NFL Prognostication Bukkake: Week 9

Chiefs @ Chargers


Code Red: A Chargers loss here wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest…but Kansas City is so awful it’s impossible to pick them. Chargers win.

Iggins!: The Chiefs winning anything would surprise me. Chargers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Chargers.



Bears @ Titans

Iggins!: The Titans suck, hopefully Tice remembers to run the rock. It might not even matter. The defense is going to do some things. Bears win, 27-9.

Code Red: Another week, more complaints about Mike Tice. Just stop overthinking everything. Bears 24-10.

Mrs. Code Red: Bears 30-10.



Lions @ Jaguars

Code Red: The Lions will be back at .500 and their fans will peak their heads out from under the rock they’ve buried themselves under since the Tigers got swept. Don’t worry, folks. You’re not making the playoffs. Lions win.

Iggins!: The Jags gave GB a scare last week, but even at home it’s hard to pick them. Lions win.

Mrs. Code Red: Lions win.



Cardinals @ Packers

Iggins!: Should be quick and painless. Packers win.

Code Red: Should be, but the Jaguars gave them a run, too. The Cardinals seem ready for a gigantic blowout to punctuate their collapse, though. Packers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Packers win.



Dolphins @ Colts

Code Red: Well, shit balls. Who saw this as a matchup between two 4-3 teams at this point? Picking against the Colts has burned me badly, but the Dolphins pass-rush is great and may make the difference here. Dolphins win. I swear I don’t hate the Colts, though.

Iggins!: It seems you do! But I agree. With the Fin rushing attack versus that poor Colt rushing defense, and especially considering how solid the Dolphin defense has been… I’ll take Miami to win.

Mrs. Code Red: Colts win.



Panthers @ Redskins

Iggins!: All offense here. Should be a fun game to watch, at least. I’ll take RG3 to win, and Rivera to get canned.

Code Red: The storyline will be Bad Awful Gloreee Boy Cam vs. Living Saint RGIII. I think Cam actually pulls the stunner here. Panthers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Redskins win.



Bills @ Texans

Code Red: Well, this one’s easy. Texans win.

Iggins!: Yup. Texans win.

Mrs. Code Red: Texans win.



Ravens @ Browns

Iggins!: I am strongly tempted to take Cleveland here, but something within that division just doesn’t let the two Ohio teams beat the two northeastern teams. That said, the Browns have a strong future ahead of them. Ravens win.

Code Red: I am also tempted. Weeden’s been better than people realize. Richardson is legit. They have an offensive line and Josh Gordon’s a nice receiver. Their defense has been much better since they got Haden back, and they’ve got some nice pieces on defense in Sheard and Ward. They’ll surprise next year. Can’t quite pull the trigger though. Ravens win.

Mrs. Code Red: Ravens win.



Broncos @ Bengals

Code Red: Two teams going two very different directions. Broncos win.

Iggins!: Bengals are currently freefalling into last year’s Bucs mode. Broncos win.

Mrs. Code Red: Broncos.



Buccaneers @ Raiders

Iggins!: Speaking of the Bucs, look who found an offense! Bucs win.

Code Red: Good to see that Josh Freeman’s career may not have been disintegrating, after all. Bucs win.

Mrs. Code Red: Buccaneers.



Vikings @ Seahawks

Code Red: Tailspin! Seahawks win.

Iggins!: One does not simply walk into Seattle and win. Seahawks win.

Mrs. Code Red: Seahawks win.



Steelers @ Giants

Iggins!: A bit surprised the Steelers managed to win last week, but they don’t have much of a shot here. Giants win.

Code Red: I wasn’t. I’d be surprised if they manage to win this one, though. Giants win.

Mrs. Code Red: Giants win.



Cowboys @ Falcons

Code Red: It would be the most Cowboys thing ever to win this game. They won’t, though. Falcons win.

Iggins!: The Falcons are enjoying the hell out of playing these inconsistent teams. Falcons win.

Mrs. Code Red: Falcons win.



Eagles @ Saints

Iggins!: Vick is still the starting QB. Looks like he needs one… final… push out the door. So Saints win.

Code Red: Franchise is boned. Spent millions on a defensive line that pass-rushed well last year before disappearing this year, traded away the cornerback who is still playing at an elite level (Samuels) and kept the one who isn’t (Nnamdi), never bothered to fix their offensive line, leading an always erratic QB to fall apart, and all of the power in the organization is still in the hands of Andy Reid. Saints win.

Mrs. Code Red: Saints win.