Dear Lovie Smith,
I tried to do this politely, Coach. I wrote a nice polite letter, started this quaint little website, and have subtly and in a dignified manner argued for you replacing Brian Griese at quarterback with Kyle Orton. But now you've shown yourself to be as slow to the trigger with the untalented wretch that is Griese as you were with the promising tragedy of Rex Grossman. Now I get serious, Mr. Smith. Now I am through asking. I am demanding that you start the Neckbearded One. For every day that you don't, I will kill an imaginary animal. This week?
See this Unicorn, Coach? Graceful, noble, one of the most beloved and respected of all fantasy animals. You don't want the death of this beautiful creature on your hands, do you? Make the call, Coach. Kyle's neckbeard steps onto that field Sunday, or this animal sits impaled on its own horn Monday morning.