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Sunday, November 24, 2013

Progkakke Week 12

Progkakke Standings:
Iggins!: 90-43
Mrs. Code Red: 88-45
Code Red: 86-47
Erik: 81-52

New Orleans Saints (8-2) @ Atlanta Falcons (2-8)
Iggins!: Well, Saints win.

Erik: It is strange that this game is so little of a contest, but yeah Saints.

Code Red: Atlanta sucks. Saints win.

Mrs. Code Red: Saints.

San Diego Chargers (4-6) @ Kansas City Chiefs (9-1)
Erik: The Kansas City Star did a lovely job of collecting the filth about the Chiefs “being exposed” and how their “season is over” because they lost to the Fucking Broncos, but that’s whatever. They are still a very good football team that can’t overcome a deficit, and they are not going to experience once en route to victory here. Chiefs.

Code Red: Erik, are you so hungry to bitch about the stupid media that you've gone national in your quest for butthurt? Chiefs win.

Mrs. Code Red: I have this really gut feeling that the Chargers might win here. But I just can't pick them. Chiefs win.

Iggins!: Well, I love me some Chiefs, so Chiefs win.

Chicago Bears (6-4) @ St. Louis Rams (4-6)
Iggins!: I have no goddamned confidence in the outcome of these games, but I think MCCOWN can shepherd us to another close win. Bears win 27-20.

Erik: I am perpetually optimistic about the Rams because, as they demonstrated against the Colts, that defense is ever-hungry and even anemic offensive production can carry them to victory. McCown is taking care of the football extremely well to this point, though, and I think his Shredded Wheat Offense can grind out a boring win here. Bears, 30-17.

Code Red: Bad defense can make any “sure win” a questionable proposition, but I think the Bears should pull this one out. Bears win, 24-20.

Mrs. Code Red: Bears 24-21.

Pittsburgh Steelers (4-6) @ Cleveland Browns (4-6)
Erik: Baaarf. The Steelers have remembered how to pass the ball for a few weeks now, and the Browns don’t even remember what an offense is. I guess the Steelers.

Code Red: Years from now Browns fans will tell their grandchildren that for like a month or so there in 2013 the Browns were semi-competent. But no more. Steelers win.

Mrs. Code Red: Steelers look better, Browns look worse. Steelers win.

Iggins!: The Browns and Bengals always have strange games, that Steeler win against the Lions was a fluke caused by coaching incompetence on the other sideline. Browns win.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-8) @ Detroit Lions (6-4)
Iggins!: The Bucs have been way better lately, and I mean… fuck Detroit. UPSET SPECIAL BUCS WIN.

Erik: I really do believe Schwartz can throw this game away, but the Bucs are just so fucking bad. I want to do it. But home field is pretty big for Detroit, especially against a rookie QB. Lions.

Code Red: Detroit isn't going to fuck away two in a row, even if I wish they would. Lions win.

Mrs. Code Red: I'm picking Detroit, but it'll be closer than everyone but Iggins! seems to think.

Minnesota Vikings (2-8) @ Green Bay Packers (5-5)
Erik: I actually think the Packers are just a worse version of the Vikings without Rodgers. At least they’re only dressing one backup quarterback, though. I guess Vikings, though.

Code Red: Ted Thompson is  such a genius though. Vikings win.

Mrs. Code Red: Last week I saw Scott Tolzien on the television and thought he was the place kicker. Guy looks like a 4th grader. Maybe this is just wishful thinking but Vikings?

Iggins!: Wow all four of us are picking with the heart here, GO VIKINGS WIN.

Carolina Panthers (7-3) @ Miami Dolphins (5-5)
Iggins!: Yeah this is the Panthers let down game. Dolphins win.

Erik: Well, Monday should have been their let down game but apparently just tackling a receiver isn’t interference. Still, that pass rush is going to murder Ryan Tannehill. I have to take the Panthers.

Code Red: Yeah, hard to picture the Dolphins pulling this one out in their current state. Panthers.

Mrs. Code Red: I always want the Panthers to lose, but I don't think they're going to. Panthers.

New York Jets (5-5) @ Baltimore Ravens (4-6)
Erik: The Jets are once again the Jets, all defense hobbled by poor quarterback play and a total lack of receiving talent. On the other hand, the Ravens aren’t very good. Jets.

Code Red: Geno Smith is in a nose dive right now, and the Ravens defense is still capable of embarrassing a guy like that. Ravens win.

Mrs. Code Red: They both have terrible offenses, but I guess I'd still take the Ravens defense. Ravens win.

Iggins!: This season has taught me not to pick with Erik when he is all alone, but the Ravens are really damn bad, and against this Jet defense I can't see them winning. Jets win.

Jacksonville Jaguars (1-9) @ Houston Texans (2-8)
Iggins!: Case Keenum is so passable, you guys. Texans win.

Erik: If ever I were to trust a Texans pick again, it would be here. Texans.

Code Red: Can't. Pick. Jaguars. Texans.

Mrs. Code Red: I...don't know. Texans, I guess.

Tennessee Titans (4-6) @ Oakland Raiders (4-6)
Erik: Man this week sucks. I uh… home field… Raiders?

Code Red: This season kinda sucks. Titans win.

Mrs. Code Red: Titans.

Iggins!: The Raiders are kind of nosediving, finally, so Titans win.

Indianapolis Colts (7-3) @ Arizona Cardinals (6-4)
Iggins!: Holy shit, the records on these two teams are grossly disproportional to how good they are. I’ll stick with the Colts to win.

Erik: The Colts were created by a nefarious God to fuck with your mind. They’re probably going to win here, though. Colts.

Code Red: Whatevs. Gambling time. Cardinals win.

Mrs. Code Red: I really don't think the Colts are that good. They'll win here, though. Colts.

Dallas Cowboys (5-5) @ New York Giants (4-6)
Erik: The Cowboys are just mediocre enough to sink to the top of the NFC East.

Code Red: GAMBLING TIME, PART DEUX. Giants win.

Mrs. Code Red: I don't really think that's much of a gamble. Cowboys blow it, epically, Giants somehow come back from 0-6 to be in playoff contention in the worst. Division. Ever. Giants win.

Iggins!: Kyle that isn't a gamble. The Giants are favored, for gods sake. Giants win.

Denver Broncos (9-1) @ New England Patriots (7-3)
Iggins!: The Patriots aren’t that great, the Broncos are, Broncos win, and the Pats will only be one game up in their division.

Erik: Yeah, the Patriots have really earned a lot of praise for not doing a lot this season. The Broncos have earned a lot of praise for shitting on the world this season. Broncos.

Code Red: Patriots offense has gotten better, but they can't win shootouts anymore. Which is what they'll have to do. Broncos win.

Mrs. Code Red: Since the media always boils everything down to the two Qbs playing, I'll stick with the better one. Manning wins.

San Francisco 49ers (6-4) @ Washington Redskins (3-7)
Erik: What an exciting matchupfpffffff. Couldn’t do it. Niners.

Code Red: Man, this sure looked good on paper six months ago. Niners win.

Mrs. Code Red: Blah Blah Blah 49ers.

Iggins!: I'm pretty sure the [REDACTED]s are going to win this game. The Niners are just fucking awful offensively. But I've taken way too many risks this week already, so Niners win.

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