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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Around the NFL, Week 13

Eagles 34, Texans 24
I was actually impressed that the Texans kept this game close. I was hardly surprised, however, when they stumbled all over each other to see who would be the first to bend over and collapse the second they had a fourth quarter lead. Meanwhile, the Eagles offense is still good. I would love to see a playoff rematch against Vick and co., provided that it comes at Soldier Field.

Browns 13, Dolphins 10
Jake Delhomme did not throw an interception. In fact, he threw more TDs than INTs in a game for just the 3rd time in his last 15 starts. Jake Delhomme sucks, people. Congrats on the win though. Awesome to see Chad Henne (3 INTs in this game, 12:15 TD:INT ratio on the season) keeping up the fine tradition of Michigan QBs not named Brady sucking royally in the NFL. Keep it up, Chad. You're a regular Elvis Grbac!

Packers 34, 49ers 16
You're next in the firing line, Singletary.

Chiefs 10, Broncos 6
Knowshon Moreno finally has a breakout game, going for 160 yards...and Orton goes 9/28 for 117 yards. Not to be deterred, McDaniels throws the ball seven straight times in Chiefs territory while trying to get in position for the game-winning score. And you wonder why McD got fired. No wait, you don't. Everyone knows why. It's because he was a terrible coach in every single facet of the game who alienated his players, traded away all of his offensive talent, did nothing to fix a horrible defense, and set an entire franchise back for years. Thank you for the quarterback, though. Much love, brah.

Seriously, though, I can't wait to see what the next Broncos head coach does with Tebow. Most of the league thought absolutely nothing of his chances at this level and almost every head coach wants his own QB anyway. I hope they hire Gruden and he decides to make Timmy his project. "THIS GUY! HE RUNS LIKE A TIGHT END! AND THROWS LIKE ONE TOO!"

Vikings 38, Bills 14
Favre is expected to play, of course, so one needn't worry about Tarvaris Jackson upsetting the Bears next week. Actually, one should never worry about such a thing. Vikings still suck.

Jaguars 17, Titans 6
Okay, maybe Jeff Fisher is the next guy on the firing line. About damn time.

Giants 31, Redskins 7
Thankfully the Redskins luck has run out.

Saints 34, Bengals 30
How do you fall for the stupid hard count drill that every team has practiced since Pop Warner? Well, say hello to the Bengals.

Raiders 28, Chargers 13
Okay, the Raiders not sucking long enough to snap the INVINCIBLE LATE-SEASON CHARGERS unbeaten streak in December was pretty funny. This is what you get for saying the Chargers may be the best team in the NFL, Peter King.

Falcons 28, Buccaneers 24
Not surprisingly the Bucs lost another close one to a quality opponent. They'll be someone to watch next year. The Falcons seem to me to be a good team that's really benefitted from an easy schedule and have gotten some huge breaks against the best teams they've beaten (Hartley's missed FG against the Saints, Roddy White's uncalled push-off against the Ravens). I'm not going to be like every pundit out there who hates the Bears and accuse a 10-2 team of being a pretender, but there are some very vulnerable areas of that Falcons team. That defense doesn't intimidate anybody.

Seattle 31, Carolina 14
I was going to call this the worst game this year, but then I saw that the Panthers still have Arizona left on their schedule. Holy mother of awful.

Rams 19, Cardinals 6
Even in the pre-Whisenhunt days I don't remember the Cardinals looking this bad. Jake Plummer can't even take time out of his busy handball schedule to watch them get their asses kicked.

Cowboys 38, Colts 35
Peyton Manning has thrown as many interceptions in three games (11) as Jay Cutler has in his last thirteen. Hell, Drew Brees has 16 interceptions this year. Actually here's a list of quarterbacks who have thrown as many or more interceptions than Jay Cutler this year:

Favre (18)
Eli Manning (17)
Drew Brees (16)
Chad Henne (15)
Peyton Manning (15)
Donovan McNabb (15)
Carson Palmer (15)
Ryan Fitzpatrick (11)
David Garrard (11)
Matt Hasselbeck (11)
Shaun Hill (11)
Mark Sanchez (11)
Derek Anderson (10)
Sam Bradford (10)
Philip Rivers (10)

Aaron Rodgers has one fewer interception. Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco have two fewer. My God! How can the Bears ever win with such an erratic turnover prone quarterback!

Bitterness, thy name is me.

Steelers 13, Ravens 10
I hate both of these teams. Actually, there's not a single one of the AFC playoff contenders from the North, South, or East that doesn't make my blood boil. Go Chiefs?

Patriots 45, Jets 3
People are probably pants-shitting in Chicago over the Patriots, and, well since they always shit their pants I suppose the Patriots are as good as any team to worry about. However, while it's undeniably going to be the toughest challenge the Bears have faced yet, there's no reason to extrapolate what happened to the Jets last night to this Sunday. The Jets defense was somewhat hollow, having padded it's stats against an easy early slate and was fairly weak against the pass (15-7 TD:INT ratio Before last night), and their pass rush has struggled at times and relies almost entirely on the blitz. Tom Brady will kick your ass every time in that situation. The strategy remains the same as it was against the Eagles: stop the run, get to Brady with your front four alone, make tackles, and don't get beat deep. Rico Mirerez's total ineptitude at playing QB (his 16:8 TD:INT ratio before last night couldn't hide his mediocre numbers in every other area. His passer rating was just 81.9 (now 77.4), his YPA was a pedestrian 6.8 (now 6.6), and his completion %, as always, was pathetic for a guy who isn't asked to make that many throws (55% before last night, 54.9% now) doesn't excuse the Patriots from their 11 other games of relatively porous defense. They still allowed nearly 5.0 YPC against the run last night before the Jets had to abandon it. Should be a great game, and anyone expecting the Bears can be embarrassed can eat shit for what must be the millionth time this year.

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