Power rankings time again, kiddies. Don't expect any more LOTR references... for now.
Wow, what the fuck happened here?
32) St. Louis Rams (Did Marc Bulger finally realize he's mediocre and just surrounded by talent like Holt and Jackson? Or did the Rams finally realize nobody cares about their division?)
Also total shit
31) Miami Dolphins
Still confused about how they got even one win...
30) Atlanta Falcons
29) New York Jets (They still won't start Kellen Clemens, eh? I've always doubted Kellen, and Red can attest to that, but still... you're 1-6. You aren't going to the playoffs. Might be time to give him a try.)
28) Buffalo Bills
27) San Francisco 49ers
26) Oakland Raiders
Fuck these guys
25) Cincinnati Bengals
Sub mediocrity: Tastes like 6 victories
24) Minnesota Vikings (Their other 4 wins will come solely because of purple jesus)
23) Philadelphia Eagles
22) Cleveland Browns
Are they bad or good? Who the fuck knows
21) New Orleans Saints (Looking better and better... shit now I sound like [NAME REDACTED])
20) Houston Texans (Sage Rosenfels leads furious comeback... and Bironas kicks his 8th FG. These guys must have pissed God off.)
19) Arizona Cardinals
They're bad. Seriously, they are.
18) Baltimore Ravens
17) Kansas City Chiefs
If the were any more sporatic they'd be John Kerry
16) Chicago Bears
Mediocrity will get you... into the top 16?
15) Seattle Seahawks
14) Denver Broncos (Seriously, how the hell did they beat the Steelers? Is God taunting me? I know the Broncos aren't actually good, damnit.)
13) Tampa Bay Bucs (Ernest Graham is a beast. Still confused as to how the Lions won...)
These teams just should not be here. My head hurts.
12) Carolina Panthers (They drop one spot because Vinny got one week older)
11) Detroit Lions (NAY. NAY SAID GOD.)
10) Washington Redskins
9) Jacksonville Jaguars
8) New York Giants (Prepare for meltdown in t-minus 3 weeks)
7) San Diego Chargers (Ladanian Tomlinson is on fire! Literally! And so is his home!)
6) Tennessee Titans (They won, okay. They didn't have VY. Don't hate.)
5) Pittsburgh Steelers
4) Green Bay Packers (I have this feeling they're about to start losing)
3) Dallas Cowboys
2) Indianapolis Colts (ESPN is actually asking if Indy is better than Diablo. Nice job. Now you've summoned the second brother, assholes.)
Diablo and his brother, Baal, Lord of Destruction
1) New England Patriots (The expansion pack!)