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Thursday, October 11, 2007

Illinois Vs. Iowa, Battle of the Random Ass Statistics

So in my second salvo against those communist pig loving sheep shaggers of the University of Iowa, I've decided to do a comparison between the self declared "historically more successful" football program of the Iowa Hawkeyes and the Fighting Illini. Now I'm not going to use the common, boring ass statistics like the number of national championships Illini football has (5), compared to the number that Iowa has (1). or the number of conference titles the Illini have won (15) or that Iowa has won (12, one of which was for some nonexistent Western Interstate University Football Association, not the Western Conference/Big Ten, but who's counting? ), the number of college or NFL hall of famers Illinois has (15, 6) over Iowa (13, 2), nor even the number of say, Rose Bowl victories by Illinois (3) or Iowa (2). I'm talking about what's really important. Immeasurable statistics and obscure players forgotten most likely by anyone but true Illini or Iowa football fans. So we commence with

Round 1: 1980's Quarterbacks That Dominated the Big Ten and Flopped in the NFL

Illinois- Jack Trudeau 1981-1985

Career Records Held for Fighting Illini : 8,725 career passing yards, 797 career completions, 64% career completion percentage.

NFL Career: Drafted by Colts in 2nd rd, 1986. Played from 1986-1995 with the Colts, Jets, and Panthers. 873 comps/1644 att. 53.1% comp. 10,243 yards. 42 tds, 69 ints. 63.3 QB Rating

Since retiring has: Been arrested and ticketed for hosting a graduation party for his son and supplying alcohol to minors. Because that's the Illinois way.

Iowa- Chuck Long 1981-1985

Career Records Held for Hawkeyes: 1,203 career attempts, 782 career completions, 65% career completion percentage, 10, 461 career yards, 74 career touchdown passes. (and a shit ton of others. this guy owns the entire record book.)

NFL Career: Drafted by Lions in the 1st rd, 1986. Played from 1986-1994 with Detroit and the Los Angeles Rams. 331 comp./607 atts, 54.5% comp., 3,747 yds, 19 tds, 28 ints. 64.5 rating.

Since retiring has: Become an assistant college coach at Iowa and Oklahoma and is now the head coach of San Diego State University. Booooooring.

Result:Well, the statistics, especially in college, would seem to favor Chuck Long, but that's just not how we do things at Start Kyle Orton. Trudeau gave beer to kids, so he wins. Advantage: Illinois

Round 2: Spunky Wide Receiver that Everyone Loved

Illinois- Brandon Lloyd 1999-2002

College: 160 receptions, 2,583 receiving yards, 21 tds.

NFL: Drafted in the 4th rd of the 2003 NFL draft by the San Fransisco 49ers. Played for the 49ers from 2003-2005 with 105 receptions for 1510 yards and 13 tds. Was traded to the Redskins before the 2006 season and has proven to be a disappointment as a Redskin with only 24 receptions for 374 yards and no touchdowns. Also produced a rap album while in San Fransisco and has been accused of short arming passes and not being dedicated to the game of football.

Iowa- Tim Dwight Iowa 1994-1997

College: 139 receptions for 2271 yards and 21 tds. Also has 76 career punt returns for 1102 yards and 5 tds, which were all Big Ten records till some guy named Ted Ginn, Jr. came along.

NFL: Drafted by the Falcons in the 4th round of the 1998 NFL Draft. Played from 1998-2006 with the Falcons, Chargers, Patriots, and Jets. Is not officially retired, but is most likely done. Has 188 receptions for 2,866 yards and 17 tds. Has also returned 94 punts for 967 yards and 3 tds.

Since retiring has: Give him a fucking break, he got cut like a month ago.

Result: While their receiving statistics are roughly equal and Lloyd is most likely to eclipse Dwight in those categories soon, Dwight's skill as a returner give him the edge. Also, the consensus on Brandon Lloyd since he's been in the NFL is that he's a selfish cock, and Tim Dwight is Tim Dwight. I mean, come on, TIM DWIGHT! Advantage: Iowa

Well, after 2 rounds its a tie. More to come later when I feel like it.

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