San Diego @ St. Louis
Code Red: I'm going to go with San Diego, because that's the safe bet, but I'm not going to bat an eye if they fumble 17 times or give up 3 return TDs and lose.
Iggins!: San Diego has betrayed me over and over this year, but I can’t pick an NFC West team. San Diego wins.
New Orleans @ Tampa Bay
Iggins!: What the fuck, New Orleans? Do Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush mean that much to you? I hope for your sake you don’t lose here. New Orleans wins.
Code Red: They really, really need to get some kind of run game going. Just enough to give Breesus an opportunity to throw the deep ball again. Saints win, I hope.
Detroit @ New York Giants
Code Red: The Lions will be the best 1-5 team in the league. Giants win.
Iggins!: The Giants are the Oregon State of the NFL. They dig themselves a hole and climb out of it just in time to lose to Oregon at the end of the year. Giants win.
Miami @ Green Bay
Iggins!: Matt Flynn is in? Packers suck. Miami wins.
Code Red: Matt Flynn is probably in because Aaron Rodgers is probably out, Clay Matthews is possibly out, and Jermaine Wiggins, Nick Barnett, Morgan Burnett, Al Harris, and Atari Bigby are all definitely out. Oh, Green Bay, I love to watch you burn. Miami wins.
Seattle @ Chicago
Code Red: I really hope that Seattle's rather porous defense will allow Edwin Williams and J'Marcus Webb another week to acclimate themselves to game conditions, and, if this is the week Chris Williams returns, help him ease back into the lineup as well. Cutler's return should revive the passing game, obviously, but I also hope Martz remains more than reluctantly committed to the run. If the Bears can run even half as well as they did against the Panthers teams will begin to call off the dogs on the pass rush. Anyway, Bears win.
Iggins!: Cutler is back… and Seattle has the 31st ranked pass defense in the NFL… I think we may set a record for fewest rushes by a team in a game. Bears win.
Baltimore @ New England
Iggins!: God, do they play this game every year? So fucking boring. I’ll take the home team, but don’t underestimate the loss of Randy Moss. Patriots win.
Code Red: I'll overestimate the loss of Randy Moss and I'll take the Ravens. The Patriots secondary is still shitty enough to be exploited by Joe Flacco.
Cleveland @ Pittsburgh
Code Red: I never really liked Colt McCoy at Texas, but I felt genuinely sorry for the kid when he got injured in the title game last year. Not as sorry as I'm going to feel watching the Steelers murder him, though. Pittsburgh wins, and it's going to be very, very ugly.
Iggins!: Mike Wallace fantasy owners rejoice. Steelers win.
Kansas City @ Houston
Iggins!: My darling Texans need to realize that going down by 21 points early means that, even if you have a great running game, the opposition can pass rush the rest of the game. Won’t make a difference here, because KC can’t score! Texans win.
Code Red: The Texans will win here, and lose next week, probably.
Atlanta @ Philadelphia
Code Red: Again, I'm sure the Falcons will get their fifth straight unimpressive win and the media will continue to laud them while damning the Bears for only beating the Seahawks by ten or something. Falcons win.
Iggins!: Shady will CRUSH THEM. Eagles win.
New York Jets @ Denver
Iggins!: This will be the game where everybody realizes Orton is still Orton. Jets win.
Code Red: Give it up, friend. I've wasted enough breath showing why Orton is still Orton. Jets win.
Oakland @ San Francisco
Code Red: Having ranted against Singletary I'll now pick his team to get their first win of the year, because losing this game seems like something Oakland would do. 49ers win, but they still blow.
Iggins!: I wanted to pick the Raiders last week and didn’t. I won’t make the same mistake twice. Raiders win.
Dallas @ Minnesota
Code Red: Two overhyped 1-3 teams with glaring holes everywhere face off to determine who will drop to an inescapable 1-4 hole and who will still suck at 2-3. I think the Cowboys have looked much competent in their 3 losses than the Vikings have, so I'll pick them and bask in the schadenfavre.
Iggins!: The Cowboys have by far looked like a better team, and hopefully Favre’s streak ends because he goes to jail as a sex offender. Now THAT’S schadenfavre. Cowboys win.
Indianapolis @ Washington
Iggins!: This game’s total score will approach 100. Redskins win.
Code Red: I bet the combined score won't even reach 50. Neither team has lit up the scoreboard yet and both have struggled to take the pressure off of their QBs with the run game. Colts win.
Tennessee @ Jacksonville
Code Red: Why is this a Monday Night game? These teams were both mediocre last year. The Titans have hope this year, sure, but..guh. I guess I'll take VY and the Titans, although that always chaps my ass.
Iggins!: Last week I didn’t pick Vince and the gods burned my ass. Never again, VY. Titans win.