NFL Power Rankings

1. (4-0) New Orleans Saints

2. (5-0) Indianapolis Colts

3. (5-0) Minnesota Vikings

4. (5-0) New York Giants

5. (4-1) Cincinnati Bengals

6. (5-0) Denver Broncos

-These teams are unquestionably at the top of the league right now. I still think the Vikings and Broncos will fall quickly, but to this point you can't argue with undefeated records and the teams that Cincinnati has beaten. (and Cinci is above Denver because that was a goddamned fluke).

7. (3-1) Chicago Bears

8. (3-1) Atlanta Falcons

9. (3-2) New York Jets

10. (3-2) New England Patriots

11. (3-2) Baltimore Ravens

12. (3-1) Philadelphia Eagles

-Before I get ripped for being a homer consider the teams who you would put ahead of the Bears. Atlanta had a great win last week but they totally melted against a New England team who has lost twice already and has yet to look great in any game. The Ravens have had a couple of tough losses, but losing to New England means that, with the same record, they have to be below them. And the Eagles haven't proven shit yet, so I'm waiting for them to actually play a tough opponent and win.

13. (3-2) San Francisco 49ers

14. (3-2) Pittsburgh Steelers

15. (2-2) Arizona Cardinals

16. (2-2) San Diego Chargers

17. (2-3) Miami Dolphins

18. (3-2) Dallas Cowboys

19. (2-2) Green Bay Packers

-This is where things get tricky. The 49ers and Steelers are headed in opposite directions but I think the margin of loss against Atlanta was more fluky than the Steelers almost losing to everybody. The Cardinals and Chargers are pretty much the same team at this point. Mediocre even though they have loads of talent. The Dolphins have finally kicked it into gear, but I can't move them up higher at 2-3. The Cowboys and Packers are both good teams with bad parts that are going to cost them lots of games.

20. (2-3) Seattle Seahawks

21. (2-3) Jacksonville Jaguars

22. (2-3) Houston Texans

23. (1-3) Carolina Panthers

24. (2-3) Washington Redskins

25. (1-4) Detroit Lions

-These teams all have something in common. They suck, but they've managed to suck less than the bottom of the league. None of these guys will contend for anything.

26. (0-5) Tennessee Titans

27. (0-5) Tampa Bay Buccaneers

28. (0-5) Kansas City Chiefs

29. (1-4) Cleveland Browns

30. (1-4) Buffalo Bills

31. (1-4) Oakland Raiders

32. (0-5) St. Louis Rams

The Titans... oh the Titans. What the hell happened? Tampa Bay and Kansas City both have enough pieces to have a 7-9 season, so I don't think they belong with the bottom 4. Speaking of which, the Browns have managed to be ranked above 3 other teams, which says nothing about Cleveland and EVERYTHING about how godawful Buffalo, Oakland, and St. Louis are. I really think Oakland is the worst team in the NFL but until the Rams win, they get the bottom spot.

The UFL...Actually Not That Terrible.

The next Tommy Maddox?

If you were one of those people back in 2001 who, like me, were excited about the start of the XFL, you probably remember the crippling disappointment that came from the truly awful quality of play by everyone not named Tommy Maddox. The low scoring and ineptitude, in my opinion, contributed more to the downfall of that league than anything else. So, when I tuned into the UFL opener, with the Las Vegas Locomotives and the California Redwoods squaring off in Vegas, I was fully expecting more incompletions and god awful play than a Tuesday night game between Louisiana Lafayette and North Texas.

Instead, I was pleasantly surprised with how enjoyable the game, which Las Vegas won 30-17, actually was. Former 1st round pick and Bills quarterback JP Losman had a stellar game, going 21 of 31 for 226 yds, 2tds, and a 110.4 rating, and his counterpart, former University of Kentucky quarterback Shane Boyd, made some nice plays with his arm and his leg. It was also interesting to see some aging ex-NFLers like former Cardinals runningback Marcell Shipp and former Bears safety Tony Parrish get some playing time. Hell,the Las Vegas kicker even made a 53 yard field goal.

Honestly, I really think the UFL could achieve its stated goal of becoming a developmental league for the NFL. With former NFL coaches and a decent level of competition, the veterans and rookies that participate in the UFL have to be in better game shape by the end of their season in November than they would be coming in off the street. If an NFL team worn down by injuries needs a few players to fill out the roster for the stretch run, who's to say the UFL isn't the best place to find them? A guy like Losman, with NFL talent and a live arm, who has been in competitive shape, will probably make a better option for a team suffering from injuries or ineffectiveness at the quarterback position than a simple street free agent. I fully support the UFL, and I hope it lasts.

Week 5 NFL Picks

Onto the NFL Picks (also, God damn do I hate the bye week, oh well, at least I have the debut of UFL football tonight):

(0-4) Cleveland @ (1-3) Buffalo

Code Red: Buffalo. And please god throw TO the ball. My fantasy team NEEDS THIS.

Iggins!: Cleveland showed signs of a pulse last week, and the Bills are in meltdown mode, but I still can’t bring myself to pick Cleveland. Buffalo wins.

(2-2) Dallas @ (0-4) Kansas City

Iggins!: I’m way ahead of Red so far so I can go with my gut and pick the Chiefs here, which will result in the explosion of Jerry Jones like Ted on Heroes. Kansas City wins.

Code Red: Your gut has let you down sir. I suggest you punish it by eating a 1,000 Baconators. Dallas wins.

(4-0) Minnesota @ (0-4) St. Louis

Code Red: Yeah, St. Louis doesn’t stand a chance. Minnesota.

Iggins!: God I hate Minnesota, but there is no way they lose this game. Minnesota wins.

(1-3) Oakland @ (4-0) NY Giants

Iggins!: The Raiders are a disaster, and the fact that they won a game shocks and appalls me. NY Giants win.

Code Red: I actually spent most of my afternoon arguing whether JaMarcus Russell has a shot at supplanting Ryan Leaf as the greatest QB bust of all time. What does that tell you? Giants win.

(0-4) Tampa Bay @ (2-1) Philadelphia

Code Red: Eagles. Holy shit Tampa is awful. I used to think Jon Gruden was a terrible coach, but now I must commend him for getting 9 wins out of this franchise last year. Then I take away that commendation for the fellatio he performed on Favre during MNF. “OMG, Did I show you guys my Brett Favre practice footage from 1992?? I KNEW HIM WHEN!” Eagles Win.

Iggins!: That’s enough words spent on Tampa for the year. Eagles win.

(2-2) Pittsburgh @ (1-3) Detroit
Iggins!: The Lions look better than the bottom tier of the NFL. But not by THAT much. Pittsburgh wins.

Code Red: Someday the Lions will be good. Not this week, though. Pittsburgh wins.

(2-2) Washington @ (0-3) Carolina

Code Red: Carolina will win, because Williams and Stewart will rush against a weak Washington run defense, but Campbell will throw for plenty of yards, because all three of those events will benefit my fantasy team. Carolina.

Iggins!: I don’t think they’ll win for quite those reasons, but Washington is way worse than 2-2. Carolina wins.

(3-1) Cincinnati @ (3-1) Baltimore

Iggins!: The Bengals are good, but the Ravens defense won’t allow a comeback like they got against Pittsburgh, and it won’t let them dick around like they did against Cleveland. Ravens win.

Code Red: If the Ravens had won in New England, I’d have picked the Bengals for the upset win over the undefeated team. Alas, they did not, and the Ravens will be mad and at home. Ravens win.

(2-1) Atlanta @ (3-1) San Francisco

Code Red: This will be a good game, but Atlanta has the offense necessary to pull this one out. Falcons win, setting up an awesome Sunday Night game between two 3-1 teams when they meet the Bears on October 18th.

Iggins!: I am picking the Falcons to win because if they lose, the Bears won’t be able to beat a very angry and wounded Atlanta team in Atlanta. Falcons win.

(2-2) Jacksonville @ (1-3) Seattle

Iggins!: The most impressive thing about the Jaguars beating Tennessee is they barely ran the ball at all. Maybe they’ve turned a corner. Jacksonville wins.

Code Red: I don’t know that they’ve turned the corner. I think Tennessee just turned the corner from “good team off to a bad start” to “maybe just a bad team.” Still, I think the Seahawks aren’t very good either. Jacksonville wins.

(2-2) Houston @ (1-2) Arizona

Code Red: Oh good, two maddeningly inconsistent teams with high powered offense that can explode at any time. I guess Houston, just because that’s the team I Want to win?

Iggins!: I wish Houston would win, but their defense is terrible and Arizona is at home. Arizona wins.

(3-1) New England @ (4-0) Denver

Iggins!: Crap. Now I have to listen to some ESPN shlock about the master and the student. If Denver wins I have to acknowledge them, and I can’t have that, so New England wins.

Code Red: I’ve already acknowledged the Broncos as being a better team than I expected. But I expected 5-11. 8-8 or 9-7 seems about right. New England will be better than that. New England wins.

(4-0) Indianapolis @ (0-4) Tennessee

Code Red: Well this is easy. Colts win, Vince Young gets to play, and I can get even more evidence to crush Iggins! one time hope that he’d be a great NFL quarterback.

Iggins!: Tennessee really DOES suck. Huh. Colts win.

(3-1) NY Jets @ (1-3) Miami

Iggins!: That was a nice game for the Dolphins last week but it only proved that they’ve become one dimensional with Henne, and the Jets can take that away. NY Jets win.

Code Red: Henne and the university that shat him out both suck. Jets win.

Week 6 NCAA Picks

After last weekend's disaster I had fallen 5 games back of Iggins! in our combined NCAA and NFL predictions, but fortunately I was able to rebound with a 16-8 effort (9-5 NFL, 7-3 NCAA), which overcame Iggins! 14-10 ( NFL 10-4, 4-6 NCAA) week to cut my deficit to just three games. The combined standings after two weeks:

Iggins!: 31-18 (NFL 21-8, NCAA 10-10)
Code Red: 28-21 (NFL 16-13, NCAA 12-8)

Here are our NCAA picks for this week (NFL to come tomorrow):

#21 Nebraska @ #24 Missouri

Iggins!: Watching Big 12 North teams play each-other is a lot like watching Debbie Does Dallas. Even if you win, you’re still gonna get fucked by Texas. Missouri wins.

Code Red: Damn. That’s a good line. Damn fine line indeed. Mizzou is a good team, as is Nebraska, and they looked tough against Virginia Tech. I’m going to ahead and do this for argument’s sake. Nebraska wins.

#3 Alabama @ #20 Ole Miss

Code Red: Jevan Snead is an enigma. EDSBS uses the Favre comparison, I use the Grossman. Both SEC players, both were fairly inaccurate college passers, both agree that ball security is for women. He could go off on Alabama for 400 yds and 4 tds and I wouldn’t bat an eye, but I think Saban will manage to get to the gunslinger in him. Alabama wins.

Iggins!: I don’t believe you, Ole Miss. Alabama wins.

#13 Oregon @ UCLA

Iggins!: I have a feeling I’m going to wish I picked UCLA, but Oregon has been crushing teams left and right. Oregon wins.

Code Red: Oregon’s back with a vengeance. They’re just punching opponents left and right. Oregon wins.

#17 Auburn @ Arkansas

Code Red: Auburn is 5-0 and their offensive turnaround has been remarkable, but Arkansas and Ryan Mallet are ready to upset someone and are probably still smarting over the beatdown Alabama gave them a few weeks ago. Arkansas wins.

Iggins!: Auburn is legitimately good which makes you wonder; since Gene Chizik is enjoying this much success at Auburn and he failed miserably at Iowa State, does that mean Iowa State is the worst program in the nation right now, all things considered? Auburn wins.

Stanford @ Oregon State

Iggins!: Interesting fact, Oregon State is unbeaten on the road, and 1-2 at home. I love Harbaugh but I don’t think they can make OSU 1-3 at home. Oregon State wins.

Code Red: Argument’s sake. Stanford.

#10 TCU @ Air Force

Iggins!: TCU should be nowhere near #10, and unfortunately they only play one ranked team this year (BYU) so nobody will know until bowl season. Unless Air Force takes this one. Air Force wins.

Code Red: Good luck with that. TCU wins.

#1 Florida @ #4 LSU

Code Red: If Tebow were 100% this one’s an easy call. But it looks like Jeff Brantley will get the start. Hmm. Logic says go with LSU. I’ll stick with Florida.

Iggins!: I still don’t think LSU is great, and they would have lost if not for perhaps the worst excessive celebration call ever. Florida is one of only 3 teams in the nation who deserves a shot at the title under any circumstance. Florida wins.

Michigan @ #12 Iowa

Iggins!: Michigan finally paid for starting slow and coming back late last week, and the close call against Arkansas State means nothing: at this point Iowa is 2002 OSU. They almost lose every game but just keep on winning. The real problem game is at Michigan State a couple weeks down the road. Iowa wins.

Code Red: I’m not seeing anyone on Iowa’s offense as dynamic as Maurice Clarrett. I hate to pick against Iowa, because they typically burn me, and I’m really convinced they are a great team, but I feel like if they’re going to lose one, it’ll either be here or against Ohio State. I’ll go ahead and start here. Michigan Wins.

#22 Georgia Tech @ Florida State

Code Red: Florida State could rally around their embattled coach, help salvage his legacy and come out firing in order to defeat the triple option. It won’t though. Georgia Tech Wins.

Iggins!: An ACC team is ranked in the 20s and is playing away from home at an unranked ACC team who isn’t Duke? I take Florida State.

Arizona @ Washington

Iggins!: Washington has taken some tough losses (LSU, @Stanford, @Notre Dame) so it’s hard to tell if the USC game was a fluke just yet. I think this will prove it. Arizona wins.

Code Red: Iggins! only wants Arizona to win in order to justify Iowa’s win over Arizona as legitimate. Washington Wins.

College Football Rankings, Week 6.

Just like last week I'm not going to do a recap of every game involving the Top 25, especially since half of them were idle, but here's just a few of the games that surprised me-

#9 USC 30, #25 Cal 3
Holy shit, Cal. I had you picked to win the Pac 10 and you've been outscored 72-6 the last two weeks by the two teams you needed to beat to do it. Farewell from my rankings.

Michigan State 26, #21 Michigan 20
Michigan State proves that it will forever remain an inexplicably erratic and dangerous football team.

UTEP 58, #22 Houston 41
The same UTEP that just got destroyed 64-7 by Texas tore up the Houston team that had torn up Oklahoma State. Chaos, I would say, except this leads to less chaos by eliminating the chance of Houston being a BCS buster.

#7 LSU 20, Georgia 13
I OWNED YOUR SHIT, IGGINS!

#24 Miami 21, #5 Oklahoma 20
EXCEPT HERE.

Anywho, onto the new rankings-

#1 Florida (-) No change for the Idle, but there's a very good chance they'll be without Tebow against LSU, which could make that game very, very interesting.
#2 Texas (-) Also Idle.
#3 Alabama (-) They whomped on Kentucky, but that doesn't mean what it meant two years ago.
#4 Boise State (-) A win over UC Davis keeps them on track for BCS bustin'
#5 LSU (+2) WHAT? WHAT NOW MOTHER F*&KER?
#6 Ohio State (-) On they roll to a Big Ten title and a disheartening BCS loss.
#7 Virginia Tech (+1) Meh, it was natural for them to come out a little slow against Duke after last week's big win over Miami.
#8 USC (+1) Officially back on track. They take on Oregon on Halloween. I'll be watching.
#9 Oklahoma State (+1) Idle.
#10 Cincinnati (+1) Sigh, I kept the Big East out of the top ten as long as I could.
#11 TCU (+3) Moved up three spaces for an awesome mascot and a 39-14 drubbing of SMU.
#12 Iowa (+3) Don't be fooled by the mere 3 point win over lowly Arkansas State. Kirk Ferentz is just doing what he does best- Sucking the life out of every football game he touches. You think people enjoy watching Iowa football? Even Iggins!? No, they don't. They watch in agonized pain as their team eliminates the very concept of offense and then slugs it out with whoever's on the other side. Its slow, its painful, and god f&%king damnit, it works. Plus I wanted to move them above Penn State.
#13 Georgia Tech (+3) INSULT THE TRIPLE OPTION AGAIN, IGGINS! WATCH AS IT CRUSHES ALL WHO OPPOSE IT (Except for Miami...and most likely Virginia Tech)
#14 Miami (+10) This is a comfortable spot for them after an impressive win against Oklahoma.
#15 Penn State (-3) Dropped three places due to the Hate Clause after they raped Illinois while I was there to witness it live. Thanks for ruining Juice William's career, guys. (Kidding of course, Ron Zook is solely to blame for that).
#16 Oklahoma (-11) Sam Bradford's soon to return, and maybe in time to save their BCS chances, although their national championship hopes are now out the window.
#17 Ole Miss (-4) I dropped them four spots because A) Jevan Snead (or as I call him, Baby Rex), threw 3 interceptions (and 3 tds) against Vandy, and because putting them at #13 last week was a total accident. Honestly, I thought I had them at #17.
#18 Oregon (-) No change, since 52-3 against Washington State should just be expected.
#19 Kansas (-) Idle.
#20 Nebraska (-) Idle.
#21 Missouri (+2) Idle.
#22 Auburn (NR) They're 5-0, which is very surprising. They're also scoring 41.4 ppg, astonishing given last year's average of 17.3 ppg. Welcome to the Top 25.
#23 BYU (NR) They've rebounded with two straight wins after the Florida State debacle, but the true test will be their game against TCU on October 24th.
#24 South Florida (NR) Why the hell not? You try filling out a Top 25. It's slim pickins', and I'm not buying into Notre Dame.
#25 Stanford (NR) Jim Harbaugh's get it for being 4-1 and because I love Jim Harbaugh.

Time to Talk About the Patron Saint..

Thank you, Kissing Suzy Kolber. Thank you so much.

On April 2nd, the day Jay Cutler and Kyle Orton switched teams, I said the following:

"In all honesty, Jay Cutler is probably as talented as a quarterback gets. Kyle most certainly is not. Cutler has the arm strength and mobility that Kyle will never have. While Jay's maturity is no doubt in question, this was the right move for the Bears. I hope Kyle finds a niche for himself in Denver. I'm sure with Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal catching his passes he'll probably put up great numbers, and hell, if Josh McDaniel's offense could make Matt Cassel look good, I'm sure Kyle will look like Steve Young."

I really meant that at the time. Over the summer the constant Bronco fan bashing of Cutler and the few meathead Bears fans who insist on comparing the two after every pass drove me to the point where I just wanted the Broncos to lose. I apologize for this. Kyle Orton is still our hero, and it's time I go back to being the bigger man and coming out and saying:

Go Broncos. I hate Josh McDaniels and his godawful smarmy, snarky little face. But his system works, and it is the PERFECT system for Kyle. Any meathead moron who thinks that Cutler and Orton's numbers would be the same as they are if they were still on the same teams they were last year is a moron. The Coryell offense that Turner runs thrives on having a strong armed passer. McDaniel's offense works with a quarterback who can manage the short and intermediate passing game without making mistakes. Kyle's done that so far, with a 97. 7 rating, and as I said before, if that hack Matt Cassell can do it, Kyle can too. Yes, the lucky pass to Stokely has inflated those numbers, but one stat doesn't lie- 0 interceptions on 117 attempts. Even without the Stokely fluke he'd have a 91.8 rating.

The Broncos defense is actually legitimate thanks to upgrading with Brian Dawkins and rookie Robert Ayers and the addition of Mike Nolan, and while the Broncos will struggle to score points at time, they have the same recipe that helped the Bears win when Orton was at the helm. Next week against the Patriots will be a tough test, as Orton still struggles to get the ball to his receivers (he was just 7-16 when targeting wideouts, and 13-13 when targeting backs or tight ends), and Belichick knows that offense well enough to know what to take away. If Orton and the Broncos make it through that, everyone should be impressed.

I don't need to succumb to flame wars with Broncos or Bears meatheads who'll come screaming everytime Cutler throws an interception. Cutler is 3-1 and giving Chicago everything we hoped he'd give them. Orton is 4-0 (though yes, he should be 3-1) and he's shutting up the Broncos fans who acted like he was the world's worst quarterback.

Kyle, forgive me. I still love you. Sometimes both teams win a trade.

Awful Secondary+Great Pass Rush+Run Game??+Johnny Knox=24 Point Blowout?

I like the killer instinct, Walleye, but Tommie is on Your team. Heel, heel!

The good from yesterday's game:

-Matt Forte. Thom Brennaman will go on a rant about how "deceiving" his stats were yesterday, but who the hell cares? The fact that he gained 98 yards on 2 carries and 23 yards on the other 10 doesn't somehow make the 98 yards not count. They both led to touchdowns for the offense. Give me a runningback worth 14 points a game and I'll take it every time.

-The offensive line. I'll go ahead and put you big fellas in the positive for once. They opened up two holes to spring Forte, and that was enough. Cutler had plenty of time to pass, although his accuracy was a bit off and the receivers struggled to get open downfield once Hester went out. The two sacks the line did give up were coverage sacks, so I'll let them slip the blame.

-Johnny Knox, Earl Bennett, and the punt/kickoff return teams- Holy shit, nice job. The blocking was absolutely outstanding, and even with Hester out the team gained 277 total return yards. That's outstanding. Shirtless man hugs for all.

-Jay Cutler. He was off a bit yesterday, and I think he'd tell you that. But he was mistake free and made the big play when it counted, with two touchdown passes (why hasn't anyone figured out the play action pass to Olsen in the endzone on 4th and goal? The Bears have scored like 1,000 touchdowns on that play since 2005. Hell, of Orton's 9 touchdown passes his rookie year, half of them were probably that exact play to either Desmond Clark or Marc Edwards). Also impressive, as the game recap on Chicago Bears.com points out, Cutler is the first Bears quarterback since the NFL merger in 1970 to post a rating of 100 or more in three straight games. Of course, the website is wrong, because he's the second, since Jim McMahon did it in 1984. My point being, of course, that I know everything, and Jay Cutler is really fucking good.

-The defensive line, and, by extension, Rod Marinelli. If anyone needed proof of how important Marinelli has become to this year's team, note the first half of yesterday's game. The defensive line struggled to pressure Stafford as he was sacked only once in the first half, and he ripped the secondary a new one, going 14-23 for 221 yds and a TD. In the second half the team went ballistic and sacked Stafford 4 times and held him to 10-13 for 75 yards before knocking him out of the game. Hell, Tommie Harris even registered an interception. The defensive line play has been nothing short of outstanding this year, and it's the one thing other than Lance Briggs that's keeping this defense respectable.

-Robbie Gould- way to drill your first career 50+ yard field goal, buddy. We're all proud of you.

The Bad-

-The secondary. Guh. From Afalava jumping offsides to give Detroit second life after the defense had held them to a field goal to Calvin Johnson just doing whatever the hell he felt like doing out there until he'd racked up 133 yards receiving, this was just an awful performance by the secondary, and there's not much else to say. Continue to pray that Marinelli manages to figure out how to rush the passer every week or it'll just be a repeat of last year's defense all over again.

-Thom Brennaman and Brian Billick. Those guys just annoyed the shit out of me, and I don't think I was alone. From the always renowned and revered Desipio.com-

"The announcers are our old pal tHom Brennaman and the always full of himself Brian Billick. The windows are off their press box booth to accommodate both egos. Not that they aren’t deserved. Billick has won a Super Bowl as a head coach, Brennaman has…um…well, his daddy got him a broadcasting job.

Billick says the Bears are “deficient” in the linebacking corps, then says, “I don’t mean deficient, I just mean they don’t have a lot of starters there.” No, you meant deficient."

The list goes on and on, but there were also frequent references to Billick's refusal to pronounce the r in Pettigrew, and the "l" in familiarity.

Either way, it was nice to the Bears come out in the second half and play like the superior team. The bye week comes at the perfect time with Hester and Knox dinged up, Forte battling a sore knee, Tinoisamoa and Hillenmeyer on their way back from injuries, Desmond Clark still dealing with a broken rib, Alex Brown still fighting an ankle injury, Charles Tillman's pride deeply wounded by Calvin Johnson, and Jay Cutler's back hurting from carrying the offense against Pittsburgh and Seattle. Everyone should be nice and healed up in time to take down the Falcons in Atlanta.

Go Bears.

The War Room: LSU @ Georgia

As part of a new segment, The War Room, Red and I will be arguing about different subjects that we disagree on in the sports world. And when we disagree, we don't talk it out over tea. Generally someone gets strangled. This week in the NCAA we hate each other because of the LSU vs. Georgia game.

Code Red:

LSU vs. Georgia. Jordan Jefferson has improved big time from last year, giving them a passing game, they are far more talented than Georgia, the near upset by Mississippi state means nothing, since Mississippi State has a penchant for upsetting SEC teams every year, hell, they used to call it getting "Croom'd" before he was fired.

Iggins!:

You are picking LSU based on an ignorant poll system set up before the year. LSU has played 3 shitty teams and almost lost to a bad team. It was not a fluke. If you watched even one of their fucking games you would see how shitty their offense is. If you watched a single GEORGIA game you would have seen them put up 41 and 52 on south carolina and arkansas, and beat a good AZ State team. Not to mention in their one loss they played OK State close and held them to 24 points, and one of those tds was at the very end of the game. Georgia: played 4 good teams. LSU: played 0 good teams and has looked mediocre against them all.

Code Red:

If you had watched a single GEORGIA game you'd see that they allowed 37 points to South Carolina and 41 points to Arkansas, while South Carolina failed to score more than 16 points against any other team but Florida fucking Atlantic, and that Arkansas' offense looked completely inept against Alabama. You'd also know that Joe Cox is a weak armed slag with 5 interceptions already who will struggle when LSU's defense is actually capable of taking AJ Green away from him.

Iggins!:

Nobody is capable of taking AJ Green away. You know why Cox has 5 interceptions? Georgia has played good teams! What a novel idea! Georgia is all warmed up and ready. Holy shit, LSU has struggled to score against VANDERBILT! Hasn't the season so far taught you anything about riding an unjustified hype wave?!

Code Red:

This season has taught me that it's smart to play cupcakes early, something Ron Guenther needs to fucking realize. LSU will score against that porous thing Georgia attempts to pass off as a defense, and they will force Cox into more interceptions, damnit.

Iggins!:

You need to play cupcakes if YOU SUCK AND NEED WINS TO GET BOWL ELIGIBLE.

YOU FUCK

also, if I only threw 5 ints against Arkansas, AZ State, South Carolina, and Oklahoma State and I also threw 9 tds against them I'd be pretty fucking pleased. We can’t all be Colt McCoy.

Code Red:

We shall see, Oh King of the Slapdicks.

Rick Morrissey Somehow Does a 180, Spins from Pure Stupidity to....Pure Stupidity

Shall we recap our friend Rick's summer and his comments about Cutler and the hype surrounding him?

From July 27th:

When one of his receivers, What's His Name, drops an easy pass for the fifth straight game, yeah, I think there's a possibility Cutler will wonder why he left Eddie Royal and Brandon Marshall for this. And the chances of some sort of meltdown will increase exponentially.

From August 11th, in an article entitled "Jay Cutler Hype Over the Top":

This is the Summer of Love, or the Summer of Jay, whichever you prefer. I have been in this line of work for more than 25 years and I never have seen anything quite like the ado over the Bears' new quarterback. And I covered John Elway for eight seasons.

Everybody seems to be giddy about Cutler. Radio interviews with him have turned into giggle-fests. Questions to other players about the quarterback start with, "How amazed are you by ..." I wish an athlete just once would respond to that sort of query with, "I'm about a half of 1 percent amazed" or "Not amazed at all; I've seen better."

But if I might be the fly in the Kool-Aid, let's see what this guy can do in, you know, a real game before we crown him the next Peyton Manning.

Unless Cutler cures cancer and gets "Jon & Kate Plus 8" canceled, I don't see how he possibly can live up to the hype.

From September 10th:

Is the galloping optimism warranted? No

To sum up, hope for a Super Bowl appearance centers on two things not involving psychedelics: Cutler being as good as hyped, which might be impossible even if he were Joe Montana in his prime

From September 16th, right after the loss to Green Bay:

By that I mean, who is going to tell him? Who is going to get in Jay Cutler's face and inform him the Green Bay debacle was ridiculous?

The four interceptions in Sunday's opener were a career high, but the poor decision-making and the recklessness were nothing new.

The way the franchise, the fans and the media have built Cutler up has been bewildering. He is not a veteran John Elway, nor even a close approximation right now. Maybe someday. That's a huge "maybe" for any young quarterback.

So what does Morrissey do after two outstanding Cutler games? Does he do what we all desperately want him to do and just shut up? No. He tips the scales all the way in the other direction, surpassing even the greatest stupidity espoused by the thickest meatheads this summer. Morrissey's latest column?

"Is Jay Cutler the second coming of Tom Brady?"

Holy shit, Rick. I didn't expect this kind of hypocritical, half-brained about-face, even from you. You go from hollering that Cutler hasn't proved a damn thing in the NFL to comparing him to a three time Superbowl winner? God damn, you're pathetic. Just read these first two paragraphs

For those of us who are Jay Cutler skeptics, what has opened our eyes the last two weeks has not been his powerful right arm. Everybody knew the guy could throw the ball far.

The surprising thing has been Cutler's ability to make the delicate pass. No one told us a cannon could dispense velvet projectiles. He has been so precise at times you get the feeling he could throw a football through a moving mail slot.

I wonder who would have known that Cutler was accurate. People that watched game film? People that looked up his stat sheet that he'd completed 62.5% of his passes in Denver? People that took an objective look at Cutler, rather than hacks with agendas? And velvet projectiles? What the f*&k? Look what Morrissey has done:

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/09/the-difference-between-jay-cutler-and-tom-brady-one-sulks-the-other-is-a-budding-fashion-icon.html

God damnit, Rick. I'm done wasting time fisking you. You've won. I can no longer keep up with the torrential downpour of verbal diarrhea that pours forth from your articles.

Week 4 NFL Picks

Last week can only be described as a complete ass kicking, punctuated by Red picking the Raiders based on the merits of their offense. (Editors Note, since I can abuse my admin abilities: This is what I said about Oakland: "With that said, Oakland’s defense is legit, and they’ll be able to run the ball against Denver." I was way off anyways, but to you people who can read, on which unit's merit do I appear to have based that pick??) While you attempt to understand how someone who seems so intelligent could have such a complete and total brain fart, enjoy our (mostly) unanimous picks for this week.

Records so far:

Iggins!: 11-4

Code Red: 7-8

(1-2) Detroit @ (2-1) Chicago

Iggins!: Nice job getting a win last week, Detroit. You still suck. Da Bears.

Code Red: Bears. 31-13. But seriously, congrats.

(2-1) Cincinnati @ (0-3) Cleveland

Bengals. Who does Cleveland take with the number one pick? Bradford, who is now an injury concern? Tebow, who may not have a brain left after the beating he took and isn’t yet a fit for a pro style offense? McCoy, who lacks the physical attributes? Jevan Snead, who looks downright Grossmanish? We’ll see.

Iggins!: Hey, you know who picked the Bengals last week? Bengals win.

(1-2) Seattle @ (3-0) Indianapolis

Iggins!: The Colts have the mark of a great team: consistency. They won’t have a letdown game. I don’t think they’re as good as their record will eventually show, but they are good enough to beat Seattle. Colts win.

Code Red: The Colts have the mark of a great team: a great fucking quarterback. So excited to put the Bears in that category too. Colts win.

(3-0) New York Giants @ (0-3) Kansas City Chiefs

Code Red: Giants. Next question?

Iggins!: Wow the Giants get to play a lot of bad teams early on, huh? Giants win.

(3-0) Baltimore @ (2-1) New England

Iggins!: God I hate New England. They don’t look good! How did they beat Atlanta?! I hope God’s linebacker sodomizes Brady. Literally. Ravens win.

Code Red: I also hate New England. But I hate the man who tried to cover up a stabbing and then comports himself as “God’s Linebacker.” He then compared Steve McNair, who was shot and killed by his own mistress, to Jesus at his funeral. God damn I hate Ray Lewis. What am I trying to say? Hell I don’t know. I guess Ravens win, but we all lose.

(0-3) Tampa Bay @ (1-2) Washington

Code Red: (via text message) Fuck. I mean Tampa’s starting Josh Johnson (not Freeman). But Washington just lost to Detroit… Fuuuck. Washington wins.

Iggins!: Double suck! Washington wins.

(0-3) Tennessee @ (1-2) Jacksonville

Iggins!: Wow, the Colts have no competition in their division yet again! Can Tennessee actually manage to go 0-4? I don’t see why not. Jacksonville wins.

Code Red: Despite their win over the enigma that is the Houston Texans, the Jags still blow. The Titans will finally get on the board.

(1-2) Oakland @ (1-2) Houston

Code Red: I made the mistake of picking you once, Oakland, I won’t do it again. The Texans roller coaster ride will head up with a win.

Iggins!: Oakland is awful, and it isn’t anybody’s fault but Al Davis. Texans win.

(3-0) NY Jets @ (3-0) New Orleans

Iggins!: The Jets are winning on gusto and great coaching. The Saints are like a velocinado (velociraptor/tornado). Gusto can’t stop that kind of destruction and mayhem. New Orleans wins.

Code Red: The Saints are good, but they have their weaknesses. They’ve got enough to take down the Rex Ryan hype for a week, however. Saints win.

(1-2) Buffalo @ (0-3) Miami

Code Red: Death isn’t an option? Then I’ll take Buffalo.

Iggins!: I would have picked Miami if Pennington wasn’t gone. Buffalo wins easily.

(0-3) St. Louis @ (2-1) San Francisco

Iggins!: If Brett Favre wouldn’t have completed the luckiest pass in the history of fucking luck, the 49ers would have clinched the West already. And the Ram’s answer is… Kyle Boller? Sigh. 49ers win.

Code Red: The only team that can truly rival Cleveland for the top pick. 49ers win.

(2-1) Dallas @ (3-0) Denver

Code Red: Guh. I picked against Denver last week because of Oakland’s offense. I didn’t factor in JaMarcus Russell’s pitiful regression of despair. Dallas, however, will finally challenge Denver’s defense, and I don’t think Denver will have the offense to keep up. Cowboys win.

Iggins!: You… picked Oakland because of their offense? What the hell is wrong with you? Cowboys win, and finally bring the Broncos back to reality. A cold, 3-5 reality.

(SECOND Editor's Note: Oh, I see what I did there. Yeah, when we were doing the e-mail back and forth composing this, I accidentally typed offense instead of defense. That pick was entirely based on Oakland's fairly good defense. I would never pick Oakland's offense to beat anyone that wasn't Cleveland. Iggins! and I have been on the JaMarcus Russell Sucks bandwagon since his sophomore year of college. HE HAD ONE GOOD BOWL GAME! Either way, the quote from last week came first, and I clearly picked Oakland's defense. So I'm not a moron, more a terrible proofreader.)

(2-1) San Diego @ (1-2) Pittsburgh

Iggins!: Wow, Pittsburgh is 1-2! And the most overrated team for every year each of the past 3 years is 2-1! Let’s even that out. Pittsburgh wins.

Code Red: Pittsburgh will rebound at home. Pittsburgh wins.

(2-1) Green Bay @ (3-0) Minnesota

Code Red: Uggh. I’ll probably watch this one on mute to avoid the Favrellatio. Green Bay wins, because my Favre hate now outstrips my Packer hate now that the two are separated.

Iggins!: The Vikings now start a stretch of games against good teams. They should have lost to the 49ers, and now they WILL lose to Green Bay. Green Bay wins.

Holy Shit! We've Been Doing This For Two Years!

As you can see from the number of fingers Kyle's holding up in celebration on his right hand (the one chucking it's way to a 90.2 rating, however inflated by Brandon Stokely that may be), Start Kyle Orton is officially two years old today. If you choose to look it up, September 30th, 2007 was the first ever start for Brian Griese as a Chicago Bear. There were many reasons I was against Brian Griese from the beginning. I found him erratic and mistake prone as a Bronco, and I felt his weak arm and constant, unnecessary checkdowns were hardly an improvement over Rex Grossman. Hell, as far as I was concerned they were hardly an improvement over Chris Chandler.

In Kyle Orton, the Bears had a guy with solid potential, one who had gotten a great deal of experience as a rookie, and had a chance to sit and learn his second year. He had a stronger arm and better mobility than Griese, and his facial hair was second to none. I had finally been convinced of the rationality that Rex Grossman was no longer going to pan out. I had a brief hope, later in the year, when Rex got back in and played effectively, that maybe he could be the guy, but throughout my hope was that the Bears would at least settle on Orton, and not Griese, as the right alternative. During the last three games of the 2007 season, Kyle was given his chance, and went 2-1, making him the only one of the three starters that year to have a winning record (Griese was 3-3, Rex was 2-5). Before the 2008 season, Kyle won the job at starting quarterback, and he gave us hope during the first half that he was finally the answer. Then came his ankle injury and a second half slump that contributed to the Bears missing the playoffs. The year left us with a sick feeling in our stomachs.

I needn't really recount what has transpired since the April trade that took our hero away from us. Those people expecting us to put our love of the Neckbearded One above our love of the team (and thus preventing us from realizing that Jay Cutler is much, much better) were disappointed. But even though Jay Cutler is now our quarterback, Kyle Orton remains as important to us as ever. He's a friend, a companion, a spiritual guide if you will. He encourages us to be merry and drink to our heart's content, but to avoid mistakes and never push things too far, be it by trying to down the entire bottle or attempting to complete a pass downfield. He teaches us that patience is a virtue, even when the two guys taking the job you desperately want are a midget who spends most of his time pissing on himself and an old guy who seems to forget that 3rd and 5 means you should throw the ball at least five yards if you'd like to pick up a first down. Most of all, he teaches us love. For football, for life, and for whiskey.

So in conclusion, it's been a fun two years full of rants, raves, and a roller coaster ride with the career of our patron saint. We promise to keep it coming, and hope you'll all keep reading. Here's to two more years, at least.

Week 5 NCAA picks

The records after one week are:

Code Red: 5-5

Iggins!: 6-4

I take the victory last week based on my homer pick of Iowa over PSU and the incredibly strange reverse pick of TCU over Clemson. On to week two!

#4 LSU @ #18 Georgia

Iggins!: LSU has struggled against some lesser competition, and Georgia has played four top level teams so far, beating three of them, and only losing barely to a very good OK State team. LSU is ranked this high based on prestige, goodbye to another top 5 team. Georgia wins.

Code Red: LSU has a defense, something Georgia is lacking. Also, Joe Cox just isn’t a good quarterback, even though AJ Green consistently saves his ass. LSU wins.

#22 Michigan @ Michigan State

Code Red: I had deluded myself into thinking that maybe Michigan would be down for a few years under Rich Rod, but alas, it is not so. Michigan.

Iggins!: This is tough. Michigan is showing off their flaws. They have a subpar defense and can be easily gameplanned for, which means lesser competition can make games closer than they should be. But I have no faith in Michigan State winning a close game. Michigan wins.

Washington @ Notre Dame

Iggins!: Notre Dame may not be a BCS worthy team any OTHER year, but with the mess going on right now I bet they’re good enough to get one. Notre Dame wins. (and they’ll beat USC too).

Code Red: The BCS? Nay, I say. But they’ll beat Washington, although my West Coast Tebow, Jake Locker, will have a good game. Notre Dame wins.

Florida State @ Boston College

Code Red: Guh. Why the hell does this game deserve the Gameday Crew? Couldn’t have anything to do with ESPN having an affinity for Boston, could it? Florida State will win, but damned if I give a fuck about it.

Iggins!: Did you just suggest that ESPN sends College Gameday only to places that upper management at ESPN has a vested interest in?! Shocking! FSU is wildly inconsistent, and BC sucks wildly. So I choose FSU for the win.

Oregon State @ AZ State

Iggins!: Oregon State happily made Iowa’s win over Arizona look better last week. It’s impossible to tell if either of these teams is good yet… but I don’t see OSU going 2-3. Oregon State wins.

Code Red: Hmm…hard to say here. Flipping coin- Oregon State wins.

#25 Georgia Tech @ Mississippi State

Code Red: Mississippi State nearly upset LSU, but it will not upset the wishbone! Georgia Tech wins.

Iggins!: Your love of that stupid formation will be your downfall, my friend, for this ACC team is ranked, and because this is the way it is, they must lose. Mississippi State wins.

#7 USC @ #24 California

Iggins!: Here is my basic theory: College football this year has one really good team (Florida) and the next 35 teams are a clusterfuck. Both Cal AND USC are overrated, but USC is somehow still ranked #7, whereas Cal has fallen to a ranking that fits them. Cal will put ‘em in their rightful place. Cal wins.

Code Red: Meh. USC should probably roll off another 10-11 win season from here out. USC wins.

#8 Oklahoma @ #17 Miami FL

Code Red: This one’s tough. I really liked Miami before their loss to VT (even though I picked VT), and I still think they are a talented team with a great young quarterback. Oklahoma has rallied under back up quarterback Landry Jones, and they may even have Chad Bradford back. I just think they’re too talented to lose this game. Oklahoma wins.

Iggins!: Home field advantage is huge here. No way Miami loses. Miami wins.

Washington State @ #16 Oregon

Iggins!: The rest of these games are hard to pick so I figured me and Red needed an easy one. Oregon wins.

Code Red: Oregon.

Wisconsin @ Minnesota

Code Red: Christ, the Big Ten sucks. Wisconsin?

Iggins!: Wisconsin is another team that needs to get a loss, and Minnesota is on their level. Plus, this is a rivalry and Minnesota has a new stadium. Minnesota wins.