Monday, October 1, 2007
Inside Lovie Smith's Office
(Lovie hits button on his desk phone)
Secretary: Yes, sir?
Lovie: You can send in Griese now.
Secretary: Yes sir.
Griese: Yes, sir?
Lovie: Sit down, son.
(Brian sits down)
Lovie: We have a problem here, Brian. You see, you suck.
Brian: I not good?
Lovie: No, son, you're terrible. See, you're a lot like that fire extinguisher at your high school. Remember that thing? It was made in the twenties? Hadn't worked for thirty years? It was basically just there to look good and make people think they were safe because nobody expected to ever have to use it. Y' understand?
Brian: I love bench.
Lovie: Well that's good, cuz you're gonna be on it for a while now Brian. We're starting Orton.
Brian: Bench good.
Lovie: Yes it is, son. Now go grab a clipboard and practice your signals.
(Brian leaves the room. Lovie calls his secretary again.)
Lovie: You can send in Ron, now.
Secretary: Yes, sir.
Ron Turner: Yeah, Lovie? Whaddya need?
Lovie: Please sit down.
(Ron sits down)
Lovie: Ron, I took a glance at your playbook last night, an-
Ron: Did you like it? I added a few more plays I think'll really help the offense.
Lovie: Ron, your entire playbook consists of out routes, TE posts, dives, and bubble screens to Hester.
Ron: Don't forget HB screens!
Lovie: See, Ron, that's the problem. If I wanted that playbook I'd be paying John Shoop. You're fired.
Ron: What? Who am I being replaced with?
Lovie: You can send him in, secretary.
Texas Tech Head Coach Mike Leach: WHOOOOO! THE FUCK'S UP?! LET'S GET SOME AIR RAID GOIN' IN THIS BITCH!
Lovie Smith: AIR RAID!
Mike Leach: AIR RAID!
Bernard Berrian, Rashied Davis, Mark Bradley: AIR RAID!
Kyle Orton: I'M DRUNK!... oh, and AIR RAID!