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Sunday, January 13, 2008

By the Gods

(Roughly one year ago, in a room filled with fire and darkness.)


Peyton: Goshdarn is it hot in here. I wish I hadn't decided to come all formal... I must have pit-stains down to my balls. Golly jee! When is he gonna get in here?

Door opens behind Peyton. In walks:


Satan, ruler of darkness, lord of the underworld: "Peyton! I was just betting with God on how long it'd take you to get your ass in here! But, fuck me, here you are, not an hour later. Looks like I win, douchebag! (brazenly flips bird upwards. somewhere God is frowning)

Peyton: "Miroslav Satan? Well, I'll be. I always had my suspicions, but you're really the devil himself?"

Satan: "I'm also Corey Patterson, Big and Rich, and Drew Neitzel."

Peyton: "You slick son-of-a-gun."

Yes, he HAS been at MSU forever.

Satan: "Flattery ain't worth shit, son, so let's get down to business! You want to sell your soul for a Super Bowl run?"

Peyton: "In a way, sir. I'd like to propose a good-ol' proposition, if it pleases the unending void of evil standing before me."

Satan: "Fuck, whatever, hit me with it."

Peyton: "Instead of selling MY soul for a Super Bowl win, I'd like to sell my brother Eli's"

Satan: "Oh, now that is some FUCKED UP shit there, boy. This is some straight up Berserk shit. Why the hell would a choir-boy like you want to sell your brother to Satan?"

Peyton: "He's just so goshdarned aggravatin' to watch! It's more painful than watchin the Bears! I feel I'd be doin society a favor."

Satan: "Hmmm. Alright, fuck it, I accept. But selling someone elses soul only works for one year! After that, you're back to goin at the playoffs by your lonesome, asshole."

Peyton: "Deal."



Peyton: "Goshdangit. I shoulda sold Marvin."

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