Non Roster Invitees

God Damn I'm Ready for Baseball Season

Non Roster Invitees. Every year each team releases a list of players who'll head to spring training in hopes of making the big league club. Some are young prospects with little chance of breaking camp with the parent team who are just in to face some live major league pitching, while others are fading veterans hoping for one more chance at sticking around in the show. Some notable non-roster invitees for the Cubs over the years have been Scott McClain, the AAA and Japanese League Babe Ruth who wowed us in the spring of '04 and '05 and dominated pitching at Iowa, Marquis Grissom in 2006, who terrified us with the prospect of getting at least 300 AB's under Dusty's leadership before mercifully retiring, and Shingo Takatsu last year, who should have been an omen that the Cubs can't judge Japanese talent, and Alex Cintron, who gave us all a preview of Ronny Cedeno's future. Today the Cubs released the names of 21 of their invitees, and since we don't want you spending all spring going "who the f&%k is that guy?" here's your introduction to all 21!

The Pitchers:

Edward Campusano, Age 26
Height: 6'4'' Weight: 175
Bats: Left Throws: Left

Ed Campusano first signed with the Cubs in 2002 and has languished in the minors ever since. Ed's one chance at making the big leagues came when he was snapped up by the Tigers in the Rule V Draft in 2007, but he blew his arm out before the season and was sold back to the Cubs, where he spent the entire season on the DL. Last year Campusano split time between the Class A Daytona Cubs and the AA Tennessee Smokies, where he went 5-3 with a 4.98 ERA in 43 games, all in relief.

Esmailin Caridad, Age 25
Height: 5'10'' Weight: 195
Bats: Right Throws: Right

A prospect from the Dominican Republic who signed with the Cubs after spending a few years in developmental leagues in Japan, Esmailin impressed in his first year as a starter in American professional baseball. In 28 games (27 starts) for Daytona and Tennessee, Caridad was 13-7 with a 3.73 ERA, and a 1.11 WHIP. He bears watching this spring, mostly since our farm system is nearly devoid of talent.

Andrew Cashner, age 22
Height: 6'6'' Weight: 185
Bats: Right Throws Right

Cashner, the Cubs top pick in this year's draft, received an invite to spring training as part of his contract. The hard thrower from Texas Christian University played in 8 games last year for the Boise Hawks and Daytona Cubs and was 1-2 with a 5.85 ERA and only 19 strikeouts against 23 walks. Obviously he has a long way to go before making it to the bigs, but it'll be fun to watch him this spring.

Chad Fox, age 38
Height: 6'3'' Weight: 175 lb
Throws: Right Bats: Right

You know, I can kind of understand why 38 year old Chad Fox is reluctant to retire. Thanks to the two Tommy John surgeries, the ulnar neuritis he's suffered on multiple occasions, and Dusty Baker, he's only pitched 227.7 innings in his 9 year career, an average of 25.3 innings per year, or only 25.3 innings more than Mark Prior pitches per year. Its understandable that he still feels like he hasn't actually Played enough major league baseball to give it up. But seriously, why would this hack seriously keep attempting to make the roster? Well, probably because the Cubs keep letting him, but other than that there's no real reason for it. Even when "healthy," and that's a relative term for him, he's managed just two good seasons since the 90s, if you take a look at his ERA and WHIP every year since 2001 (he was injured all of 2000): '01- 1.89/1.200, '02- 5.79/2.357, '03-3.12/1.523, '04-6.75/1.594, '05- 6.75/2.000, '08- 5.40/1.5000. There's really nothing other than the 2001 season (the 2003 season seems to have been mostly luck, a 3.12 ERA is highly suspect with such a middling WHIP as 1.523) that suggests he's even talented enough to be a major league pitcher, let alone one who can be effective at 38 years old. If he makes the team, I may just shoot someone. But not him, the poor guy's been hurt enough.

Ken Kadokura, age 35
Height: 6-4 Weight: 200
Bats: Right Throws: Right

Where was this picture taken? Whatever you want to know about Ken Kadokura can pretty much be found here. If you don't want to read (and why would you, reading is for p*ssies), the round up is this: Ken is a righty. He sucked badly enough in Japan that he was sent down to the minors. Most major league officials consider Japanese Professional Baseball to be equivalent in talent to AAA or slightly above, so do you own math as to how the competition in Japan's minor leagues translates to MLB. The most important thing, though, is that he was once a teammate of Kosuke Fukudome, and the Cubs seem intent on giving Kosuke a Japanese "buddy" to help him deal with the rigors of big mean American baseball, and this is evidenced by the rumors about Ken Takahashi and the signing of So Taguchi. So if either of these guys (God forbid Both) make the team, then you'd better hope they provide Kosuke with this ridiculous "lift," because otherwise its just 2 (or 3) worthless Japanese players on the roster.

J.R. Mathes, age 27
Height: 6'3'' Weight: 205
Bats: Left Throws: Left

Mathes, a former Boise State standout, was drafted by the Cubs in the 16th round of the 2004 draft, and has been a workhorse in the minors ever since, making at least 24 starts every year from 2005-2008. Last year Mathes represented the Iowa Cubs in the AAA All Star Game, and finished the season 9-5 with a 4.29 ERA and a 1.39 WHIP. While he doesn't draw much attention as a future major leaguer (I've seen him in person, his stuff's not overwhelming, I'll just say that), he is an innings eater and will probably make a few starts this spring, and is, sadly, a candidate should enough injuries eat at our starting rotation.

Rocky Roquet, Age 26
Height: 6'2'' Weight: 215
Bats: Right Throws Right

Now somewhere in the back hills of Tennessee there lived a young boy named Rocky Roquet....who hit 97 on the gun, had a 2:1 K's to BB ration last year, and might be a guy worth watching.

Matt Smith, age 29
Height: 6'4'' Weight: 215
Bats: Left Throws: Left

The good: Matt Smith is a former Yankee and Phillie with a career 2.55 ERA in 35 games.
The bad: He's only pitched 24.2 innings, none since 2007, when he had an 11.75 ERA. Also, he has a god awful strike out to walk ratio of 0.96 to 1 (22 K's, 23 BB's)
The good: Could he really be worse than Neal Cotts?

Mike Stanton, age 41
Height: 6'1'' Weight: 215
Bats: Left Throws: Left

Yikes, the left handed Chad Fox is 41 years old, didn't pitch in the majors in 2008, and blew (5.93 ERA, 1.61 WHIP) in his 69 games for Cinncinnati in 2007. But hey, he's still not Neal Cotts.

Jason Waddell, age 27
Height: 6'2'' Weight: 200
Bats: Right Throws: Left

Waddell, a southpaw, spent the last 8 seasons in the Giants farm system, going 18-18 with a 3.63 ERA and a 1.35 WHIP, mostly out of the bullpen. This place said he had a "Mike Stanton build," so, there's something they can talk about.

Bill White, age 30
Height: 6'3'' Weight: 225
Bats: Left Throws: Left

A product of the Diamondbacks organization who's seen some action for the Rangers the last two years, White has a 9.45 ERA and a 2.48 WHIP in 17 major league games. In the minors, he's 17-20 with a 4.46 ERA and a 1.50 WHIP. Nothing to see here, folks.

Tomorrow: The position players (are you ready for So Taguchi?)

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: The 1978 Edition!

How many mediocre third basemen does it take to go 79-83?

Seven! Seven Crappy Third Basemen! Ah Ha Ha Ha!

The 1978 season was the 6th straight non-winning season for the Cubs since Leo Durocher's departure after the 1972 season (the streak would reach 11). At third base, the Cubs third base position, which had been relatively stable in the hands of Bill Madlock from 1974-1976, had been turned over to Steve Ontiveros, who had his best season in 1977 as the Cubs posted their only .500 season of the streak, going 81-81. Hopes were high for Ontiveros and the Cubs going into '78.

Name: Steven Robert Ontiveros
Height: 6'0'' Weight: 185 lb
Bats: Both Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1977-1980

Steve Ontiveros came to the Cubs from the Giants before the 1977 in a trade that sent his predecessor, Bill Madlock, to the bay. Ontiveros had his greatest season that year, with an outstanding line of .299/10/68/.390/.423. As usually happens to Cubs players after career years, Ontiveros started the 1978 season poorly in 82 games before suffering a season ending injury in mid July. The injury led to six different starting third basemen, all of whom struggled mightily on offense. Ontiveros would rebound somewhat for the 1979 season with a .285/4/57/.362/.370 line in 152 games, but struggled to a .208/1/3/.330/.286 start in 31 games in 1980, and was released in favor Len Randle. He went on to a 5 year career in Japan before retiring.

Name: Rodney Darrell Scott
Height: 6'0'' Weight: 160 lb.
Bats: Both Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1978

The Cubs first choice to replace the injured Ontiveros made 49 starts at the position and was one of the better offensive options of the seven third sackers used that year, with a .282/0/15/.403/.313 line to go along with 27 stolen bases. But, hitting is only half the game and on defense Scott was pathetic, committing 11 errors in his 49 starts at third, adding up to a .929 fielding % (league average that year = .952) and a mediocre 2.44 range factor (league average=2.53). Thus the Cubs were forced to try other options like...

Name: Michael (Mick) Dennis Kelleher
Height: 5'9'' Weight: 176 lb
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1976-1980

Mick Kelleher spent 5 seasons on the north side as a 1970s Augie Ojeda, a tiny, light hitting, solid fielding middle infielder. For 12 starts in 1978, however, he was yet another miserable addition to the revolving door at third base. Kelleher actually had one of his better offensive seasons in 1978 (trust me, for a guy who hit .213 with ZERO homeruns and only 65 RBIs in 11 seasons, that ain't sayin much), going .253/0/6/.304/.263 that year. On the defensive side, Kelleher actually had a 1.000 fielding % in 37 games at third base that year, albeit with very poor range (1.41 range factor). Kelleher left the Cubs after the 1980 season and played with the Tigers and Angels before retiring in 1982, but we're concerned with 1978 here, and his weak bat led to 12 starts for...

Name: David (Davey) Allen Johnson
Height: 6'1'' Weight: 180 lb
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1978

The future manager of the Mets, Reds, Orioles, and Dodgers played the last 24 games of his career in a Cub uniform in 1978 after an August trade brought him over from the Phillies. Johnson posted outstanding numbers for the Cubs (.306/2/6/.393/.490) after a horrible start in Philadelphia (.191/2/14/.284/.281). The 35 year old veteran showed his age in the field, however, making 5 errors in those 12 games and posting an awful .839 fielding %. Johnson retired after the season and started his managerial career with the Mets in 1984, where his team's effective use of motivational tools led to a World Series Championship in 1986. But wait! There's more third basemen to come! Like...

Name: Hector Louis (Dillan) Cruz (Heity)
Height: 5'11'' Weight: 170 lb
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1978, 1981-1982

Cruz started the season as the Cubs 4th outfielder, but also made 7 early season starts at third base. After Cruz went just .237/2/9/.266/.382 in 30 games for the Cubs, he was shipped to the Giants in June. He came back in time for the 1981 and 1982, hitting just .229/7/15/.331/.468 and .211/0/0/.286/.263 before retiring. Had enough yet? No? Well how about our next third baseman, a first round bust...

Name: Eddy William Putnam
Height: 6'1'' Weight: 190 lb
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1976, 1978

The Cubs first round draft pick in the 1975 draft appeared in just 43 games in his career, 22 of them with the Cubs. Putnam made five starts at third in 1978, making 1 error (.950 fielding %) and hitting .200/0/3/.310/.200 in 17 total games. Putnam was traded to the Tigers in 1979 and appeared in 21 games that season. He never appeared in the majors again. Now, last and least...

Name:Rudolph Bartholomew Meoli
Height: 5'9'' Weight: 165 lb
Bats: Left Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1978

A little used reserve shortstop, Meoli made 2 starts at third base for the '78 Cubs. In his 47 games that year Meoli hit .103/0/2/.257/.172. For some reason the Phillies signed him for the 1979 season, Meoli's last in the majors.

1978 represented the first year that the 3rd base situation really became problematic for the Cubs, as it would remain until 2003. The seven players used at the position that year combined for a .247/2/40/.338/.312 line with a meager .651 OPS. While Ontiveros returned healthy for the 1979 season, by 1980 things had truly detoriated, leading to Ken Reitz in 1981.

1978: God, that sucked.

MacPhail Reunited With Yet Another MacPhailure

"Yeah. They look pretty messed up to me." "I don't remember asking you to take a look, but thanks."

Corey Patterson, Jason Dubois, Freddy Bynum, Luis Montanez, Scott Moore, and now Felix Pie have all now found their way to Baltimore to be reacquainted with the engineer of their downfalls, Andy MacFail. Pie was traded yesterday for LHP Garrett Olsen and minor league RHP Henry Williamson. Olsen went 9-10 with a 6.65 ERA and a not so great 1.73 WHIP in 26 starts last year, but has the minor league numbers and talent to make him attractive to a team looking for a young starting pitching prospect to replace a departing starter, possibly one whose name rhymes with Bake Cheavy. Williamson has an excellent 5-1 strikeout to walk ratio in two minor league seasons and has held opponents to batting averages of .228 and .221 in that time. The sad part, of course, is that this mean's Felix has officially made this team's roster. Good bye Felix, and no hard feelings, wouldn't want you to get your testes all in a bunch or anything. Ba dum bum pssh!

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: Luis Salazar

Name: Luis Ernesto (Garcia) Salazar
Height: 5'9'' Weight: 180 lb.
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1989-1992


After researching Luis Salazar just one day after Ken Reitz, I've come to the conclusion that the Cubs of the 1980s may or may not have ever actually looked at the stats of the third baseman they wished to acquire. If they had, they might have noticed that Luis Salazar was really Not a good third baseman. At all. Luis, a former Padre, White Sock, and Tiger, came to the Cubs in late in the Cubs 1989 run to the NL East Championship. The Cubs were in need of a new third baseman after incumbent starter Vance Law came down with a bad case of suck and needed to have his .651 OPS removed. Salazar was acquired along with Marvell Wyne from the Padres and got most of the starts at third down the stretch, and actually had the best month of his career, putting up a .325/1/12/.357/.425 line as the Cubs wrapped up their 93-69 regular season and headed into the NLCS against the Giants. Though the Cubs lost the series 4-1, Salazar was one of the few Cubs (other than Mark Grace's insane .647/1/6/.682/1.118! tear) to show up in the series, posting a .368/1/2/.368/.632 line. After the success of the 1989 season, the Cubs had no qualms about heading into 1990 with Salazar as their established third baseman.

The 1990 season, however, was mediocre for both Salazar and the Cubs. As the team fell to 77-85, Salazar posted a .254/12/47/.293/.388 season, one much more in line with his career numbers than the aberration of his 1989 numbers with the Cubs. Refusing to be discouraged by the evidence before their eyes that the 35 year old veteran wasn't very good, the Cubs brought Salazar back for the 1991 season, albeit with the intention of using him to back up super rookie Gary Scott. Scott floundered, leaving Salazar as the starter, and Salazar posted a similar line of .258/14/38/.292/.432 as the Cubs posted an identical number of wins, going 77-83 despite the inspired leadership of Jim Essian. The Cubs remained convinced apparently that Salazar was the glue that held the team together, as they brought him back once more to start the 1992 season. Scott once again began the season as the starter, floundered once more, and opened the door for 98 more games of Salazar at a splendid .208/5/25/.237/.310 clip. Fortunately the Cubs were finally persuaded that Salazar wasn't the long term answer, and brought in Steve Buechele.

The Cubs granted Salazar free agency in November of 1992, and he promptly retired. Salazar is now the hitting coach for the Jacksonville Suns, the AA affiliate of the Florida Marlins. I'm assuming plate discipline isn't his forte.

Your SKO Random Third Baseman of the Day: Ken Reitz

Name: Kenneth John Reitz
Height: 6'0'' Weight: 185 lb.
Bats: Right Throws: Right
Years as a Cub: 1981

Is it just me or does that hat look like its made of leather? Goes great with the mustache.

Ken Reitz had two things that doomed him in the memories of Chicago Cubs fans. 1) He spent the majority of his career as a St. Louis Cardinal, and 2) he absolutely sucked as a Cub.Reitz was acquired along with Leon Durham (who, you know, Didn't suck) from the Cardinals in the trade that sent all star closer Bruce Sutter down to St. Louis. Reitz came to the Cubs before the 1981 season bring with him a reputation as a great defensive third baseman, nicknamed Zamboni for his ability to scoop up ground balls, with a weak bat and little plate discipline. Reitz had even been an all star in 1980, one of his best all-around seasons (a .300 OBP and a .379 slug. % for a whopping .679 OPS somehow got him an All Star spot?). Reitz brought his glove with him to Chicago, and posted a .977 fielding % (league average that year was .948), and made just 5 errors in 81 games at the hot corner.

His weak stick, however, was downright impotent in the Chicago lineup. Reitz, a career .260 hitter, hit just .215 as a Cub, with only 2 home runs and 28 RBIs, a paltry .261 OBP (not actually much of an aberration, as his career OBP is a Korey Patterson-esque .290), and a pathetic .281 slugging %. In 260 at-bats, Reitz had just 11 extra base hits. With such stars as Reitz (.215/2/28/.261/.281), Ivan DeJesus (.194/0/13/.276/.233-in 403 at bats!), and Pat Tabler (.188/1/5/.281/.267) in the everyday lineup, is it any surprise the Cubs scored only 370 runs (11th of 12th in the NL that year) and went just 39-64 in the strike shortened '81 season?

The 1981 Cubs were significant in that their utter ineptitude at all things baseball related led the complacent Cubs ownership to begin the "fuckin' multifold" changes in the organization that eventually constructed the 96 win 1984 NL East champions. One of those changes included jettisoning Ken Reitz, who was released in April of 1982. Reitz played just 7 games with the Pittsburgh Pirates in 1982 before retiring.

I couldn't find what Reitz is up to today, but I did find this awesome quote by his former manager, Whitey Herzog: "I used to shave before games. And once Reitz was up at the plate, and he hit the ball, and by the time he got to first base I had to shave again. That’s when I told him he wasn’t going to play." Awesome.

Ken Reitz: 1981's failure at third base.

I'm Sick

I started watching Bears football, by my memory, in 1993, when I was five years old. In that time the Bears have gone 7-9, 9-7, 9-7, 7-9, 4-12, 4-12, 6-10, 5-11, 13-3, 4-12, 7-9, 5-11, 11-5, 13-3, 7-9, and are now a middling 6-6 this year after tonight's disaster in Minnesota. If you're counting that's a 117-135, or a pretty pedestrian .464 winning %. I've had to watch Dave Wannstedt's hair-lipped ineptitude and Dick Jauron's blind loyalty to an offensive coordinator who seemed to think you can score by punting. The Lovie Smith era was supposed to fix all of that. For two years we had every reason to believe this team would earn consistent respectability year after year. After going 24-8 from 2005-2006, the arrow was pointing up. But since that time the Bears are 13-15, and back to bumbling their way from loss to loss, and I'm sick of it. For a long time I've defended Lovie Smith's questionable decisions, and while I'm not against him yet, I have to wonder what he's going to do to fix this mess, though the irony is that he created it. Since the end of Superbowl XLI he's made bizzare choice after bizarre choice. Why did we need to replace a coordinator who'd built one of the leagues strongest defense with a man with absolutely No experience as a coordinator at any level, and only a job (from which he was fired) as a head coach at North Dakota State as a notable mark on his resume. Why did we have to let a quality run stuffing defensive tackle, one once labelled by SI as the most underrated defensive player in the league, in Ian Johnson just go in order to replace him with a completely unproven quantity in Dustin Dvoracek? Why did we decide to first bench, and then trade, a remarkable young talent at safety in Chris Harris in favor of the disappointing Daniael Manning and broken veteran Adam Archuletta? Why did we call a vanilla prevent defense, one Smith is blindly devoted to, again and again after it cost us late leads against Carolina and Tampa Bay and Atlanta, and nearly cost us one against Minnesota earlier in the year? Why have we allowed the wide receiver position to become nearly bankrupt of any kind of talent, other than whatever the hell it is Devin Hester offers nowadays? Why wasn't one of the oldest offensive lines in football backed up with any kind of youthful insurance program? I thought this team had rebuilt itself from the ground up in the first three years of Lovie's reign, and yet now it continues to sink back into the mire that it created with the departure of Mike Ditka in 1992. I don't know what it will take to fix it, to be honest, whether Lovie needs to shake up his coaching staff or Angelo needs to reevaluate his approach to the draft and free agency, but I'm sick and tired of the people who Should now how to fix it continuing to dig the hole deeper and deeper and demanding unquestioning loyalty from a fan base that's seen this movie before.

Thanks, But No Thanks

Naw man, Rex Grossman I could take, but Kyle Orton? Not a chance.

This article from the Chicago Tribune today discuss the speculation already arising that Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb may look to head to Chicago if his days in Philadelphia are truly numbered, as many people believe they are. With all due respect to Mr. McNabb and his illustrious career, Kyle Orton would like to tell anyone wishing to replace him with an injury prone veteran that's six years older that they can kiss his neckbeard. No one quite knows why McNabb's suddenly become such a turnover machine, but that's not the only reason the idea of replacing a much cheaper and home grown option in Kyle Orton with a wild card in McNabb is a bad idea. Kyle's QB rating this year (88.1) is higher than McNabb's career average (85.3). Unless the next five games have Kyle go through some Rex-like meltdown, our boy's gonna be the man in Chicago for at least the 15-25 years. At which point he'll consider retirement after breaking every conceivable record. After his retirement he may try Canadian Football, because, fuck, if Henry Burris can throw for 5,000 yards there, you just KNOW K.O. can throw for 12,000. With his Left arm. Can Donovan McNabb do that? I think not. You'd have to agree with the quote from Trent Dilfer on this one:

"The Bears have their quarterback," Dilfer said. "[Orton] has played better football this year than Donovan McNabb has played in Philadelphia. I think you have your quarterback there for quite a while, and I like Donovan McNabb."

Donovan- Stay in Philly. Or go play for the 49ers or Lions or someone that actually NEEDS a quarterback next year.

Kyle Orton Receives First Annual "Not Rex Grossman" Award

Lest it be lost in the excitement over the Bears 27-3 drubbing of the hapless St. Louis Rams today, we at Start Kyle Orton would like to point out the fact that Kyle Orton has now set the Chicago Bears franchise record with 185 straight passes attempted without an interception. While Orton passed for just 139 yards, mostly in the first half as the Bears mostly attempted to control clock in the second, the Bears offense ran the ball efficiently and played smart football. Orton has now been awarded the coveted "Not Rex Grossman" Award, a prestigious accomplishment based on the following criteria:

1. Solid play from the quarterback position.
2. Effective at directing an offense and scoring points (Bears averaging 24.3 ppg).
3. No mind-numbingly stupid turnovers or "aww fuck it" interceptions.
4. Not Rex Grossman.



Upon receiving the award, Kyle had the following to say:

"Well, you know, I guess I just have a good head on my shoulders. I spend a lot of time watching game film and really honing my game in practice during the week. I try to keep my head about me during the game, keep awareness of the pocket and pressure and I guess I just make it a point not to make the big mistake that'll hurt the team. Sometimes you just gotta say "hey, he's not open, we'll punt it and get 'em the next go round." This award just really vindicates my approach toward the game and my goal each game of running the offense effectively and not pissing all over myself in a panicked, turnover producing manner."

Bears back-up quarterback Rex Grossman was also asked for comment:

"You know, I'd have to say there are sometime's that I too, wish I could not be Rex Grossman."

Grossman then sighed heavily as he grabbed his clipboard and left the locker room.

(also, if anyone saw the block K.O. threw to free Devin Hester on that reverse to start the game...Awesome)

SKO Extends It's Congratulations to...

Henry Burris: Champion.

Former Bears QB and Temple standout Henry Burris, whose Calgary Stampeders won the Grey Cup for the Canadian Football League championship. Burris, who played for the Bears in 2002 and earned a place on this prestigious list. "Crazy Legs" as we affectionately named him, threw for 328 yards and 1 touchdown, and also carried the ball 9 times for 79 yards as Calgary upset the favored Montreal Allouettes 22-14. In the 2008 CFL regular season Burris threw for 5,093 yards, 39 touchdowns, 14 interceptions, and also lead all CFL quarterbacks with 595 rushing yards and 5 tds.

If Only

Scene: Past midnight, Ron Rivera's office, San Diego Chargers training facility.

Enter: Ron Rivera, age 46, a Hispanic man with glasses and jet black hair. He is still an impressive figure 16 years after retiring as a linebacker. He sits at his desk, torn between joy at holding the Pittsburgh Steelers to only 11 points in his second game as defensive coordinator for the San Diego Chargers, and grief at having lost the game 11-10. He plots new schemes to improve his defense for the next week's game against Peyton Manning's Colts.


Rivera: We'll have to get a rush on Manning, we've done a lot better the last two weeks (the Chargers have allowed only 15 ppg under Rivera, as opposed to 25 ppg under his predecessor, Ted Cottrell), but there's still room for improvement.

(Suddenly: noise drifts in through the open window of his office, it is Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes")

Music: ... I drive off in my car but whichever way I go I come back to the place you are...

Rivera slowly puts down his research on the Colts and looks to the window

Music: all my instincts, they return and the grand facade, so soon will burn without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside..

Rivera walks over to the window and is shocked to see...


Bears MLB Brian Urlacher, tears streaming down his face, sings with the music:

in your eyes, the light the heat, in your eyes, I am complete, in your eyes I see the doorway to a thousand churches, in your eyes the resolution of all the fruitless searches, in your eyes I see the light and the heat, in your eyes oh, I want to be that complete I want to touch the light the heat I see in your eyes

Ron Rivera: Brian? Brian, is that you?
Urlacher (shuts off the music): Ron! ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without ya. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you. I miss being near you! I miss your laugh! I miss – I miss your scent. I miss your musk.

Ron Rivera: Brian, please. I'm with the Chargers now. I know we had some good times but Lovie didn't want me there anymore.

Urlacher: This isn't about Lovie or Bob Babich or anybody, well, actually that's entirely what this is about, but it's also about you, Ron. And its about me! I need you back! You made me whole. I'm not me without you, and honestly, ask yourself if you're really You.

Ron Rivera: I...I don't really like Norv Turner, I mean his brother Ron can sometimes be a douche and a half, but he never had the authority to mess with me. But Norv, whenever he drags his leathery pockmarked handbag of a face over here I just wanna smack him with a clipboard. And Luis Castillo's roid rage is sometimes uncomfortable for all of us...

Urlacher: Then come back Ron! Chicago is your home!

Ron Rivera: Maybe someday Brian, maybe someday.

End Scene.

Scene: Same time, Bob Babich's office, Chicago. Bob Babich, Caveman, sits at his desk writing away frantically. He looks up in maniacal delight.


Babich: We'll see how they like this new defense!

If I put everyone right in front of the first down line, they can't Possibly get one!

Somewhat Like Christ Descending...Orton Probably for Sunday Against Green Bay

Orton probable vs. Green Bay. For those of you used to the Murphy's Law nature of Chicago sports, the fact that he managed to miss only one game after what looked like a crippling injury is nothing short of miraculous.

And lo, in the city of Big Shoulders, God said unto Code Red, "I shall give you a savior, and his name shall be Kyle Orton."

Also, ESPN said four weeks. We just like to point out when they're wrong.

The Talented Mr. Angelo? Part Deuce

The final phase of a GM's job is free agent and trade acquisitions. So today we'll review year by year some of Angelo's biggest signings and trades, and the grade I assign each transaction, and each year.

2001-

Free Agents-

Ted Washington DT- A. Ted Washington was crucial to the defense during their 2001 run, and was a key defensive player in Gregg Blache's scheme

Keith Traylor DT-B+. Not exactly as good as Ted, but a very serviceable starter for several years.

Fred Baxter TE-C. Baxter put up forgettable numbers (27 rec, 199 yds, 2 tds) in 19 games as a Bear. Avoids a lower grade due to forcing the Bears to move him after criticizing John Shoop.

Larry Whigham DB-D. A former Pro Bowler with the Patriots, Whigham played sparingly and never recorded an interception as a Bear.

Danny Wuerffel QB-A. The guy gives up football and becomes a preacher, then a hurricane destroys his home. This is pure sympathy. 3rd stringer for one year who never played a down. Took Cade McNown's roster spot, and thus the A.

Alfonso Boone DT-B. Though never spectacular, Boone was a pretty solid backup defensive tackle in 6 seasons as a Bear.

Trades- Traded QB Cade McNown to the Dolphins for a 6th round pick. A+++

Overall Grade for 2001: B

2002-

Free Agents-

Chris Chandler QB- D. Signed to back up the inconsistent and fragile Jim Miller, Chris Chandler could never A) stay healthy or B) play well.

Henry Burris QB- F. An interesting project had he not been forced to, you know, play. Sucked horribly when he did. Dropped after one year.
Overall Grade for 2002: D-

2003-

Free Agents-

Kordell Stewart QB-D. Inconsistent at best, fucking awful at worst, Kordell was one of the biggest in a long line of flops in the attempt to address the QB conundrum through free agency.

Desmond Clark TE-A. Tragically underutilized in his first three years in Chicago, Desmond has been an absolute stud for Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton, and pairs with Greg Olsen for one of the best tight end grops in the NFL.

Overall Grade for 2003: C+

2004-

Free Agents-

Jonathan Quinn QB-F. Oh God. Just Awful.

Thomas Jones RB-A. The only bad thing about this signing was letting the man go. Forte eases some of the pain though.

Qasim Mitchell T- D-. Played the most important position on a line that gave up a Bears record 66 sacks.

Jeff George QB- C. Simply a desperation move, never saw the field.
John Tait T-A. Has been solid at either tackle position since joining the Bears.

Ruben Brown G- B. Hurt for much of 2004, gave the Bears a solid 2005 and 2006 before crapping out in 2007.

Hunter Hillenmeyer LB- A. We constantly look for his replacement, and yet he's been a solid starter for almost five seasons.

Chad Hutchinson QB-C. Its not like we had too many options.

Trades:
Traded Marty Booker to Dolphins for Adewale Ogunleye- A. Wally's been pretty solid and Marty's back, so win-win.

Traded 6th round pick for FB Bryan Johnson- C. The guy could never stay healthy. Ever.

2004 Overall Grade: C+

2005-

Free Agents-

Muhsin Muhammed, WR- B-. Never really was worth the big contract and his hands were a lot more suspect in Chicago than they were in Carolina

Fred Miller, T-B. Like Ruben Brown, provided a solid 2005 and 2006 before crapping out last year.

Roberto Garza, G- B+. Consistently effective starter at guard.

Brandon McGowan S- B. Played fairly well at times for a guy from whom nothing was expected.

Marc Edwards, FB- B. Solid stand in during one of Bryan Johnson's many injuries.

Robbie Gould, K- A. Fantastic kicker. Period.

Jeff Blake, QB- B. Played pretty well in his only appearance.

John St. Clair, T- B+. Has been a big part of the offensive line's surprising resurgence this year.

Trades- Traded 7th round pick to Dolphins for LB Brendon Ayanbadejo. B.

Overall Grade for 2005: B+

2006-

Free Agents-

Ricky Manning, Jr. CB- C+. Was pretty effective during the 06 run, but disappeared last year.

Brian Griese QB- C-. In a way was almost as responsible for this wesbite as was Kyle Orton. Just not in a good way.

Dante Wesley CB- C. Not much of a contributor outside of special teams.

2006 Overall Grade: C

2007-

Free Agents-

Anthony Adams DT- B. Not soo shabby backup/substitute.

Trades:
Traded Chris Harris to Carolina for 5th round pick-D.
Traded 6th round pick to Washington for Adam Archuleta, S-D.
Traded Thomas Jones to Jets for switch of 2nd round picks-D.
Traded conditional pick for Darwin Walker, DT-D.

Overall Grade for 2007: D+.

2008-

Free Agents-

Brandon Lloyd WR- B. Can turn this into an A if he Ever gets back from his injury and resumes production.

Marty Booker WR- B. Has been a solid veteran leader on this team and has made some great plays this year.

Overall Grade for 2008: B.

Jerry's Overall Grade (2001-2008) on Free Agents and Trades: C+

So overall his Win-Loss record merits a B, his draft picks a B+, and his Free Agents and Trades a C+ for a B average. Comprehensive evaluation gives Jerry Angelo a passing grade with room for improvement, though one variable which must be taken into account is the horrendous state of the organization he inherited, which in the eight years before his arrival (1993-2000) had effectively bankrupted the team's talent through mismanagement on the part of Dave Wannstedt, Mark Hatley, and Michael McCaskey. During that time the team went 51-77 and made such horrible first round choices as John Thierry, Rashaan Salaam, trading a first round pick for Rick Mirer, Curtis Enis, and Cade McNown. So overall Jerry's resuscitation of the franchise (as well as the fact that I now know he is Not to blame for David Terrell) merits an extra notch and puts him in the B+ to A- range.

The Talented Mr. Angelo?

There have been many polarizing figures in Bears history. Rex Grossman has his ardent supporters and the thousands who boo his every move. Fans often took different sides in support or opposition of former Bears coach Dick Jauron, as many nowadays are taking sides for and against Lovie Smith (your humble narrator is for), fans were split on those who hated Dave Wannstedt and those who Really fucking hated Dave Wannstedt. One of the more divisive characters in recent Bears history has been Bears GM Jerry Angelo, who first took the reigns of the team in 2001. The two opposing sides on Angelo usually amount to this.

Pro Angelo- Angelo makes solid draft choices in the later rounds, he has managed the cap while fielding a competitive team, he has a winning record, three division titles, and a conference championship as GM.

Anti Angelo- He gives up too many good players (Roosevelt Colvin, Thomas Jones, Chris Harris, etc.), his first round picks often suck (David Terrell, Marc Colombo, Michael Haynes, Cedric Benson), he's not really responsible for most of the team's success.

So where do we begin in evaluating the real value of Mr. Angelo?

The easiest to calculate is his win loss record as general manger. Since taking over the Bears in 2001, Angelo is 65-56, which ranks 11th in the NFL over that period and 5th in the NFC since that period, thats the upper third of the league, although not top ten or particularly outstanding, so I give him a B. here's the records of all 32 teams since 2001:

1. Patriots: 92-29
2. Colts:84-37
3. Steelers:79-41-1
4. Eagles: 77-44
5. Packers:73-48
6. Broncos:71-50
7. Seahawks:69-52
8. Chargers:67-54
9t. Titans:66-55
9t. Ravens:66-55
11. Bears:65-56
12. Giants:64-57
13. Bucs:63-58
14. Cowboys:62-59
15. Jaguars:61-60
16. Rams:60-61
17t. Jets:59-62
17t. Panthers:59-62
19. Chiefs:58-63
20. Falcons:57-63-1
21. Saints:56-65
22. Redskins:56-65
23. Vikings:56-65
24. Dolphins: 55-66
25. Bengals: 51-70
26. Bills:50-71
27. 49ers:49-72
28. Browns:48-73
29. Cardinals:46-75
30. Raiders 42-79
31. Texans:35-70
32. Lions:31-90

Another category I used to evaluate Jerry Angelo was draft-pick retention. This I defined as the number of draft picks that he's chosen over the years that remain on the Bears roster. The Bears under Angelo have made 77 draft picks since 2001, the most by any NFL team over that span. They retain 28 of those 77, a success rate of 36%. Granted, most NFL teams have long since parted ways with even their successful picks of the 2001 or 2002 drafts given free agency and the like, but it was just easier to count the entire body of work. The Bears total number of draft picks that remain on their roster that have been chosen over the last 8 years qualifies them for 9th out of that time period, here's how the rest of the NFL stacks up [number of picks retained/picks taken (number of first round draft picks retained/number of first rounders taken)]:

1 .32/70 (8/8) Ravens
2. 31/67 (6/6) Colts
3. 29/68 (5/8) Seahawks
4. 29/67 (4/6) Eagles
5. 29/70 (4/7) Packers
6. 29/70 (5/10) 49ers
7. 29/74 (4/6) Titans
8. 28/63 (8/8) Cowboys
9. 28/77 (4/8) Bears
10. 27/58 (5/9) Cardinals
11 .27/62 (4/9) Lions
12. 27/62 (7/8) Chargers
13. 27/66 (8/9) Panthers
14. 27/66 (6/8) Bengals
15. 27/68 (6/8) Jaguars
16. 26/58 (4/7) Giants
17. 26/61 (8/8) Steelers
18. 26/64 (5/10) Raiders
19. 26/67 (8/9) Patriots
20. 25/70 (5/6) Buccaneers
21. 24/60 (7/8) Texans
22. 24/66 (5/8) Falcons
23. 23/72 (5/10) Rams
24. 22/64 (6/7) Chiefs
25. 22/57 (7/9) Saints
26. 21/56 (6/9) Jets
27. 20/68 (6/9) Bills
28. 20/59 (5/8) Browns
29. 20/49 (3/6) Redskins
30. 19/56 (4/8) Vikings
31. 19/60 (4/7) Broncos
32. 19/60 (5/6) Dolphins

Now there's a couple ways to look at this. While several of the teams in the top ten in draft pick retention are also in the top ten in wins (Colts, Seahawks, Ravens, Titans, Eagles, Packers), three of the least successful teams (49ers, Cardinals) are also in the top ten. The reasons for their high ranking is mostly attributable to rebuilding programs that have kept almost every pick from the last few drafts on the roster with an emphasis on youth over experience. The Patriots and Steelers compensate for their somewhat low rankings on overall draft pick retention with incredible success rates on their first round picks, with 8/9 for the Patriots and 8/8 for the Steelers. Angelo has notoriously struggled in the first round, as only 4 of his 8 first rounders remain on the roster, with Rex Grossman sure to be gone after this season. What's remarkable is his ability to overcome these failures. Round by round here are Angelo's picks (current roster members in bold)

1st Round (4/8)- David Terrell, Marc Colombo, Michael Haynes, Rex Grossman, Tommie Harris, Cedric Benson, Greg Olsen, Chris Williams

2nd Round (4/8)- Anthony Thomas, Charles Tillman, Tank Johnson, Mark Bradley, Daniael Manning, Devin Hester, Dan Bazuin, Matt Forte

3rd Round (6/10)- Mike Gandy, Roe Williams, Terrence Metcalf, Lance Briggs, Bernard Berrian, Dusty Dvoracek, Garrett Wolfe, Michael Okwo, Earl Bennett, Marcus Harrison

4th Round (6/10)- Karon Riley, Alex Brown, Todd Johnson, Ian Scott, Nathan Vasher, Leon Joe, Kyle Orton, Jamar Williams, Josh Beekman, Craig Steltz

5th Round (5/14)- Bernard Robertson, Bobby Gray, Bryan Knight, Bobby Wade, Justin Gage, Tron LaFavor, Claude Harriott, Craig Krenzel, Airese Currie, Mark Anderson, Kevin Payne, Corey Graham, Zack Bowman, Kellen Davis

6th Round (1/8)-Adrian Peterson, Jamin Elliot, Bryan Fletcher, Joe Odom, Brock Forsey, Chris Harris, JD Runnels, Tyler Reed,

7th Round (3/11)- John Capel, Bryan Anderson, Alfonso Marshall, Rod Wilson, Trumaine McBride, Aaron Brant, Ervin Baldwin, Chester Adams, Joey Larocque, Kirk Barton, Marcus Monk

As you can see, Angelo's shooting .500 in the two money rounds, the first and second, but compensates for it with a 60% success rate in the third and foruth rounds. Many people criticize him hard for missing on so many first rounders, and with good cause, but in my opinion many of those big money misses like Cedric Benson are quite compensated by a third round gold mine find like Lance Briggs, or a fourth round STEAL LIKE KYLE ORTON. Since he's in the top 10 in the NFL in overall draft pick retention, I'm giving him an B+, falling just short of an A since I really hated David Terrell and Cedric Benson.

So in both the win category, and the draft pick category, Angelo is at least a B average, not greatness, but pretty solid. Tomorrow: The Free Agents and Trades. I know you're riveted.

UPDATE: As pointed out in the comments, Angelo was hired AFTER the 2001 draft, which absolves him of the blame of that awful draft class. I really don't feel like editing all of this to make the change, so just ignore David Terrell, Anthony Thomas, and friends. My bad.

Geovany Soto Makes Code Red's Girlfriends Day by Winning ROTY, Ruins it by Being Married.

This should have been mentioned yesterday and for that I apologize , but the Girlfriend made sure that it received its proper mention today, so here's a heartfelt SKO congratulations to Geovany Soto for winning National League Rookie of the Year. We're all proud of you, especially the Girlfriend, who'd once more like to point out that she picked you to be her favorite player well before the season started. And she'd probably leave me for you in a second. Thank you for being married.

Happy Veterans Day

God Bless You All

Bears Team That Can't Stop Pass Heads to Green Bay to Face Team That Can't Stop Run

Well, its the first Green Bay week of 2008, and a lot is at stake for the Bears, if they win, they knock Green Bay 2 games back and set themselves up pretty well for the game at Minnesota the week after. If they lose, well then the NFC North remains a cloudy mess of suck. Here's the numbers:

Bears Offense vs. Packers Defense 2008

Passing YPG- 213.0(13th) vs. 179.1 (3rd)
Rushing YPG- 110.6(15th) vs. 154.6 (28th)
Total YPG- 323.6 (17th) vs. 333.7 (21)
Total PPG- 26.3 (6th) vs. 22.8 (18th)

Packers Offense vs. Bears Defense 2008

Passing YPG- 221.4 (11th) vs. 251.8 (30th...eee gad)
Rushing YPG- 98.1 (23rd) vs. 74.9 (4th)
Total YPG- 326.7 (17th) vs. 319.6 (19th)
Total PPG- 26.3 (6th) vs. 21.6 (15th)

So basically these teams are fairly middle of the pack (though the Bears offensive numbers have taken a slight dip with 6 straight quarters of Grossman) in all areas but two: the Packers pass defense and the Bears run defense. Not surprisingly you should expect to see a lot of Aaron Rodgers passes and Matt Forte runs this game. The tiebreaker will hopefully be this guy:


Who by all accounts will play and will provide the Bears with a better balance on offense than the Packers should have, as Ryan Grant's struggled most of the year and our run defense should grind him down more than their pass defense wears down Kyle, as he's not one prone to make poor decisions or panic. That, and he beat the Packers 35-7 last December. A common trend in the Bears-Packers Rivalry of late, as Lovie's teams are 6-2 against the Packers, and 5-1 against Mike McCarthy. Those last 8:

December 23, 2007: Bears 35, Packers 7
October 7, 2007: Bears 27, Packers 20
December 31, 2006: Packers 26, Bears 7
September 10, 2006: Bears 26, Packers 0
December 25, 2005: Bears 24, Packers 17
December 4, 2005: Bears 19, Packers 7
January 2, 2005: Packers 31, Bears 14
September 19, 2004: Bears 21, Packers 10

Not to make excuses (read: making excuses) but in the two losses to the Packers during the Lovie years, the December 2006 game came when the Bears had clinched homefield advantage throughout the playoffs and most of their starters did not play the second half, and the 2005 game (actually the last game of the 2004 season), the Bears had 16 players on injured reserve, including Rex Grossman, Brian Urlacher, Mike Brown, Adewale Ogunleye, and three different offensive linemen. So, basically the Bears have won every game since 2004 in which they fielded an actual team. Here's to two more and a division title this year.

Go Bears.

The Fall of the House of Grossman

It was October 16th, 2006. The Bears were 5-0 and coming off 26-0, 34-7, 37-6, and 40-7 blowouts against the Packers, Lions, Seahawks, and Bills, with only a 19-16 squeaker against the Vikings having made them look even remotely human at that point in the season. The Arizona Cardinals were 1-4 and rookie Matt Leinart and the crabs he'd gotten from Paris Hilton were making their second career NFL start. Barack Obama had teased the country by announcing before the game on ESPN that "he was ready...for the Bears to go all the way," fueling the rumors swirling around a possible presidential run. But most of all, Rex Grossman was on fire, averaging nearly 250 yards per game with a 61% completion rate, 10 touchdowns against only 3 interceptions, and was the recipient of the NFL's Offensive Player of the Month Award for September, an award the Bears see about as frequently as Terrell Owens sees the need to keep his mouth shut on a given subject. A packed University of Phoenix stadium crowd gathered for what was assumed to be a Bears rout.

But it was not to be.

The Cardinals came out fired up, Matt Leinart became one of the first, though as anyone who has watched the Bears this year knows not the last, quarterbacks to exploit the soft zones in the Bears coverage schemes with short passes, and the Bears offense started atrociously, with the offense limited to just 168 total yards in the game, the Cardinals jumped out to a 20-0 lead at halftime and began the end of Rex Grossman's career in Chicago. Pressured and panicked, Rex threw for only 144 yards and 4 interceptions. The Bears overcame Grossman's shortcomings and scored two defensive touchdowns and a punt return from Devin Hester to pull out 24-23 win that prompted Denny Green's famous "the Bears are who we thought they were!" rant. While pundits had field day with Green's meltdown, the line "the Bears are who they they were" has turned out far more prophetic in the case of Rex Grossman.

Denny Green had found Rex's weakness, and the NFL was quick to copy it. Team's went out of their way to pressure Rex, to force bad decisions, to take advantage of his lack of mobility and clog his passing lanes, leading to more tipped passes than any of us care to remember. Rex hit a wall, and for the rest of the season he was a less than impressive 155-291 (53%) for 1,806 yds (180.6 ypg), 13 tds, 13 ints, and a McNownesque 68.6 rating. The up-and-down roller coaster that he was throughout the Superbowl run and the disaster of last season is well documented. The question is, why?

Rex struggled with pressure, what quarterback didn't? He was short, but short quarterbacks have been successful elsewhere (Drew Brees is actually listed as one inch shorter). Something in Rex Grossman snapped that day against Arizona, and never again was he the same quarterback he was before. There are many theories as to what forever stalled his development and kept him from progressing beyond that wall, but yesterday's Titans game most likely represented the finale in Chicago for a man who once bore the city's biggest dreams on his shoulders.

I for one point to the knee injury and ankle injury that kept him off the field for the vitally important second and third years of his career. 2004 was meant to be Rex Grossman's first full season, a year where growing pains were expected and an up and down season like the 2006 would have been viewed as far more of a success. 2005 was to be Rex's rebound, but the ankle injury which kept him out until the 15th game of the season kept him from even practicing new coordinator Ron Turner's offense, which represented his 5th new system in 5 years going back to his sophomore year of college. For whatever reason, some perfect storm of injuries, lack of proper training within the system, poor coaching, and fan hostility shattered the pysche of Rex Grossman, and left him the schizophrenic Rex we know today. Though the Good Rex/ Bad Rex debate lasted throughout 2007, more or less it had become Bad Rex/ Atrocious Rex, and yesterday's game was a microcosm of that. A 75 yard drive perfectly executed against the league's best defense followed immediately by a forced pass that was intercepted. Three full quarters of offensive ineptitude. In the end Grossman walked off the field to the boos that have long since beaten down even his most ardent of former supporters (read: Me).

I'm not a big believer in "what might have been." I don't sit and ask what Rex Grossman could be right now without the injuries, or with a better offensive line, or if that Arizona game had gone much differently. I am concerned only with what was, and what is. What was a quarterback who'd responded to two years of frustration with a 5 game stretch the likes of which Chicago had never seen, a quarterback who seemed to stand at the precipice of greatness and a certain championship, is now a broken down bust, a kid whose once astounding confidence in himself and his arm is now gone, no matter how he talks to the press. Kyle Orton is this team's franchise quarterback, and for that I am grateful. He's put up the kind of numbers we'd once believed Rex capable of. He does it with far less flash than Rex did in his best moments, but with far more consistency. For what its worth I'll not forget who Rex Grossman was in those first five games of 2006, even if I've long since moved on.

In closing, I'll say only this: no player in Bears history bore the kind of scrutiny that clung to Rex with every breath. Some of it was warranted, most of it was not. He may not have earned the ire and malice fans reserved for a Cade McNown or Dave Wannstedt, but he certainly chafed under the highest expectations. On countless opportunities he could have succumbed to the temptation to lash out and swear back at the doubters and naysayers who plagued his every move. At times the media seemed be trying to provoke him into it, as if hoping for an outburst that would perhaps alleviate their hidden guilt at attacking him with such abandon. If his 19-12 record as a starter didn't attest that he was, at least, a winner in one regard, one can point to the fact that he never gave into the press's determination to destroy his dignity. In that way at least, it can always be said that they never beat Rex Grossman.

Orton Practices, Listed as Doubtful for Sunday's Game

This is a day late, but according to this article from Yahoo! Sports, Orton practiced yesterday but is listed as doubtful for the Titans game. Regardless of whether he plays or not, the boost it had to give to his team to see a guy whose season seemed completely Over on Sunday dropping back and taking snaps must have been huge. We here at Start Kyle Orton once more applaud the Wolverine-like healing factor of our demi-God quarterback.

All Hail Ortonia!

Kyle Hoping to Defy ESPN, Play Sunday

The latest news from both the Chicago Tribune and ChicagoBears.com is that Orton wants to play against Tennessee this Sunday. While this is a good sign, even those of us here at SKO think he might want to take the game off and come back against Green Bay. Let Rex take his mauling at the hands of Tennessee's defense...better this..


Than this..


Who knows? Rex could win the thing and get himself a contract somewhere else for next year.

Prognostication Bukakke Round 2 Results

After the Steelers win last night the results for week two are as follows:

Father: 10-4
Code Red:9-5
Girlfriend:9-5
Iggins!:8-6

Overall:
Father: 19-9
Iggins!: 18-10
Code Red: 17-11
Girlfriend: 17-11

Clinging to Optimism

This article by the Sun Times declares that their source tells them Kyle does Not have a high ankle sprain and will miss less time than the month that ESPN's Michael Smith reported and the 3-4 weeks (because ESPN said month, we have to say weeks) that NFL Network reports. So basically, do you trust the Sun Times or ESPN? As I'm an American, I'll trust whoever tells me what I want to hear.

No Mere Ankle Injury Can Slow a Demi God.

College Football Roundup and Code Red Rankings 11/03/08

AP Top 25 Results:

Cincinnati 24, #24 South Florida 10
Once more this just proves my theory that South Florida should never be ranked. Period.

California 26, #23 Oregon 16
Oregon continues the downfall that began the day Iggins! declared Dennis Dixon his Heisman candidate and subsequently doomed his knee and the program.

#22 Michigan State 25, Wisconsin 24
Wisconsin makes me feel somewhat better by playing a second consecutive tough game? Ehh. Bret Bielema's kind of a moron for calling a timeout to allow the Spartans to set up the game winning field goal.

Northwestern 24, #20 Minnesota 17
I don't know what on earth could have possessed Minnesota QB Adam Webster to heave a desperation pass into triple coverage that was intercepted and returned for the winning touchdown. It was a tie game! Go to overtime you idiot!

Arkansas 30, Tulsa 23
Iggins! favorite coach Bobby Petrino ends Tulsa's undefeated season.

#17 BYU 45, Colorado State 42
BYU- the Mountain West's Texas Tech.

Georgia Tech 31, #16 Florida State 28
Good. There was no reason FSU should have been ranked anyways. I continue my lovefest for Georgia Tech (now 7-2) and Paul Johnson's triple wing offense.

#15 LSU 35, Tulane 10
Yeah, whatever LSU, no one's impressed with your defeat of a Matt Forte-less Tulane.

#14 Missouri 31, Baylor 28
Baylor comes short of the upset, which is disappointing as I want Missouri to burn to the ground as an Illini fan.

#12 TCU 44, UNLV 14
The Horned Frogs continue their dominance of the Mountain West.

#11 Boise State 49, New Mexico State 0
Well that's just swell.

#10 Utah 13, New Mexico 10
Utah is #10? Seriously?

#9 Oklahoma State 59, Iowa State 17
I'm putting the over/under of combined points in this weeks Texas Tech-Oklahoma State game at 90.

#5 Florida 49, #8 Georgia 10
How's that national champion Bulldogs prediction look now, Sports Illustrated? I still think Florida can win the SEC.

#7 USC 56, Washington 0
So the Huskies didn't exactly come out firing for now lame duck coach Ty Willingham.

#4 Oklahoma 62, Nebraska 28
These Nebraska blowout losses were more fun when Bill Callahan was the head coach.

#6 Texas Tech 39, Texas 33
Yar!

Code Red's Top 25
1. Texas Tech
2. Florida
3. Alabama
4. Penn State
5. Texas
6. USC
7. Oklahoma
8. Oklahoma State
9. Ohio State
10. Missouri
11. Boise State
12. Utah
13. TCU
14. LSU
15. Georgia
16. Michigan State
17. BYU
18. Georgia Tech
19. Ball State
20.West Virginia
21. North Carolina
22. Maryland
23. Northwestern
24.Tulsa
25. Kansas

SKO Rankings-
1. Illinois
2. Iowa

Browns to Start Brady Quinn

We switch our focus from my obsessing over Kyle's health to the foolish Browns fans who think that this will save their season. At least I can finally shut down this website*.

Brady Quinn works on his mechanics chest deep in water....naked.


(*I swear to God if any of you thinks this is anything but my joke I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish)

Lest We Let Kyle's Injury Suck All the Mirth Out of the Weekend..

This is the look of boredom that is perpetually fixed to Kirk Ferentz. It says it all really.

"Why did my offense flounder so dramatically in crucial spots on Saturday's game?"
Well Kirk, this can be explained in several ways. First, your team meast, Shonn Greene, was his godlike self for one quarter and played the other three like he was channeling his inner Cedric Benson. Also, your quarterback is still looking for his ass, which is buried under 12 feet of Memorial Stadium turf after your vaunted Ferentz o-line gave up 6 sacks. It doesn't help that your offensive coordinator called the game like he'd bet money on the Illini.

"How did I lose to Ron Zook?"
Well, actually Kirk, Ron did everything that entails a Zook loss. Did we blow a lead by calling soft defensive coverages despite only having a two possession lead with quite a bit of time remaining? You bet your ass we did. Did we call the option repeatedly with little to no results? 12 times for 30 yards you crazy SOB! Did we commit a soul crushing personal foul to allow the tying/winning score? How's unnecessary roughness treat ya? Quite simply, you lost because Juice stirred up enough badassity to drive downfield to win the game.

Am I, and are most of my fans, trash talking morons?
Hell yes. 27-24. Also, the aforementioned trash talking moron dared rationalize that "Iowa played better, Red Zone offense and ints killed us." Other than the fact that Illinois outscored you, outgained you, had the same number of turnovers, gained more yards per play, gave up 6 fewer sacks and performed better on third down, you totally outplayed us.

Hope?

To Be Seen Again in 2008??

Comcast Sportsnet Chicago's William Jackson reports Kyle's ankle is not broken, that he was in high spirits, left under his own power, and that his injury does not appear to be season ending. Please God let him be back to beat Tennessee.

On a different note: to hell with any Bears fan who booed Rex Grossman on his first drive this game. What the hell? It's not like the Bears benched Kyle and threw Rex in for the hell of it. He was our only option and you booed him?? There's no reason NOT to give the kid all the support you can and hope he can pull a win out, which he did. Granted, the numbers were not close to spectacular, but the interception was hardly his fault and he played about as well as a guy who's been playing scout team quarterback for the last 8 weeks would play. Rex is Not Cade McNown. He is a guy who went out there, gave his best effort every game he played and just didn't work out. He stood up to the media when they relentlessly harassed even his good games. He never lashed out at coaches, teammates, press members, or fans, or made excuses. He worked his way back from injury after injury and was nothing but classy about his demotion in favor of Brian Griese or Kyle. Nobody wanted Rex to have to play today, but it was a classless display to boo the backup for just trying to do his job when the starter went down. We at SKO give Rex a big thumbs up for not shitting his pants and participating in a great comeback win.

Celebrate Rex, we'll remember this one.

Update: ESPN and Chicago Tribune both reporting Kyle out up to a month with a high ankle sprain. This is all pending an MRI tomorrow. Cross your fingers and hope its not that bad.

Second Update: NBC reports that Kyle drove himself home and told a friend he hopes to play next Sunday. God only knows what the hells going on.

Please Man...

Do you speak to I?

Please just let Kyle be OK? Please?!

2008: REDEMPTION!

Cue the Battle Hymn of the Republic:

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!

GLORY GLORY HALLELUUUJAH!

GLORY GLORY HALLLELUUUUUUJAH

ILLINOIS MARCHES ON!!!!!!

Also: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! VIVA LA TEXAS TECH! VIVA MIKE LEACH! VIVA LA AIR RAID !

Prognostication Bukakke! Round Two!

Predictions for week Two:

Jets @ Bills:
Code Red: Bills
Iggins!: Bills
Girlfriend: Jets
Father: Jets

Jaguars @ Bengals:
Code Red: Jaguars
Iggins!: Jaguars
Girlfriend: Bengals (Tigers are badass).
Father: Jaguars

Ravens@Browns:
Code Red: Ravens
Iggins!: Browns
Girlfriend: Browns
Father: Ravens

Texans@ Vikings:
Code Red: Texans
Iggins!: Texans
Girlfriend: Vikings (I will never choose the Texans. That name is stupid).
Father: Texans

Buccaneers @ Chiefs:
Code Red: Bucs
Iggins!: Bucs
Girlfriend: Buccaneers (the Tampa Bay Rays were way better than the Royals)
Father: Bucs

Cardinals @ Rams:
Code Red: Rams
Iggins!: Rams
Girlfriend: Rams
Father: Rams

Packers @ Titans:
Code Red: Titans
Iggins!: Titans
Girlfriend: Packers
Father: Titans

Dolphins @ Broncos:
Code Red: Broncos
Iggins!: Dolphins
Girlfriend: Broncos (though Dolphins are smarter than horses)
Father: Dolphins

Cowboys @ Giants:
Code Red: Giants
Iggins!: Giants
Girlfriend: Giants
Father: Cowboys

Eagles @ Seahawks:
Code Red: Eagles
Iggins!: Eagles
Girlfriend: Eagles
Father: Eagles

Falcons@ Raiders:
Code Red: Falcons
Iggins!: Falcons
Girlfriend: Falcons
Father: Falcons

Patriots @ Colts:
Code Red: Colts
Iggins!: Colts
Girlfriend: Patriots
Father : Colts

Steelers @ Redskins:
Code Red: Steelers
Iggins!: Redskins
Girlfriend: Steelers
Father: Steelers

Lions @ BEARS:
Code Red: BEARS
Iggins!: BEARS
Girlfriend: BEARS
Father: BEARS

That is the look perpetually fixed to Ron Zook's face. It says it all really.

"Why do I suck even though I have more talent on my team than the Detroit Lions?"

Let me explain, Ron. When you're a COACH you have to COACH, not just recruit. This means making good decisions during actual live football games. This means drawing up a playbook that makes more sense than 4th grader Timmy's trigonometry test. This means not accepting penalties on 3rd down plays when the other team would have had a 4th down had you declined (like he did last year against Iowa. Iowa converted their second 3rd down attempt).

"Why am I 0-4 against Kirk Ferentz?"

Because Kirk Ferentz is the exact opposite of your dumbassedry, Zook. Kirk grinds his 3 star players until they become Shonn Greene, Pat Angerer, and Rick Stanzi. Zook lets his 5 star players rot and never teaches them anything. Their talent essentially drops to that of a 3 star because they aren't being utilized properly! You want to know the reason Phil Jackson is the best NBA coach ever? It's because he can take any number of talented guys and make them mesh. Ron Zook couldn't make white and rice mesh. Juice is standing out there all alone, trying to turn Zook's shitty plays into good ones through his sheer will. Kudos to Juice for maturing into a badass, by the way. He'll be a good NFL player. But he's fucked.

He's fucked because Kirk Ferentz actually gameplans against Zook, and not the Illini. He knows what that dumbass is going to do and he counters it. It's like appealing to the jury when you're a defense attorney instead of proving your client innocent. It may not be the most straightforward way to beat somebody, but it's more than enough for Zook.

"Why is Shonn Greene lighting me up for over 200yds rushing?"

Because you have no defense, Ron. And because Shonn Greene just doesn't go down. He really does look like an NFL running back playing against college kids. There is zero give up in Shonn. And that's what Kirk Ferentz teaches. Fuck you, Ron Zook. Bask in the glory that is good coaching.

-Also, in closing, I accept the idea that Kirk Ferentz is Hitler. Because Zook sure as hell isn't Churchill. Zook is a fucking Communist. I'll take the extreme conservative over the extreme liberal any day. Prepare for the blitzkrieg you junksluts.