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Friday, October 21, 2011

Prognostication Bukakke, NFL Week 7

Broncos (1-4) at Miami (0-5)
Code Red: Miami Has to get a win at some point, and this seems like the place. Dolphins win.

Iggins!: Miami is so dysfunctional. They can't get out of their own way, and this is Tebow appreciation day, IN MIAMI, that is not a joke. Broncos win.

Mrs. Code Red: I'm taking the Broncos. I mean, Tebow HAS TO WIN, right? He's the Messiah.

Texans (3-3) at Titans (3-2)
Iggins!: Hm. The Titans have looked good in spurts this year, but all three Texan losses came to great teams in close games... I love the Texans so I'll take them here.


Mrs. Code Red: The only thing I know about the Titans is that they aren't that good. I guess the only thing I know about the Texans is that they aren't that bad? Fuck Arian Foster. Texans win.

Bears (3-3) at Bucs (4-2)
Code Red: Well, damned if one blowout win didn't restore all of my confidence in this team. Wait. No it didn't. Oh well, hopefully the improvement continues and the neutral site should favor the more internationally recognized Bears? Bears win.

Iggins!: Do the Bears run 6 or 7 man protections all game long? Then they win! If they do not they will lose badly. I'll take the Bears cautiously.

Mrs. Code Red: I can't believe the Bucs are 4-2. I've watched two Bucs games, I think, and they look shitty. Bears win. Then again...the Bears have also kinda looked shitty. But the rules are the rules.

Seahawks (2-3) at Browns (2-3)
Iggins!: Ugh. Gotta take the home team. Browns win.

Code Red: These teams make Football Jesus cry. Browns win.

Mrs. Code Red: I'm torn between saying the Seahawks and hoping to steal a win, or admitting defeat and playing it safe. I'll play it safe and go with the Browns. Also, no team should put neon green and teal together.

Chargers (4-1) at Jets (3-3)
Code Red: The Jets haven't looked impressive in a single game all year. Chargers win.

Iggins!: If the Jets could just switch their QB they'd have a shot. As it is they're screwed. Chargers win.

Code Red: 'Tis True. Rico Mirerez be all up in yo franchises, ruinings your postseason expectations.

Mrs. Code Red: Yay, Backup team! Go Chargers!

Redskins (3-2) at Panthers (1-5)
Iggins!: The Panthers are the best 1-5 team I may have ever seen (not saying much). Four of their losses were against top flight NFC teams. The Redskins may have been brought back to earth last week, and with Beck starting now I think the Panthers will win.

Code Red: Dammit. You haven't taken any of the teams I was hoping you'd take. Panthers win.

Mrs. Code Red: They benched Sexy Rexy! Cam Newton shall take my revenge! Panthers win.

Falcons (3-3) at Detroit (5-1)
Code Red: If the Falcons can run with Turner and get to Stafford, they could win. I feel that's not going to happen, though. Lions win.

Iggins!: Lions win.

Mrs. Code Red: It hurts my soul, but I think the Lions will win.

Steelers (4-2) at Cardinals (1-4)
Iggins!: Oh Steelers. By many, many points.

Code Red: THE WHISENHUNT BOWL. Steelers win.

Mrs. Code Red: This week sucks. Steelers win. Why does Arizona even have a team?

Chiefs (2-3) at Raiders (4-2)
Code Red: Trading away your entire future (a 2011 1st rd pick and a 2012 2nd rd (that could become a 1st) for a fading quarterback?) is bad. However, a heavy dose of Run DMC should be enough to sneak the Raiders past the Chiefs. Raiders win.

Iggins!: The Bengals certainly kicked some ass with that trade. The Chiefs figured out their identity the two weeks they had before the bye, But I think the Raiders are too good. Raiders win.

Mrs. Code Red: The Chiefs are gonna win sometimes...and they've been looking better, but the Raiders seem to be a much better team. Raiders win.

Packers (6-0) at Minnesota (1-5)
Iggins!: MASSACRE. Packers win.

Code Red: So much blood. I've decided that this year's Packers team is a better version of last year's Patriots. Their offense is seemingly unstoppable and you just hope some divinely inspired team can find a way to bump them off in the playoffs before they can make a run at title #2. Packers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Well, this is laughable. Packers win, but should the Vikings pull it off I can only assume divine intervention is involved.

Rams (0-5) at Cowboys (2-3)
Code Red: Sam Bradford should give Tim Couch a phone call to get some advice on dealing with life as a first overall pick suffering on a franchise with no talent. Cowboys win.

Iggins!: The Rams are confusingly terrible. Even Romo can't choke this one up. Cowboys win.

Mrs. Code Red: Cowboys, even though Tony Romo has found a way to blow everything so far, I think he and Miles Austin will get the Cowboys and my fantasy team on track here.

Colts (0-6) at Saints (4-2)
Iggins!: What a terrible lineup of games this week! Saints win.

Code Red: Indeed. Bad week to try and advance in the standings. Saints win.

Mrs. Code Red: The Colts are gonna win at some point. This is so not that point. Saints win. (plus, Drew Brees has the cutest baby in the world).

Ravens (4-1) at Jags (1-5)
Code Red: Oh come on. Who thought this was going to be a good game even before the season? Ravens win.

Iggins!: This is going to be one of the most boring weeks of football I have ever witnessed. Ravens win.

Mrs. Code Red: Ravens. Why is this televised?

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