrible pitching, the hardest ones to watch are the ones with no semblance of an offense. Adrian Gonzalez probably weeps everytime he looks at the lineup card.

NL Central-

Predicted:
1. Chicago Cubs 95-67
2. Milwaukee Brewers 84-78
3. Houston Astros 77-85
4. Cincinnati Reds 75-87
5. St. Louis Cardinals 72-90
6. Pittsburgh Pirates 70-92

Actual:

1. Chicago Cubs 97-64
I was criticized for suggesting they'd win 95 games, but this team's proven over and over again that it's just too much of a juggernaut to slow down. There were no injuries, no excuses, no prima donna superstarts collecting paychecks from a hot tub, Lou Piniella knew all season just what buttons to push and this team posted its best record since 1945. Hopefully they've got 11 more wins left in them.

2. Milwaukee Brewers 90-72
They nearly blew it again, but managed to go 5-1 against the vaunted Pirates and the Iowa Cubs to outlast the choking Mets. They think they have momentum, but I won't be surprised when that falls apart against the Phillies.

3. Houston Astros 86-75
They think Bud Selig killed their season, but perhaps a 44-51 first half and the fact that they surrendered more runs than they scored (pythagorean W-L 77-84) deserves its fair share of the blame. Their pitching was as miserable behind Oswalt as expected. They'll be worse next year.

4.St. Louis Cardinals 86-76
I've come to the conclusion that this team will never be as bad as it should be, let alone as bad as I Want it to be.The difference is that now I just don't care. They can't touch the Cubs this year, and really we've had the upperhand head to head ever since Dusty's days. They just chucked a ton of money at Kyle Lohse and that will hopefully bite them.

5. Cincinnati Reds 74-88
They were about as bad as I expected them to be. Some people in the national media seemed to think that the combination of young talent and Dusty's "leadership" would spur them to a better record, but anyone with experience with Dustbag (i.e., Cubs fans), knew he'd play the wrong players (Corey, Bako) and run the good ones into the ground (Harang, Cueto, Volquez). They need to wake up and fire him before he ruins their future.

6.Pittsburgh 67-95
I just...I know only one Pirates fan, and he's a bald history teacher who developed a brain tumor and had to have it removed recently. Coincidence? I think not.

So there you have it....some hits, some misses, some total what-the-fuck-was-he-thinking calls. Just don't listen to me. Don't do it.

Your SKO Random Cubs Third Baseman of the Day: Keith Moreland

Name: Bobby Keith Moreland
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Ht: 6'0'' Weight: 200 lb
Years as a Cub: 1982-1987

"Have Keith Moreland drop a Routine Fly.."

Keith Moreland is remembered fondly by most Cubs fans as the popular, if defensively challenged right fielder for the Cubs of the early 80s, specifically the 1984 Cubs. Many fans forget that he occasionally started at third those years, and became the full time third baseman his final year with the Cubs in 1987. Had Keith remembered to take his glove with him to third base, fans might remember him even more fondly.

Keith was acquired by the Cubs in a 1981 trade with the Phillies that sent current Giants broadcaster Mike Krukow east in exchange for Moreland and pitchers Dickie Noles and Dan Larson. Larson and Noles were mostly busts with the Cubs, as Larson was gone after 1982 and Noles was moved from the rotation to the pen and traded away early in 1984. Keith, however, appeared in over 138 games in each of his six seasons in Chicago and was a key part of the 1984 NL East champion team.

After averaging 15 homers and 81 RBIs a year to go along with a .279 average in his first 5 seasons with the Cubs, mostly in the outfield, Moreland was moved to third base when the Cubs signed free agent Andre Dawson before the 1987 season. A hole had opened up at third base when the Cubs had allowed the 38 year old Ron Cey, who had manned the position since 1983, to walk after the 1986 season. With Dawson in the outfield, and an infield of Moreland at third, promising second-year starter Shawon Dunston at short, Ryne Sandberg at second, Leon Durham at 1st, and Jody Davis catching, hopes were high for the 1987 Cubs to contend for the first time since their '84 division championship.

Alas it was not to be, as an injury to Sandberg, revolving doors in left and center field, poor play by Dunston, a below average season from Jody Davis, and the lack of a starting pitcher behind Rick Sutcliffe all conspired to land the Cubs in last place, despite leading the league in homer runs thanks mostly to an MVP season from newcomer Dawson. On the offensive side of the ball, Moreland contributed to the Cubs 209 home runs that year with a career high 27 of his own, and had a respectable .266/27/88/.309/.465 line in 153 games.

Where Moreland failed to be respectable in 1987, however, was in the field. Despite having 40 career starts at the hot corner going into 1987, Moreland played like a raw rookie in a 149 starts. With 28 errors, a below average .934 fielding %, and an average-at-best 2.66 range factor, Moreland proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was not the answer at that position, and the Cubs decided to go in a different direction.

Before the 1988 season, the Cubs signed Vance Law, a much better defensive player, to play third base and shipped Moreland to the Padres in exchange for Goose Gossage and Ray Hayward, and thus ended the Cubs career of one of the more popular players of the 80s.

Today Moreland is a baseball coach at St. Stephen's Episcopal School, where he shares a connection with your beloved author. Moreland's pitching coach at St. Stephen's is Scott Ruffcorn, a former first round pick of the White Sox and cousin to the author in question. We don't discuss his former team.

Keith Moreland: Should have stayed in the outfield.

Cubs Clinch- An Hour by Hour/Inning by Inning Account

This Saturday, as anyone here should know, the Cubs clinched their 2nd consecutive NL Central Division Title. The girlfriend bought us tickets for my birthday so like good cornfield denizens of the Quad Cities, we drove to Aurora and hopped on a train to avoid driving in Chicago. The game was perfect as was the night, so here's a brief account of how it all went down

5:40 AM- Wake up. Girlfriend practically drags me out of bed. I am most hesitant to go. Eventually I stir myself.

7:00 AM- Drop the dogs off at the kennel, as my parents had friends with them for the weekend out at our family's camper, and neither of us would be home to take care of the pups. Hit the road with my dad's TomTom as our guide to the Aurora train station.

7:30 AM- Realized that I forgot to hit "start" on the TomTom, and have thus managed to get lost in Rock Island..a town I travel through every day.

7:40 AM- After turning the TomTom on, we hit the interstate for Aurora.

9:50 AM- Arrive in Aurora, buy tickets for the 10:20 to Union Station. We ask a man in a uniform if the train currently on the tracks is the right train. He responds in a thick Chicago accent "Yeah, of course it is. Fuck, ya never rode the train before? If you're heading to the game I hope ya bring them some fuckin luck. Fuck. That fuckin' Zambrano got fuckin torched yesterday. Hope they can at least fuckin clinch today. But yeah, thats the right train. Have fun. Fuckin go Cubs!" We board the train.

12:00 PM- Arrive in Union Station 18 minutes late due to "construction on the track". My heart goes out to the poor bastards who ride those things to work every day.

12:30 PM- After getting directions from Union Station to the Red Line from a hobo (who turned out to be wrong) we walk 8 blocks toward the wrong station before being directed by a kind, though loud mouthed, Cubs fan, who directs us underground to the right station. While waiting for the train, the kindly loud mouth comments that "this is where you go if you want to get to the Cubs game." I respond that if you want to go to the White Sox game, you hop down and lick the third rail. Laughs all around.

1:00 PM- Arrive at the Addison station after climbing from below ground to well above, which made the girlfriend beyond nervous. The huge camera around her neck and our complete and obvious lack of direction make our inexperience in the city as obvious as though we'd had signs around our necks saying "gullible tourists". As Wrigley comes into view the girlfriend (her first trip ever) smiles bright enough to power most of the North Side. Its a proud moment for the man who converted her from a Red Sox (not her fault, her father's from Boston) to a Cubs fan in February.

1:10 PM- Girlfriend asks why the statue of Harry Caray is so unnervingly creepy. I respond that the designer confused Harry's diet of beer with a diet of Souls.

1:25 PM- We enter Wrigley and climb up the stairs to watch batting practice. Upon her first view of the field, girlfriend marvels that "its so much smaller than it looks on TV". We move down to watch BP, but are unable to obtain autographs, though we snap a few good pictures of Z, Lou, and Geovany Soto as he warms up.

1:45 PM- After purchasing two Chicago Dogs, we devour them after moving to our seats. The girlfriend, who is normally Not a hot dog eater, marvels at the concept of grilled onions and tomatoes as condiments. Watching my girlfriend with the normally perfect table manners and very select eating habits wolf down a dog and smear mustard on her mouth nearly brings a tear to my eye.

2:30 PM- two couples sit down to my right. The man in the seat next to me reveals that he's from Toronto and is a Blue Jays fan. We discuss Lyle Overbay, AJ Burnett's fragility, his surprise at Ted's success with the Cubs, and our mutual love of Matt Stairs. True baseball fans are fun, no matter the franchise. He is clearly smitten with Wrigley Field.

2:40 PM- First pitch from a 104 year old hobbit. Crowd goes wild.

2:45 PM- First pitch from Vince Vaughn. Crowd less than impressed.

2:55 PM/ Top of the 1st-First pitch. Cesar Izturis leads off the game. The girlfriend, who only learned the principle of On Base Percentage in April (still ahead of Dusty Baker), has the following conversation with me-
GF- Why's someone with such a low average and OBP leading off?
Me- Because Tony LaRussa is a genius.
GF- Doesn't seem like it to me ( as she talks, Izturis pops out to Soto, GF cheers ecstatically for her "Little Geovany").

Ryan Ludwick bats, and doubles before retires Pujols and Lopez to end the inning.

Bottom of the 1st-Joel Piniero starts and the Cubs answer the Cardinals with a double wedged between three outs.

Top of the 2nd- I question the Cardinals fan sitting next to the Blue Jays fan as to why .267/24/90/.369/.477 Troy Glaus is batting 5th while .264/5/39/.328/.362 Felipe Lopez bats cleanup. Cards fan rolls his eyes and mutters something that sounds like "trucking LaRussa". curious. Cardinals go down quick, with only a soft single from Brian Barton.

Bottom of the 2nd-Cubs load the bases with two outs. Soriano singles to left to make it 3-0. Girlfriend goes for the hug while I moronically go for the high five. Awkwardness ensues. Eventually a high five and hug result.

Top of the 3rd- Ted mows them down and erases the only base runner with a double play.

Bottom of the 3rd- Cubs go down in order. The game is moving along quickly.

Top of the 4th-Ted continues to roll, setting the heart of the order,although with Felipe Lopez batting cleanup one can argue that its a heart with serious defects, down 1-2-3.

Bottom of the 4th- Cubs score two on a double by Mark DeRosa and a suicide squeeze by Lilly, possibly the most exciting play of the game.

Top of the 5th- Cardinals go down in order. Ted sets the cruise control.

Bottom of the 5th- Cubs go down quietly, with an Edmonds DP erasing an Aramis single.

Top of the 6th- Ted sparks fears of pants-shitting everywhere as a Lopez single and Glaus three run homer cut a 5-0 lead to 5-4. Girlfriend attempts to calm down my growing fears. Tension hovers in the air.

Bottom of the 6th- Hopes for a momentum swing are dashed as Fukudome refuses to swing on a hit and run call and gets Soto thrown out at second, then strikes out. I'm not sure if I'm more pissed at Fukudome for playing so meek, or if the Girlfriend is more pissed that he got Soto thrown out.

Top of the 7th- In a surprise move, Lou sends Ted to start the 7th. Ted reverts to form, striking out the first two batters and getting Cesar to ground out to end the inning. All in all 6 great innings out of 7 total for Ted.

Bottom of the 7th- Cubs go down in order, but not before the Girlfriend snaps a perfect picture of Mike Fontenot. Not sure why that matters.

Top of the 8th- Crowd on its feet as Marmol slices through Ludwick, Pujols, and Lopez. I rejoice that Pujols can't ruin it in the 9th. The crowd gets even more tense as they start to taste victory.

Bottom of the 8th- Lee, Ramirez, Edmonds all go down as everyone seems intent on finishing this thing quickly.

Top of the 9th- 41,597 on their feet as Wood comes in to close it out. After some grumbling over a walk to Glaus, Kerry grounds out Kennedy and strikes out Skip Schumaker. A soft fly ball off of the bat of Aaron Miles fittingly lands in the glove of Jim Edmonds. The crowd goes nuts as the Girlfriend (an opera major with some serious pipes) destroys a row of ear drums with an ear piercing scream of joy. Three rounds of "Go Cubs Go" follow, as well as "Someday We'll Go All the Way". I find myself disappointed at the low number of fans who've actually heard the song. After watching the Cubs celebrate on the mound, we wait for them to return from the dugout and watch them spray the stands with champagne. Finally we work our way out, still singing "Go Cubs Go" as we high five half of Wrigleyville.

After leaving the stadium we head into Wrigleyville Sports to work our way past the crowd of fans desperate for 2008 Central Champion shirts. The Girlfriend picks out a nice pinstriped t-shirt reminiscent of the late 80s/early 90s pullover Cubs jerseys. She demurs my suggestion that she buy the sansabelt pants to match. We walk a mile to reach Giordanos, determined to have some deep dish pizza. The pizza is delicious, and the ride back to Union Station on the red line from Belmont is full of rejoicing Cubs fans and somber Cardinals fans. At Union Station we board the 8:40 train to Aurora, arriving at 10:00. At 1:10 in the morning we arrive back at home, and fall asleep moments after hitting the bed.

In conclusion: It was a wonderful birthday gift and a great moment for Cubs fans, old and new.

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: Shane Andrews

Name: Shane Andrews
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Height: 6'1'' Weight:215 lbs (Lies!)
Years as a Cub: 2000

The moment his back shattered, recorded for posterity.

Take a look at this box score and you'll notice a few anomalies. 1) Eric Young is flirting with an .800 OPS. 2) Felix Heredia has a 1.29 ERA. 3) Kyle Farnsworth won as a starter and 4) Shane Andrews has a 1.148 OPS and a .286 average.

Andrews is the perfect example of the ineptitude of Ed Lynch as a General Manager. In order to understand the process that lead the Cubs to sign Shane to play third base, you have to go back to before the 1998 season. Before 1998 the team Lynch had put together was widely panned as a mottled collection of aging veterans and untested rookies. The New York Times sneered at a roster of "oddballs and castaways." After 1997's 0-14 start and 68-94 record the outlook was bleak. Then the season began and a combination of two freaks-of-nature (Wood, Sosa) and several surprise years by veterans Kevin Tapani, Steve Trachsel, Mickey Morandini, Lance Johnson, and late-season pick up Gary Gaetti, the Cubs managed a miraculous 90-73 record and a Wild Card championship. Then the playoffs began and the team regressed back to the mean, losing three straight and leaving as quickly as they arrived.

Despite the playoff result, Lynch was, understandably afraid to mess with the roster, and thus the Cubs ignored the warnings of age and injury and entered 1999 with largely the same team, with the huge exception of the injurd Kerry Wood. The results were terrible, as the veterans of the previous year played to their age and the team quickly plummeted to 67-95.

It was after this disaster that Lynch truly failed. Convinced that the core of 1998 team would result in a return to winning form under new manager Don Baylor, Lynch chased no big free agents and made only minor tweaks to his roster, replacing Lance Johnson with Damon Buford, Morandini for Eric Young, Jose Hernandez/Jeff Blauser for Ricky Gutierrez, and last but not least leaving Shane Andrews as the starter at third base for 2000. Andrews had been acquired late in the 1999 season after the Cubs had released Gaetti and the Expos had finally given up on Andrews, their former first round pick, and released him. The Cubs picked Andrews off waivers and played him in 19 September games and were impressed with the power he showed by posting 5 homers and a .537 slugging percentage with 14 runs batted in.

The Cubs had decided that this 19 game stretch was enough of a sample to ignore his terrible career .220/.298/.421 line and named him the starter going into the 2000 season, with Willie Greene, who hit .204 the previous year, as their only insurance in case Andrews faltered or his injury history plagued him again.

Thus our story brings us round to the 2000 season, Lynch's last hurrah. Lynch's status quo approach to team-building results in a 65-97 season surprising no one but Lynch. Andrews displayed the inconsistency and injury problems that had plagued his career with the Expos as a hot start that had him among the league leaders in homers in April faded to mediocrity and a back injury sidelined him for much of the summer. His final line for the 2000 season:
.229 avg., 14 homers, 39 rbis, .329 OBP, .474 Slug.

Lynch himself seemed to realize that his tenure as GM had dissolved into an abject failure and attempted to resign as early as May. His brilliant boss, Andy MacPhail told him to wait and see if the team would turnaround from their 20-33 start. After that regressed to a 35-51 mark at the all star break, MacPhail mercifully accepted Lynch's resignation, and Ed and Andrews were both gone by the end of the 2000 season.

Andrews disappeared from MLB after the 2000 season, with just one 7 game stint with the Red Sox in 2002 before his retirement.

We're Not Worthy

F*&king Awesome

Your SKO Random Third Basemen of the Day: Carmen Fanzone

Name: Carmen Fanzone
Ht: 6'0 Wt:200
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1971-1974

Is it bad that this is EXACTLY what I pictured a man named Carmen Fanzone looking like?

In 1971, Carmen Fanzone arrived fresh-faced in the city of Chicago after spending his rookie year in Boston. The Cubs had acquired the young Fanzone and his superb mustache in the previous off season for the purpose of spelling the aging Ron Santo at third base. And that was what Fanzone did his first three seasons in Chicago, as he played only sparingly (12 games) in 1971, with greater playing time (86 games in '72, 64 in '73) in Santo's last two seasons in Chicago. After Santo was traded to the White Sox, Fanzone spent the 1974 season backing up Bill Madlock, and retired after a miserable performance in 65 games that year.

While one could look at Fanzone's time in Chicago and write him off as another poor hitting (.223 avg., .313 OBP career), weak-fielding (career .896 fielding % at third) third sacker, we at Start Kyle Orton like to choose something to honor about each third baseman on this list, and I personally would like to nominate Fanzone for the Finest Mustache in Cubs History. I mean look at that thing. That mustache alone lead the Cubs to ignore his weak numbers for four seasons. Were you going to ask Whitey Lockman to look that superb nose-neighbor in the eye and tell him he had to leave? Its the perfect combination of hair and style. Its not bushy, yet its full to the brim with perfectly manicured lip locks. Its certainly not a porn star, handle bar, or math teacher mustache. That mustache meant business, and Carmen Fanzone rode it to the highest of heights, the position of back up third baseman for a second division team.

After retirement, Carmen took his name and his mustache to the only arena that made sense: Jazz music. The accomplished flugelhorn player now resides with wife Sue Raney, a four time Grammy-nominated jazz vocalist, in Los Angeles California, and he's apparently very important to Dr. David L. Fishman.

Not Just About UFC and Video Games!

My recent absences from this site due mostly to work, girlfriend, busy schedule, etc. have resulted in far fewer discussions of the Best Team in Baseball and Iggins! subsequent return to this place has lead to the posting of articles about UFC, of all things. Now, I enjoy the brutal beating of a man as much as the next guy, if not more so. But really conjecture about a fighting league is both pointless and boring in my book. Nothing really matters until two guys step into the ring and box each other out. I really don't give a shit if some company maybe will possibly if everything potentially goes well soon start making T-Shirts for a motley assortment of Slavic and Latino cage fighters. With that said, at least the boy adds a different Perspective to this place. Anywho, on to baseball:

- God Fucking Damn the White Sox. Somehow a team that really is nothing more than a middle of the pack talent level team that's barely keeping a 1 1/2 game lead in the shittiest division in baseball wanders into Wrigley Field, trashes the Cub's stadium, players, and World Series drought (yeah, its a 100 years, but before 2005 you went 88 fucking years. Let's not point fucking fingers), gets its ass handed to it on a silver platter and still walks away unrepentant and lead by a gigantic douche.

-God Damn Joe Morgan. One more comment about Banks Boulevard and I will personally hunt you down and cast your body into a place that will soon be called "Bloody Joe's Ravine".

-God Damn the cliff jumpers who let the first three game losing streak of the season and a mild, two start injury to Carlos Zambrano make them utter such heresy as the phrases "cursed" or "Cubbie occurence." Get over it and check the standings people. Take a deep breath, then jump off anyways. I really could care less.

-Iggins! and I both work at a PGA Golf Course, and our pro tournament is July 7-13, so don't expect to hear much out of our overworked, irritable, miserable asses.

Madden Ratings!

The Madden 09 Ratings for the Chicago Bears are as follows:

QB:

Rex Grossman-79 overall-(95 throw power, 84 throw accuracy)

Kyle Orton-76 overall-

RB:

Matt Forte-80 overall- (92 speed, 90 strength, 90 agility, 90 trucking)

Adrian Peterson-78 overall-

WR:

Marty Booker-82 overall-

Devin Hester-81 overall-(100 speed, 99 acceleration)

Earl Bennett-79 overall-

Brandon Lloyd-73 overall-

C:

Olin Kreutz-93 overall-

G:

Roberto Garza-85 overall-

T:

John Tait-85 overall-

Chris Williams-79 overall-

TE:

Desmond Clark-86 overall-

Greg Olsen-85 overall-

MLB:

Brian Urlacher-98 overall-

OLB:

Lance Briggs-95 overall-

Hunter Hillenmeyer-79 overall-

DT:

Tommie Harris-96 overall-

Dusty Dvoracek-79 overall-

DE:

Adewale Ogunleye-89 overall-

Alex Brown-85 overall-

Mark Anderson-84 overall-

Dan Bazuin-76 overall-

CB:

Nathan Vasher-91 overall-

Charles Tillman-91 overall-

Danieal Manning-78 overall-

Ricky Manning Jr.-76 overall-

FS:

Mike Brown-87 overall-

SS:

Brandon McGowan-83 overall-

Craig Steltz-73 overall-

K:

Robbie Gould-93 overall- (92 kick power, 96 kick accuracy)

P:

Brad Maynard-82 overall-

So, essentially, we have a great defense, Devin Hester, and not much else.

Shockers:

-Matt Forte is rated an 80 which is above my expectations.
-Craig Steltz is rated a full 10 points under Brandon McGowan.
-Speaking of whom, Brandon McGowan is an 83?! That may be a bit... high.
-G-Reg is still rated below Dez... even if it IS only by one point.
-Who the fuck is our other guard...?

Also, the "big" UFC announcement fell through; it was supposed to be that MSG would host some UFC events, but the NY legislature didn't pass it.

UFC Update, or UFCvania: [Insert Noun] of [Insert Adjective]

-Dana White has been a good man/owner of the most purely badass organization on the planet and debunked some of the rumors that have been swirling about his big announcement on Thursday. HE WILL NOT ANNOUNCE:

- That Floyd Mayweather Jr. will be joining the UFC
- That the UFC has partnered with the WWE
- That Fox or ABC have signed TV deals with the UFC

so, if we are keeping track, three of the four rumors I posted are still on the board. And whoever thought those first two things were a possibility is either under 7 years old or is a dumbass. REMEMBER, still a possibility:

- Anderson Silva to Light Heavyweight
- Affliction has been absorbed by the UFC, and with it Fedor Emelianenko.
- Nike/Adidas has signed on to make official UFC gear.


"Bitch, I've whipped up media frenzies in less time. Kiss the ring."

Happy Trails, until we meet again.

Two Chicago Bears are out of a job today, one because he's a piece of shit and one because he finally had it with his back and shitty quarterbacks.




Cedric Benson has been released! This means many things, 1) The Bears might have a good run game now, 2) ANOTHER Bear RB drafted in the first round has officially been a major bust, and 3) I can officially hate Cedric Benson full-on.

I remember when we drafted Benson with the fourth pick overall. We already had Thomas Jones, and we needed players at several other positions, namely linebacker and wide receiver, (We didn't know Lance Briggs was so good back then) but Angelo decided to pull the "best available player" pick instead. As I have always done with Jerry Angelo decisions I yelled "WHAT THE FUCK?" at the TV and bitched about it for the rest of the day. Oftentimes I come to regret ever doubting Mr. Angelo.

Not this time.

The first thing Benson did as a Bear was cry on national television. That did nothing to alleviate my blood-boiling rage. Then he decided to hold out of training camp for more money. In retrospect this seems like a good decision for Benson, because he obviously won't be able to play his way to more money. After his little holdout he was so woefully incompetent (and Thomas Jones looked so good) that he barely got any playing time. When he finally showed improvement he got injured. (Remind you of someone?)

Next season he was supposed to emerge as a standout running back. He had a full training camp under his belt. Then he got injured in practice. PRACTICE. We talkin bout PRACTICE. NOT A GAME. Practice. So TJ was once again the starter heading into the season.

For the majority of the glorious (sometimes) 2006 Super Bowl season Benson shared carries with Thomas Jones and the Bears made it all the way to the Super Bowl, and with Benson finally looking like he was becoming a good RB, he got injured again. IN THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL.
I don't need to tell you what happened in that game.

The next season Benson looked like shit, and his attitude didn't help him with the fans. His stupid glazed-over expression made it seem like he didn't care about football or the Bears, and it is very likely he didn't. He got injured AGAIN, and recently was arrested twice in a month for alcohol related offenses. He was cut today by the Bears, making room for Matt "The Juggernaut" Forte. Good riddance.

The better news (in a way) was that Marcus Robinson retired as a Bear today.



I remember very few players as fondly as I remember Marcus Robinson. He was the only good receiver on the team when the menage-a-trois of Shane Mathews, Jim Miller, and Cade McNown were busy fucking the team and not each-other. If you can remember a fantastic catch made between 1998 and 2002 it was probably Marcus, and if you doubt it was fantastic just remember that he managed to catch Cade McNown passes. Cade fucking McNown. Back problems would haunt him for much of the later parts of his career as he was bounced around NFC North teams and the Ravens, but I choose to remember him as the great wide receiver he was as a youngin'. Adios, Brah.

UFC: It's more interesting than you.

C

Ahhhhh, back again, and with much love and commentary on the UFC and the MMA world in general, my children. I could give you an essay on why MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) is a legitimate sport that belongs on network TV (something that, among others, Blog-hater Tony Kornheiser has questioned) but instead I will simply say this: if you like boxing and for some reason you have rationalized the idea that boxing is higher on the intellectual spectrum than the UFC: you are a moron. Tony's explanation was that "You can win a boxing match by being a better boxer, and in MMA you can't do that, you just have to beat the hell out of the other guy."

...
...
...

Okay Tony. So somehow you can prove you are a better boxer without throwing a punch? Or maybe you're saying that boxers can fight with their minds. Honestly, it sounds like Kornheiser isn't even aware that there are judges decisions in MMA. Or that the participants fight for substantially less time than boxers. Or that there have been more boxing related deaths than MMA related deaths. Or that just walking into the octagon with a strategy of "punch and kick opponent" will get you beaten like a naughty puppet. Honestly, Tony, watch a fucking match before you open your mouth.


Disregarding logic and making money for it since 1948

ON TO MMA NEWS: Elite XC on CBS was awful. The first two fights looked like 12 year old school fights, the women's match looked like rock 'em sock 'em robots (They knew three moves each: Carano used a straight kick, a left hook, and a right jab, and her opponent used a high kick and two jabs), the best fighter (maybe the ONLY good fighter in Elite XC) Robbie Lawler seemed so frightened by the crowd and the TV viewers that he refused to take the fight to the ground and managed to almost get beaten before the first (and not last) very suspicious stoppage gave him the win, and Kimbo Slice looked absolutely heinous before the referee (with a fat stack of $100 bills in his pocket) stopped the fight. I hope the people who watched heard the announcers (and the rest of the media) saying how the UFC had much better fighters and fights, because this event left such a bad taste in my mouth I vomited like I was possessed by Satan.


That corn beef did not sit well with the Lord of Darkness

Matt Hughes is old and it showed yesterday at UFC 85. He also looked bored, like he didn't really have any interest in fighting Thiago, mainly because the only person he wants to beat up on the planet right now is Matt Serra. Not to take anything away from Thiago Alves, but Matt Hughes looked just like Chuck Liddell did versus Keith Jardine: he just didn't care.

Rumors are fun, and there is a big, juicy, prime rib rumor floating around on the internet, courtesy of Dana White, the outspoken(almost to a fault) president of the UFC. ZE QUOTE!:

“There’s something no one else has heard. You have no idea some of the stuff that we have planned. I’m going to make an announcement next week that is going to blow people’s minds. That deal is done, but my employees don’t even know yet. I’m renting out a place next Thursday and I’m going to tell them. Then we’ll make the announcement later that day. It’s an indicator of where this business is going over the next five years.”

if that doesn't generate excitement in a very Dana-like way then perhaps you need to lay off the weed, Snoop. In other places in the rumor he already said that Chuck Liddell (#3 Light Heavyweight in the world-MMAweekly.com) will fight Mauricio "Shogun" Rua (#2 Light Heavyweight in the world-MMAweekly.com) in Atlanta at UFC 88, and that multiple big announcements will be made. The most agreed upon rumors out there (however much you want to trust them) are:



1-- The UFC has signed a deal to air their events on either ABC/ESPN/Cthulucorp OR Fox. This would make sense if the thing he said about the announcement being -"an indicator of where this business is going over the next five years.”- is true.

2-- Anderson "The Spider" Silva is moving to the Light Heavyweight division. This has been almost confirmed, and considering the lack of talent in the middleweight division right now it wouldn't be any surprise. Of course, when you're the best fighter on the planet (and the fusion of Bruce Lee, Tony Jaa, a velociraptor, and a tornado) it's always gonna be hard to find good competition.

3-- Affliction's new promotion and with it, the #1 Heavyweight in the world and current holder of a 23 match win streak, Fedor "The Last Emperor" Emelianenko, has signed a deal to co-promote and share fighters with the UFC (which more than likely means Affliction will be consumed by the UFC and will become a major advertising partner. Think every fighter gets a shirt.) and that the UFC is bringing back weight class-tournaments. Personally, I've been clamoring for tournaments to make a comeback for years and I would love to see this happen. Also, as an owner of 13 Affliction shirts, I'd love to see 'em connected to the UFC once again.

4-- Nike/Adidas has signed on to make official UFC gear, including designing "jerseys" for UFC fighters. This is the least founded and mostfar-stretched rumor, especially if the above rumor is true, but it is a possibility.

As to the validity of these rumors, you can take 'em or leave 'em. If any of these things happen,I'll be happy. If more than two of these things happen I'll need a clean change of underwear. Stay tuned and check out UFC.com on June 12th to see what happens.



PREDICTIONS for what's next in the UFC:

- The winner of the UFC 86 fight between Quinton "Rampage" Jackson and Forrest Griffin will fight the winner of a UFC 88 matchup between Chuck Liddell and Mauricio Rua. Too many good storylines here for it to be otherwise.

-Anderson Silva's first Light Heavyweight fight will be against either Wanderlei Silva or Lyoto Machida and if he wins that his next fight will be a title shot.

-Georges St. Pierre will win his next three matches over Jon Fitch, Josh Koscheck, and B.J. Penn in order.

-Brock Lesnar will show his determination by shocking a cocky Heath Herring at UFC 87.


Expect more from Myself and Red for a good long time. No school+hard labor=unwinding by ranting on the interwebs.