For the Record: Bye Week Madness, Mistakes Made With Vanderbilt, and Questionable Coaching Hires Addition.

Well, that was a good week five, I’d say. I give the Jaguars credit. It was hot and miserable and they played some excellent man coverage and disrupted the routes the Bears wanted to run in the first half. The Bears had nearly 200 yards of offense and little to show for it. Unfortunately for Jacksonville, the second half came and the Bears adjusted quite well. Amazing to think they’d end up with 41 points and over 500 yards of offense for the first time since 1989 after 3 points in the first half. This team is scary when it puts it all together. Brandon Marshall is some kind of superhuman. I know we both love Marcus Robinson, but clearly we’ve never seen a guy who can just take over a game at receiver before. 292 yards for Cutler, 107 yards for Forte, 144 yards for Marshall, 52 combined yards and a kickass hurdle from Michael Bush…that’s what you want to see against a team like Jacksonville. Just complete domination. Also, Blaine Gabbert is hilariously bad at the footballs. Seriously.

On defense, it’s amazing to think that Urlacher is clearly not 100% and the defense has responded by playing like they don’t need him. Hard to expose Urlacher if Briggs, the secondary, and the d-line are all dominating like they’ve been. This is the defense Lovie has wet dreams about. They’ve scored 35 points this year and allowed 54 if you take the special teams TD by Green Bay and the pick six by Indianapolis. Fucking ludicrous.

Now it’s the bye week followed by a Monday Night game proving that the schedule makers fucking hate us. Not the Bears. They love this time off, but we, the fans, must wait like FOREVER to see our Bears again. That’s cruel and unusual punishment after a 3 game winning streak.

Now around the NFL…..HA, Green Bay. HA. I watched that happen from 21-3 to the finish and I’m still in shock. So awesome. So very awesome. I think people can concede that we’re not homers when we say the Bears are, despite their loss to Green Bay, the better team. They just have to figure out how to fix their matchup nightmare Against Green Bay, but if Green Bay loses this week to the Texans to drop to 2-4, they could actually be facing the dream scenario (and you did call this, so kudos) where the Bears don’t have to beat Green Bay or worry about them in the playoffs at all. C’mon Arian Foster. Shred them!

Elsewhere around the league….wow, Buffalo. How does that team get that much WORSE on defense? 600 yards to the 49ers after what happened against the Patriots? More importantly, how is Chan Gailey not fired? I normally disapprove of in-season firings, but c’mon! Also, poor RGIII. I fear these shots will keep coming. Don’t be Mike Vick, son. Slide! We love you too much to see that!


Great game indeed. I'm in disagreement about that first half. There was a lot of hate but I kept saying the offense was doing great. They had 3 points due to circumstance more than anything. The defense struggling to get pressure on third down was troubling, but the damn defense adjusted and decided to blitz to create pressure. Are these the Bears? When did the coaching get so competent?

Also, Mike Tice has clearly gotten it. Run with Forte. Run with Bush. Play-action on running downs in the second half. Win. You covered the offense pretty well there, so I'll express something I've noticed these first few games. There has been one possession in the third quarter of every game this year where Michael Bush plays exclusively. At first I thought it was stupid because this drive is ALWAYS the drive where the Bears pass-pass-pass and Forte is a dominant pass-catching RB. But teams don't realize this is "that drive" so they basically react like this:



Play 1: "Oh shit it's Bush. They're running." (Bears pass for long gain)

Play 2: "...still Bush? Well they got us last time but NOT NOW." (Bears pass for long gain)

Play 3: "...Huh. Well fine, we'll blitz!" (Screen to Michael Bush for long gain.)

Defense Erodes

Touchdown Bears



And this series happens every game. EVERY GAME. I imagine Mike Tice just shaking his head and laughing to himself while it happens AGAIN.

That defense is STOUT. The Bears are clearly in the cream of the league's crop. Who can you honestly put over Chicago without an argument now? Houston? Atlanta struggled against Washington AND Carolina. New England lost to the friggin' Cardinals. The 49ers got out-muscled by a team just because they had a good defense. Atlanta may take the #1 seed because of their extremely weak schedule, but I'd take the Bears in that one.

Teams seem to be figuring out these pass-happy offenses this year. The Packer's numbers are down, the Pats numbers are down. And without 40 points per game the Packers are doomed. This is a bad year for Green Bay to falter to 9-7 or 10-6. They've spotted the Vikings a good lead over them for a wildcard spot. Haven't we had this Chan Gailey discussion before? What is it about him that makes him so difficult to fire?


Hey now, the defensive coaching has always been competent. The Bears have just rarely had the talent on the defensive line and in the secondary that they have now. I mean, Corey Wootton has 3.5 sacks already. If you told me Corey Wootton would get 4 sacks total this year I’d have called it a victory. They just keep bringing people, and Conte and Wright are staying in position deep, which allows them to do whatever the hell they want.

I also like when the Bears bring Bush in on first down just to fall forward for 4 yards to they can open up the playbook at 2nd and 6. That’s using the noggin. Also, I’d say Houston is the only team that I’d be willing to rank ahead of the Bears without argument. Fortunately we get to try them out at home. I don’t buy Atlanta being that much better than they’ve been before. They’re better, unquestionably, but I don’t think they can get enough pressure on Jay to beat the Bears. That’s basically the only way to beat them. You have to pressure Jay into mistakes and have an offense that can move the ball patiently against the Tampa Two without turning it over.

Also, Chan Gailey isn’t fired because these are the Bills. They let Dick Jauron go 7-9 THREE YEARS IN A ROW and didn’t fire him, despite his previous track record before he even came to Buffalo of being Dick Jauron. Chan’ll probably get an extension because he’s always so kind about making sure the apple sauce isn’t too hot when he’s feeding Ralph Wilson.


For how many years have we seen the Bears continue to rush 4 even when it isn't working? I don't dispute the defenses have been coached well, but the decision-making has been questionable at times.

Houston is just ho-hum murdering everyone. Atlanta is a bit too pass happy and their defense is a bit too mediocre. They're a great team, but I don't think they're better than Chicago. That Bears-Texans game is going to be huge. And they get the 49ers right after? That should be a fun couple of weeks.

On the other hand, I am so damn tired of night games. I want to wake up and see the Bears at noon on Sunday! Not only do the Bears have 2 Monday games left and one Sunday night game... that Week 14 game at Minnesota looks ripe for flexing right about now (since the current game is Green Bay vs. Detroit). I WANT NOONERS.

So college football. Boy the B1G sucks. There's Ohio State, a large gulf, then NINE other teams that could all win or lose on a whim (I'm discluding Indiana and Illinois because... well, come on). The only way the Rose Bowl would be competitive would be to have Louisville play the B1G champ. USC is going to kill folk.

And you can give me respect now for remaining clear-headed about Florida State being Florida State. And ignore Vanderbilt. IGNORE THEM.


I hope the Vikings tailspin. I don’t want that game flexed, man. I’d be driving home from Minneapolis at 3 in the morning. No man wants to do that! Yeah, the litmus test for the Bears will be Houston. They win that game and they’ll be favored in everything the rest of the way. If they played SF at home I wouldn’t be worried. That’ll be tough on the road, but I think the Bears are better because they can do everything SF can do, but they have more talent on offense.

And yeah, I want nooners as well. I enjoy watching the Bears and then having the freedom to whatever I want with my Sunday. Asshole schedule makers. Can we just stop discussing B1G football? So, so awful. Yes, kudos on the Florida State thing but you have to acknowledge my superiority since Florida is 6-0 and Vanderbilt is fucking VANDERBILT, YOU MORON.


I put the Florida-Vandy game in the progkakke. And I'm picking Vandy. God help me. Still trying my best to avoid Iowa games. I have no idea what's going to happen in the B1G.

I guess a Bear fan got stabbed in a bar in Jacksonville? Why so serious, Jag fans? The things Gabbert makes people do...

And the SNF game apparently got TWICE the ratings of either MLB playoff game on Sunday. Poor baseball. Nobody loves you.


I’ll appreciate the easy win. The best part about Vandy sucking is that you weren’t just like “hey, I have a hunch, man.” You were downright MILITANT about that prediction, and even when literally all of the indicators you used for Vandy being good this year (close games last year, more experienced QB this year, starts lost to injury) were also true for Florida and Tennessee, who naturally have more talent, you were all “FUCK YOU, LOGIC. I’M RIDING THE VANDY TRAAAAAAAAINNNNNN!”

Yeah, that, that can’t have simply been about football, can it? No one cares about the Jaguars that much. If they do, God help them. Baseball just needs to get comfortable with being #3 on a good day, and tailor their expectations accordingly.


Just had a hunch. Figured I'd go all in. I don't like sittin' fences, son.

Once again: we have a friend who moved to Jacksonville and instead of becoming a Jaguar fan he became a BEARS fan. That should be a good indicator of how little the Jags mean to Jacksonville.

Is it poor form that I'm more excited for the Iowa Men's Basketball opening game (against Texas Pan-American... which is a college?) than I am for any of their upcoming football games? Because that is an odd situation for me to be in. I remember before the season KXNO did a poll where they asked whether people were more excited for Iowa's upcoming hoops season (still months away) or the football season (weeks away). And it was like 65% for the basketball. What the hell is that?


That is odd. They have college basketball, you say? In IOWA? That can’t be a terribly successful endeavor.


Well for years we suffered under the rule of Douche McHoosierfuck, but even when he was unceremoniously overthrown all we got in return was the basketball equivalent of John L. Smith with no personality.


Hmm. I heard Illinois whiffed badly in its coaching search after firing their long-tenured moron of a head coach and wound up with a mediocre candidate from a MAC school. Or was that in football? Couldn’t be both, could it?


No, couldn't be both.

(Waits necessary period of time for joke to become funny...)

Oh dear. Someone needs to fire that AD quickly. And that same person should fire Gary Barta for good measure. Not sure if one person can fire both ADs, but I'm willing hope.


Yeah Gary Barta blows. Kirk Ferentz has some serious integrity. If I had a contract that made me that impossible to fire there’s no way I’d ever wear pants to work again.


I'd just run trick plays over and over again and let the cheerleaders play defense by exposing themselves.

I would really do that.


I’d run the triple option on 3rd and 24 with Chris Chandler at QB. BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY.


Because you love the triple-option, I'd wager.


Fuck this damnable bye week. I like the week 7/week 8 bye that they had the last couple of years. That was a nice midseason break. This? My appetite for Bears football has merely been whetted! WHETTED I SAY!


Yeah, but this way this is the last week without Bear footbaw for a while. I'd rather have the bye in week 5 honestly. Now Colts and Steeler fans get 12 straight weeks of footbaw! The glory.

So to wrap this up, what will you do to pass the time during this here bye week? I mean, yeah, we're congregating, but if you weren't going to be at my place watching Iowa play MSU, playing board games, and blabbing about football while we get dirty looks from our respective females, what would you do?

For me, the answer is fairly clear: I need to catch up on my dark worship. Seriously, the Ram God is going to be pissed. He knows football takes precedence, but it doesn't mean he appreciates it.


I don’t know. I’d assume I’d have to go do “fun Sunday stuff” the wife. As far as I can tell that includes grocery shopping, going for something called a “walk” (and that’s literally all you need. You just utilize your feet to obtain forward motion because it’s “healthy”), and, since it’s fall, something involving pumpkin. Damn pumpkins. They’re everywhere. This is lame. Bye weeks are super-lame. Players should go back to being the indentured servants my Grandfather knew and loved, because WHAT MAKES THEM THINK THEY DESERVE A WEEK OFF FROM PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT?! YOU EXIST FOR MY AMUSEMENT. AMUSE ME. God, what’s the offseason for? Maybe go play baseball or something, you lazy ingrates.