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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

College Football Roundup, Week 5

Oklahoma State 38, Texas A&M 35
To be honest, I wasn't expecting this game to be entertaining at all. But then it turned out to be the funniest damn game of football I've seen in a looong time (Sunday Night's Bears game excepted, since, well, let's face it, if you can numb yourself out of thinking like a Bears fan and appreciate the complete disintegration of the Bears offensive line for the total farce that it was, that game was pretty funny). First you had A&M jumping out to a 21-7 halftime lead thanks to 3 TD passes by Jerrod Johnson. Then you had Oklahoma State roaring back and then taking a 35-21 thanks to 3 Jerrod Johnson interceptions and a Jerrod Johnson fumble. Then you had Jerrod Johnson rallying to tie the game at 35 with two more TD passes, giving him five on the day. Then Oklahoma State had to punt, and with a minute or so left Jerrod Johnson drove Texas A&M to the edge of field goal range and then...threw his 4th and fatal interception, which OK State returned to set up the game winning kick. So to recap: Texas A&M had 5 TDs and 5 turnovers that OK State turned into points. All of which came at the hands of Jerrod Johnson. He literally accounted in someway for every single point scored by either offense in this game. It was both hilarious and tragic, but mostly hilarious because Mike Sherman is his head coach and watching that man's agony is a highly rewarding experience.

Miami 30, Clemson 21
Miami may finally be shaking themselves free of the pack and climbing to the top of the giant feces heap that is the ACC. Hurray?

Ohio State 24, Illinois 13
Grrr. ANGRY. REFEREE CONSPIRACY. But seriously, Terrelle Pryor is so overrated it makes my ears bleed. If I hear one more person call him a Heisman frontrunner or the nation's most exciting player while he's throwing for 77 yards against Illinois and Denard Robinson is singlehandedly carrying the secondhand leeches of Michigan's offense to victory like the protagonist in an Ayn Rand novel (minus all of the rape and the thinly veiled sociopathy) I may be forced to kill every living thing on this planet.

Michigan State 34, Wisconsin 24
Well shit. I think we may be looking at that one year where Michigan State breaks free of their standard 5-7 or 7-5 average and heads for double digits. Not that I have any problem with that, I just wish I hadn't picked Wisconsin.

Virginia Tech 41, NC State 30
One of college football's many laws: Tom O'Brien will never, ever actually achieve anything.

Michigan 42, Indiana 35
Denard Robinson is averaging 383 yards of total offense per game and he missed 3 quarters against Bowling Green. I don't know what's more impressive, the fact that he generates more offense by himself than 25 BCS schools (including Virginia Tech, West Virginia, Miami, Georgia, Texas, Penn State, Florida, and Tennessee) or that Michigan needs every bit of his superhuman efforts simply to beat Indiana.

Oklahoma 28, Texas 20
Well, I think Oklahoma will now glide all the way to the Big 12 title game, where Nebraska will then destroy them, rape their mothers, and burn their plantation as the Huskers ride off into the night to join the Increasingly Less Accurately Named Big Ten. Oh, and Texas really sucks. Ha.

LSU 16, Tennessee 14
I have no idea what kind of good deeds or deals with Satan that Les Miles has done in order to earn his charmed existence, but I just know that I would never, ever bet against that man's ability to set himself and his own team on fire and still win the god damn football game.

Iowa State 52, Texas Tech 38
This is what happens when you fire Mike Leach, people. I laugh at you, Texas Tech. 52 POINTS FOR IOWA STATE? That's like 125 points for a real school.

Washington 32, USC 31
CALLED IT! Where is your God know, Lane Kiffin?

Oregon 52, Stanford 31
I really have to hand it to Oregon in this one. They are one very well coached football team. They were down 21-3 in this game before they even knew what hit them and yet there was absolutely no sign of panic. Chip Kelly called an onside kick in the second quarter and went for it on 4th and 1 in his own territory in the first half and yet nothing he did seemed to be a gamble. He played the percentages, bet that his team was better, and he won. I have to say, as much as I love Jim Harbaugh and admire what he's done with Stanford, it's important to remember that they've only been at this a few years, while Oregon has been in the upper tier for over a decade. They simply have more depth, and it showed over the second half. I wouldn't be surprised if this was Stanford's only conference loss. Besides, it's been damn near impossible to come into Autzen Stadium and win since the days when Akili Smith and Joey Harrington played QB for the Ducks.*

Alabama 31, Florida 6.
Steve Addazio, you are not good at your job. I think, even if Dan Mullen were still calling the plays for Florida, that they'd have lost this game. But it should never have been like this. The talent disparity between these two teams is small enough that this game should have been a toss up. Instead, for the last two years it hasn't even been close. Nick Saban absolutely destroyed Florida and showed no remorse while Florida ran option plays where the QB was absolutely no threat to keep the ball, ran 5 wides where Alabama didn't even have to pretend to cover the deep routes, and the Gators simply had no answer for anything Alabama did. T'was very sad.

Iowa 24, Penn State 3
Penn State sucks.

*- Yes, that was just an excuse to mention Akili Smith and Joey Harrington in order to laugh at them.

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